What was he talking about? I felt really uneasy now; I wanted to ask him what had changed, but was almost too scared to know the answer.

‘I understand that things might have changed, and you and I won’t be able to just fall back into the life – the relationship – we had,’ I said, unwilling to push him for any details. ‘I know what I put you through and don’t want to force myself on you, but now I can give you what you wanted… what I wanted. Can you forgive me?’

‘I… It’s just… I feel like we’ve probably both changed and…’

‘Yes, I’m sure we have,’ I said. ‘We’ve probably both grown a little, Dan, and that’s a good thing. I’m not messing about, I want to be with you and I want to prove to you that this time it’s for keeps. We don’t have to make any decisions, any commitments, we just need to spend some time together, do some talking. I’m free to come to Sydney, where we can regroup and… If you still want me to?’ I felt slightly unsure of him, and I’d never really felt unsure of Dan before.

He didn’t answer, and I really couldn’t get used to this rather cool Dan, who didn’t seem to be all that excited about me travelling thousands of miles to run into his arms. The silence down the phone line was agony and though it may only have lasted seconds, it felt like hours.

‘We can watch those fireworks over Sydney Opera House…’ I tried, convinced I just needed to find the right words, the magic key to unlock him again. ‘You have to show me that beach with the skyscraper waves.’

‘Yeah. Yeah, of course… But I meant what I said, don’t just turn up. I’m busy at work and… I’m not in the market for surprises,’ he said, quite seriously.

‘God, as if I’d just turn up without letting you know. I was only joking,’ I snapped, humiliated by his reaction. I wasn’t joking – I’d had every intention of landing on his doorstep looking pretty damn fabulous, with freshly highlighted hair in my new mid-calf blue dress and denim jacket, shouting, ‘Surprise!’ Perhaps not. Thing is, I’d always assumed Dan would be ready, excited, waiting for me – I had it all planned, right down to the underwear. And in the film of my life that I’d run in my head, he’d open his front door looking gorgeous, slightly dishevelled, a little subdued, only for his face to light up when he saw me. Then he would lift me in his arms, carry me into his home and close the door with one foot as the credits rolled on our happy ending.

This call had gone from me phoning excitedly about us finally being together to feeling like I was being put off. He’d talked so fondly of his country, what we’d do, where we’d go – yet now I had this feeling that he wasn’t sure about me being there. I’d been hoping for so much more than this, even contemplating a second proposal, but I understood how he was still carrying the hurt. Emma’s wedding had made me believe that Dan and I could be forever; I’d daydreamed about flowers and the taste of wedding cake ever since. If he still wanted forever when I got to Sydney, I’d have to prove to him that my heart was for keeps and I would get down on one knee and ask him myself this time. If the unthinkable happened and he couldn’t get over my past rejection, then I’d have to rethink my stay. I just kept my fingers firmly crossed that we could work this out when I got there, but talking to him, I realised it wasn’t going to be as easy as I’d thought.

‘Faye, I’ll book you a room somewhere,’ he was now saying, which didn’t exactly sound like the romantic encounter I’d envisaged after being apart for so long. ‘My apartment’s small and cramped.’

His flat over the deli had been tiny and I’d stayed over many times, so why couldn’t I stay with him now? He knew I wasn’t bothered about bloody dimensions, I just wanted to be with him.

‘I’m not some diva who demands specifications for my sleepovers, give me your room proportions and I’ll tell you if I’m available,’ I laughed. ‘You know I’m not bothered about stuff like that, Dan.’

He didn’t answer me.

‘I just want to see you,’ I said earnestly.

‘Yeah, me too. I do.’

We couldn’t work this out over the phone, we had to see each other to understand what was happening between us. Perhaps it wasn’t all about me? Perhaps he was disappointed with how things had worked out in Sydney for him? He seemed pleased about the café, but he probably hadn’t had a chance to concentrate on his living quarters yet. Dan had always said if he moved back to Sydney he’d live in a stylish place with a pool. He probably thought I’d be disappointed with a cramped little apartment, but I didn’t care, he could live in a box and I’d still want to be with him.

‘Okay, book me a room near where you live. That will be fine,’ I said. This didn’t feel right, but I didn’t want to put him under any pressure so would go along with what made him comfortable.

‘Okay. I’ll meet you at the airport,’ he added. ‘Just let me know when you’ll be here, it’s easier on text.’ Was he asking me not to call him?

I didn’t feel the time was right to question him on something so small when there were already so many unanswered questions between us.

‘Okay,’ I said, trying to hide the catch in my voice, my throat swollen from holding back tears of disappointment. I put down the phone, looking around at the few boxes and bin bags that were now my life. I just hoped I hadn’t messed everything up, and I’d have to spend the rest of my life without him. But I wasn’t letting him go without a fight. I was going to get on that plane and head off for Dan and a new and exciting future under a different sky. Nothing was going to stop me. So why did I feel a tingle of dread in the pit of my stomach?

Later that night as I lay in bed, I went back over everything we’d said on the phone. I thought about all our times together, the wonderful places we’d been, the kisses we’d shared. I recalled the way he’d smile whenever he saw me, his eyes never far from mine in a room full of other people. Dan had always been there for me, but speaking to him over the phone it seemed things had changed between us. And I finally let the thought in that had been buzzing around my brain since that first call… Was there something in Australia that Dan didn’t want me to know about?