By the end of school, I feel ready to drop. I’m totally exhausted, not only from lack of sleep and pregnancy, but from the run in with those two earlier. I make my way to the lockers with Ash to meet Cole. As we approach, there is a huge commotion. People are shouting and a lot of clattering. Ash and I look at each other, our eyes widening as we speed up to the scene.
A loud screech escapes me as I push through the crowd and see the fight playing out in front to me. To my horror, Pete and Cole are literally tearing chunks from each other. I look back trying to find Ash, but my attention is drawn to Dennis. He’s leaning against the wall, his arms folded, and a shit eating grin on his face. He locks eyes with me, unfolds his arms, and starts to clap his hands together loudly.
I realize that this is his doing and barge over to him. I don’t know what comes over me, but I pull my arm back, reach out, and slap him across his grizzly face. My whole body shakes as the hot rage burns through my veins.
“You did this,” I growl.
He laughs menacingly. “You should go over and sort out your shit, Kennedy, instead of pointing your scabby fingers at me.”
I shake my head in utter disbelief, before charging back over to the fight. Fists are still flying as the two of them wrangle on the floor.
Out of my peripheral vison, I catch sight of Jake. “What the fuck?” he shouts before trying to step in to part them. I walk closer, but not too close, in an attempt to get Cole’s attention.
“Cole, please!” I plead, hoping my voice will be enough to get him to snap from his outburst of anger.
He finally turns his head toward me, his eyes narrowed, cold and rigid. My heart hammers against my chest at the sight of his icy glare. The look in his eyes causes me to shudder. My heart dies a little with the way he’s looking at me. I draw in a deep breath, trying to steady myself. The truth is, I’m scared and I’m pretty sure that look in his eyes tells me everything I need to know.
Pete is pulled away by Jake. Cole’s sole focus is now on me. He stands up from the floor, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“You and him,” he growls, pointing to Pete. His hands are shaking and his breaths ragged. My head snaps to Pete. His eye is swollen and his nose trickles with blood.
My eyes close, my head shaking lightly. I hear the gravel of Pete’s voice. “I’m sorry, Ken,” he mutters.
“Do not talk to her. Don’t you even dare fucking talk to her,” Cole roars.
“Cole, I don’t know what’s been said, but nothing happened. I promise,” I plead.
His physical reaction is like a sharp blade in my gut. “You’re lying,” his voice deep. “Don’t play me for a fucking fool, Kennedy! I know exactly what’s been going on here.”
“Nnnothing,” I stutter. “Nothing has been going on, not like you think anyway.”
“Guys, not here, yeah?” Jake warns. “Take it outside or to your home.” He storms off taking Pete with him. I pull my eyes away, not wanting to make eye contact with Pete or witness the damage inflicted on him by Cole.
I stand in front of Cole, not knowing what to say or do. I watch him pick up his backpack, throw it over his shoulder, and storm off in huff down the corridor. I start to walk after him, but a hand on my shoulder pulls me to a stop. I turn to see Ash next to me, his sullen face looking directly at me.
“You going to be okay?”
I shake my head and shrug my shoulders. “Who knows,” I exhale loudly. “I’m scared, Ash.” I tear up, crossing my arms over my chest. He pulls me to the side of the corridor, encasing me in his long scrawny arms.
I sob against him, each cry releasing more and more pent up emotion. Emotions that I have tried to control for so long. I know fear all too well and I know what is happening is more than just fear.
Trying to escape the commune, living through years of torture, made me long for a better life. I held on to the fact that one day I would be free, that one day there would be something better than those horrific moments.
But this…this was different.
I never imagined my life beyond Cole. Without Cole. That thought terrifies me beyond measure.
“How could I let this happen? How could I do this to him!” I wail, crying against Ash’s shoulder.
“Shhh,” he soothes, stroking his hand over my hair. “You just need to talk to him, tell him what really happened.”
“He’s going to think I’m just pinning the blame on Pete. I don’t want that either.”
“Listen, Barbie, Pete made that decision the minute he started expressing his feelings to you.”
“I’m going to lose him,” I sniffle. “I can’t live my life without him, Ash.”
“You have to face this, face him.”
I nod, separating from his hold and wiping my face with my hand. Ash pushes away from the wall, hooking his arm through mine, leading me outside. “What if he left without me?”
“Surely not. I don’t think he’d leave you here to find your own way home. I’m pretty sure he’ll be more interested in hearing all about what really happened between you two.”
I shoot him a sideways glare. “Not helping, Ash,” I snap.
We continue to walk out to the parking lot. Cole’s truck is parked in the second row, nearest the exit.
I see Ash scanning the parking lot. “I hope Pete hasn’t left without me. He was my ride home tonight,” he sighs as he continues to look around.
I walk over to the passenger side of the truck, the window rolling down as I reach for the handle. I open the door tentatively. Ash appears right behind me. Cole never turns to acknowledge me, his eyes gazing forward the whole time. Ash gently closes the door behind me. He smiles sadly as he lovingly touches my arm.
“Bye then, my little Barbie,” he says sweetly. “Cole, please don’t lose your temper with her. I know you’re pissed, but I swear to god, you’ll have me to answer to if you so much as lay a finger on her.”
My eyes flit to Cole’s face. His head turns slowly; his cold stare now focused at Ash.
“Don’t judge me, Ash. You know I’m not that person. I could never hurt Kennedy, even if she did fuck one of my best friends.” His head returns to its previous position. I feel the heat rush through me at the annoyance of his stupid comment.
“Just for the record, I’ve not fucked any of your friends.” I turn my attention back to Ash, blowing him a kiss as he backs away from the window.
We sit in the most awkward silence the whole ride home. I nervously tap my hands together, a thousand thoughts of how this is going to play out running through my mind. We pull up outside the apartment and he jumps out of the truck, stomping over to the front door. He unlocks it and races into the house, leaving me still in the car.
I open my door, stepping down from the truck, and close the door behind me. I head into the apartment, my nerves spiking as I enter the main room. I stand in the doorway as I watch Cole pacing the length of the space. His face is white as he rakes his hands through his hair.
“Please,” I call out. “Please let me explain.”
“Oh, baby, believe me, I’m all ears. I mean, I’m just dying to hear all about how you’ve been fucking around with Pete ever since we found you.”
“Firstly, no one has been ‘fucking’ anybody!” I yell. “It wasn’t like that!”
“Well, what was it like then? Come on, please enlighten me!” He stands there, throwing his arms in the air, glaring at me. I keep some distance between us, petrified to get too close.
“He was just there I guess. He told me he has feelings for me.”
“Annd…?”
“And nothing! I tried telling him I didn’t feel the same. And then, you know, I think maybe he got the wrong signals. He tried to kiss me once.” Or twice, I thought. “That’s all it was, Cole. We just kissed.”
He laughs loudly. “So you’re telling me this is all him? You felt nothing at all?”
“I felt confused,” I answer honestly. “He’s super nice. He made me laugh when I was feeling shitty. Maybe the lines of our friendship blurred a little, but never once did I make a move or instigate anything, Cole. I love you. I would never do that.”
“But you kissed him back?”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t think so…” Why does he have to ask me this? I don’t want to make this situation any worse.
“You don’t think so? Well that’s bullshit, Kennedy. Either you did, or you didn’t. There’s no fucking in between.”
“I’m sorry, Cole. I can’t remember. The whole thing really confused me. I never want to be with anybody other than you.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?” he interrupts. “You know, if he was coming on to you and all?”
“I don’t know. He was there when I needed a friend. I didn’t know what was happening between us.”
“Us? Oh, so you two are us now?”
“You’re twisting my words, Cole. In fact, I don’t think you’re interested in what I have to say at all. You seem more concerned with shouting and taking this out on me.”
“Oh no, you’re wrong there, baby. Pete most definitely got his fair share of the blame.”
I scrunch up my face, my thoughts flashing back to seeing them fighting in the school corridor.
“I never wanted to ruin things between you two.”
“Well I think it’s safe to say he isn’t a friend of mine anymore.”
My line of sight follows him as he drops back into the chair, his hands covering his face as he exhales loudly.
“Everything I’ve done for you. Everything we’ve been through to get to this point and you somehow manage to fall for someone else. What was it? Does he make you feel things I don’t?”
I walk over, dropping to the floor in front of him. I reach out, trying to take hold of his hand, but he snaps it away, resting it on the back of the chair.
“Please believe me when I say it’s you, and will only ever be you.”
“I don’t believe you.” He shakes his head, his eyes glancing down at me fleetingly before he stands to his feet. I drop out of the way, feeling helpless.
“Please, Cole, don’t let this ruin things between us.”
“I just can’t get my head around this shit, Ken. I need space,” he snarls before dashing out of the door.
“Wait!” I shout after him, but my cries are futile.
I hear the front door slam shut and I fall into a heap on the couch. I hold myself, crying at the mess I’ve caused, knowing I’ve lost him.