Cole
I pull out my phone, sneaking it under the school desk to check my texts.
The message is from Kennedy, asking me to meet her at the lockers on break. I quickly tap a text back, letting her know I’ll be there. I check the time and there’s little over five minutes left of class, and fuck, I’ll be glad to get out of here. Dennis, the prick, burst into class ten minutes late and has done nothing but stare at me the whole time. I’m trying so hard not to jump out of my fucking seat and lay the bastard flat on his back after everything he’s done to her.
But shit, I have enough going on right now. The last thing I need is more trouble with that fucking douche. Feeling his eyes burning into my head, I turn in his direction, only to meet his angry stare. I glance away quickly, not wanting to enter into this shit. The last time I let the bastard get under my skin, I lost it and did something that I’ll have to live with for the rest of my goddamn life. I wasn’t going there again, no fucking way.
I pull the pen out of my mouth, not realizing I had chewed the fuck out of it. I sigh to myself, dropping it on the desk. I reach my intertwined fingers out in front of me, the crunch of my knuckles clicking a release to my tense hands.
As soon as the bells rings, I’m up and shoving all my shit in my backpack, to race out of the door. I walk fast, not quite a jog, but just as fast as my legs will take me until I get to the locker. I crane my neck as I approach, hoping Ken will already be there.
She is. The mere sight of her is enough to make my heart beat a bit faster. I slow my pace, pushing back my shoulders, trying not to look like the lamest love sick fucking puppy you’ve ever seen, despite the fact that’s exactly how I feel.
Her head turns toward my direction. Her eyes light up at the sight of me. As I get close, she reaches her hand out toward me, and I do the only thing I can. I take it in mine. Our fingers lock together, they fit just fucking perfect, like two pieces of a jigsaw.
“Hey, baby.” I can’t help but pull her to me, my body pressing against hers as my eyes fixate on that beautiful, heart swelling smile she always gives me.
“Hey,” she answers, quickly stepping on to her tiptoes, placing a kiss on my lips. I close my eyes, wanting to deepen the kiss, needing to taste her. Before I get the chance she pulls back. I narrow my brows in confusion, trying to understand why she’s resistant.
“We need to talk, honey,” she says sweetly. “Let’s find somewhere private to talk.” She pulls on my hand, leading me toward the sports block. The hall is completely empty during break time.
“What’s wrong?” I blurt out. I need to know what this is all about. There’s a freaky calm about her, despite her breathing being all over the place. Her chest rises fiercely as she takes in a sharp breath.
“Okay, so today I had a run in with Dennis.”
My eyes widen at the mention of that bastard’s name. Before I get a chance to say anything, her voice bellows a little, making sure she doesn’t give me even a second to rage about it.
“But, I’m okay.”
I glare at her, my nostrils flaring as I feel the intense anger rising inside.
“I was with Pete,” she continues, “on our way to class and he did his usually trouble stirring ramble…”
“And?” I bellow, a little louder than I intended, but I’m annoyed at the pure notion of him fucking talking to Kennedy. That bastard is treading a very thin fucking line.
“Well, he kinda admitted why he hates me so much.”
“Hates you? He doesn’t even know you, Kennedy. If he did, there wouldn’t be no way he could possibly hate you.”
“Well,” she pauses momentarily, “he said he was at the commune, Cole. He said he was born there.” Her eyes swell with sadness and I’m fucking gob smacked, like truly stuck for fucking words.
“What? How?” I stutter, my words barely jumbling out of my mouth.
“And that’s not the worst of it,” she chokes back, her head resting against the wall behind her.
“What the fuck? I mean seriously it can’t get any worse.”
“Oh it can!” She inhales sharply. “He told me that Christopher is his real dad.” Her words teeter off, a silent sob struggling to break free.
I wrap my hand around the back of her head, pulling her into me. Her head rests on my shoulder, her body rocking as she lets the tears flow silently.
“Baby, this cannot be true,” I whisper, knowing the implications. Knowing that she’ll have a tie to the sick fucker that laid his hands on her, the guy who has made her life hell. If this turns out to be true, the outcome is barely worth thinking about.
“I don’t know, Cole. I really don’t know, but my gut instinct tells me there’s some truth to it. Too much of what he said…he simply wouldn’t have known unless he’s actually been there.”
“People talk, Kennedy. Rumors spread and you know there are ways of finding things like this out. You know the internet and stuff,” I ramble. Shit, I want to provide her with a substantial explanation that this has to be bullshit, but for now this is all I can muster, and it’s weak at best.
“Hmm, maybe,” she pauses, her eyes locking on mine. “But I need to know for sure, to be one hundred percent certain.”
“Then let’s do it. Let’s find out whether there’s any truth to that bastard’s tales.”
“I’ve already messaged your mom. I’m going to see if she can help me out. If there’s a way to find out, she can do it. For sure.”
“You know my dad is heavily involved in this case. If Christopher is Dennis’ real dad, then he will find out. He can search the records. Together mom and dad will find you the truth, Kennedy. If anyone can, my parents can,” I say, my voice upbeat, trying to reassure her.
She smiles sincerely. Her inner strength knocks the fucking wind out of me once again.
“I will do anything I can to help you find the truth, baby. You know that, right?”
She nods, a sparkle of something in her eye, like there is still some fight left in her.
“We’ll find the truth,” she says positively, before glancing over to the clock on the wall. “I need to find Ash. He’ll be worried about me,” she shrieks in a panic, grabbing my hand and dragging me toward the hall. I shake my head, laughing a little at her erratic behavior.
She searches the halls, looking for Ash. I tug harshly on her arm, bringing her to a total stop. I can tell she’s freaking out and I need to do something. “Kennedy,” I bellow. “Stop.”
She looks at me and the pain in her eyes would be enough to devastate even the most heartless of people. She doesn’t say anything; she doesn’t need to. One look into her dark eyes tells me everything I need to know. I can see the hurt and confusion in her eyes, as if she’s speaking her emotions out loud. I so desperately want to be the one to fix it, but I’m not sure I can do it this time. This motherfucker of a situation is totally out of my control. Fuck, I don’t want it to be true, because if it is, that would mean Dennis and Kennedy’s baby are siblings.
I lean my forehead against hers, wrapping her arms around my body. “Baby, everything will be okay.”
“I just need to find Ash.” She tries to break apart from my hold, but I resist it, holding her tighter.
“Then let’s call or shoot him a text,” I whisper, hoping to calm her down. Ash would have a fucking fit if he saw her in this state. “Let’s go grab a coffee, take five, and give him a call. He’ll understand.”
I feel her head moving against my chest as she nods. She exhales deeply as I take her under my arm and walk toward the lunchroom.
We grab a coffee and I pull out my cell to call Ash, but before I get chance, I hear the shrill of his camp voice. I swing my head to the left and see him approaching with Pete and Jake in tow. I tap her lightly on the arm. She looks and pushes her chair back, jumping up and embracing Ash.
“Oh, Ash,” she cries.
“What? What is it, my little Barbie? What’s wrong?” He looks over to me, his eyes glaring and waiting for an answer.
‘Long story,’ I mouth over to him, not wanting to discuss it here in front of everyone.
“Hey, bro.” Jake pats me on the back before sitting down beside me. “Everything okay?” He nods his head in Kennedy’s direction.
“Hmmm,” I answer, “Not really, man, but not here, yeah? I’ll fill you in later, okay?”
“Sure.” He nods.
“So, any news on Abbey?” I ask, looking over at Ash and Kennedy talking quietly in the corner.
“She’s stable. The best we can hope for at this stage, I guess.”
I rest my arm over his shoulder, giving it a squeeze with my hand. “You know we’re all hoping and praying she makes a full recovery. This place has never been so damn quiet.” I let out a nervous chuckle. This fucking comforting thing doesn’t come easily for me.
“True story, bro,” he says with a flash of a smile.
“All ready for the move on Friday, dude?” Pete blurts over the table, his eyes dancing with excitement. “I seriously cannot wait for the house warming party!”
“We’re not going wild, bro. We don’t want to piss of the neighbors on our first weekend there!” I warn.
This guy was totally out of control sometimes, especially where drink is involved. He has no self-control.
“Well I might have to bring my own fucking entertainment then.” He wiggles his eyebrows and I sigh loudly.
“Bring who you want, man. As long as it stays quiet. I don’t want anything to happen that could spoil Kennedy’s birthday. I want to make this special for her.”
“Oh man! Stop being such a fucking pussy!” He laughs and Jake chuckles a little too.
“What’s wrong, Pete? Jealous?” I ask smugly, knowing he’s never had anything like the sort of relationship I have with Ken. And deep down the guy’s a big softy. I know he’s desperate to find his ‘Miss Right’. He just needs to stop thinking with his goddamn dick.
“Ha! As if, man. I have no shortage of pussy wanting a piece of this.” He gestures with his hand. Jake and I laugh in unison, shaking our heads
“You’re such a dick, Pete.” I laugh loudly, noticing Ash and Kennedy approaching the table. She rests against my side, as I wrap my arm around her thighs, my head resting against her waist. She kisses the top of my head softly. “I’m gonna make my way to class now.” She pushes herself away and looks back over to Ash.
“Ready?” she asks him. He nods in acceptance. “I’ll catch you at lunch, yeah?”
“Of course, baby,” I answer, watching her link arms with Ash and walk out of the lunchroom.
I study her as she leaves my sight, a strange calm about her. I’m not sure whether I should be concerned. I’m snapped from my thoughts by Pete clicking his fingers, leaning over the table to speak to me. I lean into him, waiting for him to say something. I look over his shoulder, checking to his left, then his right before he speaks.
“So, have you seen that fucking prick, Dennis?” he asks with venom oozing through every word. I’m glad he hates Dennis just as much as I do.
“Not since class, but I’m doing everything I can to stop myself from hunting the bastard down and beating his fucking ass!”
“That dude, is fucked up!”
“Ain’t that a fucking understatement?” I huff.
“Some of the shit he was saying to Kennedy was un-fucking-believable.”
“Thanks for being there, man. I really appreciate it.”
“Don’t mention it,” he rushes out. “Let’s get our asses to calculus. That fucking exam is going to be a killer.”
Kennedy
I never thought I’d make it to the end of the day, but thankfully, I did. I’ve got so much shit to catch up on before the start of summer school. I can’t quite shake the memories of earlier today. Whether there’s any truth to what Dennis said, I don’t know, but I’m desperate to find out the truth.
However devastating. But forewarned is forearmed, right?
The last thing I want is to have someone like him related to my baby. Just when I’ve managed to get away from the one person that threatened her safety.
Christopher.
I shudder at the simple thought of my abuser. I close my eyes and memories flash through my mind of him and some of the things he did to me. I shake my head, clearing the fleeting memories. I look over at Cole, the one person who is nothing like Christopher. They are polar opposites. I grab his hand, desperate to rid my mind of the evil. I kiss the back of his hand and he looks down at me. I can’t help but fall into his beautiful green gaze. His eyes are mesmerizing and his face lightens as his smile spreads. I can tell he’s smiling from his heart.
“What?” he asks, obviously intrigued by my eye gawping.
I shrug. “I dunno. I needed to take my mind off what I was thinking and I kinda know that I can lose myself just by looking in your eyes. It’s like the thunderstorm in my mind disappears when I look into the window of your soul. It takes me to a good place, away from my demons, you know?”
He nods, squeezing my hand tightly. “If I wasn’t driving right now, I would be totally giving you lots of good things to think about.” He winks at me.
I smile, my body tingling in response to his suggestion. The contact between me and Cole has always been an escape for me. A way of feeling. A way of being alive.
And I know after years of abuse this might seem weird, but it’s different, so very different from what I had to endure before. Everything about being with Cole feels right.
He leans in as close as he can, kissing me lightly.
A short drive later and we pull up in the huge driveway, my nerves of seeing Jocelyn and having to tell her what happened today puts me on edge. Sweat beads at the back of my neck and my hands start to shake a little, but I know I have to do this. Cole helps me out of the car and we head straight into the house. As soon as we step in, I hear Jocelyn calling out my name. I walk into the lounge, and as soon as she sees me, she lunges forward, embracing me tightly. Before releasing me she searches my face for the answers I know she’s desperate to hear.
“What’s happened, Ken?”
I look at her, trying to steady my breathing, hoping the right words will come out, and this won’t just be an awful jumble of nonsense.
“Speak to me, sweetie,” she hums. “I’ve been so worried about you all day!”
“I’m sorry,” I sigh. “The last thing I wanted was to worry you.”
“Never mind that.” She waves her hand at me. “I just need to know you’re okay.”
I smile sadly before beginning. “I need your help,” I start, taking a deep breath, clutching my hands together. “Please… You’re the only one I can trust to get me the answers I need.”
She takes me by the elbow, leading me to the couch, gently guiding me until I’m sitting closely beside her. “Tell me everything, my dear.”
I spend the next twenty minutes re-telling the whole, painful story of my run in with Dennis. I nearly vomit in my hand when I tell her what happened between us in the bathroom at school that day months back. It wasn’t something I ever wanted to share with anyone, but she has to know why I so desperately want to find the truth about this.
Working in child protective services, I know this isn’t the first time she’s heard stories like this, stories like mine, but it still doesn’t make it any easier. I know she’s trying to not react to what I’m saying, but some expressions you just can’t hide. I know I’ve shocked her. She’s trying her damnedest to act like none of this is getting to her, but I see straight through the act, the shield she puts up.
“Of course I will help you,” she says, her voice shaky as she continues to talk. “I will do everything I can to get you those answers, Kennedy. But you have to remain realistic. Prepare yourself that the answers may not be the ones you want to hear.”
I nod, acknowledging that I understand. “Something inside tells me he’s not lying about this,” I say solemnly.
She smiles sadly. “Whatever happens, I’m here for you, okay?”
“Thank you, Jocelyn. It means so much to me that you’re always there,” I say honestly.
She stands and leans down to kiss the top of my head. “I always will be,” she says in the sweetest, heartwarming voice.
I’m so fortunate to have her, and despite every messed up piece of bad luck I’ve ever had, she’s one more bit of good luck I know I couldn’t live without. She is my strength, my normal when everything is far from normal. I watch her as she walks over to the staircase, my eyes following her every step.
“Come on, we have packing to do.” She smiles.
I jump to my feet, holding my hand to my chest, feeling the beat of my heart. I realize that even though things have been so bad, I’m alive, still breathing, and I have so much to look forward to. It’s difficult to see the light when you feel like you are constantly in the dark, but I truly feel like the light is now shining brightly. I jump to my feet, a spring in my step as I follow her up the steps and toward Cole’s room.
I walk into the room and a drastic change of temperature hits me, but not as much as the sight of Cole moving the boxes, sweat glistening over his amazing body. I blow out slowly, an unsteady breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Damn, he’s a feast to my hungry eyes.
His every move is effortless, yet each of his defined muscles ripples with every movement he makes. My eyes travel naturally to the V muscle just above the top of his shorts. I purse my lips together as I take him in. In that instant, he turns, catching my eye. Before I can turn and act like I wasn’t eye fucking him, that slow sexy smile appears, turning him from handsome to divine. My body is flooded with a rush of warmth, and I know he’s everything I will ever want.
He turns to me, his mouth turning from a smile to smirk as he watches me biting the corner of my lip. “You helping or just watching?” he teases.
I stick out my tongue, trying to step over the mountains of stuff piled on the floor. I scan the room, taking in all of the boxes he’s already packed.
“Damn, Cole, you have so much stuff!” Who knew men could stock pile junk like this.
He lets out a loud chuckle as he lifts the boxes, one by one, piling them up.
“Looks like you pretty much got this sorted,” Jocelyn sings on her way out. “I’m going to leave you love birds to it. Give me a shout if you need anything.”
“Will do,” Cole huffs, resting back onto the bed.
“Looks like you’ve been busy,” I muse, sitting beside him before turning to look at all the boxes he’s already managed to pack.
“I think I’m pretty much done. We can finish the rest tomorrow.” He sighs, his body now lying flat on the bed. I’m so tempted to rest my head in that comfy place at the crook of his neck, where I fit perfectly, but looking at him, his whole body glistening with sweat makes me refrain. He looks up at me, his eyes narrowing as he pats the top of his chest, as though to indicate for me to lie with him. I purse my lips and shake my head.
“No way, Cole. You seriously need to take a shower.” I laugh. “Then maybe I have plans for you,” I tease, before walking out of his room to my clutter free one.
The next few days of school pass by quickly. I work as hard as I can, trying to make sure I get caught up on as much work as possible. I’m surprised by Dennis, who seems to have given me a wide berth since our run in. I still can’t help but think that every day could be the day Dennis ruins things between me and Cole.
Knowing that he overheard my conversation with Pete terrifies me. I can’t help but wonder whether it would be easier to come clean. I think forward to all of the things we’ve planned and I can’t risk losing everything. Things don’t seem awkward with Pete. I haven’t seen him much, but when I have it has felt normal, like I can finally forget what happened and move on.
I have to move on.
We get the keys to the apartment tonight and I don’t want anything to ruin this special time for me and Cole. He’s worked so hard to make this perfect. I won’t allow anything to spoil it. This is our time.
The bell signals the end of class. I’m so ready to go. The whole day I’ve done nothing but work as hard as possible, and I want out of here. I shove my things in my bag, throw it over my shoulder, and head out quickly, careful not to get caught up in the wave of other students all wanting to leave as fast as they can.
I race toward the parking lot, standing on the tips of my toes, trying to remember where Cole parked his truck. I put my hand to my brow, as I try to protect my eyes from the bright sun. I slowly wander down, shimmying through the lot before giving up and pulling out my cell phone. Just call Cole, I tell myself as I search through the menu of the phone.
“He’s not going to save you this time.”
I jump out of my skin, the phone crashing to the pavement as I step back frantically, trying to get away from him. The shock kicks in, every inch of my body shakes as he glares at me.
I catch my breath, summoning the courage to speak up. “What do you want, Dennis?” I squeak out.
He steps closer, his face is in mine and my back is against one of the parked cars. I can feel his breath on my face.
“To make you suffer,” he says slowly, pronouncing each word perfectly.
I shiver in response. I glare at him for a moment, the evil look in his eye is familiar and I no longer feel fear. I push back on his shoulder hard, straightening my body, no longer allowing myself to be his victim.
“Find some other fool to push around, Dennis. I’m done.” I throw my arm in the air, trying to side step past him.
My retreat is stopped as he grabs my arm, pinning it against the car.
“Not so fucking fast, bitch.”
Before I have chance to fight back, I feel his grip loosen and his body is no longer standing in front of me. I gasp loudly as I see Cole pinning him to the ground, his foot resting against Dennis’ neck. His hands clutch at Cole’s ankles as he tries to loosen the pressure from around his neck.
“Bad fucking move, dick head,” Cole growls, increasing the pressure on his throat. I look up and we are suddenly surrounded by people. Ash pulls me to him.
“Are you okay?” he asks breathlessly.
I nod, desperate to get someone to step in and pull Cole away from Dennis. I don’t want him being dragged into this again. I nod over to them. “Please Ash, do something. I really don’t want Cole getting into trouble again because of this,” I choke out.
Ash dances through the crowd of people, pulling on Cole’s arm.
“Cole, man, you need to leave this now,” he attempts to reason with Cole.
But he doesn’t listen. Cole reaches down, grabs Dennis by the shirt with both hands, and pulls him back to standing. Once Dennis is on his feet, Cole thrusts him against the car.
Cole’s in his face, scowling and grating out something inaudible.
I step toward them, my arm on Cole’s. “Honey, let’s go,” I plead. “Please, he’s not worth it.”
“No!” Cole shouts loudly, causing me to jump back. “The bastard is not getting away with this.” He slams him violently against the car again. Dennis tries to push back, but he’s just not strong enough.
Ash puts his hand on my shoulder, drawing me away from them, shaking his head at me.
“What the fuck is this?” the roar of the loud voice approaching asks. I snap my head and see Pete bellowing toward us, stopping just in front of Cole and Dennis, with Jake not far behind.
“Uh, oh, oh,” Dennis chuckles. “Here he is, the third wheel. You want to be more careful who you call your friends, Cole!” he yells right in Cole’s face.
“Fuck, bro. What’s going on?” Pete asks.
“This sick fuck had Kennedy pinned to a god damn car.” Cole pushes Dennis back against the car one last time before releasing him and exhaling loudly.
“Fuck,” Pete grates out.
Meanwhile, Jake has hold of Dennis’ arm, dragging him away and back toward the wall of the school. I crane my neck, looking over to see Jake in a heated conversation with Dennis, his back against the wall as they continue to argue. I zone back in to the voices around me. Cole’s arms wrap around me tightly. My feet leave the ground, as he pulls me up to him, kissing me lightly on the lips, over and over.
“I’m so sorry,” he sighs, his head dropping onto my forehead.
“Sorry?” I ask studying his face. “It’s not your fault that Dennis has it in for me.”
“No, I mean, I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you were looking for me. I had an errand to run. I thought I would be back in time for you. I’m sorry I was late.”
“It’s okay,” I answer, as he sets me down, his hold never loosening.
He bends his head, his beautiful eyes meeting mine. “Did he hurt you?” he asks, the pain dancing over his expressions as he tries to find the answer. “Because if he has, I’m going over there and ripping that fucker’s head off,” he whispers, his body tense and teeth clenched.
“I’m okay,” I answer honestly. “A little shook up, but okay.”
He grabs my hand tightly, leading me toward his truck. He clearly stopped in the middle of the parking lot and jumped out.
“Let’s go.” He smiles, opening the passenger side door, helping me into the huge truck.
I look back over my shoulder, as Pete and Ash follow behind us. Pete glances at me with a look of sympathy on his face. I quickly smile back. Trying not to get drawn in by him, I reach out and close the door to the truck. I watch as Cole stands outside, his arms folded across his chest as he talks to the boys. Ash walks to the rear door, opening it. He gets in and belts up. I swivel in my seat, turning to face Ash.
“He’s never going to stop, is he?”
“Who? Dennis?”
I hum, in acknowledgement. The truth was, he wasn’t going to leave me alone until he got what he wanted. I just had no idea what that was.
“I don’t get what his problem is,” Ash answers, “I mean, if he was there, and his mom took him away because she realized what a fucked up place it was, then surely he knows what hell you’ve been through. He should sympathize with you, not hate you for it. I really don’t fucking get it.”
I tremble, knowing that what he says makes sense. I don’t get it either.
Cole swiftly opens the door. I whip my head to the side, watching his hand as it lands on my lap.
He looks between me and Ash. “What’s the silence all about?” he asks, like he thinks we were talking about him.
“We’re just trying to work out what his problem is,” I breathe out heavily, my hand falling onto his.
“I think this is less about you and more about just how fucked up he is in the head. You just seem to be the target of his inner torture.”
“But when will it end, Cole? When will I be able to walk through school without fearing he’s going to say something, or worse, do something?”
He closes his eyes slowly, his lids looking heavy has he hangs his head a little, not really knowing what to say to me. His eyebrows scrunch together and he pinches the bridge of his nose.
“I should have finished that fucker,” he quietly growls. “Honestly, Ken, if he lays another finger on you, I won’t be responsible for my fucking actions.”
“You can’t let him get to you, man. You have to be there for Ken without getting into a fucking fist fight every time!” Ash leans between the gap of the seats, his nose pointing forward and his eyes bulging. His gothic like features looking all dramatic makes me chuckle a little to myself. I sit there with my hand against my mouth, glancing between the two of them.
“You need to keep that hot head of yours under control, man.” He taps the side of Cole’s head with his index finger. Cole laughs before turning and pushing Ash easily back into his seat.
“Belt up, goth boy. We got a shit to do.”
Ash lets out one loud “ha” sound before strapping in.
Cole puts the car in drive and maneuvers out of the parking lot, heading toward home. Well not home for much longer, just home for now. I push my clutched hands between my legs, a little bit of excitement buzzing through me. Thoughts of me and Cole waking up together, just the two of us, sends a little thrill through me. I stare out of the window, the brightness of the day reflects in the side view mirror, and I notice Pete’s car following us.
I look over to Cole and back to the mirror and back over to him again. His lip curls ever so sexily at the corner as he studies my confused expression.
“What’s wrong?” he asks with a little flick of his head.
“Why is Pete following us?” My words seem to tumble out and I’m pretty sure I’m screwing up my face.
“He’s helping us with the move.” He chuckles.
“Oh! You never said.” I look over to him as he positions his hips off of the seat, digging into his pocket. I look at his hand as he pulls out a set of keys and jingles them in front of me. I twist my body toward him and sit up, taking the keys from his hand. I clutch them tightly, resting my hands on my knees.
“Shit!” I laugh nervously. “This is really happening, huh?”
“Sure is, baby.” He smiles that wide tooth revealing smile and my insides tighten at his genuine excitement of being with me. The excitement of us starting the next chapter of our lives.
“Soooo,” Ash sings, “less of the mushy shit. Let’s talk housewarming!”
“Shit. Not you too,” Cole jokes.
I shoot him a look of confusion.
“Pete!” he says.
I ought to have known. He always likes a party.
“I think he’s going to bring that red headed chick again from the bar. You remember her from the pool party?”
“Hmmm, Lizzy,” I spit out. “How could we forget?” I gesture with my hands in front of my breasts. Both of the boys fall into a fit of laughter.
“That’s the one,” Cole answers through his amusement.
“She’s nice though, right?” Ash pipes up, squeezing my shoulder.
“Well, if you like that sort of thing, I guess so.” I fold my arms across my chest, staring out of the car only to see Pete with his head hanging out of his window, tongue slung out at the side. I hold my hand over my face in embarrassment.
“What the hell is he doing?” I screech.
Ash spins in his seat, looks out the back window, and lets out a howl of laughter. This guy is unbelievable. The car fills with laughter and I can’t help but ache a little. I’m not sure I can even explain why, I just hope that I haven’t ruined our relationship by fucking up and giving him the wrong signals.
We pull in the driveway, jump out, and head inside. I slowly walk up the staircase, to my room to get the few belongings I have. It’s not much, but I’m grateful to Jocelyn for everything she has done for me. I have obtained more belongings during my few months stay here with Jocelyn, than I ever had from my life in the commune.
I grab the few bags I have and waddle toward the stairs.
“Uh oh, no you don’t,” Cole sings, snatching the bags out of my hand. “You know you shouldn’t be carrying these, baby.”
“It’s only two bags of clothes, Cole,” I huff.
“Still. I will take these for you,” he demands.
I can’t help but cross my arms and sigh loudly in frustration. I don’t need to be babied.
He doesn’t look back once he takes the bags. He carries them effortlessly down the stairs, leaving me standing there like a stroppy child.
I hear Cole’s footsteps approaching again, his head quickly appearing in my line of sight. His eyes trail down to my crossed arms and he shakes his head, laughing lightly. He taps me jokily on the ass as he passes by. I jump with a shock of excitement, my glum expression lifting to one where I’m trying to force back my smile.
“Go grab us a drink. Make yourself useful,” he teases as he walks into his room, before reappearing with a box in his arms. His back and arms flex easily and I can’t help but stare at him as he carries the box effortlessly. His smile widens when he realizes I’m staring like a fool.
I snap my head away and head downstairs, skipping down the steps and crashing into Pete who appeared to emerge from nowhere.
I fluster, swiping the loose strands of hair that have fallen onto my face away and tuck them slowly behind my ear. I feel his eyes burning into me. As I look up, he smiles apologetically, the warmth of his brown eyes pulling me to my senses.
I look away, not giving him anything back, no emotion, no signs of how I feel on the inside. I try to counteract my racing heart. Breathing slowly, I side step him, my head remaining in a downward position. I shuffle my feet until I reach the counter in the kitchen. Pete has to stop looking at me like that, with those eyes. I can’t take it when he does. I steady myself before walking over to the refrigerator, grabbing three cans and heading back into the entrance where I hear the buzz of the boy’s voices. I hand out the drinks to them, earning myself a wet kiss from Cole.
“Right,” Cole shouts, clapping his hands together. “Let’s get the last of the boxes in my truck,” he instructs Pete.
“Why Pete and not me, asshat?” Ash shrieks.
“Because those scrawny arms,” he points lazily to Ash, “couldn’t lift Pete’s dick. That’s saying something.”
I cover my mouth, trying to stop the laugh that forces its way to the surface. I look at Ash and he looks pissed.
“Leave my dick out of this.” Pete laughs, holding his hands up in a mock surrender.
Ash slurps the last of his drink, crushing the can, before launching it at Cole. He gives me a sharp look. “Bitch, you better get your boyfriend under control.”
I can’t help but laugh again as he walks over, linking his arm in mine.
“Let’s go take the weight off our feet,” he offers, leading us over to the dining table. He leans in, lowering is voice. “Tell me all about things with you and Pete.”
I furrow my brow, turning to look at him. “There really isn’t anything to tell, Ash.”
“Are you sure about that?” he asks. “That little body bump didn’t look like nothing. If anything, it looked pretty fucking awkward to me.”
I sigh, leaning into him, resting my head on his bony shoulder. “I’m really trying here. I don’t want to feel what I’m feeling, but I just can’t help it.” I sit up, being more animated. “It’s that look he gives me; I can’t ignore it.” Ash looks at me blankly. “Come on, you must know the one I’m talking about.”
He rests is hand on my arm. “Ken…” he whispers, pausing for a moment.
“What?” I ask, waiting and eager for him to continue.
“You have to stop this. Just remember, you can look but not touch, right?”
“Who said anything about touching?” I smirk, trying to lighten the mood.
“You need to make a decision and stick with it, Barbie.”
“And I have,” I say with absolute confidence.
“Then stop thinking about Pete,” he murmurs. “You know he’s not going anywhere. He’s Cole’s friend, and quite frankly, an all-round decent guy.”
I was shocked. Did he think this was my fault?
“What are you saying, Ash? That this is me, all me?” I raise my voice unintentionally, but I’m just so annoyed. How could he think badly of me like that? He’s my friend. I though he understood how difficult this was for me.
“No, no, that’s not what I meant. I’m merely trying to point out that he’s one of the good ones, you know?” I turn my head at the sound of footsteps to see Pete and Cole standing just outside the kitchen. Pete’s hand rests on Cole’s neck and they’re laughing. Ash is right, they are friends. The only person in danger of spoiling that is me.
I swallow down as the sick feeling hits my stomach. I glare at Ash, giving him a threatening look.
He purses his lips. “My lips are sealed,” he softly whispers, before kissing the top of my head and getting up, walking over and embracing the boys.
“I should go and wait for my mom outside,” he shouts over. I smile fondly, waving at him.
“Well thanks for all of your hard work, bones!” Pete laughs, ripping the piss out of Ash. “Or should we call you Ashley?”
“You’re such an asshole, Pete,” he snaps, flipping him the bird before prancing out of the door.
I push back on my chair, making my way over to the guys.
“We all set?” I ask, eager to make the move and get time alone with Cole. Having Pete here was like a cloud hanging over me. I’m pretty sure you could cut the atmosphere with a damn knife.
“All ready,” he answers simply, holding out his hand, and pulling me against his sweat covered torso.
“Urgh, Cole,” I screech. “You’re so wet! Don’t!” I protest, trying to wrestle his hold, but my attempt is futile.
His eyes are hooded and dark, the corner of his lip curling into a smirk, “Shit, I love it when you talk dirty to me, baby.”
I feel the heat instantly rise in my cheeks, my heart pounding with embarrassment.
Shit. I don’t know where to look. I can’t believe he said that in front of Pete. I glance over to Pete quickly. His face is hardened and his lips held tightly together, looking straight back to Cole.
“Don’t be embarrassed, baby. Pete is no fucking virgin.”
“Cole!” I scold.
Pete throws his hand up in the air. “I’ll be in the car when you fuckers have finished.”
I watch him as he waltzes out of the door, shaking his head lightly from side to side.
“So this is it.”
I press my lips together. “Sure is.”
“So I’ll see you there, yeah?”
I look at him confused.
“You’re riding with Pete,” he says, answering my unspoken question. “My truck is full of boxes. It’s safer for you to ride with him.”
I’m mortified. This is the last thing I need. Riding with Pete is definitely not a good idea. I smile, knowing I can’t really protest. I grab my purse, taking one last look around at the only place I have ever really called home, the only place that I have happy memories of, and head out to the car.
Pete’s Audi is parked in the driveway, just at the side of Cole’s truck. I walk over to the car, forcing myself to breathe. Dammit! Breathe, Kennedy! Swallowing down hard, I reach my shaky hand to grasp the handle. I stare at my hand, willing it to stop shaking, but it doesn’t. Dammit, why does my body do this to me? My mind is doing one thing, but my body doing different.
Despite my shaky hand, I pull the door open. Pete bends his head so that he’s in my line of sight. I quickly smile, shuffle in the car, and pull the door shut behind me. The seats are much lower than in the truck and I feel like I practically drop into the seat. I look across at Pete nervously, wiggling, and adjusting my position in the seat.
“You okay there, Ken?” he asks with concern, leaning over to grab the seatbelt.
“I…I…I…can do it. Ttthank you,” I stutter, turning my shoulder, trying my damnedest to avoid any physical contact with him.
“Shit, what’s got your tongue in a twist?” he asks, his face screwed up like he’s chewing a wasp.
“Nothing. I’m fine,” I answer with conviction, straightening my top and adjusting my posture until I’m sitting upright. I guess strong of appearance, strong of mind, right?
I look out of the window, watching Cole pull out of the driveway. I look back over to Pete. “Are we going then?”
“Yes, boss!” he salutes me sarcastically. He reaches down to the ignition, turns the key, and puts the car in drive. I watch him intently as he sits in the driver’s seat. I swallow down the metallic taste as I focus on the corner of his mouth, twitching near his cheek. The mix of nerves and excitement wreak havoc on my body as the adrenaline courses through my veins. He sits in the seat, so composed, looking so effortlessly in control. The sexy ass grin never leaves his face. I’m stuck to the spot, my leg tapping nervously. All I can do is look out of the window.
Pete lets out a huge sigh, snapping me from my thoughts. I want to ask him what’s wrong, find out what’s eating him, but I don’t have the guts. I’m afraid it will explode into a full on conversation about this whole shitty ass situation; a conversation I’m not ready for or prepared to have. I stare out the window, focusing on the sunlight radiating across my face. The sun is always a welcome feeling to my skin. Enjoying the sun wasn’t something I had experienced much during my years of isolation. Being allowed out in the daylight wasn’t something that happened very often, unless I was being left to rot in the heat. The warmth of the sun was always used as a weapon, not something to be enjoyed. Despite how fucked up this was, I actual loved the feeling of the sun against my skin.
“Is this how it’s going to be?” the hum of Pete’s voice snaps me from my thoughts. I glance over to him, his elbow is resting against the window, his head resting in his hand.
“I don’t know. What do you want from me, Pete? I’m trying here. I’m trying to do the right thing by everybody.”
“Everybody?” He laughs sarcastically. “By everybody, you mean Cole, don’t you?”
I feel the heat rise in my cheeks and the annoyance building as I turn in my seat to face him. What the hell does he want from me? Well, I know what he wants and I can’t give him that. Does that mean every time we are together it’s going to be like this?
“You’re not exactly making this easy for me, Pete. I’ve told you I’m with Cole. I love Cole. We are making a future together. Can’t you see that?”
“Oh, I’m soooo sorry,” he says dramatically. “I’m so sorry I can’t just switch off my feelings for you.”
“You don’t have feelings for me, Pete.” I tap the side of my head. “It’s all in here. It’s not real.”
“Don’t tell me what I feel, Ken. Don’t patronize me.”
I sink lower in my seat. Dammit! Everything I say makes things worse.
“You’ve not given me chance; you’ve not given us a chance,” he says, emotion thick in his tone.
I close my eyes, inhaling deeply. “There is no us, Pete, and you know that.”
“Do I? Or are you just denying the inevitable? If you felt nothing for me, it wouldn’t be like this. You wouldn’t be going fucking crazy for me if you didn’t really feel something!”
I feel my body shake as the anger grows inside. I’m not doing this. I’m not fucking doing this! My temper explodes and it takes everything not to force him to stop the car and let me out.
“What? What is it you see in me, Pete? I’m fucked up! Not just on the inside but on the outside too. I wear the scars on my body from being tortured. I’ve been raped more times than you have been laid. So yeah, I’m not this perfect piece of skirt you think I am.”
I stare at him bug eyed, waiting for him to answer me, for him to admit that this whole thing is bullshit but he doesn’t speak. Several times I notice him open his mouth slightly, as though he might actually say something, but he doesn’t.
“But don’t you see…”
“See what?” I snap, cutting him off mid-sentence. “What exactly is there to see? You may think this,” – I gesture, circling my face – “is pretty, but in here,” – I tap the side of my head – “In here, it’s pretty fucking ugly.”
“Don’t say that,” he snaps. “Your imperfections are what make you perfect. Why is it so hard to believe that someone might actually like you, for you? For the person you have become despite where you have been or what you have been through. You really need to work on your self-belief.”
“Arrghh,” I growl out in frustration. “You’re impossible.”
“Did anyone ever tell you that you look hot when you’re angry?”
My arm flies out toward him, connecting with the top of his lean but muscular arm.
“Ouch,” he mock-sulks, rubbing the spot where my hand connected.
“Seriously though, this is not funny!”
“Oh, lighten up, Kennedy. You need a little more laughter in your life, girl!”
“Maybe!” I snap. “But not at the expense of mine and Cole’s relationship!”
“It’s not like that and you know it.” He grimaces at me before turning and gluing his eyes to the road.
For the rest of the drive we don’t speak. We sit in the most uncomfortable silence, neither one of us making a solitary noise.