Chapter Sixteen
Sophie watched as Sylvan transformed again. He went from being the sweet, kind, incredibly sexy male who had pleasured her thoroughly and patiently until she came harder than she ever had in her life, to a menacing killer in the blink of an eye. Fangs out, eyes red, and he seems to get twice as big all of a sudden, she thought uneasily. But his terrifying rage wasn’t directed at her, she reminded herself. He was just protecting her from the threat outside the door.
But he marked me, she thought as the growling increased in volume. Marked me really, really well. Isn’t that supposed to keep them away? She looked at Sylvan uncertainly, wishing she could ask him. But she was afraid to break his concentration and, to be honest, afraid of him period right now. Just because she knew his intimidating display wasn’t meant for her didn’t mean she wanted to risk getting too close to him at the moment.
So she waited, huddled in the middle of the bed, afraid to move—afraid to even breathe —until at last the growling began to die down. There was a snuffling noise outside and then some hoarse barking that sounded almost like a conversation—if the urlich could actually talk to each other. Suddenly, a high, wounded yip could be heard and then all the sounds retreated, as if whatever was making them was moving away from the cabin.
Sylvan continued to stand tense and silent for a long moment. Then, slowly, the tension left his muscles and the glare melted off his face. He turned to Sophie and took a deep breath. With a visible effort, he relaxed. Much to her relief, his fangs retracted and he seemed to shrink back down to his normal size—which was still pretty huge, but a lot less scary.
“Is…is it all right?” Sophie whispered, finally daring to speak when she saw that his pupils were no longer red.
He nodded stiffly. “It worked. The two that were here before were trying to convince their leader that they had found you. But she didn’t pick up your scent, so she punished them for leading the entire pack astray.”
“That must have been the hurt-sounding yelp we heard,” Sophie said. “So now what?”
Sylvan sighed wearily. “Now they’re hunting someplace else. If we’re lucky they’ll go back to the wreckage of our shuttle and start from the beginning. That will put them miles out of the way and we won’t have to worry about them for awhile.”
Sophie shivered. “I hope you’re right.”
“I do too.” He sank down on the side of the bed, his broad shoulders slumping. “At least we should have tonight to rest. And if we can make it through the night we’ll be fine—the urlich are creatures of darkness. Sunlight incapacitates them.”
Sylvan looked like he could use as much rest as he could get. It occurred to Sophie that he must be exhausted. He’d done an amazing job of piloting, crash landed their ship without killing them, carried her halfway down a mountain, and dealt with her emotional and sexual angst as well as gearing himself up to fight off a pack of cyborg bloodhounds, all in the space of a few hours. No wonder he looked tired!
Feeling a little braver now that he was no longer in scary-psycho mode, she crawled to where he was sitting and positioned herself behind him. “You look really tense,” she said, placing her hands tentatively on his bare shoulders. “Would, uh, would you like a massage?” She wanted to kick herself the minute the words were out. God, that sounded so cheesy, like dialogue out of a bad porno or something.
But Sylvan nodded gratefully. “Thank you, Sophia. If you are don’t mind I won’t refuse.”
“I’ll do my best but I’m not an expert masseuse or anything,” she told him, beginning to work on the knots in his back.
“That’s all right.” His voice was low and warm. “I just like the feel of your hands on me.”
His words sent a rush of heat through her veins and her nipples were suddenly tight under the blue shirt. “Thank you,” she murmured. “I…it’s nice you feel that way.”
They were silent for a moment as she worked on him, trying to ease the knots of tension out of his big body. She couldn’t help noticing how smooth and warm his skin was under her fingers and how good he smelled. Even though I know all about his mating scent I still can’t help being affected by it. The sharp, spicy aroma made her want to crawl into his lap and kiss him senseless.
But I can’t, she reminded herself sternly. Even though we have a kind of…of connection, it’s all just temporary. As soon as we get back to the Mother ship this will all be over. The thought made her sad even though she knew a relationship with the big warrior would never be possible. Not with her past and his solemn vow to never take a bride. Still…
“I’m sorry if I scared you when the urlich came back.” His deep voice broke her train of thought.
“You didn’t scare me,” she protested, lying only a little. “It was…I mean you looked really fierce but I knew your, uh, aggression wasn’t directed at me.”
“It wasn’t the first time either,” he said quietly. “Though I can understand how you would think it was. Especially when I started to mark you.”
“Yes, well…” Sophie really didn’t want to think about that. About the memories it had brought up to have such a large male start to climb on top of her and…well, she just didn’t want to think about it. It was much nicer to remember the second time, the way it felt to have him licking and kissing her so gently.
“Sophia, I want to talk to you about something but I don’t want you to be upset.” Sylvan was speaking carefully, as though choosing his words.
Uh-oh, I’m not going to like this. He’s probably going to remind me of his vow and tell me not to expect any kind of commitment once we get back to the ship. “What?” she asked as neutrally as she could.
“Earlier when we were talking you said something that made me wonder.”
“Wonder? Wonder about what?”
“You said ‘don’t do it to me again.’ ” Turning his head, he gave her a look that seemed to pierce right through her. “What did you mean by that?”
“I said that?” Sophie tried to laugh even though her heart was suddenly in her throat. “I don’t remember. I was upset—who knows what I said?”
He frowned skeptically. “All right. You also talked about having a ‘phobia’—an aversion to having me…” He cleared his throat. “On top of you. Even after you knew I wasn’t trying to take you against your will.”
Sophie felt cold. “Well I mean look at you. I’m not exactly petite but you’re so huge and muscular. I mean, I would feel like I was…was smothering. Don’t you remember I told you I’m claustrophobic?”
Sylvan shook his head. “No, I don’t think that’s it.”
“Well then what is it? What are you trying to say?” Sophie’s heart was pounding but she tried to sound normal—a little irritated, even.
It was apparent that Sylvan wasn’t buying her act. He was silent for a long moment then he spoke in a low voice. “Who was he?”
“What was who? What are you talking about?”
“The male who hurt you. Who was he and what did he do to you? Was he this ‘Burke’ you mentioned?”
Sophie felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over her head. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about. Nobody ever hurt me. I’m fine—perfectly fine,” she protested almost frantically.
Sylvan kept looking at her in that same, patient way that made her feel like screaming. “You’re lying,” he said at last.
“What?” She pulled her hands away from his shoulders and clenched them at her sides. “How dare you say that?”
“I notice you’re not denying it.” He didn’t sound angry, just tired.
Sophie was almost shaking, she was so upset. “How can you even ask me something like that? It’s so personal . I mean, I hardly even know you.”
She wished she could call the words back as soon as they left her lips. How could she claim to hardly know him after all they’d been through together that night? But if she apologized and took back her hasty, hurtful words she might have to admit… No, I won’t. I can’t.
Sylvan was still looking at her quietly and a little sadly. Finally he sighed and nodded. “If I have offended, then I ask your forgiveness.”
“It’s okay,” Sophie muttered, looking down at her hands. Things had been going so well. Why did he have to try and pry into her past? To dig up the old hurt she’d tried so hard to bury?
Sylvan stood up and stretched, the muscles in his broad back and arms flexing in a way that would have made her mouth water if she hadn’t been so upset. “I’m going to take a quick shower now. My senses tell me the urlich are long gone and I want to wash the remains of the cushioning gel from our landing off.”
Probably wants to wash off my scent too, and everything to do with me, Sophie thought miserably. Aloud she only said, “Okay. If you’re sure it’s safe, I’m going to bed.”
He nodded. “I won’t disturb you when I come out.”
She wasn’t sure how he would manage that since they would doubtless be sharing the bed but she only nodded back. As Sylvan went into the bathroom and shut the door, she climbed under the slightly musty-smelling sheets and tried to get comfortable in the strange bed.
Even though the mattress wasn’t lumpy or hard, she couldn’t seem to find a good position. She kept imagining Sylvan in the shower, lathering up with hot water running down his hard, naked body. If there hadn’t been so much standing between them, she might even have had the nerve to go join him. Not that he would want her there now.
Not after what I said. God, why did he have to bring it up? Why couldn’t he just let things be? We were doing so well and he seems like such a nice guy—when he’s not going all freaky-scary, that is. Now everything is weird between us and it’s going to stay weird because I am so not going there. I mean, why should I even talk about it? It was years and years ago…
Her mind ran on in an endless loop of regret and self-recrimination until she heard the water shut off. A few minutes later Sylvan came out. Water droplets sparkled on his shoulders in the weak light of the dying fire. He was wearing his black pants and carrying his boots in one hand while toweling his hair with the other.
Sophie closed her eyes at once and pretended to be asleep. She had decided that it would be better not to talk to him for the rest of the night. Maybe when they woke up in the morning he would be ready to start fresh without any embarrassing or hurtful talk about the past.
She watched through half-slitted eyes as he walked toward the bed. Every muscle in her body tensed as she waited for him to climb in beside her. Would he get under the covers with her? Or sleep on top of them to give her more space? Did she want him to give her more space? Would he—
Her thoughts were cut off abruptly as he bypassed the bed and lay down on the rug in front of the fire.
What the hell? Why did he do that? Is he that mad at me?
“Sylvan?” she said before she thought about it.
“Yes?” He didn’t sound at all surprised to hear her awake and alert.
“You…I…” She wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Are you laying down there because you’re mad at me?”
“No, I’m not mad.” He sighed and shifted. She could hear the whispering sound of the rug under his large body.
“Well, then why…?”
“It’s a better position to watch the door from. And…”
“And?” she prompted.
“And if I get into bed with you, I’ll want to hold you. Touch you.” His voice was deep and soft. “But I don’t think you want to be touched right now.”
“Oh.” Sophie nibbled her lower lip and then had to muffle a squeak of pain. It made her realize Sylvan still hadn’t gotten around to healing her lip where he’d bitten her, which seemed like a lifetime ago. And he never will now, she realized sadly. I’ve ruined everything…everything.
“Goodnight,” he said softly and she heard him shift again, as if trying to get more comfortable.
“Goodnight,” she echoed. Turning on her side, she buried her face in a pillow and tried to get to sleep. But as exhausting as the night had been, she still couldn’t relax. The misunderstanding between herself and Sylvan was pressing on her like a lead weight, making any kind of rest impossible. She turned over and then flipped her pillow to the cool side, hoping it would feel better against her hot cheek. She tried counting backwards from a hundred and then from a thousand but she couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t relax and she was just getting more and more tense and restless and—
“Sophia? Are you all right?” His voice in the darkness sounded concerned. “You’re tossing and turning all over the place.”
“No, I’m not all right.” She sat up in bed and glared down at him. The fire had died to red coals by now and he was barely visible—a large dark shape on the floor at the foot of the bed. “It happened a long time ago,” she said, running a hand though her hair which was getting tangled from all her restless maneuvering. “And it’s not really something I like to talk about…or even think about, really.”
“No?”
“No.” She sighed again, supremely irritated. “Fine, you want me to tell you? I’ll tell you. It was at my senior prom. Or after it, anyway.”
“Prom?” he asked.
“A dance.” Sophie made a vague gesture with one hand. “A…a coming of age ritual. Everyone gets dressed up and goes to a big party and dances and drinks way too much and has fun.”
“If that’s your idea of fun,” he said neutrally.
“Well it is if you’re a senior in high school and you’re about to graduate,” Sophie told him. “Anyway, it was only a few months after…after my parents were killed.” She choked a little on the words. Even though it had been over six years since that fateful night the highway patrolman had knocked on the front door, she still missed her mom and dad fiercely.
“I’m very sorry.” Sylvan’s voice was soft with concern.
“No, it’s…that’s not the point of the story.” She took a deep breath. “What I was going to say was that Liv and I were going to stay home. I mean, who wants to go to prom after something like that? But Kat convinced us that it was a once in a lifetime deal and our parents would want us to have some fun. So we were all three going to go together—just us girls, you know?”
He made a slight noise of understanding.
“So we were going to go together—none of us had dates anyway—but then Burke Simpson asked me to go with him. He was the captain of the football team—really, really popular. Our team went to state, so he wasn’t just a big fish in a little pond—he already had a scholarship to FSU and everything. Honestly, I was really surprised that he asked me.”
“Why should that surprise you?” Sylvan sounded like he was frowning.
“ Because . He was the big man on campus—the alpha male. And I was just this shy little nobody. I wasn’t a cheerleader or in the student council or anything like that. I thought he was probably being nice to me because of what happened to my parents.”
“Did you go with him?”
Sophie nodded and then realized he probably couldn’t see her in the dark. “Yes. Uh, he picked me up in a limo—a big long car with a driver. Then he took me out to a really nice restaurant—I remember being afraid to order anything but a salad because everything was so expensive. And besides, I was too nervous to eat around him.
“We got to the dance and everything was beautiful and romantic. The only thing was, Burke kept trying to grope me. He acted like he was playing around but I had to kind of keep fending him off. I…I should have known better than to stay with him, but I hadn’t really been out with a lot of guys so I didn’t know quite how to handle him. I…” She shook her head.
“Sophia?” Sylvan sounded worried again and she realized she’d stopped talking for a long moment.
“Sorry.” Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to go on. “Anyway, when the dance was winding up, Burke wanted us to get a room and stay for the night. The prom was held in this big hotel and a lot of the other seniors were staying.”
“Did you stay with him?”
“I…I didn’t want to.” Sophie pulled her knees up to her chin. “I wanted to go home with Kat and Liv. They were going to go watch old movies and make popcorn. But Burke convinced me to walk with him up to the room. He said he just…just wanted a good night kiss. And he’d been so nice to me, paying for everything, I didn’t see how I could say no to that. I mean, just one little kiss, right?”
“And was it just ‘one kiss?’” Sylvan’s voice was neutral.
“N-no.” Sophie wrapped her arms around her knees and squeezed tight, trying to get the words out. “I mean it started that way but then he…he pushed me down on the bed. I…I asked him to stop but he wouldn’t. He kept saying did I know how much the night had cost him and what kind of girl would I be if I didn’t, uh, put out after all that.”
“Did he take you?” Sylvan’s voice was icy.
“I fought him.” Her voice trembled and everything inside her felt tight as she relived that horrible night. “I kicked and screamed but it didn’t…didn’t do any good. He got on top of me anyway. Then he ripped my dress and tore off my panties.”
She took a deep breath. God, how she hated remembering this! But as much as she wanted to push it back down, the memory had fully surfaced now—like a bloated corpse rising from a shallow grave. She couldn’t do anything but go on and try to get through it.
“He was so heavy on top of me,” she whispered brokenly. “So big. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and he was prying my legs apart and it hurt when he put it in me. Hurt so much …” There were tears running down her cheeks now and her breath was hitching in her chest. “See? This is why I didn’t want to talk about it. I always get so stupid and emotional .” She was glad it was too dark for Sylvan to see her right now. She must look a mess.
“Sophia—”
“That’s why I told you to go for it when we had the choice between surrender and death in the shuttle,” she interrupted. “I…Liv had told me how they—the Scourge—dig around in your brain and show your worst memories. I didn’t want you to know about this. About what happened.”
“Sophia—” he began again.
“No, just let me finish.” If she was going to tell it, she might as well tell it all. “After…after he was done he finally rolled off me. He didn’t want to let me go at first even though…even though he was done with me. But one of his football buddies banged on the door. She shook her head. “Anyway, Burke was startled and I was able to get away. He nearly broke my wrist, though—it was black and blue for a month.”
Sylvan made a low growling sound in his throat but said nothing.
“I was afraid he would do it again so I ran…I got a taxi and went home. I knew Kat and Liv were at Kat’s house so I had the place to myself. I took the hottest shower I could stand and scrubbed and scrubbed. I just wanted him off me—out of me.”
Sophie took a shallow, shuddering breath. “Kat and Liv wanted to report the…the attack, but I was afraid to. Burke’s family was really important—his dad owns a Jaguar dealership in South Tampa and has a seat on the City Council. Liv and I only had each other after our parents died and Kat just lived with her grandma so there was no one to back us up. Besides I just…just wanted to forget it.” She sniffed. “Not like Burke would let me, though.”
“He came after you again?” Sylvan demanded, sounding really angry.
Sophie twisted her fingers in her lap. “In a way. He…the…the next time I saw him in school, he acted like nothing had ever happened. Like I was invisible. So I thought it was all over with. Then he cornered me in the gym behind the bleachers.” She closed her eyes briefly, remembering that horrible scene. The way Burke had crowded her up against the back supporting post of one of the bleachers, pressing himself against her, overpowering her with his big, hateful body, his breath hot on her face. She could still hear his voice in her ear…
“ Listen you little bitch, you better keep your mouth shut about prom night, you hear me?”
“ Leave me alone. I…I haven’t told anyone.”
“ Except your sister. And that fat, nosey cunt you two are always hanging around with. What’s her name? Oh yeah, Kat.”
“ Just leave me alone. Please…”
“ You don’t say a word and maybe I will. But if you start any trouble I’ll come over some night. Yeah, I know you and your sister are all alone now that poor little mommy and daddy got killed by the big bad drunk driver. You say anything—and I mean anything —and I’ll be coming to pay you a little visit. Only this time I’ll bring friends. You understand?”
“ I swear I won’t cause you any problems. Just let me go. Let me go!”
A little sob escaped her and her shoulders shook. God, she’d been so terrified. So sure she would wake up some night with one hand over her mouth and the other one up her nightgown. And if she had to go through that again she would die—she knew it.
“What did he do to you?” Sylvan’s voice sounded slightly strangled and she realized she’d been silent, reliving it and not saying anything.
“He threatened me, mostly.” She hugged herself tightly. “He said if I ever told anyone he and a bunch of his buddies would come to our house and…and do it again.” She shivered. “I was so scared after that. So sure he was going to come and there would be nothing I could do about it—no way to get away the next time. I…I didn’t feel better until after we graduated and he went away to college.”
“I’ll kill him.” Sylvan’s voice, cold and deadly in the darkness, snapped her back to reality. “I’ll find him and tear his heart out.”
“No, you can’t!” she protested, swiping at her eyes. “I mean, it was years and years ago. It’s over now. I just want to forget it.”
“He exploited your innocence and vulnerability—the weakness of a female alone with no male to protect her. He took you against your will and brutalized you. He deserves death.”
“I don’t need a male to protect me,” Sophie objected. “It was my own stupid fault for going to prom with him in the first place. For thinking that he would want me for anything but that. ” She took a deep, shuttering breath. “God, why is this so hard to talk about? I mean, it’s been years.”
“The passage of time doesn’t always lessen pain,” he said darkly. “Sometimes it magnifies it.”
“Well, anyway…” Sophie swiped at her eyes again and tried to sound normal. “I never made that mistake again. In fact, I hardly ever dated again. It just…just seemed safer that way.”
“Does he still live in Tampa?” Sylvan asked. “This male who hurt you?”
“Yes, he works at his father’s car dealership selling—” Then she realized why he was asking. “Stop it, Sylvan—I didn’t tell you this so you could…could go after him or something. I told you because…because… Oh hell, I don’t know why I told you. But you can’t do anything about it.”
“If I was your bonded mate it would be my duty to call him out and kill him in combat. To—”
“Well you’re not ,” she cut him off. “So promise me you won’t go after him. I just want to forget it—to try and put it behind me again.”
He took a deep breath and then let out a long, low sigh that sounded almost like a growl. “All right,” he said at last. “I swear not to kill him.”
“Thank you.” Sophie blotted her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt. God, was she ever going to stop crying? “I mean, I appreciate the offer but that’s…that’s really not what I need right now.”
“Forgive me.” He breathed deeply and she could almost feel him trying to let go of his rage and relax. “What do you need, Sophia?”
She was almost afraid to ask but… “You said earlier that you…you wanted to hold me. Do you still, uh feel that way?”
His answer was quick and certain. “Yes, of course I still want to hold you. But are you sure? I mean, in light of what you told me…”
Sophie knew what he meant. “Yeah, you’re a big guy—a lot bigger than Burke even and he was pretty huge. But I’m not afraid of you, Sylvan. At least…not when you’re not in your scary fighting mode.”
“I’m glad.” His voice came from much closer and she looked up to see him standing in the darkness beside the bed. “I never want you to fear me.”
“I couldn’t help it, earlier” she whispered. “It’s just…the way I feel when a guy gets too close too fast. The way I’ve felt ever since…ever since it happened.”
“I wish I could take away your pain.” He sat carefully on the bed, as though trying not to startle her. “I wish I could make it better in some way.”
“You can,” she surprised herself by saying. “Just…hold me. Can you do that?”
He didn’t answer with words. In a moment he was on the bed beside her, gathering her into his arms and holding her close.
Sophie pressed her head to his chest and breathed in his scent which was incredibly comforting. God, it hurt to talk about what had happened so long ago. To relive it. It had been so scary and it had tainted the rest of her life. Ever since Burke she’d been afraid to date—afraid to live . All men seemed suspect—didn’t they all have that beast inside them somewhere? Even Sylvan, as warm and sweet and comforting as he was, had an animal living under his skin, waiting to come out at any time. Don’t think about that now. Just try to relax. She took a deep breath. Need to take things easy for awhile. Stop dwelling on the past and try to live in the present.
“ Talana, ” he murmured, stroking her hair tenderly.
Enjoying his gentle caress, she nuzzled closer. “I…I’ve never told anyone besides Liv and Kat what happened that night. And I never even told them about how Burke threatened me afterwards—I didn’t want them to worry.”
He growled softly. “Thank you for trusting me. I will keep your confidence until the day I die.”
Again with the formal vows. But it was kind of nice, in a way.
They were quiet for a long, long time and Sophie was almost certain he’d drifted off to sleep when Sylvan spoke again.
“No wonder I frightened you. I can see now why you say you don’t want an ‘alpha male.’”
“I’m glad you understand,” Sophie said gratefully. “And I hope I didn’t uh, offend you when I told you that.”
“No.” He sighed. “It’s all right. There’s more standing in the way between us than just your aversion to large aggressive males.”
“I know.” Sophie felt unaccountably sad. How had they gotten so close so fast? And was she actually letting herself feel for the big warrior? How stupid is that? whispered a little voice in her head. You know you can never have him. Even if he wanted you enough to break his vow you could never give him what he needs. It was true but she still felt like she might cry again. And she really didn’t want to do that—she’d cried more than enough already tonight.
“It really wasn’t your fault, you know.” His voice was a quiet rumble in the dark.
“I know,” she whispered. “Well, I mean, I shouldn’t have gone with him—that was stupid. I just didn’t think he would really…try anything like that.”
“Some males have no honor.” Sylvan’s voice was fiercely protective as he stroked her hair. “I swear to you as long as you’re under my care, nothing like that will ever happen to you again.”
“Thank you.” Sophie looked up at him in the darkness. “Thank you for everything, Sylvan. For not…not making me feel stupid when I told you.”
“You’re not stupid.” He cupped her cheek, his hand warm and comforting against her skin. “Naïve, maybe. Inexperienced. But not stupid.”
“I’m not a virgin, if that’s what you’re thinking,” she said a little huffily. “Although, well, I haven’t been with anyone since…since Burke. I just…never felt like I could trust anyone enough again.”
“That’s understandable. But to me you’re perfect the way you are. Except for this.” The pad of his thumb found her hurt lip and brushed it gently.
“You can see that?”
“Kindred night vision is very sharp.”
Sophie was surprised and a little nonplussed. “All this time I was telling you, I kept thinking how glad I was that you couldn’t see me because of what a mess I am.”
“Didn’t I just tell you you’re perfect?” His voice was almost stern. “I would offer to heal your lip right now if…”
“If what?” she asked, feeling her heart begin to pound.
“You’re upset,” Sylvan said in a low voice. “I’ve reminded you of your attacker once already tonight. I don’t want to make you more upset or to take advantage of your vulnerability.”
“I told you I’m not afraid of you,” she protested. “In fact I think…I think I’d really like it if you did heal my lip.”
“You’re certain?” He was already cupping her cheek in one warm hand and turning her toward him.
“Yes.” Sophie tilted her mouth up to his. “Yes, please.”
His lips on hers were barely a warm whisper of breath at first. But when Sophie pressed up to him, Sylvan obliged her by taking her mouth more fully. He sucked her bottom lip gently and laved it tenderly with his tongue, then went back to kissing her more fully.
Sophie moaned softly as she felt the familiar healing tingle. God, a girl could get addicted to this really quickly. His chest was warm and hard and though the feel of his big body against hers was a little scary, he was being careful not to overpower her. His large hand cupping her cheek was so gentle—he touched her as though she was made of fine china and might break at any moment.
She felt something hard and hot against her thigh and knew it was his shaft but she didn’t even mind. It was just the way it had been after they’d taken the transport tube together—his scent was invading her senses, making her want him, making her forget to mind that they were getting too close too fast.
Slowly Sylvan’s large hand slid down to cup her breast. He thumbed her nipple lightly through the silky material of the shirt, making Sophie moan hungrily into his mouth. God, his hands on her felt so good, so right…she could almost forget to be afraid. Could almost wish he would never stop. She could feel her pussy getting wet and swollen again and she couldn’t forget the way he’d kissed and licked her there, the feel of his tongue and fingers deep inside her until she came so hard…
But suddenly, the healing kiss was over and Sylvan was pulling back.
“Sylvan?” she asked uncertainly.
“Forgive me.” He let go of her and moved away to sit up. Leaning against the wooden headboard, he put his head in his hands.
“Forgive you for what?” Sophie moved to sit beside him. “I don’t understand. What’s wrong? Why…why did you stop?”
“You’re healed aren’t you?” His deep voice was harsh, strained. “Why should I continue?”
Sophie wrapped her arms around herself and looked away. “I don’t know,” she said in a small voice. “I…I guess I thought maybe you might continue because you, uh, wanted to.”
“That’s the problem.” He sighed raggedly. “I do want to. I want…want much more than I have a right to,” he finished in a low voice.
“Oh.” Sophie nibbled her newly healed lip uncertainly. “I…what exactly do you, uh, want?”
“You’re wet again, aren’t you?” he said, not answering her question. “Hot and wet between your thighs.”
“I…” Sophie squeezed her legs together. “I can’t help it. And I thought…I thought you said you liked that. You said I was a nu…”
“A numala,” he finished for her. “I do like it—how wet and hot you get. How your body responds when I kiss you, touch you. But it makes me want…”
“To…to make love?” Sophie could hear the quiver in her own voice but she couldn’t control it. The one time she’d had sex—before Burke had ruined everything for her—had been fumbling and uncomfortable. She’d been with a guy she’d met at summer camp, whose shaft was about the size of two of her fingers together. If he’d been any bigger Sophie was sure it would have been much worse.
As for Sylvan…well, she’d seen the size of his equipment. There was absolutely no way he would be able to fit himself inside her. And besides, if he tried he would probably want to be on top of her, biting her. As good as his mating scent smelled, she still wasn’t ready to go there.
“Not just to make love.” Sylvan’s voice cut into her worried thoughts. “I’m afraid I couldn’t stop at that. Not now.”
“What…what do you mean?” she whispered, her nerves jumping another notch.
“I’ve had your blood twice now. Three times, if you count just now when I healed your lip, though you weren’t really bleeding anymore. And I’ve tasted you.” His voice sounded deep and growly in the darkness. It gave Sophie the uncomfortable feeling of sitting beside a wild beast that had been domesticated but still wasn’t quite tame.
“What does that have to do with it?” she asked, trying to stay calm.
“It has to do with what my body wants from yours.” He sounded like he was trying to be calm and clinical about it but the growling tone was still in his voice. “Every time I taste your blood or your honey, the connection between us grows stronger. And I want to make it stronger still.”
“So when you said you don’t just want to make love…?”
“I want to bond you to me, Sophia.” He turned to face her and she was frightened to see that his eyes were glowing a pale blue in the darkness. “I want to be buried to the hilt in your tight, wet pussy, thrusting long and hard and deep, filling you up, coming inside you over and over to make you mine.”
Her breath caught in her throat at his graphic words. “You…you do?”
“Not only that,” Sylvan said in a low voice. “I want to take your blood again and inject my essence into you while I fill you with my seed. That seals the bonding—makes it so no other male could ever take you from me.”
“You want to bite me.” Sophie felt cold and shaky at the very thought. His big male body covering her, those needle sharp fangs piercing her flesh… it was too awful. “Please, Sylvan, you…you’re scaring me. You promised you wouldn’t.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Not unless you asked me to. And I know that will never be.” A low, frustrated sound came from him, something between a sigh and a snarl. “Don’t worry, Sophia, I am still bound by my vow. And I have no desire to take what you don’t want to give so you’re perfectly safe. It’s just…better if we keep a little distance between us. We’re getting too close to a line neither one of us wants to cross.”
“You’re right, I guess.” Sophie was glad he was enough of a gentleman to stop himself but she couldn’t help feeling sorry. “I know this will all be over when we get out of here and you won’t…won’t feel anything for me any more,” she said hesitantly. “But I want you to know something, Sylvan. I…I’ve never felt anything like what I feel when you touch me. When you, uh, marked me…” Her cheeks were getting hot and it was hard to get the words out.
Sylvan was looking at her intently, his eyes still glowing faintly. “Yes?” he murmured.
“I…I just want you to know that no man has ever…made me feel like that. That kind of…of pleasure.” Sophie looked down at her hands, unable to meet that burning blue gaze. “I’ll never forget it.”
“Sophia…” He lifted her chin and looked at her seriously. “I’ll never forget it either. The sight of you, lying open for me, the feel of your hands in my hair, the soft, helpless sounds you make when you come—the way you called my name…Gods!” He closed his eyes briefly and made a soft growl at the back of his throat. “All those things are burned into my memory—into my heart. Forever.”
Sophie bit her lip. “That’s…that’s good to know.”
“And if we don’t stop talking about it I’m going to want to do it all over again,” he said roughly. “That and more.”
She nodded. “I know. I’m sorry.”
Sylvan rubbed the heel of his hand against his forehead as though trying to erase some inner tension. “Which is why I think it’s better if I go back to the floor now. Forgive me, but being so close to you is incredibly tempting.”
Sophie wanted to tell him she found him tempting too but she knew she’d better not. The hungry look in those glowing blue eyes told her she’d pushed things almost past the point of safety already and it was time to stop pushing now.
“Good night then, I guess,” she whispered, scooting away from him.
“Good night.” He got off the bed and went back to the rug in front of the fire. “Try to get some rest. We need to try and get to a populated area tomorrow if we can. I don’t know why no one has contacted us yet via Think-me—probably all still busy with the bonding party. But I’m sure by tomorrow they’ll realize we’re missing.”
Sophie almost asked where he thought the nearest town was but he had already turned over with his back to the bed. It seemed like a pretty strong hint that he just wanted to sleep, so she decided she’d probably better do the same thing.
But as she closed her eyes, his words wouldn’t leave her head. “I want to bond you to me, Sophia…I want to take your blood again and inject my essence into you while I fill you with my seed.”
The words formed images in her mind’s eye—images that were both disturbing… and somehow compelling. They kept her awake for a long time and then followed her down into sleep.
* * * * *
Sylvan lay on his side, his fists in knots and his jaw clenched, wanting her so badly it hurt. Everything had been all right until that last kiss when he’d felt Sophia responding to him, opening to him. Then his desire for her had gone into overdrive.
A greedy, hungry lust had exploded inside him, threatening to overcome his better judgment and turn him into a rutting beast. Leaving her on the bed by herself had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done, but somehow he’d forced himself to pull back before things went too far.
He knew what the problem was—it wasn’t just that they had formed a connection through blood—although that was certainly part of it. It was the fact that he had tasted her and now his body expected him to take the next step.
In the course of the usual Kindred claiming period, a warrior had four weeks with his bride during which he was allowed to touch her in different ways. By marking her with his mouth, Sylvan had skipped the holding and bathing weeks and gone straight to the tasting period, the time when he would have been legally allowed to spread her legs and lap her sweet pussy until she came for him every night. And the next step after tasting…was bonding.
Now every instinct in his stubborn Kindred blood was screaming that she was his, that he had to take the final step and be certain no one else could ever take her away from him.
I can’t. I took a vow and besides, she doesn’t want that—doesn’t want to be bonded to me. Though, to be honest, she didn’t seem quite as resistant to the idea as she had been earlier.
Certainly the sex part of the bonding process seemed to scare her a little less, though he could understand why she would be frightened in the first place. That bastard who had raped her…Sylvan fought down the growl that rose in his throat. What was his name? Oh yes, Burke. Burke Simpson.
Sylvan closed his eyes for a moment, remembering the hurt, broken tone in her soft voice when she’d told him what had happened. She said she just wanted to forget it but Sylvan could tell the experience had scarred her deeply. No wonder she was afraid of males, especially big, aggressive ones. No wonder she’d been so terrified of him the first time he’d tried to mark her. The uncertainty in her lovely eyes, the terror in her voice when he got too close, too quickly could be at least partly laid at her long-ago attacker’s feet.
Just remembering made Sylvan long to hold her again, to comfort and protect her. But he couldn’t trust himself to be that near her—not at the moment. Instead he fantasized about vengeance.
Sophia seemed to think that the assault had happened too long ago for anything to be done about it—as if there was a statue of limitations for such reprehensible actions.
Sylvan disagreed.
He didn’t care that the attack and threats had taken place long before he met Sophia, didn’t care that she hadn’t even seen the male who attacked her in years. He only knew he had to avenge her pain—to repay the bastard who had hurt her. And he fully intended to do that, even if he had promised not to kill him.
But I’ll make him wish he was dead. That much I can do.
The pitch of his anger grew until he was almost trembling with fury. Stop it. This isn’t right—isn’t like me .What’s wrong with me anyway? He took a deep breath and then another, trying to calm down. You have a shadow on your heart…a pain that taints your very existence, whispered a voice in his head. It will draw the darkness to you… Sylvan pushed it away. He couldn’t blame his past for the way he was feeling now. But why was he reacting this way? He’d always been cold, emotionless, logical . Now he was behaving like a beast in rut, eager to demolish anyone who even looked at his beloved the wrong way.
Beloved…Talana… He shouldn’t have started calling her that in the first place. The endearment was reserved for a Blood Kinded’s bonded mate, not a female he was destined never to have. Even if Sophia could get over her fear enough to let him make love to her, he knew she would never agree to the final step—that of having his fangs buried in her neck at the moment of orgasm. And without blooding her, he could never bond her.
You could never bond her anyway. Stop wishing for what can never be. Once you get back to the ship and she’s no longer in danger you’ll forget these overpowering emotions, lose this insatiable hunger. You’ll be yourself again.
But would he really? Deep in his heart, a seed of doubt had been planted. He burned for Sophia—craved her in a way he had never known was possible. Could such a fire really be smothered so easily? But if not, why would the Mother of Life allow such a desire to grow in his heart in the first place?
Then again, he had desired a female before, had been certain she was supposed to be his, and that relationship had never come to fruition. Feenah’s betrayal was the secret pain the priestess in the sacred grove had spoken of—the anguish he carried with him always. She had wounded him deeply—too deeply to ever recover, or so he’d believed.
I never felt this for Feenah, though. Never felt like I might die if I couldn’t have her, that I would kill to protect her. What’s wrong with me?
He didn’t know. He only hoped that once they were back aboard the Mother ship he could find some cure for his madness. Some cure that didn’t involve the impossible—claiming Sophia as his bride.