Eva
It wasn’t strange for me to work well into the night at the office when I was researching a case and tying up loose ends. I enjoyed these nights, the quiet, the scent of old law books and justice surrounding me. I worked best alone with my desk covered with pages and pages of notes and empty cans of Pepsi lined up waiting to be tossed into the recycling bin.
“I think you deserve something a little stronger than that, sweetheart.” I looked up to see Justin standing in my doorway and eyeing my empty soda cans.
“Yeah, well the coffee from the vending machine in the hallway is terrible. I needed caffeine and Pepsi has never steered me wrong.”
“Working late again I see.” Justin stepped into my office. “Are you purposefully trying to make me look bad, gorgeous?” he asked, walking over and sitting in the chair opposite of me. He had arrived at work this morning just minutes after me. So like me he had put in a lot of hours today. Although he appeared a little disheveled, probably due to the long day, with his tie loosened and his hair slightly rumpled he still looked handsome.
“No, it just seems to come naturally. I don’t have to work on it at all, actually.” Our banter had always been a little flirtatious, but never enough to say that we had crossed some sort of line. Justin grinned. I imagined that his smile had the capability to weaken many women’s knees. He was hot enough, smart enough. So why didn’t I feel anything?
Because he isn’t Jamie.
I wished I could look at Justin and get lost in his gaze. I would have given anything for my body to respond to the sound of Justin’s voice.
Maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough to forget about Jamie. And wasn’t that what Jamie wanted? As much as I had hated hearing it, I knew that we had to end things. I knew he was right. Only seconds after he had made me come I had seen the transformation. His eyes had gone from ravenous and needy to consumed with shame and regret. I had to move on. I couldn’t keep doing that to a man that I . . .
You don’t love Jamie. You can’t love him. Stare at Justin.
“Go out to dinner with me,” Justin said, leaning forward in his chair and not even addressing the fact that I had playfully insulted him.
“You’re relentless. How many times have you asked me out only for me to turn you down? How is it that you’re not discouraged at this point?”
“So dinner may be a little much. How about a drink? Or a cup of coffee, one not from a shitty vending machine?” Again he smiled. And again I felt nothing. No sparks, no tingling anywhere. Just that annoying little feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I was alone with Justin. I told my gut to fuck off. With the exception of him asking me out constantly when I had a boyfriend, overall he seemed like a nice guy. I thought back at our run-in at the hospital when he had escorted his very pregnant sister to her overnight appointment. That had been sweet and evidence that he didn’t just care about his Mercedes or the expensive suits that he wore. And it wasn’t like we didn’t have things in common. We were both attorneys, enjoyed taking down the bad guys and apparently we both liked coffee. That was a start.
“Coffee.”
“You are seriously agreeing to a coffee date? With me?” he asked, suddenly looking a lot less lawyerlike and more like the boy next door.
I couldn’t help but smile a little and silently tell my gut I told you so.
See, Justin isn’t a prick. You’re just being paranoid.
“Yes,” I said, shutting down my laptop.
“Where would you like to go?” he asked, standing from his chair with a goofy ass grin on his face.
Don’t do it. This is your chance to move on. To break free. For the first night in a week you won’t be going home to an empty house after work and eating ice cream on the couch while binge watching something from OnDemand. Instead you’ll be drinking coffee with someone who isn’t bad to look at. Don’t say it, Eva.
“Um . . . I like Saxby’s coffeehouse. Do you know the place?”
You bitch.
Twenty minutes later we were sitting at a small round table by the window at Saxby’s. From my seat I had a perfect view of St. Bede’s Church and the rectory adjacent to it. I was also able to see that Jamie’s car was parked in his assigned space. What was he doing right now? Was he finishing up work for the day? Preparing for tomorrow’s Mass? Or was he doing something completely ordinary like sitting in front of his television and watching his favorite show? What was his favorite show?
I needed to stop this. I was out on a date with Justin, and all I could do was think about Jamie and stare at the church across the street like some creepy stalker.
“So what are your plans for Christmas?” Justin asked as he sipped his cappuccino, seemingly unaware that I was giving the building across the street more attention than him.
I looked at Justin and forced a smile, one I usually reserved for jurors who I needed to win over. “I think I’m going to head to my beach shack for a few days and enjoy the quiet.”
“Beach shack?” he asked, laughing into his drink.
“Yes, compared to the homes in Stone Harbor my little slice of heaven is a mere shack on the bay. But I don’t mind. I love it. It’s quaint, and most importantly, it’s mine.” I blew on my mocha latte and then took a tentative sip. “How about you? Are you going to see your sister over the holiday?”
“That’s the plan. I usually go to Christmas Eve Mass with her and her husband Brian. My dad passed away when I was seventeen, my mother just months after him. So it’s just us.”
I knew what it was like to be without family for the holidays, but at least he still had his sister and brother-in-law. I could have told him that my dad was also dead and that my mother had been out of the picture too until last month. Maybe that would have comforted him. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want to share that piece of myself with Justin.
Because that piece already belonged to someone else.
I did the only thing I could do, something that was safer than words and patted his hand . . . the exact moment Jamie chose to come into Saxby’s for a nightcap. We locked eyes for the briefest of moments and then his gaze drifted to my hand, which was still resting on top of Justin’s.
“Do you know him?” Justin asked, following my gaze.
“Yes . . . he’s my stepbrother.”
“Oh, I wasn’t aware that you had one,” Justin said, staring him up and down.
“Up until a few weeks ago I didn’t know he even existed. I just recently reconnected with my mother and learned that she had remarried. Her husband has two sons from a previous marriage.”
“Well, invite him over,” Justin said with a smile that didn’t quite make it to his chocolate brown eyes.
Invite him over? So, I could do what exactly? Oh yeah. This was what my evil subconscious had hoped for. That Jamie would see me with another man. I hated myself. And I hated the way Jamie was looking at me right now. I reached down deep and dug out a smile that Jamie would know was fake. I attempted to remove my hand from Justin’s when his hand quickly enveloped mine. I looked over at Justin, and for a second I thought I saw something dark, something possessive, behind his eyes. And then it was gone. With my free hand I gave Jamie a pathetic beauty queen-style wave.
“Hello Eva,” Jamie said. His low baritone entered my ears and vibrated against the walls of my chest, causing my heart to leap.
“Hi Jamie. It’s good to see you,” I said. He was wearing regular clothes tonight and looking so damned gorgeous that I wanted to weep into my mug. To distract myself I downed the rest of my mocha latte.
“Join us,” Justin said. His grip around my hand tightened.
Jamie’s eyes narrowed as he stared at my hand in Justin’s death grip and then he looked up and matched my fake smile. “Thank you. I would like that,” Jamie said.
“My name’s Justin. Eva and I work together at the firm,” Justin said, extending the hand currently not holding mine prisoner.
Jamie shook his hand and took a seat.
“Eva tells me you’re her stepbrother,” Justin said.
“She did, did she? What else did she tell you about me?” Jamie asked, looking right at me with so much heat that I thought I was going to combust. I cowardly looked away and stared at the bottom of my mug.
“Would you like another mocha latte, sweetheart?” Justin asked. I looked up and saw Justin eyeing my empty coffee mug.
“No, I’m fine. Thanks, though.” I felt Jamie’s eyes boring into me and I foolishly glanced at him. The heat in his eyes remained but now it mingled with jealous fury. His jaw was now clenched and the vein in his temple throbbed.
“Jamie is a priest at St. Bede’s Church across the street,” I said, looking back at Justin.
Justin raised a brow and looked at Jamie. “Oh, my sister and her husband go to St. Bede’s. They love it there. I thought the scandal six months ago would have rocked the faith of many in your parish, but my sister said that the new priest who had been assigned to come in to stabilize things and deal with the fallout has made St. Bede’s stronger than ever.”
“Well, that’s very nice of her to say,” Jamie said. “What’s your sister’s name?”
“Katherine Hughes. Her husband is Brian. And they are very pregnant with triplets. She’s planning on being a stay-at-home mom when the babies arrive,” Justin said.
I was all for women staying home and taking care of their children if that was what they wanted, as it really was a full-time job. But something bothered me. Not what he had said, but how he had said it. I was in the middle of wondering why it sounded like Justin was more than just proud of his sister for choosing to stay home and raise her kids and not pursue a career when Jamie interrupted my thoughts.
“Oh yes. Katherine is on our weekly prayer list due to her high-risk pregnancy. I saw her after Mass last week and she told me that everything is looking good, the babies measuring a nice healthy weight at this stage of her pregnancy,” Jamie said without missing a beat. He still looked pissed but somehow he was able to carry on a conversation with a man I suspected he wanted to beat the shit out of.
A waitress came by at that moment and asked if Jamie wanted a cup of his usual. He smiled and told the very pretty waitress yes. She blushed profusely and then practically sprinted to fill his order. I wanted to bash her beautifully straight teeth in.
I deserved this. I deserved to feel like complete shit.
“Yep, another week down. They’re hoping to get to thirty-three weeks,” Justin said.
“Well, I’ll pray for that,” Jamie said.
Justin switched gears after taking a sip of coffee. “So it must have been a little uncomfortable to learn that your stepsister was the one responsible for putting some of your colleagues behind bars.”
“Uncomfortable?” Jamie asked. “Why would I be uncomfortable? The men Eva prosecuted deserved to be put away. They molested and victimized dozens of children. They were pedophiles.”
“But the church . . .” Justin began.
“Should never look the other way or protect pedophiles. I was happy to hear that those ten priests were exposed and sent to prison. And I was proud to learn that it was my stepsister who brought those men to their knees,” Jamie said, his tone absolute.
He was proud of me. Even after seeing me here with another man, most likely knowing I had intentionally tried to make him jealous, he had said he was proud of me. I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat as I looked at him. His lips curled to form a sad smile, one that gutted me.
“That’s refreshing to hear,” Justin said. “No wonder why my sister speaks so highly of you.”
Our pretty waitress showed up with Jamie’s coffee and a smile that he didn’t reciprocate this time around. Jamie rose from his seat, placed a twenty-dollar bill on the table and told us goodbye. Justin stood and shook his hand while I just sat there feeling like the heartless bitch that I was. He didn’t give me another one of his somber smiles or jealous glares. He didn’t give me anything. He just up and left, forcing me to watch him from that damn window as he crossed the street and entered his church.
“I had a nice time tonight, Eva. Would you be up for dinner next time?” Justin asked as he helped me into my coat.
I should have wanted there to be a next time. I should have been jumping all over the opportunity to have this handsome man help me forget Jamie, erase him completely. But my heart wasn’t in it. Because it had been taken by a man who I just hurt.
I didn’t want to spoil the night and make another person feel like shit, so I told Justin that things were crazy right now at work but maybe after the holiday we could grab some dinner. He looked disappointed that I hadn’t leaped at his invitation, but he remained a gentleman and asked if he could walk me home. Again I turned him down and told him that I had intended to stop by my friend Cassie’s on the way home, which was a big fat lie since Cassie lived in Boston. Justin gave me a kiss goodbye on the cheek, hailed a cab and left me standing there on the sidewalk outside of Saxby’s. And staring at St. Bede’s Church.
How could I have intentionally hurt Jamie? How could I have been so selfish? What I had done was juvenile and reminiscent of something Viv would have done to her many boyfriends in high school when she wanted to make them jealous. Jamie didn’t deserve this. He deserved an apology.
Jamie
“Do you have time to hear my confession?”
I looked up to see Eva standing in the center aisle. She looked beautiful in her black skirt, heels and her fitted pea coat. I wanted to fist that wavy blonde hair and get lost in how soft it was. But I couldn’t. She wasn’t mine. In fact, from what I saw at Saxby’s she may already belong to Justin whatsafuck. “Confessions have ended,” I said, my tone sharper than it needed to be. I turned away and shut off the main lights. I then went to the front door and locked it. “You can stay if you want to pray. The door will lock behind you.” I made my way to the altar and started to blow out the candles.
“No. I don’t want to pray right now. I want you to hear me . . . to forgive me,” she said, taking her coat off and placing it over one of the pews. She stood with her back straight, her head held high. I abandoned my task and stared at her and her taut needy nipples. They were piercing her silky cream blouse, straining against the delicate fabric.
I walked directly in front of the altar and stopped. “I’ll hear your confession. But you will not hide behind a screen this time. You’ll say it right here, to my face. Understand?”
Her cheeks flushed and she nodded.
“Come here, Eva,” I commanded.
She did exactly as I instructed and glided up the aisle and climbed the two steps until she was standing before me. In just that three second walk her confidence had drained out of her, and she bowed her head. “Tell me, Eva. What sins have you committed?”
“I . . . I accepted Justin’s invitation to coffee,” she said, her gaze still glued to the marble floor.
“That doesn’t sound like a sin,” I said, circling her, staring at her round, tight ass.
“I agreed to coffee as long as he took me to Saxby’s coffeehouse.”
“I see. And why did you want to go to Saxby’s?” I asked. I knew why but I wanted to hear her say it. I needed to hear her say it.
“Because it was right across the street from your church,” she said, still not looking at me.
“Were you hoping that I would be there? That I would see you out on a date with a man who had no right to hold your hand or caress your fingers?” I rounded her again and stopped directly in front of her. Her lips parted and I watched her squeeze her legs together. My cock ached against my jeans.
“Yes,” she said, barely over a whisper.
“So you intentionally wanted to make me jealous? You wanted me to imagine another man fucking you? Is that the sin you wish to confess?” I asked, keeping my voice low.
She nodded.
It wasn’t enough. I wanted to hear her admission, even if it was just one word. I moved behind her, a few mere inches away and whispered, “Is that a yes, Eva? Did you want me to picture your colleague pushing his cock into your pussy? Is that the image you wanted burned on my brain? Answer me, Eva.” The tip of my nose nestled in her silky hair and I inhaled her scent.
“Yes,” she said, her voice stuttering.
“Do you want to be punished, Eva? Do you want me to punish you?” I wanted her to say no. I wanted her to tell me I was a sick bastard, that I shouldn’t want this.
And then I heard her reply and I lost it.
“Please, Jamie.”
I took her arms from behind, placed her palms on the altar and bent her over. I shuffled that fitted skirt up her thighs until it was at her waist. I was rewarded with a black thong, one that was soaked through. I groaned at the beautiful sight. “You were right to come here. You have sinned, Eva.”
Crack!
We both gasped, her from the sudden impact, me from watching her ass turn a delicious shade of pink. I soothed her heated skin with my fingers, caressed it, only to smack her again. She moaned and begged for more.
“Have you fucked him? Has he touched what’s mine?” I trailed my finger along the seam of her thong, slowly making my way from her ass to her clit. She quivered as I pressed my thumb against her soaked panties.
“No,” she said, arching her back.
Crack!
“Do you want to fuck him? Do you like him, Eva?”
“I would like him to erase you,” she said, pushing her ass farther into the air. She wanted this. She wanted both the pleasure and the pain. She was so perfect.
“No, I won’t let that happen.”
Crack!
“Because I’m going to burrow myself so far under your skin that you’ll never be able to get me out completely,” I whispered, my voice breaking.
With her chest heaving, her skin flushed, she looked over her shoulder and said, “You’re already there, Jamie.”
I fell to my knees and worshiped her, this goddess who didn’t hold anything back with me. I wanted to please her, hold her, make her believe that she could trust another living soul again . . . that she could trust me. I wanted her to give herself over to me completely, to submit to me so I could cherish her for the incredible woman that she was. I gripped her panties and shimmied them down her legs until she stepped out of them.
“I need to taste you . . . one last time,” I murmured, those words gutting me as they poured from my lips. Our eyes met and I saw the acceptance in hers, the finality of it all. This would be our last time together. It had to be. “Spread your legs, baby.”
She complied immediately, giving me an uninhibited view of her pussy. She wasn’t just wet but dripping, and I moaned at the thought of my cock slipping through those blistering folds and thrusting inside her. I leaned in and licked her clit to the entrance of her pussy. I inhaled her familiar scent, vanilla mixed with soap and stifled a groan. She cried out as she hopelessly clawed at the marble altar, unable to get a solid grip. “Why do I want you so fucking much? Why can’t I stop thinking about you?” I asked.
“Because I’m yours, Jamie.”
Her words crushed me, and if I hadn’t already been on my knees I would have surely fallen to them. She was mine. My match in every way. I buried my face into her ass and fucked her pussy. I nipped and sucked her, swallowed her juices as I got lost in that heavenly scent that was Eva. She begged for more, for me to give it to her harder. And I did. I ate her with everything I had, like I was desperate, ravenous, and the only thing that would satiate my appetite was her taste on my tongue. The sounds tearing from her throat made me want to unzip my pants, pull my throbbing cock out and shove inside her, stretch her until I made her scream from the pleasure, from the pain. But I couldn’t do that. This had to be enough. I didn’t deserve more. I shouldn’t even be doing this. Fuck!
Her cries and curses echoed throughout the church as I continued to spear her, lap her, suck that needy clit of hers. When she finally came back to earth I stood and turned her around. Despite just having what sounded like a mind-bending orgasm, I saw the look in her eyes. It was the same one she had given me at the farm after I had taken her against the tree. She wasn’t done yet. She wanted more.
But there couldn’t be more.
As if she read my mind, she cupped my cheek with trembling fingers and said, “If this is the last time, if tonight is goodbye . . .” Her voice broke and I saw her eyes pool with tears. “Please let me touch you . . . just once.” Her eyes pleaded with me, begged for mercy. This amazing woman was on the verge of crying because she wanted to please me, to make me feel the ecstasy of her touch. I decided right there that a lifetime in Purgatory or Hell was worth it if it would take away her pain and the agony I saw in those haunted green eyes of hers.
I took her fingers from my cheek and trailed light kisses on her palm, making her tremble even more. “You’re beautiful, Eva. From what one can see all the way down to your very soul.” I took her face in both my hands and kissed her, slow at first, forcing her to taste herself with every gentle swipe of my tongue in her mouth. She whimpered and melted into the kiss, giving in to me with her whole selfless being. It made me hard as fuck knowing she wanted me, that she needed to feel me and hell if I was going to deny her again. “Touch me,” I said. “Feel how much I want you. What you do to me.” I took her hand and placed it on the bulge that ached to spring out of my pants.
“Jamie,” she moaned into my mouth as I rocked into her hand.
She felt so good. I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like if she held me bare in her hands . . . or in her mouth. Like an animal in heat I attacked her mouth, punishing it, biting it, taking it. Because it was mine. Right now she was mine. I owned her and she owned me. I had gone from gentle to feral at the thought of her taking me into her heat. “On your knees,” I commanded. I had said those words before to other women, but I didn’t recognize the tone this time. I had never lost control, never felt so frantic to be inside a woman. But that was what Eva did to me. She made me feel, made me want to be someone else.
By the time Eva sunk to her knees I had my belt undone, my zipper down and my cock in my hand. I stroked my length, something I hadn’t done in eight years, and watched her eyes widen as she stared at my cock. “Taste,” I ordered. She obediently took my cock into both her hands and looked up at me one last time. I watched her pink tongue slip between her teeth and then swirl it over the glistening head, smearing my precum all over. And then with the flat of her tongue she licked me from root to tip.
My thighs shook, and I had to make a concerted effort not to allow my legs to give out and make a fool of myself. “My Christ. I want to fuck this mouth—I want to thrust into you so hard. Can you handle that?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said.
“Take me deep, Eva.” Her eyes glazed over as she surrounded my cock with her lips. My vision fucking blurred as she guided me into her hot mouth. I loved how her lips had to stretch to accommodate my thickness. But what did me in, what turned me into a punishing beast was when she hummed along my cock as she took me to the back of her throat. I grabbed the back of her neck with one hand and steadied myself with the other by holding onto the altar. My balls tensed. My cursing got louder. “Fuck!” That was her cue. She set a pace that had me quaking, my body gearing for a release that was eight years in the making.
I should pull out.
The amount of cum that I was about to shoot was going to overwhelm her. “Stop, Eva. I’m going to come,” I said, trying to pull her off of me. But her grip around my shaft only tightened, making my eyes roll to the back of my head.
“No. I want your pleasure. I want . . . all of you,” she said, coming up for air.
The wild look in her eyes told me that she knew what was coming. She wanted me to explode down her throat. I fisted her hair with both hands and fucked her. She sucked harder. She bobbed faster. And then I came. Thick, hot streams shot into her mouth. She didn’t stop sucking and licking me until she knew I had nothing left. And then like the compliant, perfect girl that she was Eva swallowed every drop, wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head against my pelvis. There was something so beautiful, so vulnerable in her embrace. And as I looked down at her, still on her knees and holding me close, my heart broke for her. For me, for us, for what we could have had if I wasn’t a priest and we weren’t stepsiblings. I didn’t want this moment to end. But it was only putting off the inevitable. I pulled her to her feet. I tucked my cock back into my pants while she slipped her panties on and adjusted her skirt. I foolishly took her into my arms and held her, and that’s when I felt her body shake and heard her quiet, barely audible sobs. “You know why this has to end. Why this, what we just shared, had to be . . . goodbye?” I asked into her hair. She looked up and allowed me to see her tears, and I fought like hell to keep my own at bay. She swallowed and nodded. “Eva, you are my ultimate temptation, the one thing I can’t resist . . . and that’s why I’m begging you to stay away from me. I don’t trust myself around you. And I know that if you come to me again, I will take you. I will break my vow.”
“And you’ll hate yourself if that happens. I can see it,” she whispered, searching my eyes. “I won’t come back, and I would never ask you to choose between the church you love and me.”
“I made a promise a long time ago, one I must keep,” I said.
I wanted to kiss her, to feel her body rise and fall again against me, but with that torture I would only be hurting her more. She released me and stepped back. With tears in her eyes she told me goodbye and left.