He didn’t reply.

My heart stopped.

He smiled, and that familiar blush across the apples of his cheeks appeared, but he didn’t acknowledge my question with any words and I was so confused. I was certain I hadn’t read the signals wrong. Didn’t he feel it too?

I was thankful when the clock finally dragged its hand to midday and I could use the excuse of meeting Elle outside for lunch just to give us some distance.

‘I’ve made soup today,’ I said as I stood up with my lunch bag dangling from my arm. ‘Is that OK?’

‘Of course. Anything you bring me is OK,’ he said into his computer screen as he lazily tapped on the keyboard. Was he responding to something urgent, or was it merely a distraction?

Fuck. Why the hell was I questioning things? I never did that.

‘Be right back,’ I said.

Ethan was sitting at the desk by the door, and as I struggled to carry everything and get out of the office, he stood up to open it and then followed me down the corridor.

‘Only a few more weeks left?’ he said.

‘Yeah, three left.’

‘And you’re still here. Amazing.’

‘Actually, I’m loving it. I think I’ve found my calling.’

‘Abi, I don’t want you to think I’m being forward, but I’ve been building up the courage since you told me you and Jamie aren’t an item. I wondered if you’d like to go out for a drink sometime?’

‘Oh fuck, erm…I’m really not sure.’ Just as I was collecting my thoughts, Jamie stepped past us, throwing Ethan a look of disgust.

‘Excuse me for interrupting,’ Jamie muttered as he started clanking pots around in the sink. I wanted to laugh at how alpha male he was being when I knew he was anything but.

I felt sorry for Ethan because I knew we were never going to happen. The man I wanted was standing behind me.

‘Don’t mind me,’ Jamie replied, slamming a plate down in the sink. ‘Pretend I’m not here.’

He was scowling, his sculpted cheekbones now defined with an intense shade of red. His reaction was starting to piss me off. Five minutes ago, I had asked if I could be his distraction, but he acted like I had asked him if he wanted an extra slice of bread with his soup.

‘Let’s talk,’ I said to Ethan as I pushed my arm through his, walking us outside. ‘Ethan, I’m flattered, really, but I don’t mix business with pleasure.’ His head shot back like I’d just pinched him on the tip of his cock.

‘I must have read the situation wrong. I’m sorry.’

The double doors flung open, banging the wall, the noise forcing us to look towards them. ‘Ethan, I’m going to need you to come out with me on a visit. It needs two people,’ Jamie said through a tight grimace. ‘Now.’

‘The visit I’m going on?’

‘No. The visit you were going on.’

‘What’s happened between you asking me and now?’

‘I need someone more experienced.’

‘Fuck you.’

‘Watch your mouth, Abi.’

‘Or what?’ I said, visibly shaking and barely noticing the small crowd of spectators at the window. Jamie walked back into the office with me blazing fire behind him. ‘You don’t get to say whether I go on a visit or not!’

‘I hate to remind you, but I do get a say. I’m your practice teacher, so I make the decisions.’ He started pulling open drawers, rifling urgently through papers, only to leave them where he had found them before closing the drawer again.

‘Is this decision based on my professional capabilities, or something else?’

‘Drop it, Abi. This isn’t the time.’

I looked around and realised from the stares that I was causing a scene. Usually, that wouldn’t stop me, but I wanted to pass this placement. I was so close to qualifying I could taste it.

‘Fine. I’ll be outside if you want to discuss this further.’ He didn’t follow immediately, so I did what I always do when feelings overwhelmed me. I took my earphones from my pocket, pushed them into my ears and started listening to music.

He followed five minutes later, allowing the onlookers to disappear back into their offices and find something else to gossip about. I pretended I hadn’t heard him and sat with my eyes closed, regulating my breathing and letting the music take over my anger.

‘I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry,’ he said as he sat down next to me on the wooden bench, his trousers pulled up at the ankle to reveal pink, green and navy blue stripy socks. I had to swallow a single sob, the kind you wrestle with during a particularly heavy orgasm that your body just doesn’t know what to do with—now officially known as a sock-gasm.

‘I didn’t hear that. What did you say?’ I felt a tug on my ear when he pulled the wire, making it fall to my lap.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘What’s the soundtrack to your life?’ I asked.

‘Random,’ he said dipping his head to the side.

‘Music and lyrics are my thing. Elle and I have always played a game where we have to name a song that would describe a pivotal moment in our lives. A song they would play in the background if your life was made into a film.’

‘Is there a song for a bloke who’s just been a dick?’

‘I’m sure we can think of something.’

‘What would be your song to describe this moment?’

‘My life is an Adele album, so I’m thinking “Chasing Pavements” would best describe this moment,’ I said, swinging my feet under the bench, finally crossing them at my ankles.

‘Because?’

‘It’s about unrequited love. Should she keep trying, or is it a complete waste of time?’ There was no response from him, so I had no option but to go with honesty. ‘This all started when Ethan asked me out.’

‘He’s been watching you. I had a feeling he was going to make a move. I’m surprised he didn’t last night.’

‘He must have bigger balls than you then.’

‘You know, that’s probably right. Knowing he got there first pissed me off.’

‘What are you talking about? I just threw myself at you. Last night I told you I wanted you to fuck me. Today was a more subtle way of saying I’ve been thinking about your cock in my mouth since the day you spilled coffee down me.’ I heard him mutter expletives under his breath as he squeezed his forehead with his fingers. I was proud I’d encouraged a brand new nervous tick. ‘You didn’t answer. You barely managed a smile.’

‘Abi, I can’t think of anything else but you. All I see is you. You’re surrounding me and consuming me. You’re everywhere and it scares the shit out of me. I didn’t plan for this. I was fine before you waded into my life with your confidence and your green eyes that grabbed me by my throat. Things were going great. You know why? Because I’d never eaten a chocolate covered rice cake,’ he smiled, his laughter forcing him to drop his head.

‘Jamie,’ I said, looking down at his feet to hold in all the feelings that were dying to burst out of me. ‘Can I please have a pair of your socks?’

‘Fucking hell. I’ve never met anyone like you.’