Wes

We reach the Empire State Building in what seems like no time at all. Talking to Jemma is so fun and relaxing the time just flies by. On the way here, she pulled me over to a shop selling scarves and hats and insisted on helping me to improve my disguise. I’m now wearing a khaki slouch knit cap and matching scarf. Jemma looks totally adorable in a pink version of the same thing. I also insisted she needed matching sunglasses. While she looks gorgeous, I look totally ridiculous. But at least no one will recognize me. The way she smiled at me when she saw me all kitted out made it all worthwhile.

At least it’s still early enough that it’s not too crazy busy yet, and with the tickets Stan ordered on the way over we don’t have to wait long. Taking Jemma’s hand, I head to the back corner of the elevator. Stan does a great job of blocking me from view with his large frame, and I’m able to relax as we ascend to the 86th floor. Jemma watches the numbers, and I’m able to watch her. She looks so beautiful, her face alight with excitement. I’ve never seen the appeal of these sort of touristy things before, but now…

There's already quite a crowd on the observation deck. What if someone recognizes me up here? I’ll be trapped. Jemma could get hurt. My feet stop moving forward.

“Wes? What is it? Are you okay?” Jemma’s concerned face looks up at me. I hate that I can’t see her beautiful eyes behind her dark sunglasses.”

I attempt a smile. “Just, ah…wondering where to head to get the best view.”

Jemma smiles taking me at my word. “Can you see Liberty Island from here?”

“Sure, you might need to use the binoculars though.” It’s enough to get me moving again. I try to relax as we head toward the railing.

Looking through the lenses, I get my bearings and then focus on Liberty Island. I hand the binoculars over to Jemma and she smiles as she focuses her attention where I was looking.

“Wow, she’s beautiful,” Jemma breathes. “Can we go there next, Wes?”

At the sound of my name, my shoulders tense up again. I try and glance surreptitiously around me. Has anyone noticed? Is anyone paying us too much attention? I roll my shoulders back trying to loosen them up.

“Wes? What is it?”

I force myself to smile. “Just distracted I guess…of course we can go see Miss Liberty. The day is yours.”

Rather than the return smile I expect, Jemma’s lips turn down and her brow furrows slightly. “What is it? What’s wrong? Please Wes, you can tell me anything you know.”

“Um, can you maybe not…use my name while we’re up here? Around all these people…” I shrug my shoulders feeling like an idiot.

“Oh, I should have realized. We’re kind of trapped up here with all these people aren’t we?”

“Yeah.”

“I should have thought of that before I dragged you up here. Do you want to leave?”

“No, of course not. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

Jemma slips her sunglasses off, and I can see her beautiful eyes again. “What can I do? The tension radiating from you right now can’t be good for you.”

I smile, and this time it’s much more genuine. Her caring nature is impossible to resist. “Thanks, just knowing you care is enough.”

“Hey, do you mind…can I pray for you?” Her smile is tentative but her eyes stare straight into my soul.

“Wow, really? No one’s ever prayed for me before.”

She smiles and takes both my hands in hers. Her eyes close and her head bows.

“Um, here? You’re going to pray right here?”

Her eyes open again. “Sure. Do you mind?”

“Won’t everyone stare at us, and that will kind of defeat the purpose won’t it?”

Jemma smiles. “Trust me?”

Her words relax me. I do trust her, more than anyone. I make myself close my eyes and take a deep breath.

“Dear Lord, thank you for this beautiful day and the opportunity to explore this amazing city. Please help us to relax and know you are watching over us today. Help us to enjoy the day and know that your plans for us are good. Thank you for the amazing gifts that you’ve given to my friend, I ask that you will help him to realize what an amazing gift he has and help him not to be afraid to share that gift with the world. I’m thankful that you’ve brought this wonderful man into my life and that our friendship has given us both a sense of peace and belonging. Amen.”

Opening my eyes, I see Jemma’s beautiful smile. Wow, I can’t believe she would actually pray for me. I’m not really sure what I believe about God, but knowing that she believes and would do this for me. It makes my heart lift. And somehow, I do feel more relaxed. It’s almost as if a weight I didn’t know I had been carrying has been lifted. I only hope the feeling will continue for the rest of the day.

Jemma

Wes hasn’t said much since we left the Empire State Building and took a cab to Battery Park. I leave him to his thoughts, hoping I haven’t overstepped by offering to pray for him. He just seems so lost sometimes. I’m not sure how I would have coped with what happened to me if I didn’t have my faith to guide me. If I hadn’t forgiven my ex for what he did to me, the hate would have crippled me by now. Not that I don’t still have those feelings sometimes, but it doesn’t overwhelm me anymore.

We find a place by the railing as the ferry heads out into the river. The breeze feels nice against my skin, and I turn my face to the sun feeling so blessed to be here right now. My composure is shattered as I feel Wes’s hand slip gently over mine as it hugs the railing.

“Thank you. I think you must be the most understanding and patient woman on the planet.” He takes his sunglasses off and the sun highlights the golden flecks in his brown eyes.

My cheeks heat, and I pull a few curls across my face. “Hardly that. But thank you all the same.”

Wes gently tucks the curls back behind one ear. “Please don’t try to hide yourself from me. You are beautiful. I love everything about you. The way your eyes shine with such sincerity, the way you care so much for Sophie and me, and your face is perfect. To me anyway, please never feel like it matters to me.”

My heart drums a frantic beat against the walls of my chest. How can he say things like that to me and not expect me to fall in love with him? And I can’t. We could never work together. Our lives are so different, our beliefs, our…everything. Oh God, what am I supposed to do? What do you want me to do now? I think I’m in love with this man. I never meant for it to happen but it has. I’ve never felt like this before, and I just don’t know what to do. Please help me to stop feeling like this. I need to be his friend. It’s what we both need.

“Jemma, I think I’m in—”

I reach up and put my hand over his lips. “No, don’t say that. Please, Wes, please don’t.”

“Look, I’m not asking you to feel the same. I just want you to know how I feel.”

Tears fill my eyes. More than anything I want to let him speak. I want to shout out my own feelings, but it’s not right. There are so many things that aren’t right about this…about us. “Can’t we just be friends? You are the most amazing man I’ve ever met. But I think we need to accept that this could never work between us. I couldn’t live my life in the spotlight. I can’t do what you do.”

Wes gently wipes a tear from my cheek. “Do you feel anything for me?” His expression is so vulnerable, so exposed.

“Of course, I care for you deeply. Much more than I should.”

His eyes turn from vulnerable to passionate in a moment and he presses his lips against mine. I know I should pull back but I can’t. I wind my fingers through his hair and return his kiss with everything I have in me. If this is our final kiss, I will let myself have this moment. He deepens the kiss and my whole body feels like it’s on fire. I forget where we are and who I am and that we’re not alone. Wes finally pulls back, and I’m gasping, my hands are trembling. I look into Wes’s eyes, not knowing what to say.

Wes’s eyes take on a familiar sadness. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think that was a goodbye kiss.”

“Do you think we can still be friends? I’ll understand if you don’t want me working for you anymore.”

Wes’s muscles go rigid. “What? Of course I still want you to work for me. Look, I’m sorry I crossed the line. Please stay…I promise I can be more professional. If you don’t want me to, I promise I won’t kiss you again. Just stay. Please don’t leave me…us.”

My heart aches. I want to promise him anything he wants right now. I want to tell him how much he means to me. I want to tell him I want to grow old with him. I want to promise him forever. Instead I take a deep breath and promise him the only thing I can. “I won’t leave. If you want me here, to look after Sophie, then I’ll be here as long as you need.”

“Well,” Wes grins and puts up his walls again.

If I didn’t know him as well as I do, as well as I know myself, I wouldn’t be able to tell, the transition is so smooth.

“Knowing Sophie, she’ll probably need someone to look out for her for the next fifty years. You up for the challenge?”

On the outside I return the smile, my walls locking firmly around my heart. “Definitely.”

We turn to look at Lady Liberty as her peaceful presence of hope and freedom for a better future washes over us.

Wes and I are the first to arrive for dinner. Things are still a bit awkward between us, but what was I expecting? I’m just glad he didn’t send me home. Not that I even have a home anymore. Sure, I could go back to my folks, but that’s not really home anymore either. It’s hard to imagine being apart from everyone now. It’s amazing how close I feel to them all. But it’s not real. I’m just here to do a job for a time and then I’ll just be a memory to the guys in the band. One of many who was here for a season and then gone. Autumn and I will still visit so I won’t be totally forgotten, but their lives are so different from the path mine will probably take.

I spent a couple of hours doing some study before I came down for dinner, but my heart wasn’t really in it. My mind kept remembering the look on Wes’s face just before he kissed me. He looked so vulnerable and open and for the thousandth time, I wonder if I did the right thing. But deep in my heart I know I did. Our lives are so different, and our beliefs. I want a husband I can share my faith with. I can’t allow myself to be swept away with feelings of desire that will fade with time. It’s better to end things now than to have them end in heartbreak later. As much as my head can think rationally, my heart feels pretty torn apart right now. The truth is I’ve already messed things up, let things go too far.

Sophie walks into our private dining room. Her face is alight with happiness. “Oh my gosh, Wes! Thank you so much for letting me go today. It was the absolute best day of my life!” She flings her arms around her brother’s shoulders and hugs him tightly.

I grin when I see Wes genuinely smile for the first time since we got on the boat.

“Glad you had a good time, Soph. You want to tell us about it?”

Sophie pulls out a seat at the end of the table next to Wes. “Well, first we went to the set. I’ve never been to a real movie set before. JD was so great. He showed me around and told me how it all works. He even introduced me to some of the other actors that were there. Kasey Fillmore is so beautiful in real life,” Sophie sighs dramatically. “And so sweet and glamorous. I want to be just like her one day.”

Wes arches an eyebrow. “So you want to be an actor now? I thought singing was your passion?”

“Oh, there are plenty of people who do both. Maybe I should start dance lessons so I can be a triple threat? What do you think Jem?”

I smile. Her enthusiasm for life is catching. “Sure, dance lessons are great for strength and flexibility. It certainly won’t hurt if you want to try out for the track team as well.”

“You want to try out for track?” Wes asks.

“Yeah, Jemma said she’d train with me. Get me ready and all that. Anna wants to do cheerleading, but I don’t think I wanna do that.”

Wes turns to me. “Are you sure you’ll have time for all that with your studies?”

“Sure, I still have all the school hours to study and besides, I really need to get fit. It’s been ages since I’ve been able to run properly, and I miss it.”

The rest of the band comes in and our conversation is interrupted. I look at Autumn as she walks around the table toward us. She looks tired but happy. Maybe she really is pregnant? She takes the empty seat on my other side and Finn sits beside her. Zane, Ryan, and Trent sit on the other side of the table. A cacophony of noise envelops me as everyone tries to recount their day all at once. Well, not quite everybody, beside me Wes is silent. His face is a carefully neutral mask. I want to reach out under the table and take his hand in mind. But I don’t think that would be appropriate right now, so I keep my hands firmly in my lap.

Autumn gently nudges my shoulder with her own. “So, tell me all about your day. Did anything special happen with a certain someone?” She smiles at me, and I really don’t want to take her happiness away.

“It was nice. We went up the Empire State building and we took the ferry to Liberty Island and then we had a lovely lunch and finished off with a walk through Central Park. It was the perfect day.” I smile brightly.

“Um yeah,” Autumn’s smile fades. “So perfect you haven’t even mentioned Wes. Did something happen between you?”

I sigh and tug at one of my curls. “Look, Wes and I are just friends. I know you wanted things to be more than that between us, but they can’t be. What you and Finn have…well that’s just not going to happen for us.”

“I’m really sorry…I just thought…never mind. Are you alright?”

My eyes get all watery as I try to smile reassuringly. “I will be. Anyway, what’s up with you? What were you and Finn up to all day? If it’s something you can actually tell me about anyway.”

Autumn’s cheeks turn pink. Even though she’s happily married now, she still gets flustered just thinking about Finn. “Well, it’s just I’ve been feeling a bit off lately. So Finn and I went to see a specialist today and…I’m pregnant!”

I squeal and throw my arms around my friend. This baby is going to be the cutest most adored baby on the planet. “Oh Autumn, I’m so happy for you and Finn. That is the best news ever.”

“I know. Finn was so happy when we found out he even cried.”

Finn leans over and kisses Autumn’s cheek. “You’re not going to tell everyone that are you? My reputation will be ruined.” His huge grin somewhat spoils the effect of his words. “Does this mean I can tell everyone now?”

Autumn smiles. “Yes. Thanks for letting me tell Jem first. I love you.”

“Love you too beautiful.”

I look away as they share a heartfelt kiss. Finn stands and taps his glass a few times. The conversation is too loud for anyone to notice. “Oi, guys! Stop blathering for one second,” Finn bellows above the chatter. The table falls silent. “My beautiful wife Lil and I have an announcement to make.” He gently helps her to stand as if she’s suddenly become breakable. “We’re going to have a new band member soon.”

Autumn playfully slaps his arm. “A baby. And he or she will have to wait at least a few years before joining the band.”

The room erupts again as cheers and hugs follow. Everyone is soon squashed around our side of the table in a big group hug. Even in the chaos, I can still feel where Wes’s body touches my own. It’s like an intense heat on my skin where we are connected. I can tell it’s him when a hand gently brushes down my hair. Shivers run down my whole body. It’s enough to make me want to take back everything I said this afternoon and that I know to be true. I gather myself back together as everyone resumes their seats around the table.

Wes

As soon as the meal finishes, I excuse myself and head back up to my room. Jemma assures me she doesn’t mind staying until Sophie’s ready to leave. A wave of exhaustion sweeps over me and it’s all I can do to stumble back to my suite. I leave the lights off as I stagger to the bedroom and collapse on the bed.

Some people are destined to end up alone. I guess I’m supposed to be one of them. I’m tired of fighting, tired of trying. Tired of having feelings for the wrong people. At least for the next five years, I’ll just focus on getting Sophie through her teenage years in one piece. Maybe if I scare off all the boys she can even emerge with her heart intact.

I kick off my shoes and pull off my jeans before lying back down. I toss and turn on the big empty bed but sleep eludes me. I wonder what’s in the mini bar? I toss the thought immediately. I’m not getting hammered while Sophie’s here. In a few years I’ll have to explain how drinking isn’t the answer to anything.

Sitting up, I flick the bedside lamp on. I reach over and get out my Gibson guitar. While I usually compose on the piano, on the road it’s much easier to have a guitar handy. For a while I just strum and let the feel of the random chords relax me. Music has so much power. It has the power to affect our moods and our hearts and somehow we can connect with it on an instinctual level. It’s something that I’ll always have, and I treasure the feeling.

As I play I find the random chords developing into something more. An intricately woven pattern of rhythm and melody. Using my right hand, I tap out a rhythm on the guitar body Tommy Emmanuel style. A few words come to me, and I sing softly.

She’s so young so trusting

Can’t see what the world has in store

Wish I could tell her what it’s like

But I don’t wanna break her

First we walk and then we fly

Only to come crashing back to earth

But this is your song not mine

So fly through a clear blue sky

Let the wind catch you and be true

’Cause that dam won’t break

Those walls won’t come crashing down

Ain’t nothing gonna break your heart

I keep strumming, my eyes closed. I have hope that Sophie’s life can be free of the troubles that have plagued mine so far. I let those feelings envelop me. That will be my life's purpose. I’m much better when I focus my energy on others anyway. We all have our own gifts in this life and this is mine. I push away any thoughts of bright blue eyes and golden curls.