SUN SPILLED OVER the bed Sunday morning as Derek lay holding Talia as she slept, naked and curled on her side, one hand clutching his hip, as if she were afraid he might disappear in the night. Didn’t she know how much she owned him? That she was his first thought in the morning and his last at night?
He touched his lips to her forehead, breathing her in and dreaming about what life with Talia might be like if his father were healthy. He gently pushed a lock of hair from her cheek, happy to have this time together, thinking of how often she’d blushed over the past couple weeks. He hadn’t expected to fall so hard so fast, but then again, nothing in his life had gone as expected. He knew her feelings for him were just as strong. It showed in the way she looked at him, touched him, in the kindness and patience she lavished on his father. He lightly kissed her forehead, not wanting to wake her, and she murmured in her sleep, cuddling closer. He’d been pushing away some of the harsh realities of his situation, not wanting to think about or deal with them. But they were in too deep. There was no more holding back, no running from the truth without hurting Talia in the long run. It was time to share the rest of his reality with her.
“I want to go back to yesterday and experience everything all over again,” she said in a groggy voice.
“Me too.” He moved over her, gazing into her tired, happy eyes. “Morning, sweetness.”
“Hi. Did I sleep too long? Do we need to get back?”
He loved that she even thought to ask. “No. We have time. Maria will text if she needs me.”
“Then why do you look so serious?” She wound her arms around his neck.
“I can’t get anything by you, can I?”
“It’s the professor in me. I notice things.”
He kissed her tenderly. “I notice things, too, like how you hold on to me so tight when you’re sleeping, like you don’t want me to get away.”
“I do not,” she said with a soft laugh.
“You do, babe, and I love it.” He brushed his thumb over her cheek and said, “I’m falling in love with you, Talia, and I don’t want to lose you, either.”
“Is that why you look troubled?”
The worry in her voice tore at him. “No, and yes. I was thinking about what life would be like if I weren’t caring for my father.”
“Don’t . . . Don’t even think of that. I know you think we need to go out and do more, or have more freedom, but the truth is, I’ve gone out more with you in the last three weeks than I have in the last several months.”
“I’m glad, baby, but this isn’t about that. I need to be fair to you. There are things you need to know.”
She wiggled out from beneath him and they lay facing each other as they had last night. She moved closer, resting her leg on his hip, her hand on his cheek, and said, “Okay, tell me.”
“You make things seem easy.”
She raised her brows with a tease in her eyes. “I thought I made them hard.”
“You make me hard, baby, very hard.”
She grinned. “Good, then let me make this easy on you. Whatever you have to say isn’t going to change how much I love making you hard.”
“I hope you’re right, but I won’t be upset if you’re wrong, because this is some heavy stuff.”
“I’m good with heavy. It’s cheating I’m not okay with.”
“I’ll never cheat on you. I see a future for us, Tallie, and I want that with you more than anything. But there’s a good chance I’ll end up like my father.”
“I know,” she said softly, eyes serious. “I’ve known that since the day I met your father, when I read up on Alzheimer’s.”
“Then you know I could pass it down to kids.”
She nodded. “They have tests . . .”
“They do. When my father was diagnosed, I thought about getting tested. But I don’t want to do it. Maybe that’s selfish, but I don’t want to know if I have an early expiration date. I want to enjoy my life, not live it a certain way because I think it’ll be cut short. I want to be happy when I’m happy and let myself be sad when I’m sad. I don’t know how else to explain this, except that I don’t want to view my body as a ticking time bomb, and if the test were positive, that’s how I’d feel. I don’t want to get angry over a disease I can’t change or feel any guiltier than I already do.”
“You shouldn’t feel guilty. You’re a good man, and you’re giving your father a good life.”
“Babe, this isn’t about my dad. You and I are getting in so deep. I don’t want you to feel stuck.”
Sadness welled in her eyes and quickly morphed to determination. “I already know that it can be passed down. I told you that. And I’m with you, so that’s your answer.”
“Talia—”
She pressed her lips to his, silencing him. “Don’t. I know what could happen, and I’m not going to walk away from the only man I’ve ever felt this much for because something might happen or because you don’t want kids—”
“I do want children,” he interrupted. “I love kids, and I want to raise another generation of Grants and tell them all about their grandparents. But unless I get tested, I won’t know if I carry the mutated gene, and as I said, I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to have those tests done. I probably won’t have my own biological children. I don’t want to risk their lives or continue a cycle of this disease. But there are other ways to have families, and if we stay together, I want your babies, with your gorgeous eyes, your magnificent brain, and your beautiful, sweet heart.”
Tears welled in those gorgeous eyes, and he held her tighter. “This is way too heavy for having known each other only a short time. I know that, but I can’t stop my feelings for you, and I need to be fair.”
“Do you know why I trust you so much?” She didn’t wait for his answer. “Because you do the hard things, the right things, even when you don’t want to.”
“I’m not so good at it all the time. My father’s been on a waiting list for the assisted-living facility for months. He insisted we take that step so the option would be open for him when the time comes that I can no longer care for him at home. We were told it could take anywhere from a few months to a year or more for an apartment to come available. But one has opened up. I’m not sold on the idea, but I’m going to check it out this Thursday.”
“Would you like me to come with you?”
“This really isn’t too much for you? Everything I’ve just shared?” Bowled over with emotions, he searched her face for a hint of it being too much, but her eyes turned sultry and she shook her head.
“I want to be there for you and with you.”
“Thank you, baby. But right now”—he swept her beneath him—“I don’t want to think about anything heavy. I want to make love to you.” He kissed her smiling lips. “Lavish you with attention in the shower.” He laced their hands together, nudging her knees open wider as he aligned their bodies. “And then spend the morning knocking aimlessly around town. I want to buy you things you don’t need, have ice cream even though it’s freezing out, and pretend we haven’t got a care in the world for just a little while.”
She wound her arms around his neck and lifted her hips as he sank into her. “We might have to do this first part for a very long time.”
“Very long.”
“I think my comfort zone needs a little more stretching,” she said as he kissed her neck. “I noticed a hot tub on the deck . . .”
“If perfect had a taste, it would be this.” Talia scooped up the last spoonful of the mint chocolate chip and butter pecan ice-cream sundae she and Derek were sharing and held it up for him to eat.
“Perfect has a taste, and it’s called Tallie Girl Dalton. I feasted on her this morning, and she should come with a warning for being so addicting.”
She glanced around them in the small ice-cream shop, hoping the people at the nearby tables didn’t hear him. He reached over and guided her chin back toward him and closed his lips over the spoon, his eyes darkening with desire. Forget fluttering. Her stomach did a full-on somersault. Images of those seductive eyes boring into her while they’d made love in the hot tub and gazing down at her while she’d loved him with her mouth in the shower sailed through her mind like a movie. They’d been away for only one night, and it felt like a lifetime. The very best lifetime ever.
“Nobody heard me, babe. I said it for your ears only.” His gaze softened as he touched his cold lips to hers.
He tasted of ice cream and happiness. She loved that he knew her well enough to realize what she’d been worried about. He touched his lips to her neck, and she shivered at the tickle it sent through her.
“I love when you wear your hair up like this so I can devour your neck.”
She’d thrown her hair up in a messy bun because he had been lavishing her with kisses all morning and she didn’t want it to stop.
His phone vibrated, and his smile faded. He gave her a chaste kiss, then checked the message. He sighed, relief evident in the return of his smile. “It’s just Ben confirming Saturday.”
“Saturday?” she asked.
“He and your dad are coming by the house,” he said as he typed a reply. “Ben’s going to take a look at my business plan, and your dad is coming to check out the property and give me an estimate on renovations.”
“That’s great. I hope they can help. Do you think we should leave soon?” She wasn’t anxious to leave, but they’d had such an amazing morning, she didn’t want Derek to feel guilty if he wanted to get back to see his father. They’d had breakfast at the lodge, and then they’d strolled through town, holding hands and meandering through shops. They’d gone long stretches without saying a word, but the silence hadn’t been uncomfortable, or even truly silent at all. Their furtive glances, the gentle squeeze of his hand, his lips brushing over hers, it was all enough. He was enough. And for the first time in forever, Talia knew she was enough, too.
“We’ve still got time,” he said as they headed out of the ice-cream shop and into the blustery afternoon. Flurries whipped around them. “Check it out.”
Derek pointed to a group of kids sledding down a hill in the park across the street. He tucked her beneath his arm as they watched a handful of kids trudging up the hill, bundled in brightly colored coats and snow pants, dragging plastic toboggans that were bigger than they were. A few feet away, two sleds flew down the hill, their passengers wide-eyed and pink cheeked. Adults helped kids at the bottom of the hill, fixing mittens and righting hats.
“Come on!” Derek dragged her down the street.
She hurried to keep pace with him. “Where are we going?”
He tugged open the door to the hardware store. “What’s your favorite color?”
“Pink. Why?” she asked as he dragged her to the register.
Ten minutes later they were standing at the top of the hill with a pink toboggan among a dozen or more children and a handful of adults. A young mother wiped tears from a girl of about five who was whining about wanting to take a turn. A few feet away a boy lay on a sled. Behind him another boy, who looked to be about twelve years old, wearing a bright blue parka and hat, hollered, “Ready?”
“Ready!” the boy on his belly yelled.
The other boy got a running start and lay on top of him, sending them flying down the hill like a double-decker sandwich.
“Ready, babe?” Derek set the toboggan on the snow and guided her to a sitting position on it.
“No. I’m not ready! What about you?” she asked as he took a few steps back.
“I’ll give us a push!” He ran toward her, gripped her shoulders, and pushed them over the crest of the hill. He jumped onto the toboggan behind her and whooped all the way down. She squealed with delight as they raced down the hill, snow spraying up at them, burning her cheeks.
“Look out!” Talia yelled as a little boy crossed their path.
Derek clung to her shoulders, leaning hard to the right, and they missed the boy by a few inches, tumbling over in a tangle of limbs and laughter. Those happy blue eyes locked on her, and Derek rolled them along the deep snow, covering them both with powder. She lay on top of him in a snowy heap, remembering the first walk they’d taken together, when she’d ended up in this very position, wanting to kiss him just as much as she did now.
Her hair broke free from its tether and fell like a curtain around them. “That was so fun!”
“You’ve come a long way, Tallie girl.” He leaned up and kissed her.
She tried to roll off him, but he held on tight, sweeping her beneath him, making her laugh even more.
“I have to admit,” she panted out, “when you first asked me out, I wondered if I could ever be enough for a guy like you.”
“You’re not just enough, Tallie. You’re more than enough.” As he lowered his lips to hers, he said, “And I’m totally, utterly, devastatingly in love with loving you.”