CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

 

Love is finding a man who shoulders your fears

Doesn’t discount your worries

And makes you want to be a better person

 

BECK

“Two calls in a month. This must be some kind of record,” Dash mutters down the phone. In the background I can hear a woman’s voice asking if he knows where her underwear went. “Sorry, half pint, give me a sec.” He covers the phone and his voice is muffled as he says, “No fucking clue.”

“Who is that?” I ask when the sound clears.

“No one,” he tells me. Bedsprings squeak. “What do you need help with this time? Got some more furniture you need to put together?”

“N-no.” I’m not sure how to broach what I need to ask him. Jessie is such a sore spot for him. Talking about her... well, he hasn’t, not since she passed. If anything it’s almost as though she never existed. So asking him whether there was any sign of the curse in the days and weeks leading up to her death isn’t a conversation either of us want to have. But I need to know that the trees aren’t a warning that my world is about to crumble.

“Coffee?” the woman asks.

“There’s a café on the corner. You can get a great quality cup there.”

“Should I get bagels too?” she asks.

“No. Actually. This is kind of an important conversation. How about I give you a call later in the week?”

“You don’t have coffee?” I ask. He always has coffee. Always. He never doesn’t have coffee in his kitchen. He might as well attach a drip, he consumes that much caffeine.

A door shuts. “Of course I have coffee. Now what did you say you needed?”

“I... Were there any signs before...”

“Out with it, half pint,” he grumbles, mucking around in his kitchen. I can hear cupboard doors shutting, cutlery rattling, the beeping from the fridge because he’s left the door open.

“The curse. Are there signs that everything is about to go to hell?” I cross my fingers behind my back. Please tell me there aren’t. I don’t want to leave. But I can’t stay if it’s going to make things worse. “In the weeks before, was there anything to suggest that the curse was real?”

“You want to know if I knew Jessie was dying?” His voice drops dangerously low and hollow. “Is that what you’re asking me?”

“I’m asking you whether anything weird happened?” Like trees falling down. “Anything that made you wonder.”

“The curse isn’t real,” he snarls. “It’s our family’s fucking horror story to keep from getting hurt. How can you be so hung up on statistics and the science of love and not get that?”

“I don’t want to believe in it,” I whisper. “I don’t, but I’m scared anyway.”

“You’re scared?” he asks, softening. “How come? What’s going on?”

I fill him in. Tell him about how I married a stranger in Vegas. How I’m now living with this guy as man and wife. That all the knowledge in the world didn’t keep me from developing feelings for Nox. “I think I might l—”

“Don’t say it,” he interrupts. “Don’t you dare say the L.O.V.E. word.”

“Why? Is that something to do with the curse?”

“No,” he says. “It’d just be weird. You never use that word except with Liv. I’m not sure I’d be able to handle it.”

“Okay, but still, I think I might. And I can’t remember there being any warning that something was about to go wrong before the accident. You know my memory has been patchy ever since—”

“There weren’t any warnings or signs or whatever you want to call them. With you or with Jessie. There was nothing to warn us at all. The accident happened so quickly. And with Jessie it crept up on us. But it wasn’t because we’re cursed, Beck. It was just life.”

“All these trees fell over,” I tell him. “Nox has an orange grove. So many trees. And a storm came through a couple nights ago. The wind flattened half the trees. Lightning struck at least one other. It was so destructive.”

“And you started worrying it was a sign.” He lets out a deep breath. His coffee cup thuds against his desk. His keyboard clicks as he wakes his computer.

“Nox says that we make our own path. I want to believe him so badly.” I shiver and wrap an arm around my waist to warm myself. “But we’ve been married twenty-two months and one week. If the curse is real, then wouldn’t things start to go wrong now? Like the trees. I don’t know how much I can take.”

“Your Nox, what’s he like?” he asks. The clicking stops. “He must be pretty damn impressive for you to be talking about the L word and sticking around.”

“He is.”

“And you’ve told him about the curse and he doesn’t think you’re crazy?”

“Right.”

“Then tell him why you’re really stressing out. I know you probably think it’ll freak him out, but I’m willing to bet it won’t.”

“But what if...” I can’t bring myself to say it. Can’t bear to think about it in anything other than a series of numbers. Forty-five percent. Three minutes and thirty-six seconds. Five percent. “I can’t.” 

“You kind of have to. For your own sake. Otherwise, curse or no curse, you’re always going to be waiting for something to go wrong and if you’re going to do that, you might as well walk away now.”

“You’d like Nox,” I tell him, smiling though my eyes are watery. Having Dash tell me the same thing Nox would helps make my mind up. “You’d get along well.”

“Good. I’m looking forward to meeting him,” he says. “But now I have work to do. Call me after. Or if you need any more help with furniture.”

“I won’t. Nox is great with that. Did you know there’s something so appealing about watching a man put together furniture that I was completely missing out on. Especially if he’s not wearing a shirt.”

“Bye half-pint.” The line drops dead.

I clasp my phone in my lap while Hollander nudges his warm head against my arm until I pet him. “You agree too, don’t you?”

Hollander trills a hoarse reply that I’m pretty sure is a yes.

“You know, I promised myself I wouldn’t get attached. But you and Nox are sneaky buggers.” I hug the poor animal before setting him back on the bed. He’s grumpy and curls up with his back to me to sleep. He loves his naps more than I do recently. “Somehow I can’t imagine my life without you now.”

So how do I tell Nox? Getting up, I head into the kitchen. He won’t be home for a little bit yet, and I need to be busy. Nerves already swarm me like angry bees.

My heart slams against my chest. A woman sits at the counter on one of the stools that Nox handcrafted. Her back is to me, but it’s not Lou, and I don’t know any other women who would show up out of the blue like this. She doesn’t notice me until I’m in front of her. She’s too busy flicking through the papers in front of her. The until now unopened envelope at the bottom.

I didn’t hear her come in while I was talking to Dash. Didn’t expect anyone. Actually I’m certain I locked the cabin door. A habit I can’t shake even out here where normally there’s no one around. “H-hello.”

“Hi.” She glances up and smiles at me with pearly straight teeth. The assortment of silver bracelets she wears around her bony wrist clink against each other as she pushes a platinum curl behind her ear. “You must be Beckett.”

“I am.” I tread closer. She looks a little familiar. I’ve seen her before somewhere. Recently. “Do I know you?”

“No.” Her dark eyes are friendly as she gestures at the papers in front of her. “We’ve never met, but I can tell you’re an intelligent woman.”

“Sorry. I didn’t catch your name.” I glance at my phone. It’s still early and Nox won’t be home for a while yet. I tap out a quick message to let him know that there’s a stranger in his kitchen and send it to him. “Are you a friend of Nox’s?”

“Yes I am. Old friends. We knew each other very well once upon a time.” She climbs off the stool and moves around the counter. She’s so thin and perfectly put together. Like a supermodel. Or apple pie and ice cream before you binge on it and it gives you a bellyache. She grabs glasses and the corkscrew as though we’re standing in her kitchen and not Nox’s. “How about a glass of wine?”

It feels rude not to pull a bottle out of the fridge. Especially if she and Nox are friends.

“Thanks.” She takes it from me and pours equal measures.

I glance around the cabin. My home. Something is off. I feel like a stranger for the first time since I moved in. Like I don’t belong here. One glass and I’ll ask her to leave, let her know Nox will call her when he gets home.

“Here’s to making new friends.” She hands me a glass. Everything about her is slim. “I’m Lena by the way.”

“Lena?”

“You’ve heard of me?” She lifts the glass to her lips.

“A little.” Enough to immediately wish I had asked her to leave. I put my glass down on the counter. “What are you doing here?”

“A little birdie told me Nox had a new girlfriend. Didn’t realize you were the woman he married in Vegas though. Two years. You’ve been together a while.” She glances at the papers again. “You’re smart. Getting out. Nox is a sweet guy, but he’s going to be stuck in this town trying to resurrect his broken past for the rest of his life. The only way he’ll get anywhere is if he sells that building, or someone cuts him a huge check based on his looks.”

“Someone cuts him a check?” Liv said the same thing just a couple days. That she would cut him a check if she thought it would help. But no, she wouldn’t actually do that. Would she? She’s been very invested from the moment she realized he was my husband. No, just no. It isn’t the first time these last few weeks that Liv’s suggested she’d stick her nose in if she thought it was worthwhile. But Nox...

“I’m kidding. He is gorgeous though, isn’t he? And charming. Hard to resist.”

Hard to say no to. Hard not to believe in. But we were strangers when I showed up here and he refused to sign the papers. His reasons for us staying together in the beginning didn’t make sense and nothing I did changed his mind. The path my brain is on makes my stomach hurt. Because it can’t be right. “I... think you should leave.”

“Oh. I’m not interested in winning him back if that’s what you’re thinking. Although I thought you were separating.” She glances at the papers again. “I just thought, between us girls, you might be able to talk him into helping himself and selling the Casey Records building. He never would listen to me on the matter.”

“Hey babe, I’m home,” Nox calls out as he enters the cabin.

“Oh, isn’t that cute?” Lena smiles. “Like a 1950s sitcom.”

“Who’s our visitor?” He comes to an abrupt halt as he spots us. “Lena. What are you doing here?”

“Nox.” She glides toward him and kisses him on both cheeks. “You look well. Really great.”

“Lena.” There’s a no-nonsense edge to his voice, and he growls under his breath as he removes her hands from his shoulders.

She acts as though she doesn’t notice that the temperature in the room has dropped as she grins back at me. “Your wife is lovely. I’m so glad you’re doing so well after we... how long has it been? Two years? Almost two years?”

“Right.” He walks around her to me. “Everything okay?”

They were together almost two years ago? Just before we married? God, please don’t tell me it was after. No, it had to be before because Nox gave me the ring. But marrying me, was it because of her? Staying married because Liv made an offer he couldn’t refuse. Is everything between us all smoke and mirrors? “She took me by surprise, that’s all. She let herself in.”

“You still keep the key in exactly the same place.” She lifts one delicate, angular shoulder. “It’s nice really. That you haven’t changed at all. You’re so rock solid and dependable.” She turns to me. “It must be nice to know you have a man like that in your corner. So unshakable. So determined to do whatever it takes.”

“What do you want?” he asks her through gritted teeth.

“You two really are so adorable,” she says.

“Lena,” he warns.

“Nothing. I don’t want anything.” She puts her palms out in front of her, causing her bangles to rattle. “I’m in town for a little bit, and I wanted to let you know in person. So it wouldn’t be too awkward. That’s all.”

Nox questions me with his eyes, and I give an almost imperceptible shake of my head. My brain is on overload. Whether she meant it or not, Lena’s dropped bombs on me.

“Great,” Nox says. “Well, you’ve warned me. Thanks for that. I think it’s time for you to go.”

“Yes, you’re right. I should be on my way. Calvin’s waiting for me. He flew in from London this morning and decided to drive straight out to see me. He really is the best. I’m so lucky.”

“Here.” Nox grabs her elbow and ushers her out of the kitchen to the back door. “Let me walk you out.”

I top off my glass and down it as I pour myself onto a stool. I can’t jump to conclusions though my mind is joining thoughts together faster than that guitar solo by Dragon. Lena was trying to get into my head. That’s all. And I ran with it because I’m scared that if I open up anymore, if I let myself hope anymore, that I’m going to end up hurt.

“What did she say to you?” Nox enters the kitchen, his hair a little wild on top like he’s attacked it with both hands. He comes straight to me, turning the stool until I’m facing him and then leaning closer. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” My hand trembles as I place the empty glass on the counter. “I’m fine.”

“I don’t know what she’s doing here,” he says. “She wouldn’t tell me what she wanted.”

“She wants me to convince you to sell the studio.” My voice waivers. I don’t know why I’m so on edge. Lena wasn’t even that awful. It’s just the things that she said... “I don’t know why she would think I could do that. Or why I would.”

“Christ.” His chest caves and his brow creases so deeply. “I guess I—”

His phone rings.

So does mine.

And the house phone. Which never rings. I didn’t even know there was one until right now.