My mom looked good, healthy I mean. She isn’t what you may think; she doesn’t abuse Botox or buy everything possibly cosmetic. She is completely natural and beautiful, yeah, I’m a total ‘momma’s boy.’ I guess.

“Honey, I missed you.” She hugged me again and kissed my cheek in front of everyone, much to my embarrassment.

“I missed you too, Ma.” I hugged her slender body and kissed her cheek.

She set her designer bag down and smiled brightly. For reference, my mom is a spitting image of me. Long, wavy brown hair, bright green eyes, broad nose and square jaw—we’re twins.

“So, how was Lori’s graduation?” She asked.

“It was great. Theo threw a little party for her afterwards.”

“Oh, that’s good. I wish I could have seen it, but I got held up with this last contract.” She explained.

We were interrupted shortly by the waiter taking our orders.

“How was school this semester?” She sipped her Earl Gray tea.

“Good. I haven’t checked my grades yet but I’m sure I did well…I got my MCAT score back a few weeks ago.” I added.

Her eyes fleeted for a moment but she feigned a smile. My mom never talked to me about football like my dad did, she never said I couldn’t do it. She knew how happy it made me, and how much I wanted to do it but she also knew how much my father didn’t want me to do it at all.

“That’s great honey.” Her smile was forced. She cleared her throat and tucked her hair behind her ear, her hand shaking. She took a deep breath and shook her head a bit. She only did all then when she was deep in thought.

“Where did you apply? For medical school, I mean.” I gleamed for a second, I only ever told Lori.

“NYU, UCLA, and USC.” I explained. They were my top three choices, if I didn’t get into any of them I was screwed because I didn’t apply anywhere else.

“Oh, okay. They sound like big guns.” I nodded with a laugh.

“They are. I just hope I get in.” She held my gaze firmly.

“You will.” I raised my brow in suspicion.

“And if I do? What about dad?” She shook her head.

“Your father…I don’t know.”

I couldn’t hold a good conversation with her until I ate my food. Clam chowder in a ciabatta roll is probably the best thing ever. My mom had a simple cobb salad. She was of course, on the healthier side of living. She did Pilates, ate organic food, and counted her macros.

“I have a question about dad.” I said cautiously.

“Sure.” She wiped the corners of her mouth gingerly and smiled warmly.

I noticed then just how much I had missed my mom. She always made me feel…better. She was a natural nurturer—Natalie Becker is the complete opposite of my father.

“Do you love him?” Her face went drawn, all of a sudden, the slight wrinkles around her mouth and eyes were noticeable. I surprised her with the question.

“I do, of course I do. Why do you ask?” I believed her, but it wasn’t what I meant.

“I was just wondering…I mean are you in love with him? Like…more than him being your husband for over twenty years kind of love.” Her lips formed a hard line before she shook it off and smiled again.

“Yeah, I am. Some days more than others, of course but that’s normal.”

I sighed uneasily. I wasn’t prepared for this conversation but she took it with ease.

“When did dad make the decision that I was going to do whatever he wanted? No questions asked.” She shook her head, her bows pinched together as she though.

“Every parent thinks that…he just goes a little farther with it than he should.”

“What do you think?” I leaned on my forearms, staring her down. It wouldn’t do me any good, my mom didn’t shy away from anything. The woman owns an international multi-million-dollar interior design corporation on her own.

“I think you want to be a doctor, and you’re going to do it regardless of your dad’s wishes.” I nodded. Damn right I was.

“Anyways, let’s talk about something else.” She perked.

“How is Lori?” She asked. She gave me a pointed look.

“She’s good,” I smiled, “she is super excited about graduating but she’s a little scared about finding a job and getting this internship she applied for. But other than that her blog is going really well, she has ads on it now so she gets paid.” I explained. She stared at me with a big smile on her face before saying anything.

“What is it, Ma?” I laughed once.

“Nothing. It’s just you really glow when you talk about her.” She cocked a brow.

“What? No, I’m just…happy for her.” I looked away before my blush started coming in. Only my mom and Lori could make me blush.

“Or in love with her.” I nearly choked. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as my face went cold, but hot at the same time. I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry.

My voice dropped, “is it that obvious?” My voice was thin.

“No,” she giggled, “but I suspected and now I know I’m right.”

“God, Ma. That isn’t fair.” I sat back, shaking my head in disbelief. She simply laughed in devious pleasure.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of honey,” she reached out and took my hand, “it’s a good thing. Have you told her?” Now I was the one laughing, humorlessly though.

“No, I can’t imagine doing that. She probably doesn’t feel the same way and I don’t want to lose her completely. I mean, she’s my best friend.” My mom is the only one who can make me mushy—besides Lori these days.

“Aw, honey. She deserves to know at some point.” I shook my head.

“I know, but…it isn’t an easy fix.” I shrugged, lost for the right words.

“How long have you known?” Her bell-like voice was filled with curiosity. She was eating this up. My mom sort of knows I’m kind of a man whore, she’s just never said anything about it. Maybe in high school to make sure I didn’t impregnate anyone and catch a disease. I couldn’t look her in the eye for a few weeks but I got over it.

“Since freshman year.”

“Of college?”

“No, high school.” Her jaw dropped a little bit, her lower lip trembling as she held back a smile.

“Whoa, that’s a long time. You should have an ulcer by now, holding that in all this time.” I nodded. Sometimes I did in fact feel like I had an ulcer.

“I know.” I sighed, my breath shaky.

“Dillon, you have to tell her. Or you’ll just get so worked up it will ruin your friendship. And I know you don’t want that to happen.” I nodded. I definitely didn’t want that.

“No, I don’t. It just isn’t that easy. Besides…I’m not really relationship material. You know that.” I said, remembering the awkward conversation we had years ago.

“I know, but…”

“I mean I’m not good at real relationships and that’s what she wants. She’s an English major, remember? So she’s a hopeless romantic. She deserves that, she deserves what she wants and I can’t exactly give her that.”

The longest relationship I had was sophomore year, one that I only kept going to try and forget about Lori. It didn’t work, it lasted three months. Since then I just…hit it and quit it, shitty as it sounds. But it’s the truth. I may take the occasional courtesy of learning their name and major but that’s just how I went with it. It works for me and I can’t make mistakes with Lori. I love her too damn much.

“You may think you can’t but love makes you do crazy things.” She left it with that.

I talked with her a bit longer until it was closer to dinner time than lunch. I should be home with her, she said it a few times but she understood how heated things could get with my dad. She walked me out to the car and gave me Lori’s gift. The box was wrapped nicely in Duke University’s colors.

“I’ll give it to her when I get back. I’ve been at their house.” She nodded.

“Theo told me.” Of course. She eyed the Beamer, knowing I had gone home to get it.

“You’ll be home for Christmas, right?”

“Yeah, of course.” She reached out to hug me.

“Oh! Before I forget, is Lori coming with us to Aspen for New Years?” I shrugged. I hadn’t asked her yet. She went with us for the past two years when her dad had to work the New Year’s shift. Her sister was with Ryan’s family since they met so I didn’t want her to be alone the first time I asked.

“I don’t know, I’ll ask her.” She hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek.

“Okay. Well we leave the thirty-first.” She stepped back and rubbed my arms, giving me a weird look.

“I love you, son. And your father loves you too.” She gripped my chin and then smoothed out my hair. Hey green eyes bored into mine. I knew she loved me, I mean really loved me. It was my father that I wasn’t so sure about.