Cole
When we pull up onto the driveway, I cut the engine and sit there for a second, clutching the steering wheel.
“What’s wrong, Cole?” I feel her head peering toward me. I look at her, snapping myself out of the daydream.
“Just thinking of how to tackle the whole ‘moving out’ thing with mom.”
She gasps a little, her hand covering her mouth. “Shit, your mom’s gonna hate me,” she mumbles.
“No,” I say gently. “You know mom loves you. You’re like the daughter she always wanted.” I let out a puff of laughter.
“But she’s going to think I’m taking you away from her. You’re her only child, Cole…”
“But that’s the thing,” I interrupt, “I’m not a child anymore.” I sigh heavily.
Me and mom are close, we always have been. My father has been so involved with his job, he’s barely at home. It’s always been just the two of us.
“You know my mom will understand. She wants the best for the both of us. Anyway, they were expecting me to move out soon, with the whole college thing and all.”
I snap myself from the shitty ass thoughts in my mind. Most of which consist of my dad giving my mom a hard time. I jump out of the truck and rush around to help Kennedy out. I take her hand, pulling her to me as her feet reach the ground.
“It’s going to be awesome, baby. Just you and me, finally getting time together. I know this is the right thing for us.”
She looks up at me, smiling. At first it’s a small smile, but as the smile grows, the dimples in her cheeks become more obvious. The smile reaches her eyes, setting them alight. In this moment, I know she’s everything I need, want, and more. I take her hand tightly as I lead us into the house.
As soon as we enter, I hear music playing and the sound of my mother singing. I’d like to say she has the voice of an angel, but that would be lying. She sings like she’s tone deaf, but it doesn’t matter, I still love it. For as long as I can remember my mom has loved to sing and dance, and she doesn’t care how she looks when she’s doing it. It’s one of the things I love most about my mom. Despite being utterly dreadful, she still gives it everything she has. I bang the door closed, making her aware that we’ve entered. She turns around, her face lighting up at the sight of us. She waves her hand, gesturing us into the family area. I look down at Ken and can see she’s stifling a laugh.
“Get your asses over here, you two. I’ve been waiting for you to come back for hours. I need to hear all about this surprise!” She dances around the coffee table, making her way over to the stereo and turns down the music. She comes back and takes a seat in the chair beside the couch. She drops down dramatically, her hands flying in the air. We make our way over, sitting on the couch. I look over at the table and notice the half empty bottle of red wine. I narrow my brows and turn to my mother.
“Have you been drinking?” I ask seriously. She laughs loudly, but I’m concerned. My mom never drinks on a week night. “Is everything alright, mom?”
She looks over at me pouting and waving her hand. “Stop your fussing, Cole. It’s nothing. I’m just letting my hair down and relaxing a little.”
I narrow my eyes at her.
“Hey!” she blurts. “After the afternoon I had a work, I needed this drink, believe me. Oh, and your good news? Presumably it is good news,” she says, leaning forward, resting her head on her hand.
“Well we think so.” Ken smiles.
“So…” Mom’s eyes dart between me and Kennedy. “What is it?” She rubs her hands together excitedly.
“We’ve decided to move in together. You know, have our own place,” I rush out.
“But…” she interrupts.
“Mom, let me finish.” Her face drops as she sits back in the chair, waiting for me to finish.
“So, Pete’s aunt offered to let us rent her apartment at a fraction of the price. It’s fully furnished and the offer was just too good to turn down.” I search her face for some sign of emotion, but her expression remains neutral, not giving anything away.
“And where is this apartment?” she asks tentatively.
“It’s not far from the University. You know those new builds? The Mediterranean style ones.”
Her eyes widen in reaction. She sits upright, shuffling to the edge of her seat. “Really?” she asks.
I smile widely and nod.
“Wow, Cole, those apartments are lovely, but I don’t know how you’re going to afford it there.”
“Like I said, Pete’s aunts doing us a huge favor.”
“Well,” she pauses, tapping her fingers. “I guess I should say congratulations.” She jumps up, wrapping her arms around me and Kennedy, squeezing us like only a drunk woman would.
“Seriously, guys, I’m really happy for you. I’m gonna miss the shit outta ya, and it’s sure as hell gonna be quiet around her from now on, but seriously, I’m happy for you.”
I laugh out loud. “Mom, your repeating yourself. You definitely need to step away from the wine.”
She slaps the top of my arm. “Watch it, boy. You’re still living under my roof.” She giggles, falling back into the chair, looking like she might fall asleep any second. I turn to look at Kennedy, who is yawning widely, her hand flying up to her mouth as she tries to hide it.
“You guy’s should be thinking of calling it a night. You both have school tomorrow, remember?” Mom points between the two of us.
I nod, reaching down to take hold of Kennedy’s hand.
Kennedy reaches down, quickly placing a light kiss on the top of mom’s head.
“Night, mom,” I shout back over my shoulder, throwing my hand in the air, gesturing a wave.
I walk in front of Ken, pulling her weight behind me. I glance over my shoulder and fuck she looks tired. I can’t wait to curl up and hold this beauty in my arms. There’s no better fucking feeling than having her here, next to me, knowing she’s mine.
The sudden sound of the door closing jolts me awake. I bolt upright, rubbing my eyes, trying to work out what the hell is going on. I look up to see Kennedy standing there, looking a little sheepish. Her body is wrapped in a towel and her hair is dripping with water.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“What time is it?” I ask yawning.
“Time to get up and get that fine ass of yours moving.” She winks, leaning over, kissing me lightly on the lips. Droplets of water drip onto my bare chest.
“Shit, that’s cold,” I shriek, pulling the bed covers over me in attempt to protect myself from getting any wetter. She tugs on the sheets, uncovering me before she shakes her hair, getting me all wet.
She giggles as I yell out. Making a mad dash for the door, Kennedy closes it quickly behind her. I jump up, using the bed covers to wipe the water off my chest. A smile spreads from ear to ear across my face. It’s good to know I can wake up and be this fucking happy. I can’t remember the last time, that something as simple as this, filled me with such a good feeling. I pull on my shorts and head over to the bathroom. I hear the sound of the hairdryer and I shake my head, the smile never leaving me.
I quickly shower, brush my teeth, and head back over to my room to get dressed. On my way across the hall, I peep in Kennedy’s room, as the door is slightly ajar, but there’s no sign of her. Damn that girl works fast!
I pull on my clothes, use the towel to dry off my hair, and eagerly head downstairs. I feel desperate to see her, as if it’s been a lifetime that we’ve been apart, not minutes. The smell of eggs and bacon hits me as I head down the staircase.
Damn! That smells good. I wander in; mom, dad, and Kennedy are all chatting and eating breakfast at the table. I stop for a second, paying attention to my dad. And fuck! He’s smiling! I don’t know whether I’m more shocked at the fact that he’s smiling or whether it’s because he’s actually here. He’s never here for breakfast.
Kennedy turns and notices me there. She nods and I grab some breakfast before sliding in next to her at the table.
“Well, good morning, son,” mom sings adoringly.
I smile widely. “Mom, dad.” I turn to him. He smiles. He’s mouth doesn’t move but the skin around the corner of his eye creases. I’ll take it as a smile and it’s probably the best I’m going to get. He’s so unreadable. I never know what version of dad I’m going to get. I mostly expect him to be angry or some shit about the whole apartment thing.
“So, I told dad about the apartment, and we are both really happy for you. Isn’t that right, Frank?”
He looks at mom, dead in the eye, pausing with his fork to his mouth, before shooting her a snarky smile. “Of course.” He turns to me and Kennedy, fake smile in full flow.
I don’t press it. The last thing I want to do is rock the boat. I’m just glad he isn’t yelling at us.
“So, you guys packing tonight?” dad inquires.
I look at Kennedy as her face drops. Her mouth hangs open and I can’t help but laugh at her a little.
“Ppppacking?” she stutters. “I totally didn’t think about packing,” she chuckles. “Well you know, I have very little to pack.”
Mom busts out laughing. “Have you seen Cole’s room?”
“Fair point.” She looks over at me. “Better get packing, babe.” She pats me lightly on the back.
“I have some boxes down in the basement for you guys. I will help you tonight,” Mom offers.
“If you’re not busy today, mom, you could do it while we’re at school, yeah?”
“Not likely!” she says, standing and taking the empty plates to the sink area.
Kennedy
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Actually nonstop.
Today I need to speak to Pete. This thing, whatever it is, has to stop. The whole trip to school, I sit silently, thinking about how I’m going to approach him about it.
Shit. I’m not looking forward to this.
We pull into the parking lot, and Cole jumps out, sprinting around the huge truck and to help me out.
“Mi lady,” he jokes, trying to speak with an English accent.
“Why thank you, sir.”
“Sir…Hmmm. I think I like that. You should call me that more often,” he teases, linking my hand with his. He kisses me intently before I hear footsteps approaching. I turn to see Jake and Pete walking toward us. I quickly separate myself from Cole and our company, keeping my eyes down as I walk on my way to the entrance where I see Ash waiting for me. I skip along, trying to get to him, and away from Pete, as quickly as I can.
“Errr, awkward,” Ash screeches. I give him a knowing look, before hooking my arm in his and walking into the school corridor, toward the lockers.
“So, first day back, Barbie. How does it feel?”
I give him a sideways glance. He knows just how much I hate school. It will be an even shittier experience for me without Abbey here. “I wish Abbey was here.”
“Me too, girl.” He leans in closer, his voice so quiet I strain to hear him. “How’s the Pete thing working out for you?”
“I have to talk to him,” I say, matter of fact. “It has to stop. He needs to know it’s never going to happen.”
“But it already did…”
I hit him hard on the chest. “Comments like that do not help, Ash. Seriously!”
“What?” he wails. “I’m just trying to lighten the situation, Ken. I know this is hard for you, doll, but don’t overthink it. If you’ve made a decision, then so be it!” He wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him as we walk toward our first class.
I smile at him, holding on to his hand resting over my shoulder. The last thing I want to be is that annoying, moaning, depressive, knocked up girl. As the saying goes, if you can’t make it, just fake it.
“I spoke to Abbey’s mom yesterday. She’s feeling super positive about Abbey’s condition.”
“Really?” I say, excited to hear some positive news about Abbey.
“Sure. She’s stable and has been for a few days now. They think she might be able to come home, well, be transferred to the hospital here in Newport.”
I think back to my visit with Abbey, and hope beyond all hope that she could hear me, and maybe, just maybe what I said really did make a difference. I hold my hand to my chest, turn to Ash, and pull him to me. He stands there limp. His arms remain by his side as I squeeze him tightly.
“This is such good news, Ash. I’m so happy”
“What’s that?” a familiar voice bellows from behind me. I swiftly swing my head to the side and see a smiling Pete standing beside me.
“Well?” he asks again. His head is cocked to the side, and the sexiest, jaw dropping smirk I’ve ever seen graces his lips. I’m pretty sure my cheeks are as red as blood as I feel them heat up instantaneously.
“Yeah, well… err, so…” I fidget nervously; doing everything I can to avoid his eye contact. And that smile. “Abbey has stabilized and they’re hoping she can be transferred to the hospital here.”
“That’s fucking awesome,” he sings enthusiastically, closing in on me and resting his hand on the bottom of my back.
I shiver, the mere feel of his hand sending me into a frenzy. My breathing speeds up and I know I need to speak to him. I told myself I would stop this. I quickly move away from him, breaking the contact. I glare at him as I look into his eyes.
“We need to talk,” I grate out.
“We do, do we?” He raises his eyebrows, holding his arm out as an indication of the direction we should go. I walk down the hall, taking small tentative steps. Shit, I’m nervous, really, really nervous. I feel my face flush. I don’t know if its nerves or the anticipation of being so close to him. I look back over my shoulder and Ash waves at me from a short distance. I screw up my face and hope to god I can do this.
I’m snapped suddenly from my thoughts, as Pete grabs my arms and I jerk to a stop. He pulls me, guiding me down the hall to a quieter spot where there’s no one around. He leans against the wall, arms and legs folded. I don’t know why but I’m irritated by him and his body language, like he thinks this is some stupid game.
“So, what’s this about?” he asks, a smug look on his face. “Finally come to your senses and realize you do want me?”
I laugh loudly. “You’re kidding, right?”
He leans right into me, so close that I can feel his breath against my skin. “Where you’re concerned, Kennedy, I don’t joke.”
I step back, looking him dead in the eye. I have to do this. I have to put a stop to this once and for all.
“Pete,” I hiss harshly, “this thing,” I point between the two of us, “this has to stop.”
His face contorts and he shoots me a look of disbelief. He leans back against the door, his hands in his pockets and a docile grin across his face. “So you gonna spit it out and tell me what this secret little rendezvous is really about?” He smirks, his full attention on me.
I feel hot under his impressive gaze. I quickly look away, not wanting to give into the fire inside. I desperately want to reach out and touch him, but I also know it’s wrong to feel like that. I find him intoxicating combined with the way he looks at me, despite the fact that I’m fat, pregnant, and nothing but messed up.
“Kennedy, talk to me,” he pleads, his voice calm and even as he reaches out to touch my folded arms. I step back, trying to avoid his touch. My head remains downward, scared to look at him.
“I can’t do this, Pete. I’m sorry.”
“Do what?” he laughs.
I look up, shooting him an angry glare. “This isn’t funny, Pete.”
“I never said it was.” He shrugs. “But I don’t understand what the fuck this is all about.”
I contort my face in anger, narrowing my eyes at him. My mouth quivers as I try to speak. I could tell Pete was serious and this wasn’t a look that suited him well. I inhale sharply, trying to steady my anger.
“Come on, Pete, you know what this is about.” I sigh heavily. “Stop playing games.”
“Me? Playing games? I’m not the one giving out the mixed signals here. You are!”
“That is so not fair, Pete! There’s nothing going on here,” I point between us, “and you really need to back off.”
“Is that why you kissed me then?” he smirks, reaching out his hand. He grabs my arm and pulls me to him. I push back on his chest with both of my hands, the heat from my anger buzzing through my every fiber.
“It wasn’t like that and you know it.”
“Admit it, Ken, you enjoyed it and you want more.” His Cheshire grin spreads, baring his pearly white teeth. I’d love for nothing more than to be able to walk away, but I have to end this.
I shake my head furiously. Shit. He kissed me. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want any of this!
“Your wrong,” I grate out. “I don’t want this. I don’t want you.”
But it’s like he’s not listening. He hooks his hands around the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him. I swallow down hard, trying to steady myself from the feel of his touch. He pulls my head until it rests perfectly against his solid chest.
“I’m not buying your shit, Kennedy,” he whispers. “I know you want this as much as I do, but I also know that you don’t want to hurt Cole.”
“No,” I quietly screech. “I want Cole,” I say with determination and finality. “You’ve been a good friend to me. Please don’t ruin that between us. Think about Cole; he’s one of your best friends. I don’t want to ruin that between the two of you either.”
The guilt and pain weighs heavily on my heart. I don’t want to hurt or lose Cole. He means the world to me. He’s all I have, and all I’ll ever want. I just have to admit that my head was fucked up and I made a mistake.
There’s no denying that I have an attraction to Pete, but my head and heart belong with Cole. There is a long pause between us. I feel him searching my eyes for the truth. It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to believe there is nothing in this for me.
“You’re right.” He holds his hands up in a mock surrender. “This was unfair of me. I promise to back off, honestly, but I can’t say it will be fucking easy.”
My heart takes a nosedive as I look at Pete. Instead of the super sexy grin and those dimples that he normally wears, he stands there, his shoulders slumped and his eyes sad and downcast. The blank emotionless expression sweeps over his face and pulls at my heart.
The last thing I want to do is hurt Pete. I’ve never seen him like this before, but I don’t understand where his feelings came from or this sadness. I feel like I have been drawn into him, my confusion and emotions taking over, causing me to make bad decisions in the heat of the moment.
“I never meant to hurt you,” I say honestly. “I’m with Cole. I love Cole.” I have to make sure that I’m clear. No more confusion. No more mixed signals. I reach forward to hold his hand. “I’m sorry, Pete. Really I am. Maybe in another lifetime, yeah?” I joke.
His eyes light up, as a sad smile curls at the corner of his lips.
The sudden sound of someone clearing their throat catches my attention. My head whips to the side to figure out who it is. My initial thought is the janitor. But I’m wrong.
“Well, well, well. Isn’t this fucking nice?” his gruff voice bellows.
I look over to him. My heart plummeting at the mere sight of him, beating as though it’s going to break out of my chest. I look back at Pete; shock is written all over his face.
“Why the fuck are you sneaking up on us like that, Dennis?” I growl. I’m so scared and angry at what he may have heard. My hands shake violently despite the fact that I’m trying to remain as calm as possible. It’s not working.
My mind is on overdrive.
“So you are the little hoe everyone thinks you are. I wonder how Cole will take the news when I break it to him!”
“Hey, man, back off,” Pete growls, stepping in front of me.
“I thought you had better taste than that, Pete.” His head nodding in my direction. “Bitch has only been here a few months and it looks like she’s been working her way through the whole fucking football team.”
Pete shoves his shoulder, pushing him hard, causing him to stagger backward. “I’m warning you, Dennis, back the fuck up.”
“What?” he taunts, his hands in the air. “I’m only speaking the truth and there’s no denying that she’s a knocked up fucking freak.”
Pete lunges forward again, but I grab a hold of his arm, drawing his attention back to me.
“Don’t,” I whisper. “He’s not worth it.”
“You really are messed up, Dennis. I mean seriously, man, what the fuck is your problem?” Pete’s teeth are clenched in anger.
“She is!” he glares, the evil look in his eye causes me to shudder. His whole face is screwed up and he’s looking at me like he actually wants to kill me.
I step from behind Pete, standing just to the side of him. I adjust my posture, straightening myself. I have to tackle this. I’ve faced worse, much fucking worse.
“You don’t even know me, Dennis!” I yell, my voice brittle as the emotion is evident in my tone. “I really don’t know what your fucking problem is.”
“My problem? Shall I tell you what my problem is, Kennedy?”
“Please, enlighten us!” I snarl.
He steps forward, just one step, slowly, before leaning his face into mine.
“You’re a worthless fucking religious freak. I don’t like your kind.” I study his face for a second, the hatred evident in his words and his expressions.
“But… I didn’t ask for this, Dennis.”
No sooner have I spoken, and Pete lunges forward, hitting Dennis square on the chin. It happens so fast, I don’t get chance to respond to try and stop him.
Dammit! I don’t want him getting into trouble for me. I quickly reach forward, trying to drag Pete backward, but he’s yelling at Dennis.
“You’re more fucked up than I ever fucking imagined, Dennis. I mean seriously! What the fuck is going on in that pea brain head of yours?”
Dennis looks up at us, in his half crouched, post punch position.
“You have no idea what hell it was like there, Dennis…” My words trail off, not wanting to let him know too much about me, or the commune. No doubt he’d try to use it against me.
He slowly stands upright, wiping his lip with the back of his hand. A small trickle of blood transfers onto his fingers. His gaze falls between his hand, me, and Pete.
A smug look appears across his face as he glares at me. “Well that’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart.”
I narrow my eyes at him, tired of this bullshit. “What am I wrong about?”
“Yeah, quit with the fucking riddles now. We’re fucking tired of your shitty ass games. If you got something to say, just fucking spit it out,” Pete huffs.
Dennis lets out an expulsion of menacing laughter, causing me to take a step back. I swallow down hard, the anxiety intensifying with every second that passes.
“You stupid girl, you really have no idea, do you?” He continues to laugh loudly. Leaning in even further, his face just inches from mine, he whispers, “I was there too.” His evil face lifts to a split ass grin.
I shake my head, contemplating what he just said. I zone out, faintly hearing Pete’s voice, but not making out a word he’s saying. Dennis’ words whizz through my head, ‘he was there’. How could that even be true?
“That’s right. You heard me. In fact, I was born there, in the exact same commune. It took a while to remember who you were at first, then one day, it just clicked. I realized it was you, and from that moment on, I knew what a fucked up bitch you really are.”
“She’s nothing like them,” Pete roars.
I’m frozen in place. I start to shake involuntarily, my body taking over as the shock hits me like a ton of bricks. I try to speak, my mouth wide open, but nothing comes out. I stare aimlessly at him, not knowing how to react to this news.
“Hhhow?” I stutter, finally my voice breaking through.
“My mom moved us out of there when she realized what a fucked up bunch you really are.”
“No, you’re lying!” I yell.
He doesn’t listen, he just continues to ramble, “Yeah, you were always the favorite. No wonder everyone there hated you. Thinking back, even I hated you!”
“Oh yeah, because it was just fantastic for me, Dennis,” I screech, my emotions and pain taking over.
I want him to know what it was like for me; what each day of being raped and tortured was really like. They didn’t see half of what happened to me, but they all knew.
“You were closer to him than I was. He idolized you, Kennedy. He loved you more than he loved me.”
“No, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stutter through my tears. “I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anybody, Dennis. Not even you!” The tears stream over my face, no matter how strong I try to be, talking about my past is not easy, it rips me apart.
“He never even gave me a second look. Do you know how that makes me feel?”
I shake my head, dazed and confused.
“That’s right, Ken. My own father never fucking bothered with me.”
I gasp at his words, my brain trying to comprehend what he said, but the only thing my brain seems to register is shock. “No, no this can’t be true. It’s got to be just more of your fucking bullshit, Dennis.”
I barge past him, racing down the corridor, my flight reflex in overdrive. I have to get out of here. I run down the hall, everything becoming a blur. I desperately need air. I clasp at my throat as my breathing becomes shallow and I feel the stink hit the back of my throat. I scramble toward the door, desperate to get outside. My legs move as fast as possible and before I know it, I’m blasted with fresh air, holding my weight up against the exterior wall. The sun beats down against my already sweat covered body, the heat intensifying as I try to steady myself from falling. I slide down until I’m resting on the ground, my head against the bricks. I breathe deeper and deeper, but it doesn’t get any easier.
I hear Pete’s footsteps and his booming voice as he calls my name. I want to yell back and tell him I’m here, but I can’t catch my breath. I sit there, my chest heaving and my heart pounding through my chest.
I catch his eyes as he turns toward me, realizing where I am. He sprints over, kneeling beside.
“Kennedy, are you okay?” he asks, concern dancing in his eyes. All I can do is shake my head. Tears stream down my face, the final explosion of emotion boiling over. He pulls my head to his chest as he begins stroking the top of my head.
“Don’t listen to anything that bastard has to say. He’s just trying to cause trouble.”
But I know there has to be some truth to what Dennis said. Too much of it sounded familiar. My gut instinct tells me he’s not lying this time. I continue to breathe heavily against Pete. He pulls back, looking at me with concern.
He takes the backpack off his shoulder before digging inside and retrieving a bottle of water. “Here, take this,” he offers, pulling the flip lid off and placing it against my lips.
I take the bottle from him, my hand shaking as I try to steady it against my mouth. He holds it there, his hand over mine and I feel the familiar heart–warming feeling return. I sip as the water droplets hit my tongue, desperate to cool myself like a sprinkler on a hot day.
“Better?” he asks, crouched beside me.
I nod slowly, my eyes meeting his as our gaze locks. I find myself unable to break the connection. He slowly places the bottle back in his backpack, before jumping to his feet. I look up at him wondering whether this is the point he finally walks away from me.
I stare at him as he slowly offers me his hand. “Walk with me?” he asks, a brooding look on his face.
At first I want to say no, I want to put distance between us. Not because I don’t want his help or advice, but because I’m scared. I’m scared I don’t understand my own feelings, and I certainly don’t understand what me and Pete have going on here. It’s like the ultimate mind fuck.
But I can’t.
I take his hand as he holds it steady and pulls me from the ground without effort. Once I’m stable on my feet, he holds out his elbow, suggesting we link arms. I smile at the gesture, linking my arm through his. We walk slowly in silence until we reach the benches at the side of the main school building. He holds out is hand, gesturing for me to sit, so I do.
He slowly slides in beside me, his arm resting on the back of the bench as he pulls one leg up, crossing it over the other. I feel the heat of his glare. His eyes never leave my face, but I’m too awkward to look at him. Instead, I stare into space. He slowly taps his finger on my shoulder, desperately trying to get my attention.
I turn to him, trying to smile, but I know it’s barely there. The light in his eyes lose their sparkle as he sees my solemn expression.
“Talk to me, Kennedy.” He smiles. “Please…”
I thrust my hands between my crossed legs, uncomfortable and struggling to think of what to say.
“I’m scared, Pete.” It’s plain and simple. But the truth. “I’m scared that every day will be like today. That every day will be as fucked up as the last, like I’m never going to escape the past, despite fighting for my freedom. I’m never really going to be free, am I?”
He screws up his face, like he’s angry, like something I said has really pissed him off. “Don’t say that,” his voice faint and his eyes are downcast. “You can’t give up now, you have to keep fighting.”
“I’m tired of fighting. I’m physically and mentally drained, Pete. I don’t have any fight left in me.”
“You do. Of course you do. You’re the strongest person I know. Just to be sitting here in front of me, after everything you’ve been though. Kennedy, that’s a real fucking sign of strength.” He sighs, his eyes moving over my face. “You just need to take one day at a time. Things have been fucked up all your life. It’s gonna be a slow road to normal, ya know?”
I nod, knowing everything he says is right. How can I possibly expect to have a life that’s anything like normal? Especially after all the messed up things I’ve been through and seen.
“I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, lady, no siree, but you have so much to live for, so much of this world to see!” His tone is upbeat, and as I look at him, that dimpled smile is back.
And shit it’s infectious. I can’t help but smile back, despite the heartbreak inside.
“I need to know…”
“Know what? If Dennis is telling the truth?” he asks.
I simply nod, thinking of ways I can get the truth.
“I need to speak to Jocelyn. I know she can get me the answers. She’s the only person I can trust,” I blurt out, frantically searching my purse for my cell phone. I find it and begin typing a text to Jocelyn.
Kennedy: I need to speak to you later. Will you be at home? I desperately need your help.
I rest the phone on my lap, waiting for a response, but I’m not sure how quickly she will message back. I sit there in silence, willing for the phone to vibrate, hoping she has seen my text and will reply soon.
“Honestly, Ken, I’m fucking certain that this is just another one his fucked up mind games. Don’t let the creep get under your skin.”
“I dunno, Pete. Too much of what he said felt familiar to me. I think he’s telling the truth.”
I shoot him a sad smile, the anxiety eating away at my insides. My stomach feels like it’s doing a thousand fucking summersaults and all I can do is sit and wait for her reply. I look at Pete sitting there. He looks hopeless, like he doesn’t know what to say or do. I feel guilty that I’ve burdened my shit on him.
I feel the sudden vibration of the phone I’m clutching in my hands. Despite the shaking of my whole body, I quickly unlock the screen to check the message.
Jocelyn: What’s wrong? Are you okay? Kennedy, please tell me you are okay? Why aren’t you in class? I would call, but if you’re in class, I don’t want you to get in trouble. I will be here when you get home, unless you need me now?
I let out a sad sigh, quickly tapping out a reply to Jocelyn. I can tell she’s stressing about me, and that was my last intention.
Kennedy: Please don’t worry. I’m okay, but I do need your help. Talk later.
Now all I needed to do is avoid any more contact with Dennis and make it until the end of the day.
I stand up, dragging with me my bag. “Let’s get to class.” I offer my hand to help him up.
“Are you sure?” he asks, a look of concern across his face.
“I just need to make it through the day,” I whisper, nodding my head toward the direction of the school.
I stalk back toward the entrance, wiping any traces of my tears and emotion from my face. I have to push this from my mind, at least until the end of the day.
“I need to tell Cole. He needs to know what Dennis told me.”
“Agreed.” He smiles. “But you know what a fucking hot head Cole is!”
“Hmm, that’s what I’m worried about. I’ll have to speak to him at break, get him on his own. Let’s just hope Dennis doesn’t get to him first.”
My heart plummets and I swallow down hard, thinking back to the conversation he walked in on. I know he’ll use this to cause even more shit between me and Cole, as if his revelation wasn’t enough.
Pete gently grabs my arm, pulling me to a stop. I turn until we are face to face and look at him.
“What are we going to say if Cole asks us about what Dennis overheard?”
My eyes shift nervously. Shit, I don’t know what to say. I didn’t want to lie but I also can’t risk losing him. “I need him, Pete.”
He shoves his hands in his pocket, his feet kicking loose bits of gravel on the ground. “I know,” he answers simply. “So do we deny it, do we lie to him, or do we come clean?”
“Damn, you make this sound so seedy, Pete. You know he won’t understand. The last thing I want to do is lie to him, but I can’t risk losing him either.”
“I get it. I mean, I don’t like it, but I get it.”
I take in the resolute look on his face like I just ripped a little part of his heart out.
“I need him, Pete, but I also need you.”
His eyes widen and his stance changes. I suddenly realize what I’ve said and how it must sound. Fuck, I don’t know how to express myself sometimes. I’m pretty sure that’s how we got to this point in the first place.
I wave my hand in front of him. “No, no, not like that, Pete. I mean, I need you as a friend. Just as much as I need Cole in my life, I need you too.” His over excited expression drops to one of a normal smile and he nods.
“I’ll always be here, Ken. Always. Even if that means we’re just friends.”