CHAPTER TWENTY

COLE

I stand at the clubhouse with my arms crossed over my chest and wearing a scowl on my face. Her words from earlier in the cemetery gnaw at me. She fought. She showed me she has a little more in her. But then she had to go and ruin it by pointing out that I was smiling. That I, for once, was genuinely happy for a second. Nothing else mattered. It instantly pissed me off.

She’s getting to me. Not good.

I shouldn’t care. Actually, I should call the whole thing off. Call Bruce and tell him to send her ass back to her mom’s. That would be the smart thing to do. She’s clouding my head, and I need to think clearly. One fucking sentence was all it took to twist my mind. I dare you to show me something that nobody else sees.

What the fuck is that? What does she want to see? There’s only me. The hate. The rage. The fuckups. I’ve got nothing else to show.

Shane walks in and sits down on the couch next to Austin. She is texting on her phone. We haven’t spoken since that moment in the cemetery three hours ago. After she dared me, I got up and walked back to the house, leaving her lying on the ground. Then I got in my car and left. Shane sent a mass text an hour later that we all needed to meet. I sent her a text to drive yourself. She didn’t respond, but I knew she read it.

“Where the fuck is Deke?” I snap. The time he is spending with Becky is really getting annoying.

“On his way,” Kellan answers. I don’t miss his eyes gliding over Austin. She avoids looking in his direction.

“Fuck! That man gets some pussy, and everything else goes to shit,” I snap.

Just then, the door opens and in he walks. A smile on his face and licking his lips as if they were just between Becky’s legs. “Let’s get this over with.” He rubs his hands together. “I’ve got plans.”

Shane stands up and walks over to the table, not wasting another second. He places a laptop on it.

“Whose is this?” Bennett asks.

Shane smiles like a fucking idiot. “Jerrold’s.”

I stiffen. “What?”

He looks at me. “It was pretty awesome.” He turns and looks at Austin who still sits on the couch. She’s smiling as if proud of herself. “We walked in. And no one even questioned us …” I fist my hands. “She pushed her tits out and went into his office, asking about the bathroom. I’ve never seen a guy move so fast. He took her down to the lower level to show her the nicest restrooms they had.” He rolls his eyes. “And I slipped inside and stole his laptop. Then on the way out, I pulled the fire alarm so it would take longer for him to notice it was missing …” He trails off. “Told you she’d be perfect,” Shane says, looking over at Kellan. That smile still on his face. Those reservations he had last night about her, long gone.

“Seriously?” Deke asks surprised “But how did you …?”

“How did she even know who he was? Or where he was?” Kellan snaps, interrupting him. “How much have you fucking told her?”

I cross my arms over my chest.

He growls. “Cole …”

I look at her, and she throws me a smile. Like I just got caught in some big lie. “That night we killed Jeff. Remember when we heard something? It was her. She was there, and she watched us.” I haven’t told them because they never asked about where she came from or how I found her.

“Jesus!”

“I blackmailed her.” I glare at Austin. “Had Deke call my cell with hers. I took the knife and cut her arm.”

“Stitches …” Shane whispers to himself, starting to put two and two together.

“Then I took the knife and stabbed Jeff with it. Told her if she went to the cops, they could link her to the body and she’d be a suspect.”

Bennett looks amused. Shane runs his hand through his hair nervously. Kellan looks pissed, and Deke, he’s texting on his phone. “She sent me a video later that night of her burning the body.”

“What the fuck?” Kellan barks.

“Told me there was no evidence to pin her with. The following day, I took her to his work and explained why we killed him.”

Deke smiles down at his phone but speaks to me. “Good one.”

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell us all this?” Kellan demands.

“I haven’t told anyone,” she snaps at him.

He turns to face her, and I bow my chest, ready for a fight. If he goes for her, I’m gonna take him down. “You need to leave,” he snaps.

She stands from the couch, her green eyes full of rage. She gives him a sinister smile, like this was her plan all along, and then her eyes meet mine. “Gladly.” She turns and heads toward the door.

“Don’t you dare walk out that door!” I shout, and she stops. I look at the guys. “Everyone out except Austin and Shane.”

“Cole …”

“Get the fuck out!”

They all look at one another for a long moment, and then their eyes go to her. She’s got her chin lifted and a fuck you look in her eyes. One by one, they start to walk out, no one speaking.

Austin stays where she is at, and Shane comes to stand in front of me. “I didn’t know what she had planned, man.”

She rolls her eyes at him ratting her out. But all of them will do that. They owe her no loyalty.

“Why did you go to him?” I ask her.

She doesn’t answer.

I turn to Shane again. He speaks without me having to ask twice. “She said she knew what it was like to have a man put his hands on her and not be able to stop it …”

My eyes shoot to her, and she is drilling holes into his head.

“Stop.” I hold up my hand to cut off whatever else he was saying. I walk over to her. “Who has hit you?” I demand. I can take a hit, she had said, but I never gave much thought to it. Not until now.

Her hard eyes meet mine. “This isn’t about me.”

“Bullshit!” I snap.

“I just wanted to help Eli’s sister.”

“She’s dead,” I snarl.

“Yes, I fucking know that.” Her voice grows louder.

I cup her cheek, softening my voice. “Who hit you?”

She flinches as if I slapped her and pulls away. “My life is none of your business.”

My father said that her mother’s boyfriend was abusing her, but at the time, I thought he meant her mom. It was her. “It was your mother’s boyfriend, right?” Her jaw sharpens, and her eyes dart to Shane again. “Did she know he put his hands on you?” She looks away from me. “Did you tell anyone?” I demand.

She looks back at me. “Like I told people about you?” she snaps. “You blackmailed me. Twice.”

“That is different.”

“How? You offered me up to Kellan. You allowed Deke to undo my pants.”

Shane’s eyes widen, but I ignore him. “I’m talking about him hitting you.” My eyes narrow on her. “Has he touched you before?”

She bites her bottom lip and looks down at her black Chucks. “Austin? This is serious.”

She throws her head back laughing, but it’s forced. “What are you gonna do, Cole?” Her green eyes meet mine again, and she spreads her arms out wide. “Gonna go to California and blackmail him? Kill him?”

“So he has touched you?” I ask through gritted teeth.

She runs a hand through her hair. “I’m not gonna discuss this.”

“Yes, you are,” I snap.

She crosses her arms over her chest. “Talking about it doesn’t change it.”

“Did he rape you?” I demand.

Shane shuffles from foot to foot.

“No,” she answers, but that doesn’t ease the tightness in my stomach. “Look.” Her eyes meet mine. “I thought we weren’t going to do this?”

I clench my fists. She’s right, but Bruce is just waiting for the first opportunity to ship her back. I have a deal with him, but that doesn’t mean he won’t fuck me over at any given moment. “Just tell me what he did.”

Her narrowed eyes go to Shane, and he looks away from her, feeling guilty for throwing her under the bus. “No, Cole!” she snaps, her anger taking over. “This conversation is over!” She turns her back to me and starts to walk toward the door.

“Austin!”

She spins around to face me, her long hair slapping her in the face while walking backward to the door. “I’ll tell you what, Cole, when you feel like sharing your secrets with me, I’ll share mine with you.” And with that, she spins back around and walks out, slamming the door shut.

Shane and I stand in the silence, and I fist my hands down by my side. I shouldn’t have made her drive herself here. Then she wouldn’t have been able to leave.

I spin around and yank my shirt off, walking over to the punching bag. It’s my go-to when I need to relieve some anger.

“I’m sorry, man,” Shane says, clearing his throat.

“Don’t repeat what you heard tonight,” I say before I start pounding the bag, imagining it’s her mother’s boyfriend’s face, until my shoulder is screaming from the pain.

_________________________________

Tuesday morning, I sit in fourth period as kids put their stuff in their bags. The bell getting ready to ring, and I look over at her empty seat next to me. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I tossed and turned and imagined her as a kid—what her mom’s boyfriend did to her—and it made me think of Lilly. How evil this world is and how many men would take advantage of a little girl who couldn’t defend herself. Who has no one to protect them. It made me furious. Austin is a perfect example of that. I’ve been taking advantage of her ever since I laid eyes on her.

I got up and crawled in bed with Lilly. I held her close and kissed her hair. The thought of someone hurting her makes me sick, but nobody cares what happens to Austin.

While I laid there trying to figure out how I can protect Lilly from evil, my mind went back to Austin. I hate that she refused to tell me what her mother’s piece of shit boyfriend has done. How old was she the first time he hit her? Touched her? Did her mother protect her?

I haven’t heard from her, but the urge to pick up my phone and text her has been strong.

The bell rings, and I walk down the hallway, into the cafeteria, and sit down at our usual table.

Becky comes in with Deke on her arm, and they laugh like they’ve got nothing but jokes to tell. For the first time, I envy my best friend. He can turn it off like a switch. He can go from murderer to a fucking comedian in an instant. Not me. I hate the world. I hate myself. And I hate Austin.

No, you don’t.

“What’s wrong, Cole?” Becky asks me.

“Nothing,” I growl.

Deke waves her off and chimes in. “He’s just pissy ’cause Austin isn’t here for him to hang all over.”

Becky looks at me for a few seconds, her crystal blue eyes watching mine, and I look away. Noticing the white walls and students walking in, I hear them talking about their nonexistent lives. I feel her eyes on me, and I look back at her. Yep. Still staring. “Do you have something you want to say?” I snap.

“Do you and Austin have plans this weekend?” she asks, ignoring my anger.

“Why would we have plans?”

“Because you guys are dating,” she says simply.

“Babe, I told you it’s not like that,” Deke says, shaking his head. Then he gets up to grab their lunches.

She leans forward, and I hold in a sigh. “I see it written all over your face.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’ve gone to school with you my entire life, Cole.” She lowers her voice. “I’ve seen you lose people you love.” My fists clench. “And I’ve seen how you look at her. I’ve seen a change in you.” I snort. “The other day, when she and I were standing outside the gym waiting for you guys to finish your meeting …” She looks down at the table. “I asked her how she was doing. If she was okay. I felt like something was wrong with her, but she blew me off and said she was just tired.” Her eyes meet mine. That explains why Austin jumped out of the car and tried to walk home. Becky got to her. “She lied, of course. I could ask you if you’re okay, and we both know you would lie too. But I know you better. Known you longer. I’ve watched you lately, and although I think you have hurt her, I also think you protect her.”

“Becky …”

“I see how you pull her tighter when Kellan walks into a room. And some would just chalk that up to being possessive, but I think it’s more than that.”

“Like what?” I can’t help but ask.

“Even the devil catches feelings, or he wouldn’t go into rages. Even he knows how to love.”

“Stop! I don’t love her.” What the fuck? Has Deke warped her mind?

“Maybe not love. But I see the way you kiss her in class and in the halls. How you touch her, not caring who is watching. And the look in your eyes when she isn’t around and she consumes your thoughts. It’s written all over your face. Like right now.”

“And?” I ask, wondering what she sees. If she can read me that well.

“And you’ve always been the kind of guy who would burn this town down if given a reason.” She sits back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest. She smiles at me. “And Austin is your reason.”

AUSTIN

I lie on the couch, watching a rerun of Gilmore Girls, when I hear the front door open and shut and then Phillip’s voice. “Where is your mother?”

“How the hell should I know?”

He walks over to me and knocks my feet off the couch and plops down next to me. He leans into me, grabbing my arm.

“Don’t touch me,” I snap, yanking out of his hold.

“Come on, Austin. You’re gonna miss me. I know I’m gonna miss you.”

I roll my eyes and stand, walking to my room because I know he’s drunk. Just as I shut my door, it’s shoved open and hits the interior wall. I spin around before he throws me onto the bed. “Get off me!” I shout.

“You know you want me, baby,” he growls.

I lift my knee between us and aim right for his balls. He cries out when I make contact. “Get off me.” I shove him, and he hits the floor with a thud.

“Little bitch,” he growls.

“Honey?” I hear my mom call out to him, and the front door open and close. She enters my room seconds later. Her green eyes narrow on me and then they go to Phillip. “What happened?” She runs to him. “Did you do this to him?” she demands, helping him sit up.

I stand by my bed, my hands balled into fists and my body physically shaking.

“What did you do?” she yells at me as he gets up to his feet.

“I’m gonna teach you a lesson …” He comes for me, and I grab the lamp off my nightstand and throw it, hitting him right in the face.

My mom cries out as he hits the floor once again. “Get the fuck out and don’t come back!” she screams at me.

I grab my purse and phone, and jump out my window before it’s too late for me to get away.

 

That was the day before they shipped me off to Oregon. That was the most aggressive he had ever gotten with me. I’m not sure how far he would have taken it, but I didn’t wait to see.

I went out and partied all night. It wasn’t hard to do since it was New Year’s Eve. I went to a party, got wasted and smoked some weed. Then went home long enough the next afternoon to pack a couple of bags and take a cab to the airport. My mother didn’t tell me bye, and she didn’t call. Not until days later when she wanted to know if I had seen my father and could send her money.

They’ve been on my mind a lot since I walked out of the clubhouse last night. My conversation with Cole keeps playing in my mind, and it’s driving me nuts. I can’t understand for the life of me why he cares. Why he pretends. Why can’t we just decide we hate one another but wanna fuck and leave it at that? I hate that he had Deke record us that first night, but I can’t be mad for what he said. Everyone there knew what we were doing in that bathroom. And of course, I’ve done it multiple times with him since then. And let’s not forget the fact that he touches me while at school. I kiss him. Fuck, the other day I moaned while in the hallway between classes. He hasn’t forced me to do anything when it comes to sex. I’ve done all that on my own.

He’s such a mystery. And that’s what draws me to him.

To be honest, I’m comfortable with the violence. I’ve seen it all my life. My mother has dated her boyfriend for over fifteen years, but they never got married. It’s all him. She would have done it in a heartbeat. He didn’t wanna be tied to someone who had a kid. Another reason I think she always tried to get rid of me.

In a way, Cole is like me. We both do what it takes to survive. We’re just fighting two completely different battles.

But Cole has taught me that I can turn that pain into power. That I have the ability to stick up for myself. Even if I fail every time I go up against him, he has a strange way of encouraging me. This is just another level of hell, and I feel like I’m doing better at it.

I lean my head back, soaking up the sun. Today is the first day of my three-day suspension, and I chose to do nothing but hang out in the pool. Celeste had a date with some girlfriends and asked me to join her, but I declined, wanting to spend it alone. Even though it is a cloudy day. It’s Oregon, after all, and we’re right on the ocean. Gloomy seems to be the norm. But I like it.

I’ve got a black bikini on that has silver hoops connecting the sides on the bottoms and straps for the top. It’s gonna give me terrible tan lines, but I’m not really concerned ’cause I don’t think I’ll get much with the clouds. Plus, I’m already pretty tan.

I hear the back door open, and I sigh. “Did you bring me leftovers?” I ask Celeste as I place my hand down and run it through the water, turning around.

“I skipped lunch.”

“Cole?” I ask when I see him standing by the pool. Wearing a pair of jeans and white t-shirt, he has his hands in his front pockets. “What are you doing here?” I ask, my eyes darting to the door to see if he came alone.

He walks over to the lounge chair and sits down. He bows his head and runs his hand through his dark hair. “Everything okay?” I ask, not expecting an answer.

He looks up at me. “I can’t … I can’t get you out of my mind,” he admits softly.

“What?”

“What you told me at the clubhouse last night. I can’t forget it.”

I sigh. “Cole, please—”

“Just hear me out,” he interrupts me.

I get off my raft and swim over to the edge, placing my forearms on the side. His blue eyes watch every move I make, and I can’t decipher the look.

“I knew someone who was taken advantage of. She was strong, but I still saw it eat at her.” He looks away from me. “I hated not being able to help her. To save her from the memories. And the betrayal.” He swallows. “She was like you. Had no one.” His eyes come back to mine, and I try to swallow the knot in my throat. “You know I would have never let Deke touch you, right?”

I look away from him because no, I didn’t know that. That night in the cemetery and then again at the clubhouse—he never made a move to stop him.

“Kellan?” I can’t help but ask.

“I was testing him.”

“What does that mean?”

He runs a hand through his hair. “He wants you, Austin.”

“Yeah, dead like the rest of you.” I snort.

“No. He wants between your legs, sweetheart. Deke was baiting him. I had to follow through.”

My eyes drop to my hands on the wet concrete, avoiding his gaze.

He sighs heavily, and I glance up at him. He’s staring down at me. “Just know, I wouldn’t let anyone touch you, Austin. No one but me.” I’ve never seen his blue eyes so soft. And I hate that it makes me feel warm inside as if someone actually wants to protect me. It’s crazy to think of Cole that way. Maybe this is just another one of his games.

“I want you to tell me—”

“I don’t talk about it,” I interrupt him.

His jaw sharpens. “Why not?”

I laugh like that was funny. “Because no one ever cared,” I snap.

He gets up and walks over to me. Bending over, he grabs my hand and lifts it gently. I have no other choice but to climb out of the pool as he pulls me up. He cups my face and pulls my body flush to his, the water soaking his clothes instantly. “I care.”

“Why?” I ask nervously. “You’ve hurt me. I’m not gonna tell you something just for you to play some sick game with me.”

“It’s not like that,” he growls.

“Then what’s it like, Cole? Because I’m getting a headache trying to figure it out,” I snap.

He takes a step back, running his hand through his spiked hair. His white t-shirt and jeans cling to his body. “Just tell me one thing.”

“What?” I ask, rubbing my temples. Not lying about getting a headache.

“Your mother sent you here to protect you, right? So he couldn’t touch you?” His soft eyes meet mine, and I can’t make myself hurt him. Not after what he told me about the friend he couldn’t help. He didn’t have to say her name, but I know he was talking about Eli’s older sister.

“Yeah,” I say.

“Austin.” He grabs my arm and pulls me back into him. “You just lied to me.” His eyes narrow on mine.

Teeth clenching, I argue. “No, I didn’t—”

“Stop lying!” he interrupts me. “And tell me the truth, Austin!”

My anger rises that he can read me so well. And now that he knows, he’s never gonna give up. Cole is relentless. He does whatever he needs to get what he wants. “The truth? The truth is that she thought I dressed too provocatively around him. She didn’t like that I wore shorts in hundred-degree weather, and that he would stare at me when I walked through a room. She didn’t like that my jeans weren’t two sizes too big. She blamed me every time he touched me.” Angry tears sting my eyes. “She blamed me when she found me cornered in the kitchen and his hand up my shirt,” I scream, shoving him away. “She blamed me when she found him passed out drunk lying in my bed while I was out with my friends.” He stares down at me, his blue eyes dark and jaw sharp. “Is that what you want?” I shout and shove him again. “You wanna know that no matter what I did to stop him, it was never enough for her?” I gasp for a breath. “She didn’t care that I didn’t come home. She didn’t want me there anyway. That’s just what she wanted my father to believe. She didn’t care that I did drugs. She was the one who gave them to me. And she didn’t fucking care one thing about me.” The first tear falls down my cheek, and his blue eyes follow it.

He swallows. “Austin …”

“She didn’t care, Cole.” My voice cracks. “You were right. Is that what you want to hear?” I’m shaking, hating to admit that to him. “She chose him over me.”

He steps into me and wraps his arms around my waist. I bury my head into his soaked chest and bite my bottom lip to hold in a sob. To keep my emotions in check.

His arms tighten around me. “I’m sorry.” He breathes, kissing my hair.

The sincerity in his words makes me fail miserably. Fifteen years of silence rushes out like a dam breaking. And of all people to tell, I tell the one guy who can use it against me. He didn’t deserve the truth, but a part of me wanted someone to care for so long. Someone to tell me she was in the wrong. And that I mattered.