Read The First Chapter of Date Me, a Sex Me Novella coming soon by Logan Chance.
Chapter One
“It isn’t a secret your dick needs some action.”
“Fuck, Lexi, can you please not talk about my most treasured organ?” I asked as we sat in a side booth at the local diner.
“It’s hardly an organ. But, that’s my point. It’ll shrivel up and fall off if you don’t use it,” she said as she flipped her long brown hair over her shoulder.
“I use it plenty.” I picked up my fork and spun it between my fingers before digging into my egg special. This conversation couldn’t be more wrong.
“Oh, please. You haven’t been laid since Gretchen what’s her face, and that was over eight months ago.”
“I don’t know what’s more disturbing here, the fact you remember that, or you’re my sister.”
Lexi was the female version of me, only with a touch of snarky sass and a foul mouth to make a few sailors blush.
“What are we talking about here?” Marley’s soft voice filled the booth as I cringed. I was being double teamed, and I knew it.
“Erik’s dick,” Lexi said through a mouthful of pancakes.
“Ooh, let me get my magnifying glass, and I can join in.” Marley pushed on my shoulder, and I scooted over so she could slide in beside me.
“Enough.” My deep voice was firm. “I’m not having this discussion again with the both of you.”
“Touchy. What’s wrong little brother?” Marley picked up the menu as Lexi laughed along with her. “Did the girl from the coffee shop not work out?”
The problem with both of my sisters was they meddled. And their favorite life to intrude on? Mine.
Lexi pointed her fork at me. “All I’m saying is, you would be a lot happier if you got your dick wet.”
“Tell me again how Jared puts up with you?” I asked.
“Oh, I suck a mean cock. I grab it real hard with both hands,” Lexi dropped her fork and wrapped her hands around an imaginary dick as she cocked a grin to Marley, “then, I swivel my head around and go to town.” She laughed as she picked up her fork and knife and sliced into her pancakes.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I asked while they both laughed.
“Nothing,” she said as a dribble of syrup oozed out of her mouth.
“Calm down, Erik. We’re both only trying to help,” Marley said as the waitress approached and took her order.
“Yeah, what she said.” Lexi pointed her fork toward Marley and then continued to devour her stack of pancakes.
“And what makes you both think I even need your help?”
Lexi’s fork and knife fell from her fingers, clattering on her plate. Her head sprang up, mouth open with the remnants of chewed up pancakes. She grabbed her napkin and wiped her mouth as she finished off the food in her mouth. “Ok, shit just got real. You need us Erik. Have you forgotten what next month is?” Lexi asked.
Marley giggled beside me as my face turned red. “I told you not to mention next month. I’m going to be doing some rock climbing in an undisclosed location.”
“Oh please, no you aren’t. You’re going. Just like all of us are going. To show that bitch what she’s missing out on,” Marley said as her coffee was placed in front of her. The waitresses’ eyes grew wide, but Marley waved her off with an apology.
“Why would she even invite me anyways?” I asked, totally deflated once again.
“Because, she’s a life-sucking whore, and she wants to make everyone else just as miserable as her,” Lexi chimed in.
“On her wedding day?” I popped a slice of bacon into my mouth as both Marley and Lexi laughed.
“Of course on her wedding day. Bitches want everyone miserable on their wedding day,” Lexi said.
I shook my head; the mysteries of women being revealed a bit more by my sisters warped minds. “I don’t think most girls think like that.”
“Ok, not most, but Steffie Jamison sure the fuck thinks like that.”
Steffie, Stefany Jamison, my ex-girlfriend, who I dated for five years and now the fiancée to another man she met while on an African safari a few months back. The point was, we had broken up last year, and I was over her. But, when her wedding invitation came in the mail, I was once again devastated.
Not because I wanted her back, but because she was happy without me.
“You need a smokin’ hot date,” Marley said when her pancakes arrived.
I passed the syrup over as she nudged me with her knee.
“Erik, you need not only a smokin’ hot girlfriend but you need to move on. I like to see those blue eyes happy. Let me see the baby blues.” Lexi snapped her fingers in front of my face as I closed my eyes.
Both my sisters teased me about my hypnotic blue eyes or so they called them. I tried not to smile as their teasing continued.
“Seriously, all I’m saying is you need to find someone, and that’s why I called this meeting,” Lexi said. My eyes sprang open.
My assessment was right, this was sabotage.
“We’ve kind of have something to tell you,” Marley said in a voice which I knew meant she had already done something I would not be too happy about.
“Tell me,” I demanded.
“It’s nothing really,” Marley hedged.
“Tell me, now.” Trying to get information from the two of them was like interrogating a national spy. Sometimes the thought of torturing them came to mind.
“Weeellll,” Marley drew out the words.
“Oh, for fucks’ sake, just tell him.” Lexi interrupted. “We made a profile for you on the new dating app Cupid’s Happy Hearts.”
My mouth grew dry and my face burned with irritation. “Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t want to be on some stupid Cupid’s Crappy Farts or whatnot. I’m going to kill you both.” Anger shot through me as I thought more and more about the events of next month and my sisters’ meddling.
Marley turned in the seat and her green eyes locked with mine. “Listen, Erik, we did this out of love. We don’t want you to show up to Steffie’s wedding alone.”
“Who cares. Steffie will be getting married not worrying about who my date is.” I shoved my plate away too disgusted to eat. “How many messages?”
“That’s the spirit,” Lexi said. “Well, you’ve received a few arrows and winks. And about seventeen messages.”
I sat back against the red vinyl booth, crossing my arms, as I listened to Lexi explain each message in detail.
“There’s one girl we like a lot. Lexi tell him about the one girl,” Marley exclaimed.
Lexi pushed her plate into the center of the table and crossed her legs in the booth. She leaned over with both elbows on the table and widened her eyes, waiting for my response.
“Go ahead, Lexi tell me about the one girl.” I stayed in my position praying the vinyl would suck me away, and I could return home.
“Her name is Violet, and she’s a saucy real estate agent.” I raised a brow and she held up her hands in mock surrender. “Her words not mine. Anyways, she’s twenty-eight, and she seems like a good match with you.”
“Oh, really. Why’s that?” I asked.
“Well, she likes airplanes.” Lexi placed her feet back on the floor, her nervous energy getting the best of her.
“Did she say that? Did she say she liked planes?” Lies, I could see right through Lexi.
“Not in so many words. But she recently went on a trip on a plane,” Marley interjected as she placed her hand on my arm.
I dropped my head, staring into my lap, and shook my head. “You two are really reaching here. Fine, how about you give me the login info, and I’ll check it out.”
These two were relentless and they would never give up unless I gave them something. They both squealed with delight, and I felt I had just signed my own death sentence. But, the truth was, I did need a date for Steffie’s wedding. As much as I wanted to ignore the fact, her wedding was coming, and I would not be the only dateless mother fucker there. No, I’d have a date, and I flaunt that bitch right under Steffie’s fake nose.
After the ambush at the diner, I returned to work with the login info to the crappy cupid site stuffed into my back jeans pocket.
“How was breakfast?” Connor asked as I walked into the hangar and grabbed the pre-check flight list clipboard.
“Breakfast with the sisters. What do you think?”
“That’s shitty. What did they want this time?” he asked, following me over to the Gulfstream.
The private jet was fueled and ready to take its owners to the Caribbean islands. The owners traveled to the islands a few times a week, and Connor and I made sure they got there.
As captain of the Gulfstream, and Connor as my co-pilot, we usually spent many nights sleeping away from Florida.
“Get this, they put me up on some dating phone app.” We climbed the stairs to the jet and entered. The flight attendant was there making sure the cabin was in pristine condition. We waved to her and headed into the cockpit and shut the door.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Which one?” Connor ran a hand through his short, red hair and laughed.
“Cupid’s Crappy shits and giggles. I can’t remember the name.”
“I think I’ve heard of that one, sounds dumb. Anyone hot on it?” Connor laughed.
“I haven’t even looked yet,” I said.
“So, what’s the big deal? Find some pussy on the site and move on.”
I shook my head before placing the headset on my head. A knock on the door had me biting back my words.
“Hi, boys. The guests will be here shortly. Did either of you need anything?” Selene, our flight attendant, asked.
“No, thanks. I’m all set,” Connor answered.
“What about you, Captain,” she slowed the word captain, dropping her voice an octave or two.
“I’m fine, Selene. Thank you.” Never fuck a flight attendant. That was my number one rule all through flight school. Especially on this gig. I loved this job.
She smoothed the side of her dark bun and turned on her heel, closing the door behind her.
“Man, fuck. She wants your cock,” Connor said as he started going over his pre-flight checklist.
“Nah, I don’t want that. I’m not looking for anything serious.”
“Steffie really did a number on you, huh?”
I stared at all the knobs and gauges in front of me. Exactly. I would never fall in love. My mind was already made up. “Yeah, and I’ll never make that mistake again.”
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