CHAPTER 6
The Alcazar was just as I remembered. I suppose with everything that had happened, I’d half expected a hostile greeting, but everything was just the same as it was when Kage and I had walked through those front doors on our way to the airport almost a week earlier.
The casino blips were a welcome sound, as was the murmur of guests passing through the hotel lobby. I thought of Enzo and the Grotto, and I felt the first mild stirrings of hunger I’d had in days. I was making my way toward the restaurant when Steve saw me.
“Jamie, you’re back. I missed you.” His face lit with excitement.
“Yeah, I missed you, too,” I said, trying to sound as excited as Steve.
His smile faltered, a dead giveaway that I hadn’t succeeded in fooling him. “Is your mom okay? How did everything go?”
“It went fine. I pulled hospital duty, but as soon as they let her go home, I caught a plane back. I needed to get back to work, you know? I was going stir crazy.”
“Yeah,” Steve said. “Too much family time is bad for your mental health.”
I laughed. “Tell me about it.”
“So…” Steve leaned across the counter and dropped his voice. “Did you and a certain someone get some quality time away from prying eyes?”
I shrugged, unsure of how much to tell Steve. “He left for camp right after we got there, so not really.”
“Camp?” He looked around behind me, searching for Kage. “He didn’t come back with you?”
“No. You didn’t hear? Kage got the chance to take a fight in the UFC. The other fighter backed out at the last minute, so they called him. He fights next Saturday.”
“Get out of here! They don’t tell us anything. That’s great news, though. The UFC… that’s the big time, right?”
“Yeah. It’s the opportunity he’s been waiting for.”
“But you don’t sound very excited.” Steve gave me a pitying look. “You miss him, don’t you?”
“I guess it’s a little weird being away from the guy I’ve been working so closely with for so long. As far as bosses go, he’s pretty pleasant to be around.”
Steve raised a brow. “Oh, are we back in the closet again? You know I won’t say anything, right? I’d rather give up glitter for life than to stab you guys in the back.”
“I know. It’s just that we’re not exactly together.”
“What? Last time I saw you guys, you looked like you were on your honeymoon. Trust me, I see a lot of honeymoon couples coming through here, and you had that look.”
“Well, I guess the honeymoon’s over, as they say.”
“Don’t say that. I refuse to accept it. What happened?”
“He dumped me, okay? Forget about it. I’m just gonna do my job for as long as I have it, and then I’m gonna go back to school.”
Steve laughed and crossed his arms. “Now I know you’re full of shit. I mean, I haven’t known you for very long. Maybe you fall in love weekly or something. But Kage? I have literally never seen him with anyone. I was so happy for him. I don’t even get that happy when I get a new boyfriend.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Steve. We’re not together. And as for him never having been with anyone, I’d be willing to bet he’s been with more people than I have. Just because he hasn’t paraded them through the lobby—”
“Shhh…” Steve glanced over my shoulder and pasted on a fake smile. “How’s it going, Mark?”
“Crap,” I said under my breath, then turned around reluctantly.
“Well, if it isn’t our absentee intern,” Mark said. “Wish I had your hours. That would be sweet, wouldn’t it Steve? If we could come and go as we pleased, and work out of our free high-roller suite.”
I had not expected such hostility from Mark. The last time I’d really interacted with him was when we’d gone out drinking together, and so much had happened since then. It didn’t bother me too much, since I’d already figured out he was a major douchebag.
“Yeah, I had to go to Georgia. My mom had cancer, and they had to remove both breasts.”
“Oh,” Mark said, looking at least a little chagrined. “Sorry to hear that. I hope she’s doing alright.”
“She is, thank you.”
“So, where’s Santori, Jr.?” He looked around, as if he thought Kage might be hiding behind the potted trees or in the empty luggage racks.
Steve sniffed derisively. “You know, I wish Kage would beat your ass every time you called him that. I’ll bet it would only take one time for you to get the message.”
Mark only smiled, clearly pleased with his passive-aggressive attack on a guy who wasn’t even there to defend himself. But who cared, anyway? It was just a name. Kage’s uncle came off as an asshole for sure, but I didn’t get why the name was such a big deal.
Michael Kage Santori. The thought of his name brought a mental image with it, and even in my current mental state, I had to sigh. Everything about the man was an aphrodisiac to me, even his name.
I took up for him, anyway. “Come on, Mark. Why do you keep calling him that when you know he doesn’t like it?”
Mark laughed. “Because I like nicknames. They’re fun. I need to come up with one for you, too. How about Santori’s little bitch? Will that work?”
Steve glared at Mark. “Why don’t you just fuck off, Mark? Nobody invited your skanky ass over here in the first place.”
“I’d rather work than be seen with a couple of queers, anyway.”
“Got something against your own kind?” Steve yelled at Mark’s retreating back as he walked through the door to the office area.
“Your own kind?” I turned back to Steve. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Steve shrugged and started needlessly tidying up behind the desk. “Closet case,” he said.
“Is that just a guess, or—”
“Not a guess,” Steve said, looking up from his tidying and batting his lashes.
I stared at the closed door Mark had just walked through, trying to wrap my head around what Steve had let slip. I tried to remember everything Mark had ever said to me.
“But he talks about pussy all the time. Like constantly. He’s obsessed with it.”
“Over-compensation,” Steve said. “Trust me, he’s probably gotten less pussy than I have, and I’ve never been with a girl.”
“Really? You haven’t?” For some reason it surprised me to think that there were grown men who had never had sex with a female.
“Don’t look so shocked. You think your boyfriend has ever been with a woman?”
“Is that a trick question?”
Steve chuckled. “No, it’s legit. I don’t know for sure, but as far as I know, he never has.”
“What about Vanessa?”
“I think they were sweethearts when they were kids or something.”
“Hmmm…” I pondered for a moment. “I honestly don’t know, Steve. We never really discussed it.”
“You know what I think? I think he’s never had a relationship with anyone but you.”
I scoffed. “Well, he’s definitely had sex before. Plenty of it.”
He just leaned in closer, a wicked smile playing at his lips. “And why do you say that?” Steve was fishing for information, but I wasn’t about to share Kage’s secret penchant for anonymous motel sex. Now I was going to have to share something about my own sex life.
I blushed all the way to my toes. “Let’s just say he has skills.”
“Not good enough.” Steve reached across the counter, grabbed a handful of my t-shirt in his fist, and pulled me toward him. “You’ve gotta give a guy more than that. I need details. Dirty, dirty details.”
I was going to tell Steve that I didn’t kiss and tell, but loneliness made me say something completely different. “Go out clubbing with me tonight, and I’ll give you a few details.”
Steve reached out and shook my hand. “It’s a deal. I’ll come up to your place when I get off work.”
Going out drinking with Steve was one of those things that seemed a lot safer in theory than it turned out to be in reality. It began innocently enough, though if I’m honest with myself, I’d had mutinous stirrings in my belly since the moment I’d decided to return to Vegas.
It’s hard to sit back and take it when someone breaks up with you, especially when you’re still hung up on them. And even more especially when they cut all ties with you and act like you don’t exist.
After that one-round volley of texts fell flat, I couldn’t think of what else to do. How do you entice a person back when you can’t even get an open line of communication with them? When they basically tell you to go to hell. Steve didn’t know all of this when he agreed to take me out. No doubt he thought the breakup thing between Kage and me was temporary— a little lover’s spat that could be fixed with a phone call.
I didn’t think it was going to be that easy, if it was even possible at all.
After Steve got off work, he came up to my suite, which he’d still never seen. He ran around like I had the first day I’d moved in. “This is amazing,” he sang as he twirled in front of the glass overlooking the street below. “How are you going to stand going back to school after living here?”
I frowned and made sure he saw me doing it.
“Sorry,” he said. “Let’s not think about that.”
I walked up behind him and looked out over his shoulder. “If you think this is nice, you should see Kage’s place.”
“Wow, I forgot you’ve been in his apartment. What’s it like?”
“Like nothing I’ve ever been in. But I don’t notice it so much when he’s in it. He pretty much keeps my attention.” I smiled, remembering how he looked moving through the space, everything paling in his shadow as usual. “He doesn’t really seem to care too much about it, though. I guess if you’ve lived in it all your life, it’s not as impressive.”
Steve turned to look at me. “Is it true that he used to be poor, like below poverty level? And that his mom died of a drug overdose, and his dad abandoned him for his uncle to raise?”
My head was reeling with the new information, and with the fact that the guy I’d told my dad I was in love with hadn’t felt close enough to tell me an important bit of his past that even the hotel staff knew.
“Jamie?” Steve waved a hand in front of my face. “Did I just blow your mind? Don’t tell me he hasn’t told you anything about his past.”
“Guess not,” I said bitterly. “I mean we were just working together, you know. And having sex. It wasn’t that serious.”
“Oh, screw that,” Steve said, grasping my shoulders and forcing me to face him. “Hey, those things I just told you are rumors. That’s why I was asking you if it was true. I figured if anyone knew, it would be you. But there’s always the possibility that no one knows. Maybe he doesn’t like to talk about it. Maybe it’s not even true.”
“Yeah,” I agreed halfheartedly. “Or maybe it was just sex.”
“I don’t believe that for a minute. I may not know anything about the guy’s past, but I know his present. I know him well enough to know that he was happier after you came here than I’d ever seen him before. You don’t know what a change it was, but those of us who see him every day noticed.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. If you two don’t get back on track, I’m worried about him.” He looked down at my body. “And I’m worried about you, too. Have you eaten since you left here? You are really looking thin. And these dark circles under your eyes have got to go. Want me to put some concealer on them?”
“Hell, no.” I pushed him away. “I’m not wearing makeup. Let’s just go get drunk.”
We walked roughly the same circuit I’d walked with Mark Gladstone on our night out that ended with me having a slumber party with Kage and Vanessa. Steve was knocking the drinks back pretty fast, but I was mindful of my underfed state and tried not to go overboard. I was nervous cruising around a strange town with a drunk tour guide. What if Steve got too messed up to take care of himself? We didn’t both need to be passed out somewhere in the city of sin. No telling what might happen to us.
Eventually, though, when the night had grown stale and I was antsy with a couple of beers in my system, I asked Steve what I’d been planning to ask all night.
“Will you take me to a gay bar?”
Steve’s face ran through a cycle of various expressions: shock, bewilderment, curiosity, delight, and finally suspicion. “You want to pick up another guy?”
I shrugged and took a swallow of the warm beer I was nursing. “Maybe. Maybe not. Really, I’m just curious about whether or not I’d be attracted to another guy.”
“I’ll be your guinea pig,” Steve slurred. “No, on second thought, scratch that. Michael Kage’s ex is not a good idea for me, unless I want to end up in the morgue.”
“No offense, Steve, but I’m kind of spoiled for a certain type of guy.”
“And what type might that be?” he asked innocently, eyes wide.
“Um… big.”
“Well, how do you know I’m not your type, then? You haven’t seen what I’m packing.” He glanced deliberately down at his lap, and I had to laugh.
“That’s not what I meant. I was talking about a more general type of big. Built, strong, aggressive, forceful…”
“Oh, you mean like a fighter,” he teased. “Well, why didn’t you say so?”
Fifteen minutes later, we were in a gay bar. The one he took me to was dark and kind of seedy if you ask me. I felt a little scared in there. By this time, Steve was pretty lit, and he was pointing out all of the guys in the place that he’d like to do. But even though he got approached several times, he didn’t try to pick up. He said he was there for me, and that he couldn’t give me the kind of attention I needed if he was preoccupied with someone else.
“Are you sure about this?” Steve asked. “I’m not really feeling this whole meeting someone thing. Kage is not going to be happy about it.”
“How would he find out?” I asked, secretly hoping that he would find out.
“Are you just wanting to make him jealous?” Steve asked, avoiding my question. “If you want to make him jealous, there are better ways to do it than sleeping with someone else. I just have a really bad feeling about this, Jamie. And especially about me helping you do it. My first allegiance is with Kage, and I do have his cell number.”
I sighed and plopped down at the table Steve found for us. “I still want to be with him, you know. He just doesn’t want to be with me. If I could walk over there and talk to a guy for a few minutes and somehow make Kage jealous, that would be awesome. But he’s not around, and he’s not interested, and I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. All I know is that I’m gonna die if I just sit around and mope. I mean, you and I both know I’ll never find another Kage. I’m already screwed, so why not just go for broke? Just fuck it all to hell and back until there’s nothing left to salvage.”
“Why the fatalism? Can’t you just have a little faith that things will work out?”
“I’m all out of faith,” I said, as if I’d ever had any in the first place. “Look, I’m probably not gonna sleep with anybody. I just need to flirt a little, to remind myself that there’s more than one guy in the world. I need to quit obsessing over him. Now tell me how to get picked up in a gay bar, or I’m gonna go out there and wing it.”
“Okay…” Steve didn’t sound altogether sold on my chosen course of action, but he was going to help me, that much was clear. “Do you know how to pick up girls in a straight bar?”
“Of course. That’s easy.”
“How do you do it?”
“I just talk to them, actually.”
“Then you already know how. I mean look at you. Most of the guys in here are already scoping you out.” He ruffled my hair and smiled appreciatively. “I noticed you said you want to get picked up tonight. That sounds a little passive to me. Are you looking for a top?”
“Yes. I’m a bottom.” I announced it with pride, mainly because I got to show off a new word I’d learned on Kage’s hookup app
“Kage won’t let the straight boy top?” Steve laughed so hard he fell over in the seat. When he came back up, he said, “That’s priceless. And yet somehow not surprising.”
I felt my face coloring. I was already a little self-conscious about the fact that I’d gone from life-long top to full-time bottom in a matter of months, but I enjoyed it. That didn’t mean I didn’t want to switch it up some, but the truth was, with Kage it hadn’t even occurred to me. Why hadn’t it? I was sitting there pondering the strangeness of that when Steve intruded on my thoughts with some advice.
“I always know when a guy can’t keep his eyes— or hands— off my ass, he’s probably a top. But I would think at this point, if you’re just flirting to make Kage jealous, it doesn’t matter. You’re not sleeping with anyone, right?” The last sentence sounded more like an assertion than a question.
“I just want a guy who will be rough, you know? Like maybe want to do it really hard. Is there any way to tell which guys might be like that?” It was difficult to meet Steve’s eyes, because we both knew I’d just given far too much away about what went on between Kage and me. He’d wanted details, but I doubted that was the kind he meant. Somehow what I’d just revealed felt more emotional than sexual. That’s not the kind of thing I needed to be sharing.
Not only that, but what I was needing, what I was sharing, wasn’t only about me. It was about that long trail of internet boys Kage had fucked his way through. I needed to know what it felt like to be one of them, to find out if that’s what I was, and putting up a profile had been too terrifying. This was safer.
Steve stared at me for a moment, on the verge of saying something but never saying it. Finally he found his voice. “I think you need to talk to Kage about this. Everything is so new to you, and all this stuff with your mom, and I’m too drunk to handle it. This is all jacked up, Jamie. I think you’re kinda messed up in the head right now. Just wait and talk to Kage.”
I jumped up out of my seat and screamed at him, “What part of he fucking left me do you not understand?”
I didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, I walked up to a large group of guys and stood next to them where they were talking amongst themselves and watching the dance floor. A man standing several feet away caught my eye. He was tall, good-looking, and huge. Exactly what I needed. I moved around to where he was standing.
“Sorry,” I said, bumping into his arm as if on accident. “Personal foul. I must have had one too many.”
“No problem.” He laughed, and his eyes slid over me, methodically taking in every inch. He didn’t try to hide the interest, which was a good sign. Already, I had the impression that it wouldn’t take long to get things going. Probably wouldn’t have to talk to him all night and then try to smooth talk him into bed like I had to do with girls. This was going to be a walk in the park.
“You been here before?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah. I’m a local.”
“Ahhh… I’m on a summer internship.”
That seemed to pique his interest. Guess he had a little Mark Gladstone in him.
“Where you interning?”
“For a local athlete. I’m a publicist.” I didn’t want to give away too much about my identity
“You sound like you’re from the south.”
“Yeah, I’m from Stone Mountain, above Atlanta.”
“Georgia boy. Nice.”
Nice? That’s good, right?
“Where do you work?” I continued with the near-monosyllabic pattern of our exchange.
“Construction.”
Since the obvious once-over seemed to be the first rule of pickup etiquette around these parts, I licked my lips deliberately and gave him a slow perusal. I was used to playing it cool when I picked up girls, but whatever. I could do this.
“Do you go out much?” I asked, for lack of anything better to say.
The conversation was a challenge. Every sentence felt like a brick wall that one of us had to scale to get to the next. But then, dazzling conversation had never been a prerequisite for sex. The only requirements for that were two willing bodies and a little bit of attraction.
The guy didn’t answer my question about going out. He seemed suddenly bored with the conversation’s direction, or actually the lack of direction, so he got bold and just went for it. He faced me and put his hands on my shoulders, leaning down to get a good look at my face.
“How old are you?” he asked, biting his lip and giving me a glimpse of animal desire that was already brewing in his blue eyes. “You legal?”
That pissed me off. I was trying to pick him up, and he was treating me like a child. What did I need to do to be seen as a man, grow a beard? I was already sporting a little scruffy stubble because of my depression-induced lack of hygiene.
“I’m twenty-one,” I assured him with a haughty lift of my chin. “Old enough to drink, and old enough to fuck.”
Shit. That might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever said.
“That’s what I’m talking about.” He smiled and put a hand on my hip, linking his thumb in the belt loop of my jeans and yanking me toward him.
“Oh, hell,” I said, staring up into his eyes for what seemed like ages. “I’m gonna need another drink for this. Will you excuse me for just a sec?”
He looked a little suspicious, but he didn’t try to stop me. The club was really busy, and it took me about ten minutes to work my way up to the bar. By the time the bartender finally got to me, I knew exactly what I wanted.
“Jack and Coke,” I said. It was the first time I’d ever ordered what I considered to be a man’s drink. Beer had always been my drink of choice, though I’d sometimes ordered fruity drinks for the girls I was dating or trying to pick up. But this was a night of firsts.
When I got the drink I gulped it down as fast as I could. The term liquid courage had never been more apt. I returned to stand by the muscle guy, and right when I got within arm’s reach of him, he grabbed onto my shirt and reeled me in.
I let out a surprised squeak and grabbed onto his biceps with both hands. “Oh, you’re really strong,” I said, feeling the first subtle stirrings of genuine interest. “I’ll bet you like to get a little rough.”
Okay, I wasn’t going to win any seduction awards, but my clunky, obvious come-on did exactly what it was designed to do. The guy snatched me flat up against him and pressed his erection into my abdomen.
Suddenly it seemed things were moving along a little too quickly, and I started to have second thoughts. This didn’t feel the same as when Kage touched me.
The construction worker’s eyes bore into me, and what I saw in there told me I needed to turn and run away right then. But I thought of Kage and his boys— how angry it made me, how he’d hooked up at least once after I got to Vegas, and how he’d treated me like one of them the night he left me in Georgia. I thought of those things, and I didn’t run. Instead, I squeezed my eyes shut and let the guy maul me, wincing as his stubble abraded my cheek.
Something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t figure out why. All of the elements I was looking for were present. The guy was handsome, strong, manly, rough, stubbly, hard, horny… Those were all characteristics I associated with Kage, and yet it was taking every bit of self-control I had to keep from squirming out of his grasp.
“You’re a pretty little thing,” he said against my ear, his voice thick with want. The smell of liquor on his breath was too strong. “You don’t have a boyfriend?”
“No,” I said too quickly. Maybe I should have lied.
“Well, I do,” he said. He turned and let out a whistle to get someone’s attention, and a big guy who looked almost like his twin stepped up next to him.
My heart jumped, because for a second I thought I was about to get beaten up by this guy’s boyfriend for hitting on him. I was terrified, but then I became even more terrified when the guy smiled and said, “Mmm, what we got here?”
“Intern who says he’s old enough to drink and old enough to fuck.” The construction worker laughed. “Says he wants it hard.”
I had said that, hadn’t I? Not in those exact words, though. He was paraphrasing, and that didn’t seem quite fair.
His boyfriend’s smile widened, and he gave me a look that made the first guy look like a choir boy. “You came to the right guys if you want it hard. We’ll both give it to you hard and dirty. You ever had your hole double stuffed?”
That last comment made my belly flip over, and my dick, which had previously been taking a nap, woke up just a little bit. But it was only the thought that intrigued me, and it wasn’t enough to make me down for the threesome. At that point, I’d pretty much decided that this had been a terrible idea. Now I just had to figure out how to bow out gracefully, since I was the one who had started it all in the first place.
Then I had a eureka moment. “You know what, guys? I really want to do this, because wow. Double stuff… that sounds amazing. But I just remembered my friend is here, so I can’t leave.” I feigned disappointment and pointed at Steve, who waved back warily. He looked like he wanted to strangle me, but he was going to have to get in line, because I already wanted to strangle myself. Not to mention I had no idea what these guys’ interpretation of rough might be. The way they were looking at me, I wouldn’t rule out strangulation. “Um… Let me get your number and we can hook up later.”
I felt like an ass. I had come up to this guy, hit on him, basically propositioned him for sex, and now I was backing out like a little bitch.
The first guy smiled. “Lucky for you, there are rooms here. No need to leave the bar to have a little fun.”
“Rooms? Here?”
They each took an arm and walked me through a doorway and into a hall lined with doors. One of the doors was open, and they escorted me into the little room and closed the door behind us.
Steve pushed in through the door before the guy could lock it. “Jamie, come on. Let’s go. I’m not feeling well, and I need you to take me home.”
Everything was happening too fast for me to process or react.
“He’ll only be a few minutes.” The construction guy pushed Steve out into the hall and locked the door.
“You ever had two guys at once?” the boyfriend asked, pulling me into his lap.
I gulped and shook my head. “I don’t think—”
“Don’t be nervous. You’ll love it,” his first guy said. “Two for the price of one.” Then he smiled at his boyfriend, who was holding me tightly against him, his arm banded across my chest. “Better cover his mouth. He looks like a screamer.”