Aubrey
The song that allowed us a moment to touch, to just be, begins to fade away and I feel Jake step from my grasp. My hands start to sweat in panic. The feel of him receding causing my hands to shake with a desperate need to pull him back. "You haven't called or texted me. You won't talk to me," I accuse softly, against my better judgment. Admitting this aloud is as hurtful as his consistent rejection. I’ve called. I’ve texted. I’ve begged for him to talk to me. But every single time I’ve reached out it’s been met with silence. Silence that makes my gut ache with the fear he regrets what happened between us. A regret I can’t make myself begin to feel. I know I should. I know, deep in my soul that what we did was wrong. But my heart won’t let me feel bad about it. Instead it courses warmth through my body every time I think of it. Which is often. It makes my blood heat until my skin flushes. Until every last nerve recalls the way his hands felt skating over my skin. Touching me. Tasting me. Loving my body. It makes my body flutter with unresolved need.
Jake squeezes my neck lightly, bringing me back to the moment and I can see the anguish in his eyes as he continues to pull away from me. My eyes close instinctively at the light pressure of his hand. I feel the callused pad of his thumb slide down the column of my neck and my skin tingles at the touch. Opening my eyes, I watch him, his gaze focused on my neck, on the path his thumb just traveled as his tongue pokes out to wet his lips.
"You did good today, Jake. You're a good man," I continue when he doesn’t speak. Fuck me, if I wasn't ready to blubber like a damn fool when I heard him through the bedroom door talking to Annabelle, asking to walk her down the aisle. Darci was frowning at me, judging me for eavesdropping. But I couldn't give a care in the world at that moment. I could finally hear his voice again. When he ducked through the doorway, eyes to Annabelle, I got to smell him, I got to roam my eyes over him. I'd thought about him constantly, but seeing him in the flesh, watching his eyes rake over my body. God. My need for him became unbearable.
"Ain't feeling much like that lately, Strawb'ries," he admits, once again moving to touch me. That callused thumb dragging along my bottom lip. Even in the softly lit backdrop of Archer and Annabelle’s backyard, I can see his eyes darken at the touch, and I almost give in to my need to touch my tongue to his thumb. But we both know his touch is dangerous enough. Amongst our closest friends, our show of intimacy is audacious. Possibly even foolish.
He finally finds the strength to break our physical connection and I watch the sadness overtake his eyes. It slices into my chest at the thought that he would, could, think so poorly of himself.
"J-Baby.... No," I whisper, hurt plaguing my words.
"Nothing you say or do is gonna change that, baby. What we did was wrong, Aubrey. This..." he motions between the two of us, "it's not right. As good as it feels…IT. AIN'T. RIGHT." He punctuates his last words ensuring they carry the weight he's aiming for and my head drops low, the shame in my eyes projecting so bright, I hide them to disguise the feeling.
"I just want to talk to you," I push, lifting my head and reaching for his hand, but he pulls away, and I want to cry, scream at him to stay with me.
Steeling control, Jake finally steps from my reach, and I stop my feet from moving towards him as my eyes fill with tears. "Can't do this, Aubrey. Much as I want you and believe me, baby, I do. This...it's...it’s not me," he shakes his head emphasizing his point. "Please don’t ask me to be someone I don't like." His words reach my ears, and I drop my head again, nodding at my feet.
A second passes, maybe two and I feel, more than see Jake walk away from me. My entire body deflates at the feeling and I let out a long drawn out breath, controlling the sob that wants to rip from my throat.
Slowly lifting my head, my eyes meet with Luca's cold stare. His eyes flick to Jake briefly, then back to me before he lifts a beer to his lips, taking a deep pull from the bottle. I hold his stare for a moment, letting myself understand the gravity of what just occurred. Jake and I were already balancing on the edge of irredeemable trouble, but tonight my actions almost launched us off the ledge. Luca saw what happened. Witnessed the pain between the two of us.
His eyes remain fixed on mine, and I hate that I don't know him well enough to read his thoughts. Is our secret out? Or is he loyal enough to keep what he saw to himself?
I'm selfish enough to admit my irritation at his presence here tonight. Surely he wasn't actually invited. I cannot, in any world, imagine a situation where Archer would allow someone who was openly interested in his wife to be invited to their wedding. Shit, Luca had his crotch grinding into Annabelle's ass the first night she was back in town after years of hiding with me in Bellingham. In complete honesty, I thought Archer was going to kill him. Luca's shit-eating grin only added fuel to the fire. I was sure the guy had a fucking death wish.
Staring me down, gone is his effortless charisma, his carefree seduction. His eyes shine with bitter curiosity, with blatant dislike and it’s eerie as all hell. The guy is massive and radiates intimidation on a good day. Now, as irritated as he is, he looks dangerous.
Breaking our contact, I begin scanning the yard slowly to take in the other guests, and I relax slightly as they all seem caught up in themselves. Drinking, laughing, dancing and enjoying the night for what it was always supposed to be. A celebration of Archer and Annabelle. It was never meant to turn into something I made about myself. As nervous, as uncertain, as conflicted as I was to be here, I was more excited to celebrate with my best friend. God knows she deserves her happily ever after. But I gave into my own selfishness and now I'm miserable.
Turning in the opposite direction of Luca and Jake, my body freezes when I catch sight of Janie. Her eyes, so much like Jake's, are locked on me. A look of confusion and disapproval directed solely in my direction. She saw it all. Mine and Jake's entire exchange and I'm not stupid enough to doubt she read the situation perfectly. Janie and Jake are tight, so there is no hope she didn't understand what she just saw. Guilt filters in as I stare back, unblinking. Moments pass as the sound of my heartbeat echoes in my ears, but she doesn't move. Searching for and finding the performance I've so long lived with, I plaster a fake smile on my face, trying to plant an ounce of doubt within her thoughts. After a second she returns my tight smile. It's just as forced, just as exaggerated as mine and I swallow deeply before turning on my heel and moving away from curious and disapproving eyes.
I wander around Archer and Annabelle’s backyard, smiling at other guests, making small talk when it’s unavoidable. But mostly, my walking is aimless. I watch, even separated by groups of people, how connected Archer and Annabelle are. Their bodies are always turned towards the other, eyes continually seeking contact. The ease with which their love now works is enviable. Something I’d always wished for myself. Once upon a time anyway. The hope and misguided intentions I had of forming a happily ever after with David has long since died. How uncharacteristically gullible was I at the idea of it growing into something passionate and consuming? I know I’m a horrible person. Almost unfeeling and completely disconnected with my significant other. But I guess we’re both to blame. Settling for what we suppose is right, too scared of our own insecurities to turn away.
He flat out refused to come to the wedding. Mumbled something about the event being an inflated and over exaggerated misinterpretation of what a relationship actually is. Romantic, I know. What a keeper.
A feeling of restlessness overtakes me. Allowing a creeping sense of anxiety to crawl up my spine. It shouldn’t be this way. Not here. Not now. Not in an environment where I should find easy enjoyment, peace, contentment.
Needing something to occupy my hands, to distract my mind, my feet wander into the house in search of my camera.
My offer of being photographer for today was swiftly denied. I get it. Annabelle wanted me present in the moment, not concerned with finding the right shot. The perfect still. Of course I didn’t allow her to book just anybody, only trusting a fellow colleague with the task. Still, I brought my equipment. Just in case. In hindsight, maybe having been lost in my camera, I wouldn’t feel like I do now.
Considering the late hour, photos are well and truly finished and I feel a tinge of regret for not pulling my camera out earlier. When the dusk was light and no excessive contrasts allowed more color to filter into the frame. Photographing in twilight gifts me my most treasured pictures. I never understand why some in my industry pack away their equipment as night begins to fall. For me, that’s where I see the most magic. The images are stunning, captivating in the most visually appealing way.
Searching through my bags, I locate my digital. Personally, I prefer film. It’s risky and there’s no doubt that sometimes the shot is missed, something you don’t know until developing. But, when it works, when you get the shot. Wow. Pure, unquestionable magic.
Jogging down the stairs, I work my exposure meters. I’ve always preferred to shoot over-exposed stills. My portfolio of work is a testament to that.
I spend the next few hours connected to my camera. Getting lost in the faces of others. Watching their smiles, their laughs, shared kisses, slow dances, and tight embraces. I focus a lot on Archer and Annabelle, working to capture their love in a photo. Every angle of it. The easy laughs. The soft kisses that always intensify. The complete attention they have for one another. Playful whispers and light-hearted attitude. I lose myself watching them. Completely consumed in their infatuation.
My camera rises in my hand and I view them through my lens and wait for the moment. A single instance of what I’m looking for. It happens quickly, in a quickly drawn breath. Archer, dark hair falling across his forehead, large body wrapped heavily around Annabelle’s smaller frame, whispers in her ear and the unfiltered need transforms her face. Her large eyes close over softly, her thick lashes resting on her blushed cheeks. Her lips parting slightly on a muted gasp as Archer’s lips meet the curve of her neck. It’s perfect. Modest in its sexuality, making the moment so intensely private, but still decent enough amongst family and friends. It’s the moment I wanted for them. Captured forever in a black and white still, framed by fairy lights and the darkness of the night.
Smiling wide, I drop my lens and hug the camera to my chest in accomplishment. I can’t wait to see it in print. Enlarged and framed.
Releasing a contented breath, my eyes lift, and I meet with Jake’s watchful gaze. His eyes flick briefly to his brother and Annabelle before focusing back on me. His dark lips pull at the side in a small smile, understanding my elated reaction. Winking over at him, his face breaks open in a wide grin and the rivet in his cheek deepens. Needing to hold that moment and refusing to allow doubt to creep in, I lift my camera and snap his face.
The man is beauty personified. The sweetness in his soul projects so distinctly from his features. It’s not in the slightest bit fair. His looks alone are tempting enough. Knowing his physical features pale in comparison to the treasure of his heart, makes his allure all the more difficult to overlook. The warmth that exudes from his full smile once again heightens my need, so I turn on my heel and move away. Not watching to see his reaction to me catching him on film.
I float through the rest of the mingling guests. Taking a few shots that I feel are deserving. Mom and Steve dancing. Friends laughing. Darci and Bennett caught in conversation, his smile so devastatingly predatory to Darci’s demure smirk. It’s perfect.
My feet stop when I catch Luca’s eyes following my movements around the party. He’s far enough away that we don’t need to engage and to anyone else, he’d look as though his interest was fleeting, a small pause in a glance of party guests. But I see a watchfulness that is deeper, more focused. Strangely, his interest in my behavior has thawed from its earlier bitterness and his gaze now only shows curiosity. He’s so similar to Archer in his broodiness, in his obvious insight into others, which seems out of character when considering only their physicality. They’re intimidating, fierce, purely male but you’d be silly to only think that’s what they’re both about. If you really look, it’s easy to see there is a lot more than initially meets the eye.
Luca was built for impact. An Adonis. No other word could describe him. His physical attractiveness is pure masculinity embellished with an authoritative confidence. But while so… male, he holds his large frame and built muscle with… grace. His movements are like silk. Smooth and relaxed. So comfortable in his sheer size and bulk, every small action is effortless. It’s disconcerting but only adds to the magnetism that is Luca.
His blue eyes narrow on me slightly as, against better judgment, I lift my lens and snap. A hesitant smirk, so small it’s barely visible, quirks at the side of his mouth and I click again. Satisfied with the image visible on the screen, I arch an eyebrow in response to his uncertain gaze.
“Want me to stand next to him and look all broody too?”
Smiling up at Bennett’s slightly slurred words, he treats me with a wide grin. It’s more a perma-smile, constantly etched on his face. Lifting the camera, I take a quick snap and laugh loudly at his blinking eyes.
“Hey, you didn’t give me the chance to perfect my forlorn expression,” he whines.
I move closer, leaning against his shoulder, taking comfort in his warmth as we look over the dwindling guests. “Nah, your type of handsome is much more devastating with that voracious smile of yours.”
Throwing an arm over my shoulder, Bennett pulls me in closer to his side. “Do tell.”
Laughing under my breath, I take peace in Bennett’s easy friendship. “Well, men have different avenues of attractiveness. A number of traits that make them…them,” I shrug lightly. “A collection of attributes that make up the person they tend to be and are what makes them desirable to women.”
Bennett watches me for a beat, considering my hypothesis. “Let’s start with you.” I gesture towards him with my left hand and he skirts his palm out in a proceed gesture. “All women, well I assume all women anyway. All women want to be devoured. The predatory smile gives you an air of virility. You’re the hunter.” I raise my eyebrows, and he returns the gesture. “When you aim that smile at one of us helpless souls,” I speak, hand to chest. “We wanna be your prey. We want the promise of what you offer. A hunter pursues. We want to be wanted. We want to be needed. A hunter, that’s you, he’ll persist, he’ll chase and when he catches you, he’ll kill you with what that smile promises,” I finish proudly.
Licking his lips, Bennett looks pleased with my description as he scans the backyard. “I like this game. Tell me about Archer.”
I watch Archer and Annabelle saying their goodbyes to friends, Archer’s arm tightly pulled at her waist, keeping her close. “Archer’s the broody hero,” I smile pensively. “He’s the alpha.”
“Hey,” Bennett combats my declaration. “You sayin’ I’m not the alpha in this group?” His face is a show of mock outrage and I laugh quietly.
“Sorry bud, you’re definitely the beta.”
“I can deal with that. You just told me I’m a hunter, which basically means, when the chase is over, I get to eat.” His eyes land on Darci and the smile that cracked his face wide open is bestial.
“Gross, Bennett. Not for my ears, I don’t need to picture…that. Keep yourself contained. Anyway, as I was saying, Archer,” I refocus, turning back to Archer and Annabelle. “He’s the alpha. Women are attracted to him because of his insane need to own. To protect. No matter what the cost. He’d lay down his own life before putting his mate in jeopardy. That, and he’s wrapped up in a completely devastatingly, darkly handsome package.”
Nodding thoughtfully, Bennett scans the whimsically decorated yard, large white lanterns and warm glowing fairy lights surrounding the open space. “Okay. I’ll bite. What’s with the Viking?”
I think hard on Luca. Staring shamelessly while I deliberate on my words. “Luca’s a mixture between you and Archer. That’s why Archer had such a problem with him at the start, he challenged his position as top dog.”
Scoffing, Bennett raises a single eyebrow in my direction. “I reckon Archer’s problem was that Luca over there was trying to throw the leg over with Annabelle.”
“My point exactly,” I agree. “Challenging the alpha for his most prized possession. His mate. Then he’s got this physique that is unquestionably male. Stone age even; a time where men were built to pillage villages and take their women,” I joke. “As a woman, you’d kill to be pursued by a man like that. For him to focus all his male energy solely on you. Luca was built by a cruel God whose sole purpose was to make women cream their panties.”
Bennett’s loud laugh echoes into the stillness of the night and I watch him with open amusement. A few people look our way, curious to our raucous laughter. Eyeing the crowd, I motion towards Toby and Willow, cuddled in close. “Now Toby, Toby’s allure is his personality.”
“Ouch,” Bennett grimaces around a bark of laughter, and I shake my head, nudging him softly.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course, the guy’s hot. Look at him.” My hand gestures the length of him. “Artistic, long hair, tattoos, and an easy swagger. But his appeal is more about the gentle soul inside. He’s creative, emotional; the tortured visionary. Without the drama. He’s passionate and intense, but friendly, funny and approachable. Toby’s dependable, solid. He’s a lover.”
We watch he and Willow for a few beats, silently taking in their bubble of intimacy; their quiet laughter and ability to find such comfort in each other.
Our eyes scan the virtually empty yard, the party coming to a close. Landing on Jake, I watch him boldly as he holds his mom close. Eyes focused down on her, smiling at something she’s said as his lips drop to the top of her head in unfiltered affection.
“What about your man?” Bennett pulls me back from my distraction and it takes a second for his words to register.
“Sorry?” I cough out.
“Your man. David. What’s his deal?” He spins a finger in the air, gesturing to our conversation.
“Oh. Umm….” I shake my head slightly, clearing my head. “David should have been born in a time when women were subservient and nothing but an extension of their husbands. They didn’t talk out of turn, they stayed home. Seen but not heard,” I shrug, and he watches me with assessing eyes.
“Women find that attractive?” He scowls and my shoulders rise slightly in nonchalance.
“Some do. Sure. Some women love the idea of having someone provide for them completely. Are one hundred percent content with playing Susie Homemaker and being an accessory to their significant other.”
Bennett’s eyebrows rise in astonishment at my declaration. “But not you?”
Laughing sarcastically, I shake my head. “No. Definitely not me.”
“Why stay when you’re unhappy then?” he asks, and I tilt my head upward to meet his eyes.
I frown unintentionally. “I never said that.”
Turning his head to laugh quietly, I wait for him to turn back to me. When he finally does, he watches me silently for a beat before squeezing my arm. “Come on, Red,” he implores. “You’ve built a career on exactly the opposite of what you just said. You use this,” he gestures toward my camera and I instinctively pull it closer to my chest in defense, “to capture what someone is saying, thinking, feeling in a single shot. A still. They don’t use any words, it’s all said here,” he motions towards his face, and I close my eyes with a forced laugh.
“Touché,” I concede. Bennett’s eyes scan mine sympathetically, but he doesn’t push his comment further and we stand in silence for a few contemplative minutes before he follows my gaze to Jake.
“Tell me about the kid,” he invites, indicating towards Jake.
Eyes wide I look to him questioningly, confusion and an overwhelming feeling of unease, settling deep inside. “Relax, Red. I’m the hunter, Archer’s the alpha, Jake…” he prompts and I breathe out a sigh of relief.
Bennett’s glassy eyes emit a knowing kindness and I smile in defeat. Training my eyes on Jake, I watch him with Luca. Talking, laughing, the way his throat swallows deeply on a pull of beer. “Jake is all of you,” I reveal softly. “He’s protective to his own detriment, encompassing the alpha. But he’s not overbearing, allowing the beta to surface. He’s emotional and passionate. The tortured artist.” I flick my eyes to Toby then back to Jake. “He’s friends with everyone, he’d never make anyone feel out of place or unwelcome. He’s a lover, for sure, but exudes raw sexuality too. Like you, his smile promises all kinds of dirty things.” Overcome by a sudden shyness I duck my head, hiding the slight blush creeping along my cheeks. “Capturing the heart of someone like Jake, you get it all. He’d be the ideal partner in life. Passionate enough to continually feed your lust. Loving enough to make certain you knew you were needed, that you were wanted. Protective enough to show everyone that your heart belonged to him and his to you, but not possessive. He wouldn’t need to be. Why would you ever look at another man if you had someone like that? Like Jake?” I finish quietly, chancing a quick look at Bennett before looking away again.
Pulling me in close, Bennett drops a brief kiss to the top of my head. “Aren’t we just a sorry pair?” he sighs loudly, eyes trained on Darci. Turning my head, I laugh into his shoulder and after a beat or two, his soft throaty laugh joins mine.
“Do people really only see me as the sex my smile exudes?” Bennett asks and the uncertainty in his tone has me pulling back to meet his eyes.
“What?”
Blowing out a large breath, he swallows deeply before speaking again. “Each of the other guys, you seemed to understand that there was more to them than just sex. Your characterization of me was so… empty.”
Brow furrowed, I shake my head vigorously. “God, no. Empty is not a word I would ever use to describe you. You are overtly sexual, there’s no denying that.” I wait a bit for his nod of confirmation, which comes with a small smirk.
“But going back to my educated terminology,” I tease. “When a hunter catches his prey, when he achieves his goal; he displays his catch. He takes pride in his accomplishment. As a woman, to feel the pride from your man, to know that he’s honored to have you as his partner, as his significant other, is really something, Bennett. As the hunter, when you finally make your ultimate catch,” I unconsciously signal towards Darci. “nothing will separate you from it. Your dedication to your goal, to your priorities, to your wife will be amazing. the girl lucky enough to win your heart, she’ll be beyond blessed. A hunter is strong, Bennett; dedicated, driven, capable. Everything as a woman you would want in a man. The undisguised sexuality is an added bonus. A really fucking phenomenal added bonus. Knowing your man is more than gifted intimately…” I trail off into nothing, my meaning easily implied. “You’d be surprised, but not all men are overly focused on pleasing their women,” I finish with a large grin and his perma-smile finds traction once again; his face breaking wide open, teeth on show, laugh lines deep. It’s really something else. Devastating and all consuming. Why Darci fights their obvious chemistry is beyond my understanding.
“Hmmm….” His bottom lip turns out slightly in thought and he nods his head. “Appreciated, Red.”
Waving my hand, I dismiss his unnecessary gratitude. “Just being honest.”