Chapter 5
Is He My Soulmate?
Babs, Shazzer, and I were the first ones at lunch. When the guys arrived, Ahrun sat across from me, placing a chocolate milk carton next to my plate. We hadn’t played that game since the first week the campers came. When I caught his eye, he gave me that same twinkly eyed grin.
Joshua sat down in the empty chair next to me. I smiled shyly at him.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” I said, turning back to my plate. The milk was gone. “Ahrun!”
“What?” he asked, the picture of innocence.
“Give me my chocolate milk back.”
“What chocolate milk?”
“What, are we in 3rd grade now?” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Joshua get up from the table.
“Tammy, I have no idea what you are talking about,” Ahrun insisted.
I threw a tater-tot at him. “Give it back.”
Joshua returned and set another milk down next to my plate, opening it with more force than necessary.
Ahrun glanced from Joshua back to me. I could have sworn he rolled his eyes, but when I gave him a look, he shifted his seat to talk to Babs.
I, in turn, gazed around the mess hall. The campers from a few weeks ago had made collages in Shazzer’s art class to decorate the walls. One of them caught my eye. I got up from the table to take a closer look. “Shazz, where did the kids get these pictures?”
“Oh, you know, old newspapers and stuff that people donated.” She got up from the table to join me.
“And this one?” My finger shook as I pointed.
“Don’t know. Why?”
I shrugged, trying to mirror her indifference. The picture in question was a copy of The Man with a Glove. It had obviously been cut from a magazine and then pasted onto a construction paper frame. The rest of the poster was made up of toothpaste ads. The artist’s printed name was familiar… Jorgie, Joshua’s former charge and writer of my valentine.
“Can I have this?” I asked, gesturing to the cut-out and trying to keep my voice from shaking.
“Sure, why?”
“No reason.”
Shazzer must have detected a deeper meaning behind my casual tone because she got closer to peer at it. “Hey, he kind of looks like Joshua.”
I gently reached out to touch it. It was held on by a small bead of glue and came off easily in my hand. It was slightly wrinkled and a lot flimsier than the postcard I got from the Louvre, but it was otherwise in good condition.
My heart was still beating as Joshua and I walked out of the mess hall, my purloined picture clutched carefully in hand. It had to mean something. Didn’t it? Of all the pictures in all the magazines, Jorgie had cut out that one. The portrait of my alleged soulmate. Did that mean that Joshua and I were destined for each other?
When Shazz and I arrived for the weekly staff meeting, Joshua was already there. He gestured toward the empty chair next to him as Shazz grabbed my arm. “Babs is over there,” she hissed, pulling me to the other side of the room.
I shrugged at Joshua as I sat at Bab’s table.
“Shouldn’t you be next to your boyfriend?” she leaned over to inquire.
“I’m not sure if…” I started to reply as Shazz said firmly, “She doesn’t always have to sit with him.”
The three of us all looked over as Jamie pulled out the chair next to Joshua.
Denny entered the room, a manila folder under his arm. “I’m going to get right to it since I know some of you have things to do.” He began calling out counselor/age group assignments. As usual, Joshua and I would be paired with the same age group, but that week we would be in charge of the oldest campers, the fifteen-year-olds. Mal was my co-counselor.
“And, ladies,” Denny looked from me to Mal, “make sure you watch out for Sandi. This will be her third year at camp, and, as we know by now, she can be a bit… challenging.” Mal met my wide-eyed glance and frowned.
We were to find out exactly what Denny meant the next day. As per usual, Mal and I waited for the bus together with an awkward silence. When the girls arrived, I had to admit I was taken aback. They were big. As in nearly fully developed with hips and boobs.
“Sandi’s in the red shirt,” Ferg said as he walked by, nodding at an African American girl with her hair in perfect cornrows. She approached Mal and I, sizing us up in our twin staff shirts before asking, “Who are you dating?”
“No one,” Mal replied.
The bus pulled away, revealing Joshua on the other side. He shot me a quick smile as I tucked my hair behind my ear, looking down.
“So, you’re Joshua’s flavor of the month,” Sandi said to me.
I looked over at her. She stood resolutely, her arms folded across her chest.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I echoed her arm placement.
She gave a sharp nod in Joshua’s direction. “Last year it was Rachel. Before that it was Jordan and Kat. You see that necklace he’s wearing?” All three of us looked over. Joshua was holding a clipboard and counting campers.
“He always wears that,” Mal replied.
“If you really are his girl, then he must have told you that Rachel gave it to him last year,” Sandi told me. “Rachel was my counselor, and she and Joshua were in love.” Sandi’s head swiveled around campground. “But I don’t see her now, which means Joshua’s probably on the prowl again.”
“Do we have everyone?” I asked Mal, ignoring the teen.
Mal nodded.
“Let’s head down then,” I told her.
Sandi luckily ran off to catch up with a group of girls.
“Did you know how he got that necklace?” Mal whispered as we walked down the hill to our cabin.
“No. I never asked. It’s none of my business.” It occurred to me that, if what Sandi said was true, then Mal had also been one of Joshua’s “flavors.” And I had just been called out by a fifteen-year-old.
As I stood in line behind my campers, waiting for the mess hall to open for lunch, I felt someone tap my arm. I turned around to see Joshua standing behind me.
I shot him a dirty look and then turned my back to him.
“How’s it going, Tammy?” he asked loudly.
“Why don’t you ask your girlfriend Rachel?” I shot back over my shoulder. “Oh wait, she’s not here, is she?”
Sandi looked over at me, a snarky look on her face.
“Tammy?” Joshua inquired.
“This is probably not the best time, Joshua,” Mal replied for me.
I felt him tap me again. “Tonight then? After our campers are asleep?”
The mess hall doors open and I walked forward, not bothering with a reply.
I managed to ignore Joshua most of the week. Shazz and I took our breaks together, her little green car navigating the hills around camp as we blasted Aerosmith and chain-smoked.
“So, you’re not going to ask him about the necklace?” she asked on Wednesday, taking a deep drag.
“What’s the point? He’s obviously out for a good time, and I’m just… not.”
“I told you, you might as well use him for what you can get and forget about him when the summer’s over.” Shazz was always saying stuff like that when we were alone, but it seemed like she wanted me to ignore Joshua when he was around.
“Nah. I’m fine on my own. Always have been and always will be.” I stubbed my cigarette out in her ashtray.
“Hey, listen, we won’t be able to do this tomorrow. I told your girls they could do my hair for the Talent Show. You should let them do yours, too.”
It’d been a challenging week thus far. The older girls didn’t like to obey neither Mal nor I, and every day seemed like a power struggle.
“I don’t even have any hair gel left.” Sandi and co. had poured my expensive Tigi frizz controller on the floor of the boys’ cabin. The only bright spot was imagining the look on Joshua’s face when he saw his shoes covered in blue gel.
Thursday during my break I decided to head to my cabin to get a one-up on preparing for the Talent Show. I put a clear pore strip on my nose and Velcro curlers in the front of my hair to keep the frizz at bay in lieu of hair gel. I was painting my toes bright pink when the door to the inner room opened.
Joshua peeked around the corner. “Can I talk to you?” he asked.
“Now?” I ripped the curlers out of my hair and tucked them under my pillow.
He held out a red rose, the kind you can buy in a plastic container from a gas station. “I want to apologize for not telling you about Rachel before.”
“And Jordan, and what was the other girl’s name?”
“Kat.”
“Yeah, her.”
He sat next to me on the bed. “I didn’t know that we were at the point in our relationship where we tell each other about our exes.”
“Would you rather hear about them from some camper instead?” I asked, forgoing to mention the fact that I had no exes to speak of.
“No.”
“You’re wearing a necklace some other girl gave you.”
“Do you want me to take it off?”
“No, it’s fine.” I waved my hand over my toes to help them dry. “Whatever, I don’t care anymore.”
“Then why are you acting like this? You’ve been ignoring me all week.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled. The truth was I was terrified to let on to Joshua how inexperienced I was at everything. It got to the point where it was almost too stressful worrying about all of that stuff for me to actually enjoy the moment of having someone who cared about me. It was easier to push him away than to admit that to him.
“Tammy,” Joshua knelt on the floor beside me, capturing my hand in his. “I really like you. I thought you liked me, too.”
“I do like you, Joshua.” The words, again, were involuntarily.
“Then can we just forget about the past and live in the moment?”
“Are those song lyrics?” I asked as he leaned in closer.
“Maybe,” he said before he kissed me. As soon as his lips met mine, he broke contact and sat back.
“What?” Did I do something wrong? Was my inexperience shining through, again?
“You’ve got something on your face,” he said, placing a finger on my nose.
“Ohmigod.” I flew off the bed to the mirror hanging on the cabin door. I ripped off the pore strip and then turned sheepishly back to Joshua.
He glanced at his watch. “My break is almost over, but can we continue this later?”
I nodded as he stood up. He squeezed my arm as he passed by me on his way out.
When Mal and the girls got back from Sports and Games, we decided to get dressed as a cabin. They were in favor of black, so I donned my same revealing outfit as before.
“Can I do your hair?” Sandi was standing in the doorway of the counselor’s inner sanctum.
I paused, hairbrush in hand, and glanced at Mal. She shrugged.
“Okay,” I told her.
“Come out here,” Sandi commanded.
I sat on the floor in front of her, legs stretched out so I wouldn’t flash anyone in my short skirt.
Her hands were actually gentle, deft fingers folding in and out of my locks. “You have such nice hair,” she told me.
“Thanks.”
“And Tammy?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry if I made you upset with Joshua. You guys are good now, right?”
“How did you know that?” I asked, despite myself.
“I saw him come out of your cabin when you were on break.”
“Oh.”
“I’m done. Hey, any of you brats have a hand mirror?” she hollered at the rest of the girls. One dug through her bag and then trotted over to us, mirror in hand.
“Oh,” I said again as I looked at my hair. Sandi had braided my hair from the roots to a few inches down into corn rows and then rat-tailed the ends into one giant frizz ball. I looked like an 80s punk rocker. I handed the mirror back to its owner and then patted a braid. “Thanks,” I said, for lack of anything else to say.
“No problem,” Sandi replied.
“What happened to your hair?” Shazz asked when she met me outside the mess hall.
“Sandi.”
“Did she do that on purpose?” she asked, confirming my suspicions that my hair indeed looked terrible.
“I’m not sure. I can’t figure her out. She acted like she was doing me a favor. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings in case she was being sincere.”
As soon as Shazz left my side to go help with decorations, Joshua walked over.
I glanced around the cafeteria looking for a stray baseball cap.
“Your hair…”
“I know. I look like I should be in a Hair Band video. Just give me some leopard pants and about a dozen earrings and my look will look complete.”
“I don’t have any extra earrings on me, but I wouldn’t mind seeing you in leopard pants. I was going to say that you look beautiful.”
“Really?” My betraying hands tried to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear but instead found the brillo pad on my head.
“You’d look beautiful even in a lime-green spiked mohawk.”
“I think, thanks?”
“When can we continue the conversation we started earlier?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” he reached out to straighten the strap of my tank top, “the whole, I like you, you like me conversation.”
“I think we already established that.”
“I know, but I like to hear you say it.”
I looked around the room. There were no other staff members in earshot—the other counselors were trying to get their kids quiet and Ahrun and Ferg were at their usual post next to the DJ station.
“I’ll start,” he picked up my hand and gave it a brief squeeze. “I like you a lot, Tammy.”
“I like you, too,” I whispered before Denny dimmed the lights and music began pulsing through the mess hall.
After that night, Joshua and I officially became the camp couple. Most of the others, like Katie and Ferg, were relegated to drunkenly hooking up and ignoring each other when sober, or, like Shazzer and Babs, destined to only live vicariously through the gossip of the above.
“He is your boyfriend now, Right, Tammy?” Shazz asked at lunch after the campers left Friday afternoon.
“I guess.” I was hesitant about dropping the “B” word. “We both like each other.”
“Like? What are we, in third grade?” Ahrun asked as he sat down across from us.
“But are you boning?” Ferg sat on the other side of Ahrun.
I wished I had the excuse of a camper needing to go to the bathroom to escape this incriminating conversation. I thankfully noticed that my chocolate milk was missing. “I’ll be right back.”
When I returned, Joshua stood posed with his tray at the edge of our table, but there were no more empty chairs. Suddenly inspired, I grabbed my tray. “Let’s sit over there.” Joshua and I headed to an empty table, accompanied by a chorus of “whoops” and “oooohs” from behind us.
We went out to Duke’s that evening. Afterward, I ended up spending the night in Joshua’s room, but, again, we didn’t do anything more than kiss. The next night was the 4th of July, so all the staff went to the town’s festival. Joshua won a giant stuffed bear for me by throwing darts at balloons. For the first time in my life, I had a boyfriend. I had someone to hold hands during the fireworks on the Fourth of July. I had someone to win stuffed animals for me and pay for movies. I even had someone to open up my chocolate milk for me. It was all such a new experience that I worried I would do something to screw it up.
On Sunday, Sharon, Babs and I decided to hang out by the pool. I was trying to split my time equally between my friends and Joshua, but he was already at the pool along with Alex, Ferg, and Ahrun. The English boys wore baggy swim shorts while Alex was clad in a form-fitting Speedo. I couldn’t help but notice that Ahrun’s nipple was pierced. As the song, “I’ll Stand by You,” began to play, Babs, Jamie, Katie, Shazzer, and I slow-danced in unison. I lip-synced the lyrics while Shazz shouted them, her voice echoing off the pool house walls. After it finished playing, I cannon balled into the pool before anyone could see how sweaty I was. Joshua swam over and sent a wave of water in my direction. I splashed him back.
“Quit flirting, you two,” Shazz admonished us from the other side of the pool. She climbed onto a raft and shot a dirty look in our direction.
Joshua looked over at me and shrugged. He found an empty raft and held it out for me to climb on before pulling me over to the others.
“Have you ever gotten your Red Wings?” Ferg asked Ahrun.
“Of course,” he said with a grin.
“What are Red Wings?” Shazz asked, surprisingly uninformed.
“Red Wings. You know, like, had sex with a virgin,” Ahrun told her.
“Ewww, gross,” Babs replied.
“What about you, Tammy?” Ferg asked.
I suddenly became extremely interested in the plastic of the blow-up raft I was situated on.
“I bet Tammy’s never even seen a penis,” Ahrun declared.
Shit. I’d just been called out. And how does he know? I could feel my face heat up and pictured it turning as red as Katie’s swimsuit so I dove off the raft into the pool. When I came up, they were all staring at me.
“Whatever Ah-run,” I said belligerently. “You don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Who was the last guy you had sex with?”
I thought quickly. “It was when I was in England…”
“And?” Joshua was now participating in the conversation.
“And I had sex with a guy called Sam. He was from Egypt.” Sam was a friend I met while I was in London, but nothing more.
“An Egyptian?” Ahrun declared, at the same time Ferg hooted, “Forget Red-Wings, Tammy has got her Pyramid Wings!”
Joshua remained silent, although he did look at me curiously.