Chapter 10 - Michael
I was well into my sophomore year, although it seemed like it had been longer. I was still throwing the football and still getting the star treatment. Some things, however, had changed.
I could tell I was growing up. There were no more tutors. I studied the books on my own, stayed up all night doing the homework, and did well on the exams. I wasn't going to be the product of what my dad could buy any more. I wanted to earn what I had.
While football earned me popularity and pats on the back, it wasn't going to be my career. I wanted that to be law. I looked at law as the ability to change wrongs to rights. Maybe that was a little naive, but you had to start off ambitious before you let the system drag you down.
Most of all, I was feeling guilty. Callie had always been my girl. She had depended on me to look after her, and I'd done it - until the day I left. The fact that we'd made love really had nothing to do with anything. Of course I'd wanted her; that was no surprise. Anyone would. I'd wanted her from the first moment I laid eyes on her. What had happened that night under the tree had been a total surprise for me. I didn't think she would submit until she was married, and I had always respected her for that. In fact, I think it came as a surprise to the both of us when it happened.
Clayton had never cared about Callie. He knew she was hands off as long as she was mine. I left her exposed when I went to school, and when I pissed Clayton off, he went for my vulnerable side. Naturally, that was her. In my arrogance, not to mention stupidity, I guess I thought she'd always be there waiting for me. That was the young buck in me, the idiot who listened to Dad when he said I had the world in my hands. I was the big fish in the little pond. The more that I came to realize my responsibility in all of it, the worse I felt. In many ways, I was responsible for Clayton's death. Sure, he drank the liquor and he drove the car, but I'd always known he was a little jealous of me. I guess I drove his brain to the point where he became careless, trying to hold onto my coattails.
As for Callie, that was definitely my fault. I had protected her, and that night when she called me for help, when Clayton had just died, who did I think of? Myself. She was sitting next to me, her life in shambles, and all I could think of was how it affected me. I really was an ass. But as I got older, I was recognizing that, and I hoped I would be a better person for it.
In the meantime, I still had a responsibility toward Callie. Buddy had consistently kept me in the loop, as did a few others of the old gang. When I heard about Callie being pregnant, I felt like I couldn't breathe. It just wasn't fair that a sweet person like her would be deprived of a decent life due to my lack of character. She'd never done anything but been there for me, and she'd always had my back. What did I do for her? Not shit. I deserved to be horse-whipped, but how was I going to let her know? She would never trust me again, that much was certain.
I heard she had a baby boy, although she kept him away from all our old friends. I sort of understood. Even though she had never loved Clayton, she was technically in mourning, and that was a time-honored tradition in our part of the world. Buddy had gone to the trouble of giving me her cell phone number, bringing her up in every conversation and trying to force me into calling, or at least texting her. "You can't let these things go on too long," he told me. The truth was, I didn't feel I was worthy of her. But then, maybe I was just giving myself the easy way out.
My cell vibrated and I saw that it was Buddy calling.
"How are you doing?" I answered.
"Pretty much the same. Got a new job tending bar at a little club downtown. The money's not much, but the scenery is pretty good," he laughed.
"Same old Buddy. Any gossip to pass along?"
He knew what I was asking. We didn't need to beat around the bush. "I hear she's got a job now, on top of going to school and taking care of her dad and the baby. She's working for old lady Tarrington."
"That bitch?"
"Call it what you like, but Callie's choices are limited, don't forget."
"Point well taken. I wish there was some way I could help her out, but I don't think she would take money from me."
"She won't take a dime from you, you know better than that. She earns her way." I heard Buddy's words and wondered if that was a backhanded slap at me, who'd never earned what I had, but had it given to me. Another life lesson, another slap in the face with reality. "I'll tell you what you can do, though. You can text her. You don't have to do any more than that, and maybe she won't even answer. But at least you've reached out. She's got to get pretty scared sometimes, and she always relied on you to keep her level-headed. I heard she's been trying to ride her horse, but those spells keep happening. Her dad isn't doing too well. He looks older than he should. I guess between losing Callie's mom and taking care of the baby when Callie's at school or work, it's a little much to ask of him."
"Damn! I feel like such a shithead!"
"Why the hell do you think I keep calling you?"
"Okay, Buddy, you've made your point. You're absolutely right, and you're a standup guy, my friend. She'll hear from me today, one way or another."
"Good deal, that's what I wanted to hear. Well, you keep throwing that ball, and you let me know what she says, okay?"
"Deal."
"One more thing, Michael. Remember that it's not what you did in the past that counts, it's what you're doing now that makes the difference."
"Good advice, my friend. Not to mention, particularly timely. Talk to you later."