It was hard to believe we only had one more night in New York. We’d walked so much in the past few days I wasn’t sure my feet would ever fully recover. But it was worth it to see the smile on Trevor’s face every time we visited another location on his bucket list. We’d even taken an impromptu detour through a few areas we hadn’t planned on, choosing to turn my inability to read a map into a chance to be spontaneous. Subways confused the hell out of me.

Tonight was the big night and I was trying to act like I wasn’t nervous. I had a plan, but now that it was time to execute it, all the reasons it would backfire were running through my mind.

Trevor had made it clear he wasn’t ready to tell people at home about us. He was easing up a little bit about people on campus knowing we were together, but it’d be a long time before he agreed we should tell our families. I wasn’t comfortable with that decision, because I knew it’d eat away at him the longer he lied to them, and wondered if it’d eventually lead to him deciding he couldn’t be with me out of fear for what they’d think. I wasn’t going to push the issue, but I needed some sort of reassurance for my own peace of mind. But now that it was almost time to leave for the restaurant, I was perilously close to chickening out.

My nerves weren’t soothed one bit when Trevor stepped out of the bedroom wearing a crisp button-down shirt beneath a tailored vest, and slacks that managed to somehow mold themselves perfectly to the curve of his perky ass. My dick twitched, trying to convince the rest of my body we could skip dinner and the show in favor of giving our own private performance. Naked.

“You were the one who said we needed to hurry or we’d be late, so quit looking at me like that.”

I crossed the room, citrusy scent of Trevor’s cologne getting stronger with every step. I sure as hell hoped we were one of those couples who defied the odds and stayed together forever, because the faintest hint of his cologne made me think of him no matter where I was.

My hands landed on his hips, holding him a few inches away from me so he couldn’t shatter the last of my resolve. “I can’t help it. You walk out here like that and I’m going to look.”

“Like what?” Trevor looked down at his outfit as though he was trying to figure out what had me so transfixed. His outfit wasn’t new, but that didn’t mean I’d ever get tired of seeing it. When he’d worn it to special occasions over the past year, I’d always struggled to keep my hands to myself and my overactive hormones in check. Tonight, I didn’t have to restrain myself, and I was already thinking about how I’d strip him out of each piece once we got back to the apartment Trevor’s dad had arranged for us.

“I never said anything before, but I fucking love seeing you dressed up like this,” I admitted. “Do you have any clue how hard it was to keep from springing wood when you walked into our graduation dinner? I was sure everyone was going to take one look at me and figure out how I felt about you.”

I’d thought far too often that night about how the satin back of the vest would feel against my skin. Now I knew and I wanted more. Tonight, I didn’t have to imagine. I closed the space between us, sliding one hand around to the small of his back, pulling his body closer to mine. He sighed when I buried my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his intoxicating scent.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” I growled before sinking my teeth into his skin. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’ll keep on doing it as long as I fucking live.”

Trevor ground his hips against mine, the delicious friction of our erection gliding against one another, testing my resolve to keep us on schedule. I felt the abrasion of stubble against my lips as I placed open-mouthed kisses along Trevor’s jaw. He moaned again, digging his fingernails into my ass. The noise of the city outside dimmed; everything faded except for the man in my arms as I covered his mouth with mine.

He tightened his grip on me, his tongue pushing past my lips. This was the only way I like the taste of mint, when it was combined with the flavor that was uniquely Trev. I didn’t want to stop but knew we needed to. I pulled away, chuckling at the flushed, aroused look on my boyfriend’s face. We stood there a moment, foreheads pressed together as we tried to steady our breathing.

“Do we really have to go?” Trevor asked as both of us tried to catch our breath. I loved the fact he was so turned on he was trying to bargain his way out of the event that spurred this entire trip. Most of what we’d done could be seen at any time of year, but the Rockettes’ Christmas Spectacular was something I could only give him in the winter. No way was I going to miss the look on his face throughout the show.

“We’ll get back to this,” I promised him, grabbing my wallet and the key off the counter.

“I sure hope so. You need to fuck me enough tonight to get me through until we get back to school.” These were the moments that made it easier for me to put up with the closet we were stuck in back home. When he said things like that, it proved to me that he hadn’t locked us inside because he wasn’t sure how he felt about me. If anything, it was because what we shared was so deep he worried his parents wouldn’t understand. They likely wouldn’t, not at first, but I doubted DeeDee would be pleased about him being so serious about anyone, even without our unique situation.

“Whatever you want tonight, it’s yours,” I promised him. “But we really do need to get out of here.”

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going for dinner?” Process of elimination clued him in where we were headed after our meal. I hadn’t really considered that when I planned the night. I should’ve done this in the middle of the trip to keep him guessing, but I’d been too nervous that what I wanted to do would unsettle him enough that it’d ruin the rest of the week. Quelling my own insecurity wasn’t worth that.

“Nope, but you’re going to like it.” I hoped. I’d toyed with the idea of taking him to the most expensive restaurant I could afford with what was left of my graduation money, but somehow, this seemed more fitting for us. The night wasn’t about a fancy meal or even about the show. It was about reminding Trevor why we worked and how long I’d at least suspected I loved him.

We stepped out of the subway station in Times Square, immediately assaulted by the sounds and smells of the city. The first time we’d come down here, it’d been part of the appeal, a reminder we were in a hub of activity. But now, I couldn’t wait to get home, where we weren’t constantly surrounded by noise. Horns blaring, people talking, music playing, engines rumbling; it was all too much.

I checked my phone to make sure we were walking in the right direction. Trevor’s face twisted when I stopped short in front of our destination. “Seriously? Don’t think I’m being a diva, but you’re taking me to Burger King for our big date?”

“Yep.” I pulled him inside and told him to find us a table while I ordered. I could tell he wanted to give me a hard time about picking such an unromantic destination and hoped he’d change his mind shortly. There was a method to my madness for a change.

Trevor busted up laughing when I showed up at the table a few minutes later with two kid\s meals. “Babe, if you’re running low on money, I could’ve paid for dinner.”

All week, he’d been offering to pay and I’d been refusing him. This trip was my gift to him. Next vacation could be his treat.

While we munched on our chicken fries, we discussed everything we’d done over the past few days, replaying highlights that would be mundane to most people but were special to us. Trevor couldn’t resist giving me a hard time about the first time we boarded the right train heading in the wrong direction. It wouldn’t have been so amusing if I’d been willing to admit sooner that I’d made a mistake. As it was, it took twenty minutes for me to even admit I might have messed up. Instead of letting me beat myself up for it, Trevor pulled me off the train and up to ground level. Even a misty December afternoon couldn’t keep us from meandering around the borough, winding up in a quaint little pizza joint. It was, without a doubt, the best slice I’d ever eaten. The chain restaurants back home would be a disappointment by comparison.

The way Trevor looked at me as he finished the last of his fries had me adjusting myself under the table. He slowly brought the fries to his mouth, smirking as my gaze caught on his full lips. I sucked my lower lip between my teeth, trying to hold back a groan. It took every bit of restraint to not lean over the table to lick away the mayo/ketchup mixture at the corner of his mouth.

I shoved a hand in the pocket of my dark wash jeans, running my fingers over the leather band I’d tucked away while Trevor showered. This was my last chance to back out. Fuck that. It was time to leap.

I crumpled our wrappers and carried the tray to the garbage, telling Trevor to stay where he was. My original plan had been to deliver the speech I’d been working on every night right here at the table, placing the emphasis on coming back to the place where I’d first looked at Trevor as something other than a buddy. But we were in one of his favorite cities at his favorite time of year, and I suddenly had a moment of clarity. We needed to hurry.

“Come on, I want to do something before the show.” He quirked an eyebrow, confused by the fact I’d told him to stay put so we could relax for a few minutes before walking again, but now I was trying to hurry him along.

Being in the city had its advantages. So far from home, surrounded by so many people, Trevor was bolder about showing affection. He took my hand in his the second we stepped onto the sidewalk. He nestled into my side as we waited at an intersection for the Walk light. His entire face beamed as he took in the sight of oversized Christmas decorations and baubles and I allowed myself to absorb his excitement.

We both jumped back at the crosswalk as a car sprayed slush from the road towards the sidewalk. I’d put myself in front of Trevor, sparing his leather boots the worst of it, which led to my jeans being soaked and covered in road grime.

“Dammit.” I brushed away as much of the grit as possible, muttering under my breath about how this was not the way tonight was supposed to go.

“Hey, it’ll dry.” Trevor rubbed his hand over my back in slow circles. Part of me wished it’d be possible to take this easy affection back home with us, but I knew every passing hour was one closer to when he’d shut down.

No, not shut down. He wasn’t doing this for selfish reasons. I wasn’t his dirty little secret. Sometimes I needed to remind myself I knew what I was getting into the first time I took the chance to tell Trevor how I felt. The reaction from our families was always going to be a sticking point between us, even without considering how they’d handle the news that he was gay too.

“I know,” I responded as we joined the flow of people crossing Sixth Avenue. “This isn’t how I saw tonight going.”

“That’s because you’re not a planner,” Trevor teased. “It’s not in your nature to think of all the ways your plans could go sideways. But for what it’s worth, tonight’s been pretty dang perfect so far.”

Hopefully, he’d still feel that way in a few minutes. We turned onto the promenade, and soon the huge Christmas tree came into view. We’d been down here once already since arriving in the city, but I was sure Trevor would’ve come down here every day if we’d had time. He’d always been obsessed with the iconic tree at Rockefeller Center, and the first time, he’d stood there gaping at it, eyes wide as a child’s on Christmas morning. I was counting on that same awe tonight to help me catch him off guard. As we sidestepped around groups trying to fit both themselves and the tree into selfies, I noticed a couple off to our left. Tapping Trevor on the shoulder, I directed his attention toward them before pulling him close to my chest. Anxiety poured off the guy. His hands shook, and I wasn’t sure the pallor on his face had anything to do with the lighting. His nerves were the perfect opportunity for me to test the waters. I guided Trevor closer, keeping my eye on the couple as the guy dropped to one knee. His girlfriend held back a gasp and started crying as he proposed. Someday, far in the future, I hoped that’d be us. We were too young to be thinking that way, but I couldn’t imagine a life without Trevor in it.

“Do you ever think about that?” I asked as the young woman threw her arms around her new fiancée’s neck, smothering his face in kisses.

“About getting married?” I nodded. “I guess, in the abstract sense, sure. You?”

I curled my hand around the band of leather in my pocket, tracing my fingers over the cool metal plate at the top. “Is it weird if I say I’ve thought about it quite a bit?”

“Yeah?” Trevor kissed my neck and I leaned into his embrace.

“Yep. Not, like, this year or anything, but it’s something I’ve thought about.”

“And what did you decide?” he asked.

This was it; the moment of truth. I pulled out the leather, ready to show him when I finished speaking. “It’s what I want, but for me, it’s not an abstract concept. I want it to be with you.” He opened his mouth, but I silenced him. “I know we still have a lot to sort through, but I have faith in us that we’ll get there eventually. And I’ll wait, as long as it takes until you’re ready, but I want you in my life forever.

“When we were little, we joked about how we were going to buy a house together when we grew up and get a dog. Of course, you were going to be a famous painter and I was going to be an astronaut, but I don’t think we need to abandon all of our plans because those aren’t going to happen.” Trevor chuckled, and I thought maybe he sniffed back his emotions. So far, he hadn’t pulled away, so that was good. I held out the leather band to him. “This isn’t a proposal but a promise. As long as you’re willing to put up with my impulses, I want to be a part of your life. When you’re worried, I want to be the one to help you carry the burdens. When you’re scared, I want to be the one to help ease your mind. I love you, Trevor, and I can’t imagine being with anyone else.”

Trevor ran his fingers over the gold, reading the simple sentiment etched into the surface. Every step of the way.

He didn’t look at me, didn’t react in any way to what I’d said. The urge to snatch back my gift and tell him to forget it was strong. It was too much for him, too soon. But for better or worse, he deserved to know how serious this was for me. I shrugged, ignoring the churning of my stomach. “It’s supposed to be a reminder. I know things have been crazy since we started school, and they’re only going to get worse as both of us take harder classes. I wanted you to have a way to remind yourself that, even if we aren’t together, I’m there with you.”

“It’s perfect,” Trevor reassured me. The peaceful reverence in his voice threatened to buckle my knees. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess when it comes to us. Sometimes, I worry you’re going to get sick of waiting around for me to be comfortable enough, secure enough, to tell my family how much I love you.”

I wouldn’t lie to Trevor and tell him it didn’t matter if or when he got to that point. It did, but I knew he didn’t do it because he was ashamed; he hadn’t told them because they likely wouldn’t understand, and like me, he wanted to protect what we felt from any ugliness.

“We’ll get there, babe,” I promised him. “When the time is right, we’ll deal with all of it together.”

“Together.” Trevor interlaced his fingers with mine and started walking closer to the tree. We needed to get moving if we were going to see the show, but right then, I couldn’t bring myself to care. I’d taken the biggest leap of my life and was caught up in the knowledge that Trevor would jump with me.