Jake: Three Months Later
“You got another tattoo?”
“Huh?” My brow furrows as I tilt my chin down, meeting her eyes.
Tammy’s attractive; in the girl next door, small town kinda way. She’s cute. Petite, blonde curls, pretty blue eyes and all-American smile. She’s a good person, but there’s not always a whole lot going on inside her brain. She works at the local coffee shop and half the time you’re lucky enough to walk away with what you ordered. She’s sweet though, real fucking sweet. Her life plan has always involved staying firmly put in Carnation, getting married and producing an army of kids. I get that for her.
In a similar way, I always thought I’d raise my kids here, but wasn’t set on it. I wanted to see more of the world than what Carnation had to offer, even if it was just to see it. Being a mechanic, I could settle anywhere, as long as I had the woman I loved and my music. I could be happy anywhere. Well, could have been. That dream disappeared in a puff of smoke when Aubrey walked away.
“I said you got another tattoo,” Tammy speaks again, fingers drawing circles along my chest, chin resting in her hand, eyes on my face.
My eyes narrow at her words, not sure what the fuck she’s talking about. Drifting in and out of her conversations is easy to do. I sound like a dick. Maybe I am, but after Aubrey and I had ended so dramatically in front of the entire town, she pursued me. Even though I made it clear I wanted nothing more than what I’ve been taking. She told me she was cool with that, but I know her better than that. We dated years ago in high school. I was into her then, when I was young, before I started seeing more of what surrounded our small town. I don’t mean women because that’s not me. I never strayed when we dated, I just realized there was a lot more than what we saw.
After my first few gigs away from home, I started to lose interest in her and I felt fucking awful for it. I think my heart hurt just as much as hers when I broke it off; hers from being broken, mine from the guilt I felt for causing her any pain. She is so sweet, a good person deep within her soul. No one would ever want to cause her harm. Yet I had, not only then, back a few months back and now I’m doing it again. No matter how many times she reassures me that she’s fine with our arrangement, I see the hope in her eyes. If she makes me laugh or if I show her any unprompted affection, her eyes begin to shine with hope, and the guilt I felt back in high school rears its ugly head once again.
“This,” she speaks again, moving her finger to skate along the ink autographed into my neck, on the right side, right over my pulse point.
I flinch at her touch, jerking myself away from her fingers on the mark. “Don’t,” I cough out, moving to slide out from underneath her and sitting along the edge of the bed.
“Jake, baby, I’m sorry. I…” she starts, her small hand resting on my shoulder.
Finding my boxers, I pull them on, shrugging off her touch. Breathing heavy, I stand and turn towards her on a loud sigh. “Tammy, I’m not your baby. This isn’t what this is, you keep saying that you get that, but…” I drag my hands through my hair, trying to find my words.
“Jake, I know you’re not interested in anything solid. After everything went down in The Shallow months ago, I knew your heart belonged to Aubrey. I just enjoy being with you, around you. You’re nice to me, Jake. Even when I know this won’t go anywhere, you treat me better than the other guys I’ve dated in the past.”
She watches me for a moment, sadness in her eyes. Pointing to my neck, she sighs. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I like the tattoo, it’s hot is all.”
I touch the lipstick mark inked into my neck, a perfect replica of Aubrey’s red lips, a permanent kiss at my pulse. An imprint her lips made over and over again.
I laugh at how ridiculous the thought of another woman finding that attractive. If only she knew. If only she knew she admired someone else’s mark on my skin. Aubrey’s autograph.
“You should go, Tammy. God, I should have never let this happen in the first place. You’re such a good and honest person, sweetheart. You deserve so much more than what you’re settling for right now. I don’t want to hurt you, not again. I like you, Tammy, really, I do. Just not in the way you want me to.” I cup her cheek, wanting to ease the hurt in her bright eyes.
“You need to find a man who wants to love you and only you. Someone who wants to give you the life you want. That ain’t me, Tammy,” I confess, pulling my hand from her skin and taking a step back from my bed. “I’m sorry it’s not because I know you’d work your damnedest to make me happy in life, but you shouldn’t have to work at it, not that hard. Two people should find happiness in each other. It shouldn’t be one person fighting to make the other happy because they settled.”
Her pretty eyes glisten with tears, but she doesn’t cry, only smiles a sad smile. “I know people in town think I’m a whole lotta stupid, Jake, and I appreciate you’ve never made me feel that way. I think it’s what I like most about you,” she sighs softly, moving towards the edge of the bed.
“Only you could make being rejected sweet. I wish I were enough to make you happy,” she offers, wrapping my sheet around her body as she stands, searching for her clothes.
“It’s not that you’re not enough, please don’t say that. You’re special, Tammy. I just lost my heart to somebody and I can’t imagine ever being able to find it with someone else. Not for a long while anyway.” I return her sad smile, bending to pick up her bra and panties before handing them over.
She smiles gratefully, taking them from my outstretched hand and turning toward the bathroom. I can understand her need for privacy in this moment, I’ve seen her naked enough times, but she’s emotionally raw, I get her need to put herself together alone.
Locating my own clothes, I yank my jeans up my legs and pull my shirt over my head. Tammy exits the bathroom shortly after and moves to gather her bag. Walking to the front door, I follow, opening it for her. She pauses briefly to place a hand on my chest and leans up on tiptoes to place a chaste kiss to my lips. “Aubrey must be crazy. I hope she soon realizes that.”
Stunned at how well she took my let down, I watch her walk down the concrete landing of the building, waiting for her to reach her car before offering her a small wave, which she easily returns.
“Ouch. Let me get this straight, you just fucked her, then ended it, and she still wishes you happiness. Jesus, Dean, your cock dipped in fairy dust or somethin’?” Luca pushes past me into the small space of my apartment.
I grunt out a laugh. “Nah, she’s just sweet. Really fucking sweet,” I answer, watching her drive away.
Turning back into the small space, I watch Luca grab a beer and move toward the bed for a seat before he takes in the messed up sheets, grimacing and then choosing to sit on the kitchen bench instead. The move has me smiling slightly, walking toward the fridge to grab my own beer.
“Sucks I’m not keen on your seconds, could use a bit of sweet,” Luca says before taking a long pull of his beer.
“You couldn’t handle sweet, dipshit, it would drive you nuts. Your type is more crazy, moody, with extra attitude,” I laugh and he smiles widely, eyebrows raising in agreement.
“Nice ink. Think having Red’s lips tattooed on your neck is a smart idea?”
I shrug. Way I see it, life’s all about the choices we make and how they shape us. That first note was my downfall, I should have accepted it and moved on, but the kiss did me in. The bright red lipstick autographing the tail end of her words had me recalling her lips touching my body, and I couldn’t let go. I still have that note, call me a sucker for punishment, but that note was the start of me falling into the deepest despairs love has to offer. I don’t see my ink as not smart, I see it as a reminder of a decision I made and how it, in turn, affected my life. The permanent kiss on my neck is a reminder of falling in love and having your heart broken. But regardless of the pain, of the misery that follows you around after having your heart shattered into pieces, that pain still can’t erase the good moments. It can’t erase the happy memories, the all-consuming feeling of love and how fucking amazing it feels. Aubrey’s lips attached to my neck from here on reminds me that no matter how painful now is, I’d do it all again. I’d live every moment over again to feel that connection, that heart wrenching, soul crushing experience of falling deep in love.
I don’t share this with Luca, only lifting my chin lightly, acknowledging his doubt.
“See you finally unpacked?” he gestures around the small space and I stay silent, deciding his question needs no response.
“Looks good with your shit in here, when Archer lived here it looked like someone was squatting,” he grimaces, and I laugh.
“No point settling in a matchbox when you have a decent home to live in. Guess in hindsight he must have been holding onto some sort of hope that they’d reconcile eventually,” I conclude, pushing off the fridge and jumping onto the bench space across from him.
We sit in companionable silence for a while, drinking from the bottles in front of us.
“Thinking of headin’ home for a bit. My mom’s not well, probably be gone for a few months,” Luca breaks the quiet, picking at the damp label of his bottle.
“Shit, man, I’m sorry. Anything I can do?”
Shaking his head, his lips turn down in a frown. “Nah, not that close to her but she’s all I got in the way of blood relatives. From the snippets she’s let on, sounds like this might be it. Important for me to say goodbye… right thing to do,” he sighs loudly, draining the remainder of his beer.
Standing, he throws the empty in the trash and moves to grab another, looking over for me to indicate my need for a new one.
Handing me the bottle he reclaims his spot on the bench and immediately takes a sip. “Well, you know I’m here if you need anything,” I offer, and his lips turn up in an appreciative smile.
“Look, considering I’m gonna be gone for a bit, feel free to sublet my apartment. I’ll definitely be back, but like I said, could be a while.”
Shaking my head and swallowing the mouthful of beer, it takes me a second to respond. “No need. Considering I’m next door, I can keep an eye on your shit, check your mail. Few months won’t make a difference to me. It’ll be waiting for when you come back. Definitely coming back, right?” I question, and he nods immediately.
“Lived in bigger cities, man, decided it ain’t for me. I like this place. It’s quiet. Somewhat drama free, town love lives aside,” he smiles widely on an eye roll. “I’m settled here. I’ll be back.”
“Good. I’d miss your hideously ugly face,” I tease, and he laughs loudly. Vain motherfucker, the thought of anyone calling him ugly too ridiculous for him not to find amusing.
After Luca leaves, I tidy my apartment, grabbing the sheets from my bed and the rest of my dirty laundry to head to Ma’s. Keen to wash Tammy and hopefully some of the guilt from the linen and my life.
I moved into the apartment about a month ago, ready to finally start a different life, trying in earnest to put Aubrey and the life I’d put too much hope into, behind me. I know everyone in town thought I stayed with Ma because I had no choice. It was never that. Opportunity was there, and financially I could’ve done it. I just had the gnawing sense of guilt about leaving her on her own. But after everything happened with Aubrey, we chatted about it, and Ma was ready for me to move on, was also ready for her own space. My guess it has something to do with Christopher. Seems the doctor took a fancy to Ma when he was treating her after her accident. I’m happy for her, he seems solid and properly into her. Above anyone, Janie Dean deserves a whole lot of happiness.
I was always good about saving my money and when I was old enough to understand, became keen on investing. I’ve worked hard, both with Steve and with the gigs I do, to get what I have. I own three of the six apartments within this building. They’re small but neat. A modern touch, having renovated each one on purchase to make it easily livable.
Luca rents one, right next door. Downstairs is tenanted by an elderly couple, and now I live in the third. Archer stayed here for a bit after everything went down with him and Annabelle and since then it’s been vacant. Not from lack of opportunity, I’m sure I could have rented it, I was just never motivated to find a new tenant. Maybe I always knew I’d want my own space; free of watchful eyes and curious gazes every time I walked into the room. Since Aubrey, everyone’s constantly watching, trying to decipher how I’m feeling. I ignored it, pretended I was oblivious to it, but shit, it grated on every last nerve I had before I made the decision to finally move out. It’s tolerable now. I can handle their examining eyes in small doses.
Ma is at work when I pull into her drive, and I’m thankful. Not feeling much like her company or the Spanish inquisition about what was going on in my life. She means well, but fuck…
Annabelle and Archer’s cars are both parked next door, and a dim light shines through their curtains. Considering Annabelle is still fuming over Aubrey, she rarely brings anything to do with the situation up, and of course, Archer never pushes me to talk if I’m not keen. So for me, they always seem a safe bet. After throwing a load of wash in, I raid Ma’s fridge, grabbing a bite before heading to see them. I make sure to step loudly on the porch, not needing to view anything I do not care to see. The window on their front door shows them snuggled on the couch, Annabelle’s lips bruised as she smiles shyly. Archer’s frown is irritated as he gives me a reluctant chin lift, telling me to come inside.
“Sorry guys, I can come back…” I offer, eyebrows raised in amusement.
Archer growls, focusing back on the TV as Annabelle smiles over at me. “Don’t be silly. Nothing’s going on, we’re just watching some crap movie Archer chose,” she taunts, and his scowl focuses on her as he pulls her in closer.
Walking towards them, Archer taps my fist with his own as I lean down and kiss Annabelle’s forehead, choosing to skip her lips, not needing Archer’s saliva on my mouth. Throwing a quick glance Archer’s way, he looks almost proud, understanding my movement. Such a tool.
Dropping onto a separate sectional, my eyes flick to the TV and the three of us fall into silence as buildings explode and car chases slide across the screen.
“Visiting Janie?” Annabelle pulls my attention, clearly done with the film.
“Just doing laundry,” I answer, leaning back and crossing my feet atop of the coffee table in the center of the room.
“Tammy came into the shop late this afternoon looking for her mom,” she tests quietly, eyes flicking downward.
“Oh yeah?” My eyes dart to Archer whose disapproving stare has landed on Annabelle’s head.
“Belle, baby, leave it,” he warns quietly, squeezing her arm.
“I just don’t see why you’d end it. Tammy’s sweet,” she pushes, sitting up straighter.
Seems tonight was not a night Annabelle cared to leave it alone. I ignore her statement, eyes trained back at the TV clearly communicating my intention of not discussing the point further.
“Jakey, babe, I’m just worried. I want you to be happy, Tammy…” she continues, disregarding my attempt at avoidance.
Sighing loudly, I move to stand. “Better check that load back at Ma’s. Catch you soon.”
“Kid,” Archer urges, but I keep moving towards the door.
“Jakey, wait,” Annabelle snaps, irritated at my dismissal.
“No, Annabelle, this isn’t up for discussion. Did I push you when shit went down with you and Archer? Did I tell you to move on? Try to convince you to settle for someone else?” I argue back.
Annabelle coughs out a laugh, shaking her head. “I think it’s a bit different… God, you and Aubrey…” she stops, stumbling to find her next words.
“Belle. Enough,” Archer grits out, his jaw tight.
“No, what, Annabelle? Aubrey and I what? You don’t know because you have no fucking idea what happened.” I’m furious at her lack of understanding, more so, her complete lack of actually wanting or trying to understand.
"You can hardly compare, Archer and I had been together for years. You and Aubrey…." She looks between Archer and I, her voice still strong, her dismissal of mine and Aubrey’s relationship so complete. So empty of support or acceptance.
I watch Archer's eyes flick between the two of us, considering his need for intervention. Sensing Annabelle and I need this, he moves from the lounge room and into the kitchen without muttering a single word.
"You're basin' love on time frames now?" I speak quietly, looking at my feet, irritated enough to not want to see her at this moment. She pauses for a second too long, giving me the opportunity to continue. "You told me countless times that you fell a little bit in love with Archer the first moment you saw him again and it spiraled from then. From your own mouth,” I accuse, the anger held within me making my voice shake. “You confided in me that you were in love with Archer within a few short weeks of him being back. Aubrey's been in my life since I met you, on the outskirts, sure, but still there. I've known her for as long as I've known you, Annabelle and since that first time we…." I scratch the back of my neck, not feeling the need to delve into specifics. "After that, we got close. Spoke constantly. I know her, really fucking know her. Not many people can say that about Aubrey, and you, better than most, get that.”
I finally lift my head to meet her eyes, trying to give greater strength to my argument. She’s been stilled into silence, her large brown eyes wide and guarded as she listens. “If you wanna look at time frames,” I continue, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans. “Maybe I should've called you a fool all those years ago because at least Aubrey and I had a foundation to work off and it was a whole lot more than just wanting to fuck that brought us together in the first place."
Pain slices across her face at my words, her entire body flinching at the hurt my words incite, but for the first time in my life, I can't let myself care about how Annabelle feels. She needs to understand that this whole mess, as hurt as she is by it, has nothing to do with her.
I don't want to fight with Annabelle, more than anybody I don't want to fight with her. Right now, she’s who I need on my side. She’s my best friend and should be the one person who is supporting me in this fucked up moment of my life, but she’s not. Not only is she not backing me, she’s being the most unsupportive. I'm hurt by her dismissal of what she can't seem to understand. I was in her corner. Always and right now, I need the same. I need her to support my decisions even if she can’t understand my reasoning. It’s a small favor that I don't think is too much to ask.
I leave her standing alone in her living room, watching me with a mixture of annoyance and regret shrouding her. I jog down the steps of their porch, a sick feeling settling inside my stomach at what just went down.
Finishing my laundry, I head home, grateful to be back in my own space and away from everyone else’s damn opinions. Making my bed, I breathe in the smell of freshly laundered sheets and relax slightly about not having to crawl into somewhere I feel I've done wrong by Aubrey. How stupid is that? She rejects me. Tells me she doesn't love me. It's been months with no contact from her. Yet, I feel guilty. Guilty that I've touched someone else's body intimately.
I don't know what's worse, or who I should feel worse about; Aubrey and the fact that I feel as though I've cheated. That I've betrayed her by giving into my need to touch someone, trying in vain to move on with my torn up heart. Or Tammy, for using her body as I needed while picturing Aubrey to get me there. I pushed against it at the start, but I was forever chasing my release. One night I gave in, and in that single moment, imagining her back arch and lips open on a gasp as I entered her, I came almost instantly. It felt so fucking good, and from there I couldn't stop. Couldn't keep her from my mind as soon as Tammy would touch me.
I'm such a jerk.
I fall into a restless sleep, feeling shittier than normal about myself. Not only did I end things with Tammy, hurting her once again, I fought with Annabelle. Said some things that were far from cool, probably pissing Archer off in the process. Top it off, the person I could somewhat talk to it about all is leaving. Luca was bailing for an indefinite amount of time, and once again I feel alone, stuck in my own head, with no single person to talk to.
I toss and turn, trying to tempt sleep to push me into unconsciousness but give up at about three am; pissed off and wired. Throwing my work coveralls into a backpack with my work boots, I gather the few things I'll need throughout the day. I dress in my sweats and a thermal, pulling on my shoes before leaving my apartment.
I run. Looking for a way to rid myself of the excess energy pulsing through my veins. I run the outskirts of town for about an hour, keeping a solid pace. The cool morning air is refreshing on the warmth my body emits from my increasing heart rate and slowly, I start to feel better.
I make my way through the quiet streets, everyone still fast asleep as I pass their homes trying to push myself farther. I run past Ma's place and the house is cast in darkness. Archer and Annabelle's place offers a dim light, meaning Archer's awake. Sleeping doesn't always pull him in close either. Wouldn't be surprised if he was getting ready for a run as well.
I continue to weave through the roads and coming close to four-thirty, I decide to give it up, slowing my pace to a jog and heading toward work. I'll get a good head start on the work I need to cover for the day and hopefully exert enough energy that I'll actually find sleep tonight.
Coming past Steve and Clarah's, I almost stumble over my own feet. My heart skips its rhythm, and I massage my chest to right the organ's pattern. I stop and stare at her car and suddenly the calm my run gave me, is lost. The small silver sedan sits quietly, innocently, like it hasn't just turned my entire life on its axis. I cross the street away from the house, trying to avoid its vicinity as though that will save some of the panic that Aubrey being back in town has caused.
My jog increases again into a full run. I sprint past my ability to keep my breath, my muscles ache, my legs buckling every so often under the pressure. But I don't stop. I can't. The pain of my body is preferable to what I feel inside. So I push, harder and faster until I reach work.
Throwing off the constricting straps of my backpack, I fall to the asphalt, back on the cold hard ground. I stutter through my breathing, sweat drenching my clothes, soaking my skin. I stay there for over an hour, questions fighting for space in my brain.
When did she arrive?
Will she come to me?
What is she doing here?
Is he with her?
The endless loop doesn't stop, and eventually I pull myself up, moving to grab my keys from my discarded bag to unlock the office. I move towards the small bathroom and pull the clothes stuck to my body away from my skin. I stand under the water of the shower until it runs cold and continue to stay there until my body aches with the shiver the temperature causes. Dressed, I pull my cell from my bag, hoping with energy I no longer have that she's contacted me.
She hasn't.
Tucking the cell into my pocket, I move towards the workshop and concentrate on the car in front of me. Nothing more. Nothing less. Not allowing my mind to wander. I fight to stay focused, but when my cell buzzes with an incoming text, I catch my head on the hood of the car in my haste to retrieve it. I scream a bunch of four letter words into the quiet space and they echo back as I rub the sore spot on the back of my head.
Steve: Shit to do at home. You're in charge today.
Jake: Everything good? Need anything?
I wait, staring at my phone waiting for his response. I wait fifteen minutes.
Steve: Just you to cover my load for the day. All good, Kiddo. Trust me, all good.
What the fuck does that mean? Steve was always fighting on my side, so hope sparks in my stomach - is he giving me an in that Aubrey's back, as in back. But then, why allude to that? He wouldn't know that I know she's back in town.
"FUCK!" I scream out to no one.
I contemplate heading over, confronting her and getting the pain and awkwardness out of the way. Put myself out of my misery and work out what the fuck her arrival means but two of the other guys walk in, startling me from my head and I nod at them in greeting, trying to push thoughts of Aubrey from my brain.
"Jake, man, 'sup? You're in early." Tobias, our apprentice yawns, throwing his bag into the office.
"Steve's out today, has some shit on," I grumble, moving back to double check the engine on the car from earlier. I instruct the newbie on his gig for the day, and he sets about his work easily. The few other guys arrive shortly after and fall into their work, needing no instruction on what they need to do.
Covering mine and Steve's load for the day is welcome. Exhausting, but welcome. I don't get a second to worry about Aubrey and what her being in town will mean. Finally, well after the sun has set and I close the shop. Tobias offers to drop me home, saving me having to run it again. Or unbeknown to him, the temptation to detour past Steve's to let him know how the day went and maybe run into Aubrey.
"You okay, Jake? Seemed a bit off today?" Tobias asks, pulling slowly to a stop outside my apartment complex.
"Huh? Yeah, dude, I'm good, just didn't sleep well last night." I reach over to grab his shoulder in thanks before opening the door.
"Well you looked smashed, no doubt you'll crash out pretty easy tonight," he smiles before flicking a few fingers down in farewell.
I don't watch him drive away, instead moving to walk slowly up the stairs of my building, looking forward to a hot shower and bed.
Reaching the top stair, I notice Annabelle standing against my door, waiting. "Hey, Jakey," she greets softly, and I move towards her without pause, throwing an arm around her neck to yank her to my side. Her body visibly relaxes under my affection, and I lean down to place a kiss on the top of her head before gesturing her inside my apartment.
"You look tired, I won't stay long, I just… shit, Jakey, I'm so sorry," she sniffles, and I pull her back into my body, hugging her tightly.
"It's all good, babe, we both said some things that weren't cool. We're good. We're always good. Yeah?" I question, pulling back to meet her large brown eyes.
She nods briskly before dropping her head to my chest. "You stink. Sweat, motor oil and is that," she sniffs the air. "Mint?"
I smile sadly at her, her words piercing me in the chest at the memory of Aubrey.
Tipping my gum out between my teeth to show her, I pull it back in and unnecessarily explain, "Gum."
Her eyes are watchful as she takes in my somber mood. "Keen for a coffee, or you gonna crash out early?"
"Coffee sounds good. You make, I'm gonna grab a shower." I scruff her hair and move towards the small bathroom.
We chat about nothing mostly and as I take the last sip of my coffee Annabelle makes her move to leave. "Saw her car at Steve's this morning on my run. You know she was back in town?" I ask her, my back positioned to her face as I rinse my mug.
"Who? Aubrey?"
I don't bother answering, continuing with cleaning the mugs at the sink.
"No, Jakey, I didn't know she was back. I would've said something, honest," she answers.
Turning and leaning against the sink, I cross my ankles and clear my throat before speaking again. "If she comes to you, if she… I don't know. If she…" I stumble, unsure as to what I'm actually asking.
"If I have any contact with her or hear anything, I'll let you know." Sighing on her next words, she moves closer, finally pulling my eyes. “I'm sorry I haven't been the greatest support in all of this. I just… I'm confused, Jake and I know you keep telling me it's not your story to tell, but you mean to tell me you can't tell me anything?"
"It's not hard imagining anyone falling in love with Aubrey, Annabelle," I argue.
"A million percent agree. I fell in love with Aubrey the day I met her," she concedes. "I'm confused as to when this all happened, how it happened. It's not like you didn't know one another, why now?"
"Started just before you and Archer sorted everything out. You were here in Carnation, she was having problems with David, again, and I ran into her in Arlington of all places," I confide. "We didn't mean for anything to happen, the connection though, shit, I… no words, Annabelle."
"I get that," she appreciates, nodding her head. "Shit, I know exactly how that feels, Jakey. I felt it instantly with your brother."
"Against our better judgment, against everything we knew to be right, we fell in love. I thought she loved me as much as I do her, still think that way… I think. I just…" I shrug it off not really knowing what else to say.
"I'm so mad at her," Annabelle tells me quietly, moving into to hug me. "As much as I love her and as much as I need her in my life, I don't think I can move past the hurt she caused you. Your happiness is too high a price for me to be able to forgive her deceit, Jake. I thought I knew her better," she speaks softly against my chest, and I don't know how to argue Aubrey's side, so I choose my silence instead. That discussion, when Aubrey's ready, is for her and Annabelle to work through.
Aubrey and I? I don't actually know where reality starts and hope ends. I just hope I find out sooner rather than later. I've worked hard at piecing some sort of life back together. I work, I gig, I socialize, I don't date and that I can deal with. I'm just not ready to have the rug pulled from under me once again and needing to gather the strength to build everything back up all over again.