Locked In Love by Louisa Line (18)

I’m sat in the waiting room with Steve sitting next to me. His reassuring words are keeping me in one place rather than bolting for the door, which is what every nerve and thought inside my body is telling me to do.

Don’t get me wrong, I am doing so much better. Steve has been great over the last few months. He kept to his word and other than going to collect clothes from his flat, we have been pretty much together. He has healed from his accident and that day at the hospital now seems like a distant memory.

With Steve’s help, I had even managed to start making journeys out of the house and down the street. I’m even managing to build a friendship with Angie and now go to her flat on the next floor down ‘once a week’ for coffee.

Today’s event, however, is totally out of my comfort zone. I mean, of all the days Claire could go into labour, it had to be at the weekend when the hospital was at its busiest. It’s almost as if she did it on purpose just to push me that bit further to aid my recovery.

“You’re doing great, beautiful,” Steve whispers in my ear and even though it is totally inappropriate in a crowded waiting room my body starts to tingle in all the wrong places.

“What’s taking so long?” I ask, closing my eyes and nestling into his arm. Steve chuckles before he replies.

“I’m sure she is going as fast as she can.” I actually laugh out loud at this as I realise how stupid I am being. Here I am, moaning about a waiting room and my best friend is going through, well… I don’t know what… somewhere through the doors to my right. I close my eyes as I lean further into Steve.

“Jess. I think someone might want to see you.” I hadn’t realised I had fallen asleep until Steve is gently waking me up.

“What is it? Is everything OK?” I jump up and look around seeing a doctor stood at the doors looking a little amused. I realise that the waiting room is virtually empty and the light of the afternoon has given way to the darker grey of approaching night.

“It’s fine,” the doctor reassures me, smiling, “would you like to come with me?”

“Has she?” I can’t get the words out.

“Yes, she has had the baby and all is fine. Come on, she is asking for you,” the doctor says as I look at Steve for guidance.

“I’ll wait here,” Steve says as he gently pushes me up off the seat. I follow the doctor as he leads me through the doors and down a long corridor. I can’t help but think back to the day many months ago when I saw her with her little girl and wonder if I was right.

“She’s just through there.” The doctor motions to the door on my right where the sound of a baby crying can be heard. I thank the doctor and take a deep breath before I push the door open. I step through and burst into tears at the sight in front of me.

“At least hold her before you break down,” Claire chuckles from the bed, “Come on, come and meet your Goddaughter,” she says as she motions me over to the now settled baby in her arms.

“She?” I ask

“Yes, meet Kaitlyn.” It makes me so happy since she has used my middle name. I walk over to her and peek into her arms.

“She’s perfect,” I say, smiling down at the little bundle.

“So, what do you say?” she asks as she hands me the baby and I settle down on the chair next to her bed.

“About what?” I ask while making silly faces at the baby who is staring up at me.

“Being her Godmother. She is going to need a good influence in her life with a mum like me.” She smiles and I just nod, unable to get any words out through the lump in my throat. I swallow it down before I can answer.

“I’d be honoured,” I finally say.

There is a gentle knock on the door and it creeps open.

“Can I come in?” Steve asks from the doorway. I should have known he wouldn’t be long. He is never too far away from me when I am out, just in case, and for that I love him even more.

“Come in, Godfather,” Claire says as she motions for him to enter, “come and meet your Goddaughter.”

“Godfather? Goddaughter, are you sure?” he says as he starts to choke up.

“I’ve never been so sure in my life. I know that if anything ever happened to me, my daughter could not be in safer hands than with you two.”

“Look at her, she’s perfect,” I say as Steve stands next to me and gazes down at the now sleeping baby in my arms.

“You’re a natural,” he says as he kisses me on the top of my head, and for the first time since I became sick, the idea of having a baby doesn’t totally freak me out.

“Do you want to hold her?” I ask lifting the baby towards Steve.

“I um… I’ve never.” A look of sheer panic crosses his face and it makes me chuckle.

“Do I look like that every time I get scared?” I ask as I stand and motion for him to take my seat.

“No, you look hot,” he replies, laughing, as he takes the seat.

“Hello, baby and single mum in the room!” Claire interjects through her laughter.

I place the baby into Steve’s arms and can’t help but think how one day I want him to be doing this with our own child. I also have to admit, I have never seen him look as sexy as he does right now and as much as I am enjoying this moment, can’t wait to get him back to our hotel room.

“Sorry,” we both say together.

We stay for another hour and when Claire starts to get tired, we decide it is time for us to leave. We kiss both Claire and Kaitlyn goodbye and once again Steve helps me to make it back out through the hospital, into the taxi and back to the hotel room.

As Steve opens the hotel room door and enters I can’t hold myself back any more as I leap into his arms and kiss him. He groans into my mouth which only encourages me even more. We fall onto the bed together and his hands and mouth are everywhere. It feels fantastic. He breaks up the kisses by removing my top as he kisses my breast through my bra before that is also removed. We spend the next few hours making love and it’s amazing. I don’t know why but sex in any place that isn’t your own bed always feels a little bit naughty, or it could just be that this is something I had never thought was possible a year ago.

As I lay in bed with Steve spooning me, I think about how much my life has changed for the better since Steve came into it. It also makes me think about how stupid I had been when I nearly threw it all away and even though it was a terrible thing to happen I feel grateful for the accident that gave me a second chance. I turn and face him and run my hand across his shoulder remembering what got us back together.

“I love you,” I whisper as if saying it to myself. Before I know what is happening I am flipped onto my back and Steve is leaning over the top of me.

“Well that’s good, because I love you too,” he replies, as we start round two under the covers.

I wake up the next morning with a happy throbbing between my legs and a smile that could reveal everything that happened last night. Then I remember that we are going back to the hospital today to see Claire and Kaitlyn before we head back home and the smile widens. I stretch out on my side of the bed and find it strange that the other side is empty and cold. If there’s one thing I have learnt about Steve, it’s that he likes his sleep almost as much as I do.

I roll over and meet an empty bed, except for the single red rose and note that is laying on the pillow. I pick up the rose and bring it to my nose inhaling the sweet beautiful scent before I place it on the table next to me while I sit up and take the note. My name is in Steve’s hand writing on the front so I unfold it and read what it says.

I read it again trying to make sense of what it means. It’s then I notice the rose petals leading from the bed to the front door. I get out of bed, still holding the note, and make my way over. As I get closer I can see a note on the floor by the front door to our hotel room.

I read it again as I wonder what delivery Steve is talking about. I have all I need with him by my side. I tap gently on the door and wait.

“Hello?” I ask the door feeling a little silly since this is the door that leads to the hallway in our hotel.

“Hey beautiful,” I hear softly through the door.

“Steve what are you doing? You’re in the corridor.”

“I know,” he chuckles back at me. “Do you remember our first kiss?” hHe asks.

How could I forget! It was the first time I had opened the door to someone in months and it was all thanks to Steve talking me through it. It was the best first kiss I had ever had.

“Of course, Steve. What are you doing?” I reply

“Close your eyes and open the door Jess, I’ll talk you through it.”

I place my hand on the door handle. Even though I have got much better with doors. I still get a sudden rush of fear when my hand touches the handle.

“You’ve got this, Jess,” Steve encourages me through the door.

I close my eyes and turn the handle. The door opens and I take one step out into the hallway. I keep my eyes closed and wait. It feels like forever until Steve speaks again. I have expected him to give me a kiss and I’m feeling a little disappointed when one doesn’t come.

“Steve?” I ask after what seems like forever.

“Open your eyes beautiful,” he says softly.

I do as I’m told and open them. In front of me is a sight I never thought I would ever see. Steve is on one knee holding out a small box with a sparkling rock staring back at me. I start to nod as tears spill from my eyes. Happy tears. Steve hands me a tissue.

“I haven’t even asked yet,” he laughs as I go down onto my knees to be close to him.

“Jessica. Will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”

“Yes!” I all but shout back as I lunge at him and he falls over backwards and we end up in a tangled mess on the floor. I kiss him over and over until I am out of breath. He picks us both up off the floor and takes my hand as he carefully places the ring on my finger.

“You sure about this? Last chance to change your mind?” he asks.

“Never,” I reply as he scoops me up and takes me back into the hotel room, where we spend the rest of the afternoon.

I look down at the ring on my finger and can’t believe this day has finally come. Claire and I have been planning it for months and I know it just has to be perfect. I look down at my dress and smile remembering the day Claire and I went dress shopping. Yes, I actually went into a shop. It wasn’t easy, but it never is. The panic attacks still happen occasionally, but I have learnt most of the triggers now and either avoid them or use my coping techniques to reduce the length of them.

I remember the day perfectly as Claire made me try on everything from meringue type ones to short mini dress ones, before we finally settled on a simple strapless, princess neckline with a long flowing lace back. As soon as I tried it on I knew it was the one and seeing Claire cry when she saw me in it, made me even more certain that this was the dress for me.

“You ready?” Claire asks as she walks into the room I have been using as a changing room to get ready for the wedding. My wedding! I can truthfully say I have never been more ready for what I am about to do.

“Wow, you look stunning,” Claire smiles with a tear in her eye.

“Don’t make me cry, you’ll make me smudge my makeup!” I say as tears form in my eyes too. We give each other a hug as she picks up her flowers and then hands me mine. She can see the slight hesitation when I take it.

“You’ve got this,” Claire says as she hands me a small folded up piece of paper, “Steve wanted me to give this to you before we left the room.”

I look at the paper now in my hand and wonder what it could possible say. I unfold it carefully and read the message from my soon to be husband.

Tears of joy fall down my face as I realise this was just what I needed. He is just what I need.

“Oh, look what he’s done. I’ll be having words with him! Messing up your makeup like that!” Claire jokes.

“Just give me a minute to fix it,” I say with a smile as I go back over to the mirror. Claire leaves the room and I take this time to read the note again and for possibly the hundredth time today wonder how I could have found such a perfect man when I wasn’t even able to leave the house.

I showed Steve a while ago how I had kept every note he had ever written to me which had started off this new tradition. Now, whenever anything special happened it was recorded in a note. I felt the inside of my bodice checking that the one I had to give him later was still firmly in place. I wipe at my eyes gently and reapply the makeup as Claire comes back into the room.

“It’s time,” she says as she takes my hand and applies the last brush of blush to my cheeks. “Your parents would have been so proud of you today,” she states as she picks up the photo of them I have brought with me so they can be a part of the day.

“I will not cry, I will not cry,” she chants as she fixes the back of my dress and we leave the room. She takes me along a short corridor and we stop just outside a set of doors. It makes me smile as I realise all the important events that have happened over the last few months have happened just beyond a door, many of which I believed would stay locked forever.

I take a deep breath as the music starts and Claire takes my arm and walks me down the aisle to my awaiting delivery.

The ceremony goes by in a flash as I try to engrave every moment into my memory. Like the look on Steve’s face when I walked into the room, and the smile on his and our friends faces as I say, “I do.”

“A penny for them,” Steve says as he takes my hand and leads me onto the dance floor.

“Just trying to remember it all. I can’t remember ever being as happy as I am right now.”

The song for our first dance starts up and Steve twirls me around the floor. We look into each other’s eyes and even though I begin to feel a little faint I know now is the right time to tell him. I wait for the song to finish as I don’t want to ruin this moment and I’m having too much fun to make him stop. The song finally ends and he leads me off the floor over to our table. I take a seat and a sip of my water.

“Thank you for making me the happiest man on the planet,” he says as he gently kisses me on the nose. “Do you want some food?” he asks. I shake my head as the thought of food makes me feel sick.

“You OK? You look a little pale?” Steve asks as he kneels in front of me.

“I’m good,” I say with a smile, “Steve, I want to give you something.” I finger the bodice and feel the hard edge of the piece of paper that I placed there earlier. “Can we go somewhere a little quieter?” I ask.

Steve looks concerned but doesn’t argue with me as he takes my hand and leads me back to the hotel room that is going to be our room for the night. I move and sit down on the bed and motion for Steve to come and sit down with me.

“Please,” I say as I notice him beginning to pace. Part of me just wants to tell him and put him out of his misery, but part of me wants to hold up our tradition. He finally comes and sits beside me and takes my hand. I lift the other and remove the piece of paper from its hiding place next to my breast. I hand it to him and he takes it from me. He turns it over in his hands several times before he looks back up at me.

“What’s this?” he asks.

“Just read it,” I say with a soft smile and a gentle kiss on his lips. He carefully unfolds the piece of paper and stares at it for far longer than is needed to read the words written on the page.

He looks up at me after reading the note.

“Are we?” he asks with tears in his eyes.

“Yes.”

I am swept up into a hug as Steve starts to kiss me all over. It takes us a while to make it back to the party that is happening for us downstairs as Steve insists on showing me just how happy he is.

This moment is just for the two of us to share. A moment to cherish. I thought I would forever be locked out of love but now I am locked in love with the most perfect man, and now we have our new special delivery to look forward to.