Watching anyone else browse books would have been boring and time consuming, but watching Lori do it just had me lost in time. Lost in her. I started to wonder, if she did say yes, if I would be able to resist her after that. Having sex with her would just open a can of worms—a whole new kind of desire for her.

If I knew what it was like…I could never forget it and move on, not with her.

“I think I found something.”

She held up a hardback book. I took it from her, pretending to read it. All I knew was the title, A Canticle for Leibowitz.

“Looks good…isn’t it a bit old?” I knew enough about books from Lori to know when they were older or newer.

“Yeah, but a book is a book.”

She finally went to the check out after almost two hours. Two hours of watching her bend and reach for books, showing off her ass and bare stomach…I was begging her to say yes but at the same time, I would be relieved if she said no.

How could I be just her friend after having her?

It didn’t seem possible.

We’ve been friends for so long though, I think it would take more for us to grow apart.

I swiped my ID for her and we were on our way.

“You better turn it in on time, I have a perfect record.” I teased her. She shook her head with a laugh.

“Because you never go there for anything.”

I shrugged. That was also true.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did.” She retorted.

“Come on, don’t be smart.” I nudged her knee, my hand lingered before I pulled it back to the steering wheel.

“What?” She giggled.

“Did anyone else…say anything about your blog?” I asked hesitantly.

“You mean did anyone else offer?”

I glanced at her quickly, she arched her thick brow.

“Yeah.” I replied softly. She sighed and fiddled with her fingers.

“Not really. Well, they didn’t mean it. Just guys being perverts.”

“I mean; you did open the forum for having sex with you. What did you expect?” I said as kindly as I could.

“I don’t know.” She shook her head.

“You shouldn’t let it bother you. If a guy hears anything about sex all bars are gone.” I chuckled.

“You didn’t do that.” She murmured. I gave myself a mental pat on the back.

“Because I care about you, you’re my best friend.” I replied honestly. She beamed.

“I care about you too. It’s the only thing keeping me from jumping at your proposal.” I laughed a bit.

We had gotten to my apartment. When we got inside she sat with me in the living room, curled up on the couch with her arm resting on the back of the couch.

“Anything else keeping you from it? I just want to make sure you considered everything; if I can put you at ease about anything.” I said lightly. She stared back at me.

“I just don’t know if the…connection will be there.”

I nodded. It's one of the reason she even held out for so long, wanting that connection. I feel it, I just wish she could feel it too.

“Well you already know I can get it up for you,” I smirked and she blushed, “you can’t honestly say you haven’t thought about me that way.” She opened her mouth to speak but didn’t for a second.

“I…not for a long time.” I was giddy, but didn’t show it.

“What’s a long time?” My eyes drifted to her chest, rising quicker.

She was enticed right now; didn’t she know that?

“I don’t know.” That means it hasn’t stopped, but I didn’t press her.

“Guys are perfectly capable of being friends with girls, obviously…but I still fantasize about you like that cause at the end of the day I’m a guy, and you’re a girl…a hot girl.” I smiled. She swatted my leg as she laughed.

“Stop it.”

“What? Telling the truth?” I laughed with her.

“Do you fantasize about me?” I asked gingerly. Her eyes widened like she was caught in headlights.

“A little.” She finally admitted.

“There you go. It will be there…it already is.” She furrowed her brow.

“What?” My lips twitched with a smile.

“Your face is two shades darker, so is your neck. You’ve been rubbing your thighs together since we started this conversation and your resting heart rate is not this high.” I gestured to her rapidly falling and rising chest. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed her nerves.

“Oh.” She barely whispered.

“Anything else?” She bit her lip as she thought.

“What happens after?”

“I pull out.” She glared at me and I laughed so hard my stomach hurt.

“Sorry…what do you mean?”

“I mean what happens after we finish.” She drawled.

“We go to sleep, wake up the next day and go about our lives.” She nodded. “I’ll hold you afterwards.” I added.

Her eyes flickered at me and her lips curled with the hint of a smile. She avoided my gaze for a moment before speaking again. She hadn’t been expecting me to say that, but I knew she would need it.

“You…won’t try and do it again?” I furrowed my brow in confusion.

“You think I would do that?” I gaped.

“I don’t know. No.”

“I’d never force you to do anything, or make you uncomfortable. I really hope you know that. If you decide to and somewhere along the way you change your mind, just tell me.” She nodded.

“I know you wouldn’t. I just meant…I don’t know.” She waved it off. I figured out what she was getting at.

“I’m leaving the ball in your court. If you find yourself obsessed with orgasms and need a release, just come knocking. It won’t ruin our friendship, I know for sure…and if you end up finding the right guy in the near future then we stop. That is, if we even do it more than once.”

“O-okay.” I smiled a bit. She visibly relaxed. I smiled at her softly and she shook her head, giggling a bit.

“You up for a ‘Game of Thrones’ Marathon?” I asked.

“Always,” she grinned, “let me grab my book.” She never did one thing at once. Always reading while doing things. Always doing that while reading.

Lori was one of the few people that actually read the books before obsessing over the show. She tried to get me to read them, but the only thing I read are my biology textbooks.

“Let’s catch up on season five.” I clicked through Xfinity. We always waited for each other to watch the new season, we were due for six but hadn’t finished five yet. I was studying for the MCAT when all that happened.

She wrapped the blanket around herself and started reading. I relaxed into the couch and kicked my feet up. She wasn’t too close to me, but I could feel the heat of her body. I wanted to wrap my arm around her, pull her in close, just like I wanted to do a bunch of things with her…to her. But as her best friend, I couldn’t. If she said yes, for that one night, I could be anything but her best friend. Thinking of that sent a chill down my spine.

“You want some of the blanket?” She held up her hand, wafting her scent in my direction.

“Nah, Cheesecake. I’m not cold.” She went back to reading.

Sometimes, I wouldn’t even know what was happening and I just sit here and watch it, she can read a book and still explain everything that’s going on. As we sat there watching episode after episode, I kept asking myself if I was sure I even wanted to do this.

I accused myself of being selfish, so you don’t have to do that. Thinking it was just because I wanted her as more than a friend. I know that isn’t it, because I would be fine if she said no. I would, however, not be anywhere near fine if she gave it up to some stranger. Not out of jealousy.

But because it wasn’t right for her. She isn’t fragile, but she holds on to her feelings, gets lost in them like she gets lost in her books and I know that would mess her up. If it was me though, I would do it right, make sure she felt good and safe and I would be there afterwards if she needed to talk. Just like I always am.

My stomach growled. I was starving.

“Hush, Dillon.” Lori teased me. I paused the episode.

“I’m going to make something to eat.”

“Make spaghetti like…”

“Like my mom makes it, I know.” I finished for her. It was probably her favorite thing I make from my mom’s recipe books.

I made sure I had all the ingredients before I started. She put on Grey’s Anatomy but kept reading, she had already gotten through a considerable portion of it. All through grade school, she was always winning awards for reading the most books in a short amount of time. Or reading all the books on a certain list—I forget the names of these things.

Once everything got cooking I sat back with her on the couch.

“How is it so far?” I nudged her with my foot and she made a face while swatting my feet away. She hates feet, it’s the funniest thing.

“I like it. There’s no romance to mess it up.” She licked her middle finger and then flipped a page. I briefly imagined her licking something else but then brought myself back.

“I thought you liked romance.” She shrugs.

“Not these days.” She muttered.

“Hey,” I nudged her knee to make her look at me, “someone will date you eventually, you aren’t that terrible.” She scowled but not for long, she couldn’t help but laugh. Sometimes I feel like I live to make her laugh, her loud cackle and quiet snort just made my day—my entire week maybe.

“Thanks for that.”  She said between laughs.

“Anytime.” She stared back at me. I got lost in her eyes, until my gaze drifted to her slightly parted lips, plump and kissable.

I tore my eyes back to hers quickly only to find she was staring at my lips too. Our eyes met again, I thought about kissing her right then. What harm would it do? We’d already talked about having sex together. But I didn’t.

“I gotta check on the sauce.” I cleared my throat and left the heated bubble between us.

That was the only time as I made dinner that I told her to answer me by dinner time. I didn’t regret it, she needed a deadline or we would go back and forth for months—but I didn’t want to remind her either.

“You want garlic bread?” I asked her. I could see her gleaming eyes from behind the island.

“Yes!” I chuckled. The girl loved bread, and cheese. She would always say she doesn’t need a flat stomach, she has bread and cheese.

I loved that she didn’t care. I didn’t have enough fingers and toes to count how many girls I came across that were hung up on how their bodies looked. Sure, Lori worked out and did her yoga. However, she never passed up a cheeseburger or pizza, or anything fried. Maybe it’s why we get along so well.

I basted the French roll, it was the last thing before dinner was ready. I even set the table, feeling a little weird for doing it. It made it seem kind of like a dinner date but she didn’t seem to notice.

“This is like a carb dream.” She smiled as she dug into the pasta.

Watching her eat made it harder for me to. The way her tongue would catch the sauce off of her lips, how her lips would close around the fork—it was all mesmerizing.

“What time are we going out?”

I shrugged.

“When you finish getting ready, because I know that will take forever.” She rolled her eyes, knowing it wasn’t true. She never really took that long.

Our plates were empty; our glasses empty too…dinner was over. But I promised myself I wouldn’t say anything. I sat there awkwardly going through my phone, reading messages I had already seen. Most were from girls trying to hook up. I never had a rule about not seeing anyone more than once or anything, I just didn’t have the desire to. Not after Lori, and not for a while. The last time was before winter break. My molecular biology lab partner and I celebrated our high final exam grades together. In bed.

Jeez, no wonder I was so horny.

I wasted more time by grabbing her plate and starting on the dishes. She came over to help me dry and put them up. She didn’t say anything still. I felt defeated, thinking it must be a no.

She went to get ready. I just changed my shirt and threw on my leather jacket. I made sure I had enough cash and then waited in the living room. When she returned I had to actively think of my coach’s hairy balls to keep my hard on away. Her purple dress was skin tight and stopped just past her ass. Her full breasts were fighting the neckline, to top it off it was strapless so I had a full view of her smooth back and sinuous neck. As did every other guy we would see.

Fuck.

“Ready?” She tossed her hair over one shoulder and stood by the door. I stood and shook my legs out, it didn’t work, my cock was straining against every inch of fiber in my jeans.

“Yeah.” My voice was breathier than I expected.

“You aren’t cold?” She shook her head.

“No, these heels are giving me a workout.” I glanced at her shiny, black stilettos.

I took the Range Rover just because I hadn’t driven it in a long time. I went to Alston, prepared to run into a shit ton of people I knew. I took it in strides and only introduced Lori when I needed to.

Lori tugged on my jacket to pull my head down.

“I’m going to dance while you get us drinks.” She had to shout even though her lips were right near my ear, that’s how loud it was. I nodded okay and she set off, I watched her ass as she left, of course.

I ordered her a shot and got a beer for myself, I still had to drive us home. I set off to find her on the dancefloor. I chugged my beer as I weaved through the crowd.

“Hey Dillon!” I turned to the voice calling my name. It was just James, the corner back.

“Hey man.” He offered a smile as he brushed past me, I was glad he wasn’t going for a conversation.

I searched for Lori, when I found her my blood boiled and my stomach turned. For a second, it looked like she was just dancing with a guy, but then I noticed her take his hands off her hips and then he would put them back. He was tall and big, more muscle than even me and he looked shit faced drunk. In two strides I was right next to her pulling him away.

“Back off man.” I snarled. He stared back at me with droopy brown eyes and a tight grimace.

“Fuck off, we’re just dancing.” I grabbed Lori’s arm and pulled her to my side. If it weren’t for the shot I was holding in my right hand I’d have punched him by now.

“She doesn’t want to dance with you.” Lori said nothing but tried to hold me back.

“Dillon, let’s just go.” I glared back at him but followed Lori’s tug in the opposite direction.

“What the fuck man, I said we were dancing.” He reached for Lori again and I shoved him off with my elbow. He stumbled but found his footing.

“S’not like she belongs to you.” He slurred. I looked at Lori. There was only one way out.

Before she or I could blink my lips were on hers, I had to make it believable of course so I pressed my tongue into her mouth—she didn’t move back. The hand that held her moved her closer to my body just so I could feel her, and then I pulled away. The guy was gone.

“You okay?” She stared back at me. Her lips were still parted and slightly swollen, her lipstick a little smeared. I took it upon myself to wipe the edges of her mouth. She did the same to me and then took her shot from my hand. She made a face as it went down.

“I’m fine now.” I nodded.

“Good. That guy was an asshole.” She agreed.

“Still want to dance?” I took my hand off of her waist. She looked down at us, another look in her eyes. She glinted around for a moment until she looked up at me again. I had never seen that look in her eyes before, but I’ve seen it elsewhere. She wants me. there was no denying it.

“Yes.” If we weren’t in a loud club, she would be whispering. But even when she shouted that’s how I heard it.

“Come on.” I tugged her to the dance floor but she didn’t move. “What?”

“No, not to dance.” I gave her a face that said, ‘huh.’

“You just said yes.” She shook her head.

“I mean yes to you.” I thought that’s what she said but I had to lean down anyway and make sure.

“What?” Our faces were so close our cheeks touched. She pressed her lips closer to my ear. My cock twitched.

“I want you to take my virginity.”