Rafe
I couldn’t take my goddamn eyes off Emery, and Alejandro and Kaya noticed. I knew looking away would be the smart move, but I didn’t want to. There were several things happening all at the same time, and every one was new to me. First, I’d never had such an extreme reaction to anyone. Second, I’d never gotten lost in cataloging anyone’s features, yet with her I noticed everything. From the smooth perfection of her peaches-and-cream skin to the dark auburn hair she had up in a messy bun that shone beneath the outdoor light, the beauty of her slender fingers, painted the palest of pinks, and the plumpness of her lips, particularly the lower one. Most of all I noted how her ultramarine blue eyes seemed so warm and inviting—like someplace I wanted to get lost in.
Then she said my name, and it felt like something inside of me clicked into place. It was as if I’d been waiting all my life for her to say it. The tone of her voice when she spoke was melodic, soft, and so fucking sensual I felt my blood heating as my heartbeat accelerated. I wanted to be inside of her in a way that shocked the actual fuck out of me, considering how hands-off I was about women. It had been so long since I’d felt anything at all that I could barely wrap my mind around it. Years of feeling nothing faded away in the blink of an eye when Emery Bellerose showed up in my yard, which was jarring as hell.
About six months after the Francesca situation exploded, I decided I should try to lose myself in sex. Anywhere, anytime—if there was a beautiful woman not looking for any commitment, I was ready to go. I’d spent the next fourteen months fucking my way through Barcelona, Los Angeles, New York, Madrid, Paris, and London, attempting to find something—anything—that made me feel less.
Less pain. Less rage. Less disappointment in myself.
It hadn’t worked the way I’d intended. Instead of feeling less, I felt nothing. I’d refused to acknowledge what a colossal failure my plan had turned out to be until the night I couldn’t get hard because the nothing I felt inside had manifested itself physically. The idea of having sex at that moment was so abhorrent I’d had no choice but to accept that sex wasn’t going to fix things—in fact, it had only made them worse. After that, I went cold turkey—no more fucking, no more bullshit.
The decision to stop getting physical was easy—how could it not be when I no longer felt anything? Any leftover desire I had after that was nothing but a baser impulse, one I was able to control.
Until I saw Emery and all bets were off.
I let Alejandro take the lead on the way to the guesthouse, not because I was slow, but because it allowed me to watch Emery walk. The black yoga pants she had on showcased the most attractive pair of legs I’d ever seen, while the loose lilac tee she wore gave just a hint of the curves beneath it. The soft sway to her walk—nothing overdone or unnatural—had me fantasizing about the way she’d look doing it naked.
Elvis chirped something happily at my side, reminding me that I wasn’t alone in the world with Emery. Looking over I found that he’d been watching me watch his mom and it looked like he was enjoying it. Biting back a laugh, I shrugged.
At the door to the guesthouse, Emery stopped, bent down, and had another moment with Elvis. “Mommy is super tired, baby, but I’ll be right inside,” she said softly. “You be my good boy and stay close. Tomorrow we’ll spend lots of time together.”
The adoring way Elvis looked at her was fascinating. It looked like in his mind she’d brought Santa, the Easter Bunny, and an unlimited supply of wheat bread and blueberries with her. That bird loved his mom like crazy, and she loved him right back. It was right there, on display and impossible to miss. I hadn’t thought it possible for him to like anyone as much as he did Kaya— until Emery showed up and I realized Elvis loved his mom differently. Kaya he adored, but Emery, he worshipped. People could fake things—concern, interest, pregnancy—but the way animals responded to their humans was truth personified. Somehow, for me, seeing up close and personal just how much Elvis loved Emery told me that she was genuine.
Once the four of us were in the guesthouse, Alejandro and I went and dropped the luggage in the master bedroom. I felt him look at me as we finished setting the two most substantial suitcases down side-by-side at the end of the bed, but I pretended not to notice as I spun around and headed into the living room. The girls were sitting on the couch talking in hushed tones, but I could tell whatever was going on was a big deal because Kaya’s eyes were wide with apparent surprise and she had both her hands over her mouth. When they realized we would come out of the bedroom, they had a very brief whisper-quiet conversation before Kaya stood and went right to Alejandro.
“I’m going to stay and talk to Emery for a while,” she told him. “Is it okay to just let myself into your house when I’m finished?”
My brother beamed down at her like every word she said was a reinvention of the wheel. “Ah, Belleza. Anywhere that I am is just as much your home as it is mine.”
I turned away and tuned out their conversation entirely while Emery and I locked eyes and simply stared at each other in silence. I’m not sure how long it went on, only that it was enough time for me to become so oblivious to the other people in the room that I startled when Alejandro jabbed me in the arm. Annoyed that he was interrupting, I side-eyed him, quickly realizing that Kaya was no longer standing with him.
“What?”
“¿Te das cuenta de lo extraño que estás actuando en este momento?”
He’d asked if I knew I was being weird.
“No seas un gilipollas,” I murmured, telling him in Spanish not to be an asshole.
He barked out a laugh as he turned his attention to the couch. Of course, I quickly did the same.
“I will wait up for you, Belleza,” he said to Kaya who had re-taken a seat on the couch. Addressing Emery, he said, “I look forward to spending time with you tomorrow. If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Thank you,” she answered softly. “It means more than I can say. I appreciate what you—what all of you,” she said as she gestured between the two of us, “are doing for me, and for Elvis. I know I owe you for this and I promise I won’t stay long.”
I jumped in before Jandro could say a word. “You owe us nothing,” I said firmly, “and you will stay for as long as you want. We’re thrilled to have you and Elvis with us.”
The sound of a muffled gasp took my attention away from Emery. Eyes wide, Kaya looked at me like she’d never seen me before. When she realized I noticed, her expression changed to one of embarrassment. Coughing into her hand, she looked away.
“Sorry,” she sputtered. “I, uh, have an itch in my throat.”
It wasn’t like her surprise wasn’t justified, so I wasn’t angry or annoyed. I barked out a laugh and shook my head. I understood. How could I not? I knew I was acting entirely out of character—I just didn’t care. It went against every one of my instincts to leave, but I forced myself to back off and head for the door.
When I turned back, my eyes went right to the beautiful auburn haired girl who had rocked my world. “Goodnight, Emery. Sleep well.”
“Goodnight, Rafael.”
My hand hesitated over the doorknob as I tried to think of a reason to stay. When none came to mind, I made contact and twisted the handle to open it. As I did, I reminded myself that I’d see her the next day. It was a relief to find Elvis just outside the door, perched on the iron café table that sat on the deck outside the guesthouse. I swear he grinned when he saw me.
“You should’ve warned me,” I chuckled when he jumped down to stand next to me.
He looked downright smug as he walked along beside me to the outdoor seating area for the main house. I already knew that if I went any farther, like say to the side or front yard, he wouldn’t follow. He’d gone home to his roost each night to watch Kaya—now that his mom was back, I had no doubt he’d watch her space at night the same way.
Out in the fresh air, away from Emery, I started to feel like it had all been a fluke. Nothing in my life had prepared me to react like I had—to feel the way I had—toward anyone.
Opening the fridge, I pulled out an iced tea before opening a food storage drawer to take out a container of peanuts for Elvis and me to share. Just as I settled in and turned the TV on to the Spanish news channel, Alejandro sat down next to me. Hopping up, Elvis perched himself on the back of the couch between us.
“What just happened?” Jandro asked.
I shrugged and popped a peanut into my mouth before grabbing a small handful for Elvis and holding it up.
“I guess you’ve forgotten what it looks like when I’m polite,” I offered.
Jandro let out a derisive snort. “It absolutely is not that you were polite—that I’ve experienced. What I’m asking about is everything else. I’ve never once seen you look at anyone that way—ever.”
I shook my head. “I’m not sure. It might have been an anomaly.”
“An anomaly,” he repeated skeptically.
“I’m saying it might have been nothing. Maybe this was nothing more than a phase of the moon or passing insanity. For all I know tomorrow I won’t react to her at all.”
Elvis took that moment to stick his neck forward so that he was looking right at me, and the little guy looked dubious. His expression said stop talking. You sound like an idiot.
I didn’t think he was wrong—but Lord knew I’d been snowed before in spectacular fashion.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think that was temporary insanity,” Jandro remarked. “In fact, I’d venture a guess I probably looked a lot like that when I met Kaya.”
Eager to deflect, I shuddered dramatically. “So you’re saying I just looked like a moronic douchebag?”
Jandro chuckled. “Well, I’m not saying you didn’t.”
I blew out a long breath as I rested my head back against the cushion and stared up at the outdoor fan above me.
A few seconds passed in silence as I thought about what had happened. “Guess we’ll see if the same thing happens tomorrow,” I said.