For once, my parents decided to behave in front of each other as they walked me down the aisle.
I was nervous as hell, my palms were sweating, and my heart was pounding wildly inside my chest. Did every bride feel like this? I felt scared…terrified. I felt self-conscious that every eye was on me.
But when I raised my face toward the altar, I saw Travis standing there, looking magnificent in a tux. He was looking at me intensely…as if he couldn’t take his eyes off me…as if I were the only woman in the room. He was looking at me the way I wanted my real groom to look at me. Tears welled up in my eyes.
He looked down to me as he took my hand from my father. He gave me a crooked smile that made my heart stop beating altogether.
“Hello, beautiful,” he whispered.
“Hey,” I managed to say.
He raised my hand to his lips and gave it a kiss. Then he guided me toward the altar.
Travis held my hand all throughout the ceremony. I was nervous, but I felt lightheaded…and happy. I knew there was no place on earth I would rather be…and I couldn’t think of a better man to share this moment with.
“You may kiss the bride.”
I watched nervously as Travis lifted my veil, stared at me deeply for a moment, and then leaned forward to give me a deep kiss on the lips.
The touch of his lips on mine was the same every time he kissed me—electrifying, mind-blowing, heart-stopping. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him as he deepened the kiss.
After what seemed like eternity, he pulled away from me and watched my face carefully. I was pretty sure my blush was making me turn violet. And as if that pleased him, he gave me a crooked smile again. Then he pulled me to him in a tight hug.
“Mrs. Travis Cross,” he whispered.
I didn’t know why, but I liked the sound of that.
It was a grand celebration at the resort. My wedding was probably the biggest wedding my family had had since they started their stupid family curse. I hadn’t spent a single cent. Travis refused to make me or my father pay for anything. He made special arrangements with my coordinator that I didn’t know about. Like the grand fireworks at the reception. They were big and lasted for at least twenty minutes.
Travis surprised me by smiling and laughing a lot. Just when I thought he’d be bored, or would give me endless do-it-and-get-it-over-with attitude, he actually looked like he was having fun.
He was always beside me, entertaining our guests. He would reach out and give me a hug once in a while. Even after our kiss in the church, he gave me a couple of smacks on the lips.
When I gazed at him under the fireworks, I saw a man different from the Travis I had known all my life. This was a boyish Travis I was looking at.
Then he stared down at me. I saw something in his eyes, something I couldn’t decipher. It was as if his eyes were asking me something. That look on his face was somewhat guilty, somewhat pleading. And yet, I couldn’t even guess what exactly he was thinking about.
He tilted my chin up and then slowly, he leaned forward and brought his lips to mine. Right there, in the middle of the fireworks, I wound my arms around his neck and lost myself in that kiss.
I didn’t want that kiss to end. It was…like the kiss we shared fourteen years ago…when he took me…the kiss that haunted me again the other night when I had my dream about Travis and the night we had spent together.
When the kiss was over, Travis stared back at me, his eyes like liquid sapphires…as if he was desperately asking for something…like he was trying to read something in my expression, and he was getting frustrated that he couldn’t get his answers.
“Is something wrong, Travis?” I asked him. The look on his face wasn’t just making me nervous. It was terrifying me. I felt like something was definitely wrong. Travis was so good at keeping in his emotions. But now, the sad and confused look on his face told me that he was somehow going through some emotional turmoil.
He shook his head. Then he pulled me to him again and hugged me tightly.
“Everything’s going to be okay Brianne, right?” It took me a moment to realize that it wasn’t a statement. He was asking me a question. I pulled away and blinked back at him.
“Of course, Travis. We’re going to be fine,” I assured him. I meant that. No matter what happened, I wouldn’t let anything destroy what I had with him. We wouldn’t lose each other…even after this marriage ended.
He leaned forward again and gave me another thorough kiss on the lips. When I pulled away from him, his expression had already changed. The boyishness was back. He had an easy smile on his face, and then he leaned his forehead against mine.
“Tom must be itching to kick my ass in heaven,” he whispered.
“Why do you say that?”
He shook his head. “I’ve kissed you too many times today.”
I laughed. “You married me today. It’s the least I can do for you. Tom would understand that you are doing me a favor. And some things are…necessary.”
He laughed. “Do you really think you just pushed me to accept this fate? Do you really believe I’m doing you a favor?”
I took a deep breath. “I don’t just think that. I know that. And you don’t have to pretend otherwise. I’m still thankful for you, Travis. Not just because you married me today. I thank you for everything you’ve done for me since I’ve had you in my life.”
He leaned his forehead against mine. “You’re more than I deserve, Brianne,” he said. “And I thank you. For being my only family for years.”
He kissed me on the nose. When he looked back at me again, there was a certain glitter in his eyes. He smiled dashingly, and he never looked more handsome to me. His smile was genuine, and it reached his eyes. Clearly, whatever emotional turmoil he had been going through a while ago, he had gotten hold of it now. I wondered how he did that. I wished I had that ability sometimes.
I realized I was happy to make Travis look like that. And I wanted to see him more like this…unmasked…carefree…human! He used to be dark and cold…I wanted to see him warm and happy. Even for just a little while.
There were cheers from our guests when the fireworks finished. They encouraged us to kiss again. With a sly smile on his face, Travis leaned down and gave me a thorough kiss on the lips once again.
When he pulled away, I saw that confused and broken expression on his face again, but he was quick to mask it with a grin. He gave me a gentler kiss on the lips, and then he hugged me. “We’re going to be late for our honeymoon,” he said.
I pulled away from him and blinked back. “But…Travis…we…promised not to…”
He laughed. “Yes,” he leaned forward to whisper in my ear. “But sex isn’t the only thing married people do on a honeymoon. We can do all the rest.”
I giggled. In a way, I was embarrassed. I was becoming too defensive. I constantly reminded him about our deal, when he might not even have been interested in that! He might have gotten used to just kissing me and hugging me. But making love was an entirely different story. We both knew that our relationship was…special. Unique. It was beautiful the way it was. To cross the line…would put so much at stake. And I didn’t think either of us was prepared for the consequences.
“Okay.” I smiled at him. “I’ll go on a honeymoon with you…and do everything but have sex. But I have one condition.”
He raised a brow. “Okay. So remind me again who’s asking whom a favor here?”
I laughed. “I know. But still, I have something to ask you.”
He sighed in defeat. “All right, Mrs. Cross. What is it?”
“I want to see you, Travis.” I placed my hand on his chest. “The man trapped inside. No masks. No reservations. No defenses.”
He narrowed his eyes as he stared at me. “Brianne…you’re…extorting so much from me.”
I smiled. “I deserve it. I want to know my husband.”
“Don’t you know me better than anyone already?”
“I want to know the man you haven’t shown anyone else. The man maybe even you do not know,” I said. “Let go of your mask, Travis. For me. Even for just a short while. Let that be my wedding gift.”
He stared at me for a while. Then he closed his eyes. He pulled me to him and gave me a hug.
“You’re scaring me, Brianne,” he whispered.
“You don’t have to be afraid. I love you just as you are, Travis,” I said. “It doesn’t matter who you are. I know you have a softer side. And I want to get to know that man.”
He leaned his forehead against mine. “I may not know how to let go of my mask, Brianne. I’ve been so guarded since I was a kid.”
I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. “Follow your heart. Go with what you feel. Take the thinking, analyzing, calculating cap off your head. I think you’ll be just fine.”
He sighed. “You’re asking me to be a trusting, gullible, romance-believing loser.”
I laughed. “Maybe. But promise you won’t fall in love with me?”
He raised a brow. “Ha-ha. Very funny.”
“Just giving you a fair warning. I can be very charming,” I teased.
He rolled his eyes. “Trust me, I know. How else did we get here?” I couldn’t help laughing at that. Then he stared at me for a while. “How sure are you that it will make a difference? Maybe this is really me. Masked or unmasked. There’s nothing much underneath.”
“You don’t have to put a mask on if you don’t have anything to hide underneath, Travis. You know that. You won’t be so guarded if you have nothing to guard,” I said. “Just learn to let go. And I’ll go on this honeymoon with you.”
“Again, I’d like to remind you that you asked me to do this fourteen years ago. I didn’t even have to plan a honeymoon getaway.”
“Then why did you?”
He took a deep breath. “This marriage is real. I just want it to come as close to the actual thing as possible. Even if we just spend time talking to each other all week. You need to be able to stand me long enough, you know.”
“We live together, Travis. We’ve lived together long enough for me to say that I can stand you.”
“Nevertheless, everybody expects it. I want you to have a story to tell when you’re asked.”
I stared up at him. He really was sweet. No matter how much he tried to hide it. And more and more, I wanted to see him the way he really was.
“Thank you,” I said. “I mean it, Travis. No masks for you.”
He sighed and then he nodded. “And no holding back for you?”
“Wh-what do you mean?” I blinked back at him.
He gave me a mischievous, crooked smile. Then he pulled me to him and leaned forward. Just as his lips were an inch away from mine, he said, “Exactly what I said. Don’t hold back, my lovely wife.” And he devoured my lips.
The world started spinning. I held on to Travis for dear support. His previous kisses were…comforting, enthralling, exciting…and with a hint of desperation, as if he was begging for something. Now, this kiss…was invading, as if he meant to conquer, to seduce…it was mind-blowing…a kiss that you lose all your memories to. The kiss that made me forget who I was and who he was that night I gave myself to him.
When he pulled away, I could barely open my eyes to look at him. I was embarrassed. I gave in. It seemed like I gave my everything in that kiss.
When I was brave enough to look at him again, he was looking at me carefully. There was a look of triumph on his face, and yet, that didn’t make me feel ashamed. It made me feel happy that somehow, I made him feel good.
“Do we have a deal?” he asked.
I smiled. “I would give up everything to get to know the real you.”
He raised a brow. “I hope by the end of the week you’ll still think that it was all worth it.”
“Don’t worry. I have a feeling I’ll still feel that way. We have a deal.” I held out my pinky to him. He stared at it for a moment. His expression softened. Then he hooked his pinky with mine, but instead of pulling it away like he was supposed to, he twisted our hands and brought my fingers to his lips. He kissed them gently. Then he stared at me. “Deal.”
***
We barely had time to say goodbye to our guests. I had to get out of my wedding gown quickly and fix my hair.
“Did you bring all the lingerie we brought you?” Sarah whispered to me.
“Shut up, Sarah. You know what the deal is.”
“Well, I was hoping that had changed now, with all the kissing and hugging! You guys couldn’t take your eyes and hands off each other all day, did you know that!?”
“Then we put on a good show,” I laughed. “Well, kissing is part of the deal. We decided not to pretend in that area, to make it look natural. The only thing we decided not to do is…” I trailed off, heaving a sigh.
“It’s a pity!” Sarah said. “It looks like that would go effortlessly well for you, too.”
I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Sarah! I don’t want to think about that.”
“Why? Because you don’t find him attractive?”
I sighed. I didn’t want to lie. I did find Travis attractive. Very! There were plenty of times that I lost my breath when I stared at him…or when he stared at me. I felt proud when we were together because I knew that devilishly handsome man belonged to me…at least officially or publicly. I loved kissing him. His arms felt so safe…like home. I knew I was in so much danger of falling in love with him, too. But I had to remind myself who he was…what he was to me and what our relationship was.
I loved Travis. With all my heart. If I lost him, I would be devastated! As much as I was with Tom…maybe even more so, since I’d been with him longer. I knew he loved me. We might have been husband and wife, but that didn’t change what we were…what we would always be: the best of friends.
“No, it’s not that. Travis is the one guy I can’t risk to lose. And he promised my brother he wouldn’t touch me,” I said. I didn’t know what it was, but when I heard myself say that, it sounded like I had a trace of regret in my voice.
“But you want him to?”
I sighed. Deep inside, I knew the answer to that. “It doesn’t matter. Because from the beginning, I’ve known that if there’s one person who can keep a promise, make that promise his bible, the creed of his life, it’s Travis. I’m afraid to entertain any other possibilities. There’s just…so much at stake here. Whatever happens after this marriage…I still want Travis in my life.”
“And all the hugging and kissing all over the place is…?”
“Part of the deal,” I replied. “Part of the change in our relationship. He’s my husband. We’re two friends, married to each other, making a life together, but not sleeping with each other. Kissing is necessary. He can kiss me if he wants. When I asked him this favor fourteen years ago, I only told him that he couldn’t sleep with me. I never told him he couldn’t kiss me or hug me. And besides, it makes it look real if we’re naturally affectionate.”
“Hmmm…I don’t know what you’re smoking, but I have to warn you…it’s not farfetched that one of these days, you’ll wake up and find yourselves head-over-heels in love with each other! Maybe you already are,” she said. “You already love each other to begin with. And it looks like you love making out anyway.”
I hated to admit it, but I thought Sarah was right about one thing. I did love making out with Travis!
I barely had time to wash off my makeup and take the clips and little flowers out of my hair when Travis stepped into my room saying we should be off. He already had two bags ready.
“What about my clothes?” I asked.
“All in there,” he said. “I ordered a whole set of clothes for you. One of the qualities I like about Karl is that he’s very meticulous and very thorough. You can grab a couple more things you want to bring. But I doubt you’ll need anything more.” Then he said goodbye to Sarah and told me he’d wait for me in the lobby.
Sarah gave me a box. She said that was her wedding surprise for me. “Honeymoon-handy stuff.” She winked, and I actually glared at her. But I decided to bring it along with me. I had no time to open it and screen the contents.
In less than an hour, we were onboard the plane to Bora Bora. I reclined my seat and made myself comfortable.
Travis reached forward to touch the circles under my eyes. “You’re very tired.”
I smiled. “I am. It’s been a long day. But everything was perfect.” I reached out for his hand. “Thank you, Travis. You’re wonderful. And you laughed and smiled a lot.”
He grinned at me. “I promised you I would.”
I reached forward and touched his cheek with my hand. “Thank you.” I pulled him toward me gently. He leaned forward and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips.
Then he gathered me in his arms and I rested my head on his shoulder.
“Sleep now, love. I’ll wake you up when we get there.”
We checked in to a luxurious hotel. We were staying in an over-water bungalow, luxury suite with a private plunge pool.
Before we entered our bungalow, just at the doorstep, Travis grinned at me and then without warning, he swept me off my feet and carried me in his arms.
I laughed. “Wow! This honeymoon couldn’t be more real.”
Our suite had a huge deck and a deep tub that gave a spectacular view of the ocean while you bathed. It offered a restful atmosphere, and at the same time, it was quite private.
There was one king-sized bed. Although there were chairs and sofas, I noticed that there was no couch big enough for Travis to sleep on. An unfamiliar emotion crept through me. I felt nervous; however, there was another hint of emotion there that I didn’t want to entertain.
“Do you like it?” Travis asked as I checked out our plunge pool.
I beamed at him. “I love it!”
I took a shower as soon as we got settled in. It was a long flight. Travis and I had an early dinner on the deck. We talked about what had happened at the wedding and the funny characters that made up the guest list.
“Was your mother surprised you suddenly…got married?” I asked.
Travis shook his head. “No,” he replied. “And I don’t think she really cared all that much.”
I frowned. “Travis…”
He sighed. “Love…you asked me to take my mask down. This…is me being honest about what I feel about my parents. I…have no emotion for either of them.”
“Your mother came to me,” I said. “She asked me to take care of you. I think she cares about you more than you know…more than you allow. She…thanked me for giving you a chance to have a better family than the one they gave you.”
“You’ve been my only family for a very long time, Brianne. What family was she talking about?”
“Travis…” I whispered.
“Brianne,” he cut me off and reached out for my hand across the table. “Please…” He took a deep breath. “I don’t want to think about them. For now, I don’t want to think about anything else but you. You have my full, undivided attention for a whole week. Please…let’s talk about this some other time?”
I realized that he was right. I could not force Travis to have a better relationship with his parents overnight. So much had happened. It would take time to heal all the wounds.
I nodded. He raised my hand and kissed my fingers.
I felt warm. Somehow, this new Travis in front of me…was far sweeter than I ever imagined he could be. He was open about the way he felt, and he gave me fair warning about not liking the topic we were discussing.
We rested for a while, and then we decided to take a dip in the pool. When I came out on the deck, Travis was already in. There were candles around the pool, and there was a bottle of Chardonnay beside him.
“Wow,” I breathed. There was a full moon, and it illuminated the lagoon and the pool perfectly.
I took off my robe to reveal a two-piece string bathing suit that Karl had included in my bag.
I felt a little self-conscious. The suit was tinier than what I usually wore, and I could feel Travis’s eyes on me as I got into the water.
When I reached the center, I raised my eyes to him. He was staring at me intently. He gave me a crooked smile and motioned at me to come closer to him.
I moved toward him shyly. When I was in front of him, I raised my eyes to him again.
“You’re gorgeous,” he whispered.
“Thank you. But remember, I told you not to fall in love with me,” I teased.
He snorted and said, “Yeah. I remember you saying something like that.” He stared at me deeply. He pulled me gently and then he leaned forward and gave me a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose.
I thought he was going to kiss me on the lips. I was expecting it. Travis and I had agreed on many things. But we hadn’t really agreed that making out in private was part of the deal…although, I didn’t think I would mind if that was the case.
I stared up at him. He raised a brow. “Disappointed?” he asked, reading my expression.
“Of course not!” I lied. I was embarrassed. Was I really that transparent?
He laughed. “My lovely wife! Have you forgotten who you are talking to? Or lying to?” His eyes were dancing and he had a teasing grin on his face.
I took a step back from him. “You’re so full of yourself, Travis Cross!” I glared.
He was quick to put his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. I continued glaring. He smiled at me devilishly and said, “That’s a pity you aren’t disappointed. Because I am!” And without warning, he kissed me on the lips.
I didn’t know what to feel. It was like sparks of fireworks erupted around us and illuminated the skies with a million different colors. The air was cold, but I felt fire under my skin, and I slowly felt myself losing control. I kissed Travis with as much enthusiasm as he kissed me. I pulled him to me and kissed him with so much intensity, so much passion.
Just then, he stopped and gently pulled away from me. I stared back at him in panic. I was afraid I had done something wrong.
Seeing the look of alarm in my eyes, he quickly hugged me back and chuckled softly. “Easy, love,” he said. “I’m only human. Don’t make me ask you for something I know you cannot give.”
Understanding dawned on me. I laughed. “I’m sorry,” I said. “Was that too much?”
He leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips. “A little. But still tolerable.”
I leaned my head on his shoulder. “What’s going on between us, Trav?”
He chuckled softly. “You’re my wife, Brianne. I think I’m entitled to a few kisses once in a while. I would love to have more, but that part is totally up to you.”
I stared up at him. “Travis…we can’t…” I started. “You know…I can’t give myself to you and not ask for a lot of things in return. We have a beautiful relationship. Something that is more important to me than anything else. Are we willing to risk that for this desire that we both feel? It would complicate things for us even more. Don’t make me ask you for something I know you cannot give.”
He stared at me for a long while, then he heaved a sigh. “Fair enough. I think you stated your case well. And because I’m such a masochist, I’m going to kiss you as much as I want. Let Tom kick my ass in hell later!” And he kissed me again…as thoroughly as he did before, so that I almost forgot my whole monologue from a minute before.
We stayed in the pool for another hour. Talking and drinking Chardonnay. It was a perfect setting, and I had a picture in my head of what a blissful picture we made. I couldn’t wait to get to my easel and paint it on canvas.
It was already past midnight when we emerged from the pool. Travis wrapped a towel around me. I felt a tingle in the nape of my neck as he brushed his lips against the base of my neck.
“Travis…” I moaned. “Stop!”
He took a deep breath. He gave me a gentle kiss on the neck one last time and said, “Get dressed before I cannot control myself.”
I turned around and smiled at him. I got on my tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the lips, and then I went into the room. When I was alone in the bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror. My lips were probably bruised from kissing, my face was flushed, and I had a big smile on my face that I couldn’t wipe off.
“What is wrong with me?” I scowled at myself. I felt like a silly little girl. And for Travis Cross no less! Well, this was a honeymoon after all, and I’d promised him I wouldn’t hold back.
I emerged from the bathroom wearing a silk nightgown that decently ended above my knees. Travis took one hard look at me and groaned, “So help me God!”
I laughed. “This is the most decent one your assistant packed in the bag.”
Travis shook his head in frustration. He gave me a smack on the lips, and then he went into the bathroom. I lay on the bed and switched off the lights. The room was illuminated by the moonlight coming from outside. I could hear the faint gushing of the waves below us.
I still had a big smile on my face. I don’t know what was going on between Travis and me, but I was almost certain I was enjoying it. I promised not to hold back what I felt. I promised to go with the flow… so Travis could let go of his control.
Once again, he’d admitted that he wanted me. But that wasn’t what I wanted. My relationship with him was too beautiful to risk for just a ‘want,’ a desire. If I allowed him to touch me, I would want him to ‘love’ me…as in fall in love with me. And I would want to be the only woman in his life from that point forward.
I knew Travis would want to stay with me forever after that. But that wasn’t enough. If he stayed with me, I wanted him to do it because he felt I was the only one for him. Not because he was honor-bound to do so, because he didn’t want to hurt me. I would want him to stay with me simply because he wouldn’t be able to live without me. And I knew…that was too much to ask.