Emery
Admitting to Rafael that I wanted him to be real was one of the scariest things I’d ever done, because I couldn’t be sure what his answer would be. If I was right, I was opening a door to something I knew nothing about. The unwavering desire I felt for Rafael Cruz was scary both because of its intensity and how impossible it was to predict what would happen from one minute to the next. A lot was riding on what his response would be.
“I want to know all that there is to know about you, Emery. Every story you have to tell, what you like, what you dislike—I want it all. Is that real enough for you or do you need me to be even more honest?”
I summoned up my courage as I met his denim blue eyes. “That was real enough… for now,” I said softly. “But I reserve the right to go back later and ask for more honesty.”
He chuckled huskily as he ran his thumb back and forth over my skin. “Whatever you want, Miel.”
As I quickly translated in my head, my breath caught. He’d called me honey.
“I like that,” I admitted.
As in I liked it a lot.
“And I like you, Miel,” he responded. “Now tell me about the douchebag. If you’re just starting to get over the breakup, I need to know.”
I shook my head emphatically as I looked away. “No. I told you, we were never right. I didn’t feel that way about him and after the other day, I’m under no illusion that he ever gave a crap about me at all. I’m disgusted with him but in a lot of ways I’m most angry with myself for being dumb.”
He put his hand under my chin and tilted it up so I was looking at him again. “I understand being angry, Miel, but never call yourself dumb. You just didn’t know all the facts before. Once you did, you very decisively ended your involvement with him across the board. That’s not dumb—it’s smart.”
I didn’t enjoy the loss of his touch when he dropped his hand from beneath my chin. Never before had I wanted to be connected to someone.
“You should probably let me tell you what happened before you throw words like smart around,” I said dryly.
He shook his head as he propped his elbow on the back of the couch and put his face against his palm. I mirrored his position and got comfortable.
“It’s natural to feel anger when you uncover someone’s lies,” he murmured. “I get that more than anyone. For a long time, I felt like I’d cornered the market on stupidity.”
That was the moment that I got why it was important to him to hear about what had gone down with Elliot, because the second I knew he’d been through a traumatic relationship of his own, I wanted every detail. That was also the moment I realized that I’d never given a crap about Elliot’s previous relationships—and he’d been married half a zillion times. Slight exaggeration, but looking back I could see clearly that both of us were never in it for the long haul. He hadn’t wanted to talk about his past and I hadn’t been curious enough to dig. That spoke volumes. Twenty-four hours in, I was more interested in Rafael Cruz than I’d been with Elliot in six months. Because of that, I decided I was going to do something I’d never done with a man before—I was going to open myself up and be honest.
“My last morning on set I got to the makeup trailer early and found Elliot cheating. The person he was having sex with was one of the male makeup artists,” I blurted.
Rafe’s body tensed. “He cheated on you with a man?”
“Yes he was having sex with a man but as to cheating I’ll say again that the answer is yes and no. We weren’t living together on set and…” I hesitated to continue because I wasn’t sure what I’d been about to say was something he’d want to hear.
“You can tell me anything,” he said.
I nodded and looked away as I said, “we hadn’t even kissed in more than three months. It was only a technicality that we hadn’t talked about the fact that obviously we weren’t together, clearly it had been over for a long time.”
“There’s no technically about it,” he countered. “If the we’re over conversation hadn’t taken place, the dumb motherfucker cheated.”
I nodded, knowing he was right. “Aside from being able to quit the movie—and despite everything that’s happening now, I can’t regret that at all—there is a bright spot. In addition to using condoms every single one of the four times we were together and not having any kind of relations for the last three months, I’d just done a full physical before the shoot started. For insurance reasons it’s mandatory to do before production starts on a project. I probably would’ve lost my marbles entirely if I’d had to worry about him giving me something. That might be too much real to share, but it’s the biggest relief in the world not to have that over my head.”
He reached out with his free hand and set it on my knee. “It’s not too much to share, Miel. I don’t want us to have secrets from each other.”
I’d never in my life met someone so direct. I wondered if it was a Cruz thing or if it was cultural. Perhaps, I thought, it was both. Whatever it was, it was different to see the way the men in his family had no problem being demonstrative and loving toward their women—and to experience something that felt a lot like that in the way Rafael treated me.
I nodded as I stared at him. “Secrets and avoidance are both recipes for disaster. Kaya always said the fact that we’d only been intimate a handful of times waved a massive red flag, but I pretended everything was fine because I didn’t want drama. She was right the whole time—I did myself no favors by not facing things head on”
He snorted out a laugh. “I gave her a pretty hard time when she first appeared on the scene but I have to say that her instincts where your ex is concerned were spot on.”
“She may have mentioned in one of her messages to me that you were really standoffish,” I said. “What was up with that?”
He grimaced and shook his head. “The relationship that left me feeling like an idiot really fucked with my head for a long time. I didn’t trust anyone I didn’t already know—especially if that person was female.”
I could tell that whatever had happened to Rafael was more serious than what I’d been through with Elliot. Knowing that he’d been hurt did not sit well with me. I sensed that if I asked him what his story was he would tell me—but something inside of me was advising patience. I felt as though it would be more meaningful if he confided in me because he wanted to—not because he felt he had to as part of a quid pro quo. Therefore, I decided not to pick up the breadcrumb he’d just set down. Not yet, anyway.
“But you know Kaya is legit now, right?” I really hoped his answer would be yes since she’d told me earlier what I’d been able to see with my own two eyes—she was crazy in love with Alejandro Cruz. Not only did he feel the same way, he’d very bluntly told her that he’d be asking her to marry him when the time was right. Judging by the way he looked at her, I sensed the time was already right for him—which meant he was making certain Kaya knew it in the way that he did. I didn’t think it would take him long to figure out that she was all the way there.
He nodded emphatically. “I do know it and we’ve got Elvis to thank for that. I know my dude wouldn’t love her the way he does if she wasn’t a good person.”
“Of course Elvis would lead the way,” I chuckled. “In all seriousness, his instincts are normally spot on—the one exception I’ve ever seen being the way he went at your brother earlier, but I think we all know he got pissed because he was confused by the whole twin thing. I can’t think of a time he’s ever seen a twin before, which makes me think he was probably scared shitless.”
Rafe cringed. “I’m glad it all worked out but I have to tell you, the idea of him being scared makes me feel like shit.”
“I’m just glad he got over it. For the most part, he’s very uptight about men in general. He definitely didn’t like Elliot—something I now realize should’ve stopped me in my tracks, but at the time I really thought it was just Elvis being territorial. Now I see he was acting out as a way to point out that Elliot was no good.”
“Acting out?”
I let out a soft laugh as Elvis’s antics played out in my mind. “You saw the car with the mirror-like paintjob in my garage today, right?”
He snickered. “At the very first glance I knew that ugly shit wasn’t yours. You were the big SUV, right?”
I grinned and nodded, liking the fact that he already had a good understanding of what my style was. “Elvis made a career out of pooping on that car,” I laughed. “At first he was aggressive to Elliot but after a few days of that he started ignoring him entirely. Other than pooping on his car whenever he got the chance, which was often, Elvis acted like Elliot wasn’t there—even if they were only feet apart. Little man would just put his beak up in the air and saunter on by like he didn’t exist. It drove Elliot nearly to insanity that Elvis didn’t acknowledge his presence on Earth.”
Rafe smirked. “Sounds like someone is high maintenance—and I’m not talking about our boy.”
“You saw the pictures next to his bed,” I groaned. “High maintenance is an understatement.”
“You’ve already got one peacock, Miel—there is no need for another. What you need is a man.”
The intensity in his gaze heated my blood. I bit my lip as I cocked my head to the side. “Are you applying for the job?” I asked.
“I am,” he said. Sitting up straight, he leaned in closer and slid his hand behind my neck.
There was a rightness to the way he held me, something I’d never known could be felt between two people. His hand cupping the back of my neck gave me all of the feels— as did the sensation of his warm breath against my lips as he hovered above me. His eyes stayed locked on mine as he held still, and I realized he was waiting for me to give him the green light. I nodded once, my stomach fluttering at the relieved smile he gave before he kissed me.
Obviously I’d been kissed before, but when Rafael was the one doing it I realized I’d never been kissed well. I’d never felt more treasured than I did with one of his hands at the back of my neck while the other cupped my cheek. I raised my hands to his shoulders, sliding one around the back of his neck as he deepened the kiss. The first touch of his tongue against mine was electric, so much more than I’d ever known the act of kissing could feel like.
The heat and taste of him was so incredible that I couldn’t contain a moan as his tongue glided against mine. I shifted forward in an effort to be closer to him as my right hand trailed from his shoulder to his abdomen. The fingers on my left hand were busy running through his silky hair and still, I wanted more contact. I tried to get closer but without stopping the kiss, there was no way— and I damn sure wasn’t stopping. Either he sensed my frustration or he felt the same because the next thing I knew he’d dropped his hands to my waist. He lifted me up and into his lap like I weighed nothing, then groaned low in his throat as our upper bodies connected.
I rubbed myself against his chest shamelessly, uncaring that I’d only known him for a day. Somehow kissing Rafe felt more real than anything I’d ever done before and I had absolutely no desire to stop or slow down. Feeling his erection through both of our layers of clothes was easily one of the most arousing moments of my entire life. My sex clenched with need as he rocked me against him, my knees locked against his outer thighs as I worked with him.
Tearing my mouth away, I gasped for air as I stared down into his wild eyes. His pupils were shot, his breath coming in gusts as he stared at me with hunger unlike anything I’d ever seen.
“Give me your mouth again, Miel,” he growled.
I shivered as I complied, our tongues dancing together with such eroticism I felt combustible. I didn’t realize we were moving but suddenly I was on my back and he was on top of me. If I’d thought I was hot for him before, having him in that position proved me wrong.
My legs wrapped around his waist as he thrust against me. Needing to feel his skin, I grabbed the hem of his shirt and yanked it up. Ripping his mouth from mine, he reached back with one hand and tore his shirt up and over his head, leaving his torso naked. The sight of all that skin was such a turn on that I whimpered as I touched my fingers to it, trailing my thumbs over his happy trail.
His hips rocked as he thrust against me harder. “Emery, fuck,” he hissed.
“Please,” I begged, “Let me feel you.”
“God, Miel, please,” he groaned, “We need to slow down. I don’t want you to think this is just sex.”
I was so far gone that even the word sex made my clit throb. I wanted Rafael Cruz to be touching every single inch of me, inside and out. The hunger was so extreme that it felt like it was clawing at me from the inside.
“Just the shirt and the bra,” I whimpered. “I need you, Rafael.”
I knew that by any acceptable standard, I was going too fast but I couldn’t have cared less. I’d had sex with two people, both of whom had waited for lengthy amounts of time for me to agree to go all the way. Waiting hadn’t made those relationships better. With Rafael I finally got it— either the chemistry was there or it wasn’t. It couldn’t be forced. My lust for him wasn’t going to be sated by a few kisses and some dry humping. In all the ways that mattered— physically, mentally and emotionally— I needed more. I needed it all.
He choked out a desperate sound as I slid my fingers beneath the waistband of his shorts and ran them back and forth against his naked skin. I licked and then kissed his jaw, his cheek, his neck, and the spot just below his right ear as he rocked against me.
“Please,” I whispered.
He bowed his head and nodded, my name a sigh on his lips that sounded a lot like a promise.
After lifting the super soft navy colored shirt I’d been wearing up and over my head, he stopped and stared down at me for several seconds. I could feel my hardened nipples poking against the lace of my black bra and it was very clear that he was enjoying the view.
“Take it off,” I murmured.
Lifting his eyes to meet mine, he grinned. “Not just yet, Miel. Steady.”
I opened my mouth to order or whine or maybe even beg but never got to say a word because he dropped his head and sucked a lace covered nipple into his mouth. The heat of his tongue against me was the most exquisite form of torture I’d ever known. My hands slid up his abdomen to his shoulders before I threaded my fingers through his hair and held on as he worked his mouth back and forth between my breasts, making sure to pay equal attention to both.
When he bit down on my right nipple, I arched my back and gasped his name. After soothing the bite of pain with his tongue, he moved to my left breast and did the same thing. “Oh, God,” I moaned as he lifted his head and pinched both nipples between his fingers at the same time.
“You should see yourself,” he said huskily. “Your tits are so fucking sexy, Emery. I want to fuck them so badly it hurts.”
Taking my hands out of his hair, I gripped my bra and pulled the cups down so that my breasts were totally exposed. “Touch them,” I whispered. “I want you to.”
He groaned as he dropped his head, pushing my tits together as he started torturing me again, this time without the lace as a buffer. I felt desperate and hot, my sex so slick I knew one touch would set me off.
“Rafe,” I moaned. He nibbled and sucked around every part of my breasts before he started working his way down, his tongue, lips and teeth visiting every part of my torso.
I groaned when he ran his tongue against the lowest portion of my exposed stomach before he came up and started kissing me again. I loved the kissing more than I could say but I wanted his mouth and tongue somewhere else.
Rafael’s kisses were a form of eroticism I’d never thought existed. Had I known it was possible to feel the way I did when his lips were on mine, when his tongue was caressing me, I would never have kissed anyone else. The difference was night and day. I’d kissed frogs before. Rafael Cruz was a prince.
As we kissed my breasts rubbed against his naked chest for the first time. I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. The heat of his skin against my nipples made my breasts feel heavier and more sensitive than they already did. Wondering if his nipples were a sensitive area, I slid my hands between us and pinched them between my fingers. He growled as he thrust against me so hard I felt the couch rocking beneath us. Lifting his head, he stared at me with a look that felt like fire.
“You’re going to be the death of me,” he rasped. “I’m trying so fucking hard not to take this too far, and your hands on my skin are making me weak. I didn’t even know what you just did to me could feel good. Be careful, Miel. You have no idea how badly I want to cram your cunt full of my cock.”
Until Rafael, I’d been a good girl— boring, even. Lukewarm kisses followed by lights out missionary sex that always concluded with me half-heartedly pretending to orgasm. With him, there was no fumbling and no need to fake anything. The desire inside of me had a pulse of its own and I felt like I was meeting a part of myself that had been asleep until right then. The Emery I’d thought I was and the one I knew I could become were different and it was all because of Rafe. The need for him thrummed inside of me, growing stronger by the minute. I wanted things I’d never even considered before— and I wanted them all immediately. Lifting my right hand, I cupped his jaw and traced his lower lip with my thumb as I stared into his eyes. “I do know,” I murmured, “and I know because I want it, too.”
He let out a shaky sound as he rocked against me. “If I start, I won’t stop for fucking anything. I’ve been celibate for more than two years and I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. You don’t know the beast you’re unleashing, Emery.”