“Geordie? Geordie, wake up.”

I blinked awake but pulled the blanket farther over my head. “No.”

Ryan tugged at the corner and yanked it back, exposing me to sun-streaked walls and a beautiful day. “Sit up. I brought you coffee. It’s noon, and I know you don’t usually drink coffee past noon, but I think you need it. And toast. I was going to put avocado on it, but I left it plain in case you aren’t feeling well.”

I stared at his tousled curls. With the sunlight behind him, he looked like an angel. I reached for his hand and squeezed it affectionately. “When did you get here?”

“An hour ago. I tried to wake you once, but you wouldn’t budge. I have to get to the tasting room soon. It’s getting busy. We need you. I can manage everything today. You don’t have to do much. Just pour wine.” He brushed his fingers over my eyebrows and gave me a teary smile. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. You look like you’re going to cry, though. What’s wrong, Ryan?”

He shook his head as though he was going to deny it; then he let out a rush of pent-up air and considered me for a moment.

“You worried me.”

“I’m fine,” I lied. “I just didn’t sleep well. I’ll get ready.”

“Danny can handle things for another half hour. There’s no hurry, and…I need to talk to you.”

I sat up and thanked him when he pressed a cup into my hands. “What is it?”

“I know it’s always bad this week, but I thought it was finally getting better. I didn’t think too much about it when you didn’t show up on time this morning. I figured you were up late celebrating with Levi, but then you didn’t answer your cell, so I called him and he told me you needed space and…fuck, Geordie, how much more space can you possibly need?” He huffed in exasperation and licked his lips.

“This time every year, we take turns watching over you. Me and Wes. Did you know that? The first year was the worst. It was hard for everyone…but you, most of all. You’re a good actor, but I know you pretty well. I can tell your mood by the songs you choose and the color shoes you wear. You’re a walking mood ring,” he said with a half laugh. “You always were, but the moods were happy. And you’ve been so happy again. Why would you push that away? Why are you punishing yourself? Maybe you don’t have any answers, but…I can’t lose you, Geord.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered.

Ryan sniffed. “I know, but it scares me sometimes. The black, the isolation, too many Barbra songs in a row. Mike would hate this. He’d be so pissed at you. And at Wes and me for letting this go on.”

“Don’t do that, Ry.”

“It’s true and you know it. People tend to make their loved ones into saints when they’re gone, and Mike wasn’t a saint by any means, but he was always honest. He told me he didn’t start living until he met you. You, Geordie. You’re the special one. He’d be the first to say it. You live out loud. You don’t compromise, and you don’t back down. So why start now? You didn’t die, and you shouldn’t apologize for it. You’re alive and well, and you owe it to him and to me and Wes and everyone else who loves you, including Levi, to live. To really fucking live.”

I could barely see through the sheen of tears in my eyes. I leaned over to set the cup on the coffee table then pulled Ryan against me and hugged him close.

“I’m just hungover,” I lied. “It’s not the end of the world.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “You’re impossible. Just stop wearing black. Please?”

“You are a funny little man, Ryan darling. If I haven’t told you lately, I love you,” I said, drying my eyes with my sleeves like a child.

“I love you too, Geord. We’re family. We have to look out for each other.”

“Yes. Always. You should get back to work. I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay. Come when you can, okay? Just don’t make me come back here,” he glowered playfully then kissed my cheek and stood.

“Give me twenty minutes. I’ll be there. But Ryan…”

“Yes?”

“Don’t be alarmed if I’m dressed like this or if I tell you I’m taking a couple of days off starting tomorrow.”

He furrowed his brow. “Um…”

“Trust me. I’ll be okay. I promise you.”

Ryan inclined his head after a moment then let himself out. I reached for the coffee but changed my mind and jumped to my feet instead. I didn’t want to be in my head anymore. I needed fresh air and the company of people I loved. Somewhere in the midst of a regular chaotic Sunday, I’d give myself the pep talk required to let go. And hopefully, begin again.

In spite of my cathartic breakthrough, the rest of my Sunday sucked. I dodged Wes’s concerned looks and his questions about Marshall while I alternately chatted nonstop with Nick’s college buddies and their partners and helped various customers select their favorite reserve. Other than the return of my black couture, I probably seemed perfectly together. I wasn’t. Between staring at the clock, sifting through my thoughts, and wishing like hell I was with Levi and that all the words that needed to be said were already said, I was manic. But somehow I made it through the day.

The following morning, I left my house at nine a.m. and drove toward the main lot. I slowed my car and waved at Wes as he jumped out of a golf cart. He signaled for me to stop and roll down my window. He was dressed in basic work gear. Khaki pants and a black Conrad Winery polo shirt. He looked fresh and clean but knowing Wes, he’d already been in the warehouse for a couple of hours.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Out.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“You have no idea where I’m going,” I countered irritably before softening my tone. “I may be gone a while anyway.”

He held my gaze in his signature no-nonsense way. “I think I do, and if you think I’m right, then let me come along. I won’t interfere but at the very least, I can be your chauffeur.”

I considered him for moment then gave in. “Fine.”

He waited for me to switch seats before sliding behind the wheel of my Mercedes. Then he fastened his seat belt and drove along the cypress-lined drive toward the main street. We didn’t talk much. I asked a few questions about his plans for the day. He shared his schedule and a funny story about a new intern with a mad crush on Nick.

“She asks me five times a day if my ‘friend’ is coming to visit,” he huffed. “I correct her and explain that the hot geek is actually my boyfriend, but she doesn’t listen.”

“Hmm. Did you try ‘life partner’? That might help. Husband would be better of course. You should ask Nick to marry you,” I said, staring out the window at the ribbon of vines winding through the hillside.

“I’m going to,” he replied quickly. “Soon.”

I shifted to face him and smiled. “Good. You’re going to ask me to be your best man, aren’t you?”

“Well, you are my best friend so…probably.” He shrugged nonchalantly then turned right into a wide driveway and pointed at the signage near the entry. “This is what you wanted, right?”

My heart rose and lodged in my throat. “Yes.”

Wes slowed the car then reached for my left hand and squeezed it before proceeding through the wrought iron cemetery gates.

I hadn’t been here in four years, and I’d intended not to return until I was literally carried inside a box. But here I was traveling the same tree-lined path, wondering if every cemetery in the country was as picturesque and park-like as this one. They actually gave tours through the historic section on the far end. Mike dragged me on a tour once. He’d been a huge history buff with a morbid fascination for old graveyards.

“When I die, bury me here, Geordie Bird,” he said.

I rolled my eyes irritably and reminded him he wasn’t “antique” enough to be buried in that section.

“True. Well then choose a spot under a tree, and put a bench in front of me so you have a place to sit. I’ll float around you like Casper the friendly ghost.”

“That’s not even remotely funny.”

“It was a joke. I wouldn’t want you to visit me here anyway. Do the bench and one of those statues you like in the garden at home, and we’ll chat there. You can tell me about your day and I’ll float around you like…Oooo.” He threw his head back and laughed like a loon when I crossed my arms and glared at him.

But I’d done as he asked.

I stared at the lone bench under the tree and closed my eyes for a moment before pushing aside the memories and turning to Wes. “How did you know I wanted to come here?”

“Your cologne.”

“What?”

“I sniff wine for a living, Geord. The return to black and the cologne you haven’t worn in four years…I know you, and I notice things,” Wes replied.

I nodded slowly then reached for the door handle. “Wait for me, please. I need to be alone but…thank you. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Always.”

I took one last deep breath then opened the car door and made my way to the bench. I set my fingertips on the edge and bit my lip hard before finally looking at the stone. I read his name, the date of his birth, the date he died, and the script underneath and then covered my mouth to hold back my sob and my laughter.

This man lived in service to his queen. With love and happiness and joy.

“I can’t believe you wanted this on your gravestone. You silly old man.” I sat on the bench and chuckled around the lump in my throat. “If you’re floating around me now, come sit for a moment. I want to tell you something. You probably already know, but I suppose I need to say this for my own sake.” I patted the empty space beside me and conjured an image of the man I’d spent ten years of my life loving. In my mind, I could see his kind smile as he patiently waited for me to tell him something he’d known all along. No doubt he humored me in death the way he had in life.

“Go on, Birdie. Say it out loud.”

“I promised I’d love you forever. And I do and I will, but I’ve fallen in love with Levi. Madly, head over heels in love with him. I didn’t think it was possible to love more than one person. It feels different, but it feels right. More than that, I feel like this might be a gift. Like something you’d want for me. So if I’m not in the garden as much as usual, it’s not because I’ve forgotten you. I just need to be here for him too, to give him everything I can.”

I sat quietly for a minute or two before glancing at the empty space beside me. I lifted my hand to Mike’s shoulder height and moved my fingers through the air like I was ruffling his hair. He’d loved that. He’d loved quiet chats on sunny afternoons on his bench under the olive tree. He’d loved to hear my colorful breakdown of the comings and goings at the winery. He was the world’s best listener. My very best audience. Most of all, I think he loved being with me. He hated to be alone. And he wouldn’t want me to be alone now, not when there was a whole life out there waiting for me.

“Watch over me, my darling. And remember, I’ll always love you.”

I pressed a kiss on my fingers and blew it toward the empty space beside me then stood and made my way back to Wes. He waited for me to approach the car before pulling me into his arms.

“Did he say anything?” Wes asked as he stepped back.

I brushed at my cheeks and gave him a lopsided smile. “He said, ‘Tell Wes to get a haircut.’ And then I think he said…‘Be happy.’ ”

Wes laughed and kissed my forehead. “Sounds about right. Where to now?”

“Well, I need to change my clothes and then…I’ll figure it out. It’s a little fuzzy. I just hope I get it right.”

“You will. C’mon, Birdie. Let’s go home.”

Wes turned toward the gravestone and lifted his hand to his forehead in a brotherly salute before moving to the driver’s side of the car. My smile widened at the gesture. And perhaps my fanciful side kicked in, but I could have sworn I felt Mike with us in that moment, wrapping us in his aura of peace and hope and love.

A light breeze kicked up in the parking lot at La Vid. It wasn’t quite noon, but it was already hot as hell. The restaurant was currently “Dinner Only,” so the lot was empty except for Levi’s Tahoe and a truck I assumed belonged to Rico or the manager. I usually loved an audience but not today. I nudged my sunglasses higher on my nose and paced the length of the car and back again, reciting my speech in my head. I caught my reflection in the window and nervously smoothed the stray hair off my forehead as I gave myself a pep talk. “You’ve got this. You can do it. Just don’t say anything too outrageous, and don’t do anything crazy. You don’t want to scare him away.”

I sucked in a cleansing breath then marched to the front door. It was locked. I peered inside, looking for signs of life, and knocked. No answer. I should have called. Or texted. I lowered my sunglasses and pulled my phone from my bag to do both just as a shadow fell over me. My heart skipped and then soared when I glanced up at the gorgeous man on the other side of the glass. He was dressed for summer in a light-blue oxford shirt with khaki shorts. And dammit, he was so…beautiful.

“Please don’t fuck this up.”

Levi pulled the door open and cocked his head. “Who are you talking to?”

“Myself. I’m always talking to myself. Can I come inside?”

He spread an arm open in invitation then locked the door behind me. “Did you need something?”

“Yes. I need to talk to you. Is someone here?”

“No. Rico and Kevin are shopping for spices, and Alicia won’t be in until three. The floor happens to be open. Take a seat of your choice. Do you want something to drink?”

“No, thank you.” I headed to a far corner table for two overlooking the garden and draped my bag over the chair before sitting down. I jumped up just as Levi sat across from me. I couldn’t sit still. I had to move and talk and—

“Geord, what is it?”

“I’m here.”

“I know.”

“No, I mean…” I closed my eyes for a moment and bit the inside of my cheek. “You told me you’d wait for me, and I appreciate that, but I don’t need any more time. In fact, I don’t want to waste another minute. I love you, Levi.”

He went completely still and then gave me a searching look before slowly standing. “You do?”

“I do. I’m crazy in love with you, and I never want to let you go. Don’t ask me if I’m sure because I promise you, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. And I mean that. I don’t want your ex to have you, and I don’t want to dwell in the past. I want a future…with you.”

“Yes. I mean…me too, I—”

“Let me finish. I didn’t think it was possible to fall in love again, but it happened. You told me you’d go slow, and you did. You said you could be patient. You were. You didn’t worry about my sanity. You trusted me. And all the while, you put me back together.” I placed my hand over his and brought it to my lips. “You make me laugh. You make me feel strong and brave and I want to do the same for you. If you’ll let me.”

Levi cupped his hand behind my neck and sealed his mouth over mine. Then he showered my face with kisses before pulling back slightly. He caressed my jaw and let his gaze roam over my eyes, nose, lips, like he was taking inventory or memorizing my features.

“I love you so damn much. You scared me, Geord. I thought I lost you, and it almost fucking killed me.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

Levi nodded. “I believe you, but I need you to be honest with me.…I’m nothing like him and—”

I set my hand over his mouth and shook my head. “I love you, Levi. You. I know who you are. No comparisons required. You are my heart. It’s that simple. And honestly, I don’t know how you’ll put up with me. I’m not patient or easygoing. I’m high maintenance and high impact.”

He furrowed his brow and rubbed his thumb over his chin thoughtfully. “Well, now that you mention it…”

I barked a quick laugh then launched myself into his arms again. “On the plus side, I know how to have fun and how to cook and sing.”

He kissed me and grinned. “What do you know about baseball?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“That could be a deal breaker,” he teased.

“I can learn if I must. How hard can it possibly be to get a goal?”

“Oh, boy.”

I pressed a kiss on his lips then reached for my bag and pulled out an envelope. “I have something for you. I made it and it’s silly but…I figured you’d understand.”

Levi creased his forehead and gave me a funny look. He tore open the letter-sized envelope like a kid on Christmas morning and unfolded the contents. His eyes crinkled at the corners when he set the two sheets of paper side by side on the table. He traced the single letters and numbers and then chuckled.

“F 22 and F 23. What’s the font?”

“Lucinda Handwriting. It has just the right amount of panache—you know what I mean?”

“Unbelievably, yes…I know exactly what you mean. And I don’t think I’ve been given a better gift in my life. Thank you.”

“I love you, Levi, my love. Always.”

He pulled me close and kissed my forehead, my eyes, my nose, and then my mouth. We swayed together in a long embrace, reveling in our new beginning. We were far from perfect. We were both battle-scarred, bruised, and battered. But we were brave and more than willing to take a chance on the future and lean into forever.