Abby went from tears to near hysterics. I just stood there and stared down at her. My intentions weren’t to ask Zayne to leave, but this had gone too far already. And I didn’t mean me and him. This battle now was between myself, my heart, and those who hurt me. I didn’t need Zayne to stand there and act like a tough guy, flirting with me, patting my ass, and making comments. Plus, I didn’t want him to end up hitting Parker and getting himself into serious trouble.

So, I just stood there.

Parker came back into the apartment and grabbed his keys. “Maybe it’s best I go for a ride. Give you two some space.”

“No,” I said. “You’re going to go sit in this fucking room, Parker. The room where you fucked Abby when I wasn’t around. When I was working at the diner to make a couple bucks. Where you fucked Abby…how many times?”

“Bella,” Parker started.

“Go!” I ordered.

Parker dropped the keys and walked away, his hands up.

The power felt good.

“Take your face out of your hands,” I said to Abby. “Look up at me like the best friend I always thought you to be.”

Abby did as I said.

She looked up at me.

The emotion was real. The guilt was real. But that didn’t take away the inability to realize right from wrong. That was the thing I didn’t understand. You knew you were wrong. You did it once…then kept going.

I side stepped and slowly lowered down to sit on the coffee table.

“Bella,” Abby whispered.

“I want the truth. The entire story. I want to know why it happened once and why it kept happening.” I looked at Abby. “I want to know why you sat there and lied to my face even after I caught you two together.”

Abby picked at her nails. “What he said wasn’t all a lie. Whether you like it or not, Bella, if you want the truth, I’ll tell you. We were together, not in bed or anything, but just hanging out. A lot. It wasn’t fair, because you were working. I know that. I selfishly chose to play into the things he said to me. That you two were having problems. That you yourself were having problems. As a friend I should have asked you about it. I should have checked on you. I should have gone to the diner to see you. I should have talked to you. Helped you find a better job. Helped you figure out what was wrong.” Abby stopped fidgeting and looked me dead in the eyes. “But I didn’t. Because I thought I wanted what you had, Bella. And I’m sorry, Bella, but you were distant. That doesn’t make it right.”

I nodded. “Distant. So, the two of you got together and just decided to fuck each other?”

“No. It wasn’t like that. There were these moments between us. Flirty moments. More serious moments. And then little things happened. Touching. Kissing. Then…”

I felt my stomach flip. I had to look away.

“You wanted the truth,” Abby said. “After the first time, it was all guilt. I went home and cried. Then it happened again. And again. Then it became some sense of normal. The things Parker said to me. The way I felt. The way you weren’t around.”

“Again, this is my fault,” I said. “Did he tell you how he stomped on my dream? How he told me being a writer was useless? How I was wasting my life? Did he tell you that he was the one who suggested the job at the diner? He said I’d have a chance to meet a lot of people and find a real job. Did he tell you that he liked the diner job because I brought home cash? He took my cash, Abby. He said he paid bills and, hey, we were never late on rent or utilities or didn’t have food, so I can’t say he didn’t do that. But I was a zombie, Abby. A shell of who I really was.”

“I’m sorry for that,” she said. “That guy you were just with…he makes you feel…real?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Then you should be with him,” Abby said. “Forget this. Forget Parker. Forget me.”

“Right. I walk out the door, and you two end up in bed together minutes later.”

“No. Done is done. He made it clear to me. He doesn’t want me anymore. And I don’t want him anymore. I don’t want this. Guilt or not. This isn’t right. This isn’t me. I’ve lost my way, Bella. And I’m so sorry about that. Because by me getting lost, you got hurt.”

“I’ve been lost,” I said. “I’ve been lost for a long time. I feel…found, though. I feel alive.” I curled my lip. “And I feel bad for you. That you fell for it all. You ruined everything. I was right there the whole time, Abby. At the diner. Serving shitty food. Using a butter knife to scrape gum off the bottom of a table. Scrubbing thick grease off pots and pans. And you were letting my boyfriend fuck you. I’ll never get that image out of my mind. Him pumping. Thrusting. The noises you were making.”

Abby stood up. “Fine, fine, stop. I get it.”

“You get it?”

“I get it,” she said. “I’m leaving. Okay? You do whatever you have to do now, Bella. I’ll never forgive myself for this mess. I don’t expect you to forgive me either. I did this. Not you. This is my fault. I don’t want you to feel guilty for anything. Maybe there’ll come a time when there will be more words for us, I don’t know.”

Abby got to the door.

“Abby,” I said. “One more question. And I want the truth.”

She looked at me. Her eyes were tired, weary. Thick bags under them. Her face looked droopy. The weight of guilt was a powerful thing. I wasn’t going to show compassion, though. No fucking way.

“Do you love him?”

Abby swallowed hard. “I don’t know.”

“You have feelings for him?”

“Yes.”

“Did you have feelings for him before you started letting him fuck you?”

“You said you had one more question,” Abby said.

“Looks like I can lie, too.”

“Fine. No. I didn’t have feelings for him before things happened. Okay? We were just friends. Because of you. Once we started talking and things got deeper…”

“Okay,” I said. “So, right now, you still have feelings for him?”

“Bella…”

“Answer the fucking question.”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Right now. Yes.”

I turned and looked down the hallway. I didn’t say another word to Abby. I walked away. No, I stomped away, ready to go face Parker.

I wanted to protect myself, but sometimes I had to hurt myself to do that.

Love was sometimes a terrible thing…but at least I had Zayne…he wouldn’t hurt me, right?