CHAPTER 12
BY THE TIME they stopped for a picnic lunch, Jack was starving. He’d worked up an appetite while watching his wife bounce around in her wet bikini the past few hours.
Rose’s bikini wasn’t bad either. She sat in the grass clearing eating her sandwich, shrugging off her earlier adventure. “Just a waste of a good hair day, that’s all.”
Michelle, however, hadn’t quite found her happy place yet, not that Jack was surprised. The woman had the corner on grudge-holding. “This is so not a vacation,” she said to no one in particular. “Cooking without a kitchen, putting up tents before you can go to sleep, carting everything around that you need—”
“Really?” Jack interjected. “All that cooking, and putting up your own tent is getting to you, huh?”
She sighed. “You know what I mean. You’re not used to this either. You’re much more at home behind a desk and your computer, where everything you need is online at your fingertips.”
“As I recall, the last thing I did online was to put something on one of your fingers,” he said, and all eyes slid to the huge diamond glittering on Michelle’s ring finger.
It had cost him big, but he’d loved, loved, buying it for her. Loved knowing he could. But Michelle lifted a shoulder. “Easy enough to buy something like this with Daddy’s money.”
Jack stared at her, stung. “Probably. If that’s what I’d done.”
She blinked, her baby blues confused. “What?”
“My computer consulting business,” Jack said evenly. “It’s doing well. It’d doing real well. I tried to tell you.”
“But…Daddy told you to use his account whenever you bought me something.”
“Maybe I wanted to buy you something. I am your husband, you know. It’s allowed.”
She looked at him as if he was an alien.
Jack looked back.
Michelle laughed, as if he’d told a joke, but Jack just kept looking at her. “You…bought the ring?”
Jack nodded, and Michelle stared down at the ring as if seeing it for the first time. “Oh.”
Jack touched it, and then Michelle surprised him by entangling his fingers in hers, holding on. When he looked into her eyes, she shot him a tentative smile, but it was real. After a moment, he returned it with a slow smile of his own.
Maybe, just maybe, he thought, this trip would pay for itself yet.
Lily handed out cookies, which everyone devoured on the spot. Jack ate his, and half of Michelle’s, who tossed back her now dry hair. “Yeah, it’s too bad I didn’t get hurt today,” she said, trying to see herself in Jack’s reflective sunglasses. “I could have gotten airlifted right out of here. A first-class ticket back to civilization.”
“Just you, huh?” Jack asked.
“Well, you’re having such a good time…”
He looked around at everyone, no longer surprised that he was. He was having a ball, thanks to the great company, not to mention the lack of his father-in-law. “Well, yeah, actually. I am.”
“But see, you could have a good time anywhere,” Michelle said. “In a Dumpster for God’s sake.”
His stomach knotted all over again, and he set down his drink. “I could, yes. If you were there, too.”
Michelle’s brow furrowed. “You mean…”
“Yeah.”
She looked confused. “That’s…”
“Marriage?” he asked softly.
Michelle stared at him, eyes suddenly suspiciously bright. “Yeah,” she whispered softly, and warming him as nothing else could have, she ran her fingers over his jaw. “Thanks, Jack. You always have a way of making me feel special. Loved.”
“You are,” he said, turning his face to kiss her palm.
“Ah, that’s so sweet,” Rose whispered. She wore one of Rock’s sweatshirts, and sighed dreamily as she reached for his hand. “Young love. There’s nothing like it.”
“Yeah.” Michelle sipped at her soda, eyes on Jack. “Nothing like it.” And she smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek.
Jack pulled her onto his lap, hugging her hard, thinking ahead to tonight, when maybe she’d show some more of this whole loving thing.
* * *
THEY CANOED UNTIL the river spilled into a gorgeous alpine lake surrounded by towering pines and staggeringly tall majestic mountains.
For the second day in a row, Jared looked around at the amazing landscape and felt an increasing tug on his heart. He glanced at Lily, who was making camp in their grassy clearing overlooking the water, helping everyone get settled, and marveled.
She was amazing, too. By turns she took his breath and moved him, and looking at her now, he thought maybe he did the same for her. Or he hoped he did.
Earlier, she’d met up with a staff member of Outdoor Adventures for the canoe pickup and new supply drop, after which Lily had served stew, corn bread and salad.
Now Jared brought her wood to stoke the fire. “Keith didn’t make the drop this time.”
She watched him dump the wood into the pile. “Hey, you don’t have to haul wood.”
“I like to haul wood.” He squatted in front of her and waited until she looked at him. “No Keith?”
“No.”
“You okay?”
She looked around her, took a deep breath and smiled. “Actually…yes.”
She said that as if half-afraid it wouldn’t last. Then as if karma was proving her right, a scream split the air.
Michelle’s.
* * *
LILY RAN TOWARD Michelle and Jack’s tent. Michelle had pretty much desensitized Lily to the sound of her scream but she still had to investigate.
What now? she wondered. What could it possibly be now?
Loud crying came from inside the tent. “What happened?” Lily asked Jack, then turned to the sobbing tent. “Michelle?”
“He br-brought me a present,” she hiccupped from inside. “N-not more diamonds.”
Jack sighed. “Michelle, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you wouldn’t like it.”
“Like what?” Lily asked him.
He spread his hands helplessly. “I was just trying to bring her something different, you know? Something that didn’t have money signs attached to it.”
“A frog!” Michelle cried through the tent wall. “He set it right in my hands, and it was slimy! It leapt onto my head. In my hair, Lily!”
Rock chuckled and Rose glared at him. His smile faded. “That’s…awful,” he stammered.
“It was figurative,” Jack said, sounding desperate, like a man who knew he was going down with his ship. “You know, like a gift from the heart, one that didn’t cost a thing.”
Rock leaned in. “Dude,” he said to Jack. “Next time go with a rock or something.”
Jack appealed to all of them. “Look, I just thought that something alive, something breathing, would better symbolize what I was trying to say about our marriage.”
From inside the tent, the crying slowed.
“I wanted her to know it matters,” he said. “It matters a lot. She matters a lot.”
“Michelle?” Lily asked, meeting Jack’s gaze. “Still with us?”
The crying stopped completely. The rasp of a zipper filled the air, and then Michelle stuck her head out and stared up at Jack. “You weren’t trying to freak me out?”
“No!” He looked horrified. “Jeez, I wouldn’t do that to you.”
Michelle chewed on her lower lip, studying her husband for a long moment.
“Well, I think it was a beautiful gesture,” Rock said in his new friend’s defense.
Everyone looked at him.
“It was,” he insisted. “He wanted to keep their marriage alive, get it?”
“Thanks, man,” Jack said, but he had eyes only for Michelle. Longing and love and confusion and worry and need all warred for room in his expression, and Lily’s heart tugged hard.
Relationships were expensive. They cost blood and sweat and tears and, worse, they hurt.
And yet, looking at Jack working so hard to meet Michelle halfway, while not even fully understanding why she was upset with him, got to her.
What would it be like to have a man love her so much that he would do anything, whatever it took, to be there for her, to win her love?
She had no idea, because she’d never let anyone get that close. It’d been all about self-protection with her, being strong enough to take care of herself, but now she wondered at all she’d missed because of it. Excusing herself under the guise of cleaning up dinner, she went to the lake to wash her pans.
This wasn’t about her, she reminded herself. It was about the group she’d brought here, and making their time and money well spent.
This lake was larger than the others they’d seen, and heavily wooded, so much so that from the alcove she was hunkered in, she couldn’t see camp.
That worked for her. She picked up a small, round rock and skimmed it across the water. They’d gone twenty miles today on the canoes, but this lake reminded her of last night’s, where she’d watched Jared take off his clothes—
“I have an idea,” he said softly behind her, and she barely managed not to jump out of her skin. Evening out her features, she turned to face the tall, rangy shadow. He stepped forward, and the moonlight fell over him as he offered her that crooked smile, the one that never failed to turn her heart on its side.
“This time,” he said, “when you say you don’t want to talk, I’ll believe you.”
She had to laugh. “You really think we’re going to have a repeat? That I’m going to just take all my clothes off and dive in?”
“I’m hoping,” he said so fervently she laughed again.
But the laughter faded when he pulled off his glasses and stepped close, touching her cheek, whispering her name in a voice of longing and desire. “I’ve been thinking about this all day.”
“What?”
With a smile, he kissed her, achingly gentle, sweet, and in spite of herself, she slid her fingers into his short hair to hold him to her. But given the sound that rumbled from his throat as he tugged her closer and deepened the kiss, he had no intention of going anywhere. Then he touched his tongue to hers and it was her turn to make a low, desperate sound of need as she staggered back a step, coming up against a tree.
“Mmm,” he said, following her, his mouth fastened on her neck as he sandwiched her between the hard trunk of the tree and the even harder length of his body. “I can’t get enough of you.”
“I thought you said we didn’t have to talk.”
He let out a soft huff of laughter against her skin as he spread hot, openmouthed kisses to her shoulder, scraping aside her loose T-shirt as he went. “I can’t help it,” he murmured. “I want to eat you up, Lily. All of you.”
Before she could say a word to that, he’d dropped to his knees and opened her jeans.
“Jared—”
“Right here,” he said, and kissed the wedge of skin he’d exposed, just above her panty line, low on her hip.
“Um—”
His mouth skimmed a little lower, and she lost her train of thought. “Jared.”
“Yeah, you already said that.” One tug and her jeans were at her thighs.
“Yes, but—”
Another tug and her panties followed, leaving her bared to the night and Jared’s gaze.
“But…” he coaxed patiently, his breath warming her skin.
Her head thunked back against the tree. “I…”
His hands skimmed her thighs, as if needing to touch as much of her as he could, and then his thumbs scraped down, down…opening her to him.
“Ohmigod,” she whispered when he leaned in, unerringly gliding his tongue right where she needed it the most.
“You were trying to say something,” he said silkily, and then used his tongue again, in another slow, mind-blowing stroke.
“I…I can’t think when you do that.” Her hands went to his head, her fingers tightening on his hair as he continued to drive her out of her ever-loving mind. “Wait,” she gasped.
He paused, his mouth hovering a fraction of an inch from her quivering flesh. “So you do want to talk?”
“No. Yes.” She gulped for breath. In truth, she had no idea what she wanted. “God. What are we doing?”
“Having wild monkey sex, I hope.”
She had to laugh, though it was shaky. “Here, Jared?”
He let his fingers do the talking, slipping one into her while his thumb slowly stroked.
Her knees wobbled. Again her head hit the tree trunk. “Yeah, okay. Here.”
In answer, he pulled her down to the ground.
* * *
“HURRY, JARED. HURRY, HURRY…”
With a breathless laugh, Jared rolled over on top of Lily, pinning her down as he smoothed the hair from her face. “Impatient woman.”
“That’s just one of my very fine qualities.”
He nudged his hips to hers. “Maybe patience isn’t a requirement.”
“Good.” She murmured this in that throaty, I-need-to-come voice. “I hear patience is overrated anyway.”
God, he loved that voice. Jared stared down at her mouth, thinking he loved her mouth, too. Then her lips curved, and he thought of all the things he wanted her to do with them… She lay there, sprawled out for all the crickets and the stars and God to see, looking so gorgeous he could hardly stand it.
He came up on one elbow for the sheer pleasure of getting a better look at her. Oh, yeah, perfection. He kissed the tip of her nose, her chin. He kissed her shoulder, and then shoved up her shirt to kiss a breast, taking the time to run his tongue over her nipple, smiling against her skin when she let out a shuddery sigh and mustered up the strength to hold his head in place, as if she didn’t want him to lose his train of thought and move away.
Fat chance. He licked her other nipple, then began making his way south, and when he got to ground zero, she gasped and arched up into his mouth.
Perfect.
He held her still for the assault, soaking up the soft, sexy whimpers that left her throat, enjoying very much the tight hold she had on his hair. At this rate, she was going to make him bald, but he’d been there from the chemo and nothing scared him anymore.
Except maybe not being with her.
Yeah, that sounded scary. He’d have to do something about that possibility, but, for now, he planned on taking Lily straight to heaven.
* * *
WHEN LILY RETURNED to planet earth, she lay on the ground with Jared sprawled out next to her, head propped up by one hand, the other stroking the length of her.
She felt like a limp noodle, but despite the laziness of his pose, she could feel the tension still within his body. He hadn’t asked, he wouldn’t, but she knew what she wanted to do next.
Coming up on her knees, she smiled down at him.
He’d put his glasses back on. Now he looked up at her, his glasses a little fogged, which made her smile widen.
“What?” he asked.
“You’re cute.”
“Cute,” he repeated, as if unsure this was a good thing.
She removed his glasses. “Very cute.”
“Puppy cute?” he asked, squinting up at her. “Or gotta-have-me cute?”
“Both.” She unbuttoned his jeans and carefully pulled down his zipper, humming in approval at what she found, which was him, aroused and ready for her.
“Tell me you restocked your pocket supply,” he said unsteadily when she bent over him and did as he’d done—took her tongue on a happy tour.
“Mmm-hmm,” she murmured around a mouthful.
Slipping his fingers into her hair, he tugged her head up so he could see her face. “Please, God, say that was a yes,” he begged.
“Yes.”
Apparently that was all he needed to hear. Rolling them over until he was on top of her, hard between her legs, he reached for her jeans. Specifically, her pocket. Triumphant, he protected them both, then entwining his fingers in hers, brought their joined hands up to either side of her head. Bending to kiss her, he slid home. And then took them both right out of themselves.
It might have been minutes, hours or even days later when Jared rolled off Lily, gasping for breath.
Lily did the same.
Together they stared up at the night sky, waiting for the air to return to their lungs. Lily could have stayed right there, skin damp, the air cooling them, Jared still panting for air next to her for…well, much longer, but…
Ah, hell. She needed to get up, needed to be alone to think about how it was that when she was with Jared, she felt…whole. She reached for her clothes, and heard Jared sigh.
“Yeah, we’ve got to stop meeting like this,” she said, hopping into her jeans. “It could get predictable.”
“And wouldn’t that just be the end of the world as you know it.”
In the act of slipping into her shirt, she stopped and faced the gentle sarcasm. He was still sprawled out, sexy as hell, and it took some control not to go back to him. “What does that mean?”
“It means I know. I get it. You don’t like to do the same thing more than once, including a guy.”
“I did you more than once, didn’t I?”
“And now you’re running scared.”
Ignoring that zing to her heart, she tied her boots. “I’m not running scared, I’m just… Damn it, I told you. I told you what this was.”
“Just sex.”
“Yes.”
“But this isn’t just sex, Lily.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” She straightened, hands on her hips. She knew it was a classically aggressive, defensive stance, but she couldn’t help herself. She was wearing thin and knew it. “I have things to do.”
“I know,” he said.
She whirled away, then back. “I’m sorry.”
“I know that, too.”
She lifted her hands, sank her fingers into her hair. “Then…where does this leave us?”
With a long exhale, he stood and reached for his pants. “I just don’t want to be that guy you hooked up with that one summer. The one you smile fondly over but can’t remember his name.”
Now she sighed, and walked back to him, setting her hands on his chest. “I’m not going to forget your name, Jared.”
He covered her hands with his. “Stay with me tonight. In my tent.”
Staring down at their joined hands, she thought about how nice that would be. Not just because they could get naked again, but because he could hold her all night, and she would know who she was.
But what about when this was over? Slowly, she shook her head. “I’m sorry.” She barely managed to keep it together. “Not yet.”
“Lily…I learned the hard way not to put off something that matters. Life is too short for that.”
She looked deep into his eyes and knew he knew what he was talking about.
“You matter, Lily,” he said quietly. “I know it’s been only a short time, but you do. You matter so much.”
Oh, God. “Let me catch up.” Her hands fell free, and she backed away. Needed to be alone to fall apart. “I really do have to go.” She whirled away, then stopped. Turned back, and admitted the truth. “But for what it’s worth? You matter, too. More than I wanted you to.”