DEREK CRANKED THE engine and drove out of the parking lot, trying to figure out what the hell had gone wrong. He wanted to ask, to push, but pushing was probably what had gotten them into this situation, so instead he sat in miserable silence, waiting for her to explain. They drove for a few minutes in silence. The tension in the car was thicker than fog.
“It wasn’t anything you did,” she finally said, her tone cutting a little less deep. “It was me and that witch of a woman, Dina.”
“You? Tallie, you didn’t do anything wrong. There’s nothing wrong with watching your boyfriend dance, for Pete’s sake.”
She finally lifted angry, watery eyes to him. “Not that. I should have given Dina hell, but I didn’t. I let her threaten me, and now I have to worry about what she’s going to say to my colleagues.”
“Threaten you?” What the fuck? He wasn’t going to sit by while anyone threatened her. “About what? What kind of threat?” He stopped at a red light. Talia looked so tortured, his protective urges surged forth. “Whatever it is, I’ll take care of it.”
She exhaled loudly. “No, you can’t. She made this comment about sharing you and how she knew you’d be into it because dancers love to get down and dirty.”
Motherfucker. The light turned green, and he sped through. “She’s wrong, Talia. She’s trying to get under your skin because she’s propositioned me a few times and I turned her down flat. I’m not one of those guys who fucking shares.” He reached for her hand as he turned on to his street. “Babe, I’d never do that. Not with you or anyone else. Ever. She probably doesn’t even know who you work for, so—”
“She’s my colleague at school,” Talia said evenly. “People are always gossiping about her, and she’s threatening to tell them that I’m dating a stripper.”
He parked in front of the house. “Why would they care? And I’m not a stripper. I’m a dancer. But that shouldn’t matter anyway. Can your boss fire you for dating me?”
“No! You’re not my student. It shouldn’t matter. But I don’t want her telling everyone you’re a stripper and making our relationship seem dirty and wrong.”
“Then let’s go talk to your boss. The two of us. We’ll explain what’s going on, and—”
“It doesn’t work that way,” she said with an exasperated sigh. “People talk. You can’t stop them.”
“Then why worry about it, Talia? I mean, I know you’ve been too embarrassed to come and watch me dance, but this is what I do for a living and will be for the foreseeable future. It’s not going to change. Did you think people wouldn’t find out?”
“No!” she said adamantly, and then in a slightly defeated voice she said, “I don’t know what I thought, but I definitely don’t want her making us out to be the type of couple that would share or that was into skanky things.”
Christ, how could he not have seen this coming? He knew how private she was, and it was one of the reasons he’d been shocked to see her at the bar tonight. “Well, it clearly worries you, so let’s figure out how to stop it from happening.”
“We can’t. I know we can’t. It’s just been a shitty evening all around, and I’m pissed at myself for not giving her hell when she said it. I just stood there looking at her. I couldn’t believe she was there, or that she was saying it to me. I mean, she knows me. She knows I’d never share myself, much less share the man I love. But I was in shock, and . . .” She exhaled and looked out the window.
“Hey.” He gently guided her face back toward his, slayed by the sadness in her eyes. “Babe, we’ll get through this. If I have to personally meet every one of your colleagues to show them I’m not a lowlife, I’ll do it.”
The porch light came on, and his heart sank. Fucking hamster wheel.
“I have to tell you something else,” she said tentatively. “But why don’t we let Maria go home, and then we can talk. I don’t want to hold her up.”
With a hundred worries racing through his mind, he helped her from the car and embraced her. “Whatever it is, it’ll be okay.”
They went inside, and he hoped to hell he was right.
“Your father had a very good night, mijo.” Maria handed him a drawing of his father and Louie standing in front of the shark tank at the aquarium. “He said that was you. Today’s outing was very good for him.” She pressed her hands to her chest, her expression grateful. It was the same look she had when she witnessed his father’s cogent moments. “Talia, your family . . . Please thank them for me. They did a nice thing today.”
“They enjoyed their time with Jonah, too,” Talia said. “My sister Willow is hosting a brunch a week from Sunday. We’re celebrating my sister Bridgette’s pregnancy. I’d really like for you and Jonah to be there.”
Relief swept through Derek. She was making future plans with his father. That had to be a good sign.
“I would love that.” Maria embraced Talia, and then she touched Derek’s cheek and said, “Why so serious, mijo? Life is good.”
“I’m just tired.” He glanced at Talia, wondering what else she had to talk to him about. Talia smiled sheepishly, and that sweet smile coalesced with the anguish in her eyes, tugging at his heartstrings.
“Late nights.” Maria winked as she put on her coat. “Sometimes tired is a good thing.”
After she left, Derek locked the door and helped Talia off with her coat before stripping out of his own. “Do you want something to eat? Drink?”
She shook her head.
He took her hand, pulling her against him. “We’re not going to yell at each other, are we? Because if we are, I think we’d better talk outside.”
“I’m not a yeller. Are you?” She looked a little worried.
Now he was the one shaking his head. He tipped her chin up and kissed her lips. “I can’t imagine yelling at you, but I’m worried about whatever it is you have to tell me.”
He took her hand and led her into the living room. He set the picture his father had drawn on the coffee table and sank down to the couch, bringing Talia down beside him. “Why was tonight so shitty?”
She fidgeted with the seam of her jeans. “I’m afraid to tell you.”
“Jesus, Talia. That is not what a guy wants to hear.” He pulled back, having no idea what to expect, because the first thing that came to mind was too ridiculous to give it any credence. What could she be afraid to tell him other than that she’d been with someone else, which wasn’t even a possibility. She was too honest, too good a person to do that. “Are you afraid I’ll be mad?”
“Hurt,” she said, and the crack in her voice gutted him.
He crossed his arms, needing the barrier after hearing that. “Go ahead. Tell me.”
She nervously chewed on her lower lip. “When we were shopping today, one of my friends, Aurelia Stark, recognized you from the club.”
He didn’t recognize the name, and the few women he’d hooked up with over the past couple of years didn’t go to the club. “So?”
“She said you were a stripper in front of my mom and sisters, and I hadn’t told them that you danced.”
His gut seized. “You hadn’t told them? All this time? I assumed they knew.”
She shook her head. “They knew you worked at a bar.”
“Talia . . . ?” He pushed to his feet and paced.
She went to him. “I didn’t know how to tell them. I wanted to several times, but Piper kept making jokes, and I didn’t want to have to deal with everyone’s questions or—”
“I knew this was an issue,” he interrupted. “But I didn’t realize it was that big of an issue.” He dragged a hand through his hair and stared at her. His heart felt like it was folding in on itself, crushing uncomfortably. He loved her so much he ached with it, but he couldn’t be with her if she couldn’t truly accept who he was.
“It’s not,” she insisted, closing the distance between them. “I told them everything, and Ben, too. And I’ll tell my father tomorrow. I just . . . I’ve never been in this position before, and I don’t care what they think. I love you, Derek, and I love your father. But for whatever reason, telling my family was hard for me.”
He gritted his teeth against the burning in his gut. “Because you’re ashamed of what I do?”
“No,” she said harshly. “I’m not. I promise I’m not. I just didn’t know what to say or how to tell them.”
He glared at her, knowing by the way she was clenching her mouth that she was holding something back. “What else? Just tell me, Talia. Let’s get this over with.”
Her lower lip trembled again. “At the very beginning, the first time I saw you dance, I was jealous of all the women going crazy over you, and I worried that if Piper knew you danced, she’d go to the bar looking sexy and confident, and . . . Oh my God, this is so bad. I’m such a loser.”
She sat on the couch and lowered her face to her hands. She looked up with damp eyes. “I know my faults. I know I’m not one of those girls who dresses sexy and exudes that kind of confidence. I will never be that type of person, and I know how much of a turn-on it is for guys to see those girls.”
His heart was breaking, slicing right down the middle. He knew how badly she’d been hurt, and it killed him that those thoughts even went through her mind. He sat on the coffee table in front of her, and when she looked at him, the vulnerability in her eyes cut him even deeper. “And you didn’t trust me enough, or know me well enough yet, to realize that I have zero interest in those types of women? No offense to your sister. She’s pretty and all, but she’s not you, Talia. No one is. Don’t you know that by now?”
“Yes! I do. Don’t you see? Not telling them wasn’t about you. It was because of my insecurities at first, and then it became something else altogether. I didn’t care what they thought, which, to be honest, also scared me. This is the first time in my life that I have ever—ever—put aside what anyone else might think for what I want. And I know I hurt you, and I know how terrible it looks that I didn’t tell them.” Tears slid down her cheeks. “Trust me, I definitely know how bad this looks. But it’s not because I’m ashamed of you or what you do. You’re the most admirable person I know.”
“But that doesn’t tell me why you didn’t tell them after you knew me well enough to realize that I’d never hurt you and I’d never be interested in that kind of woman. Unless . . .” You still don’t?
“I know,” she said sadly. “I’m not sure I understand all of it, either, but I can tell you what I do know. When I got past the jealousy, I became protective of us. I didn’t want to have to explain any of it to anyone because I was so happy with you. I didn’t want any negativity, and that’s when I realized that I didn’t care what my family thought, which was scary in and of itself, but it was true. And then I guess it was just stupidity. Or maybe rebellion. I don’t know. I probably should have just stood up and told them, but I didn’t. I just . . .” She shrugged. “That’s why I went to the bar tonight, and why I brought Piper. I wanted to prove to everyone—and probably to myself, too—that nothing could keep me away from you.”
She wiped at her tears and said, “I never claimed to have much experience with relationships, but I did what I felt was right at the time.”
He ached for both of them as he took her hand in his. “You know, I worried that my father would be too much for us, but I never gave dancing the same weight in our relationship. I probably should have. Just because it’s not who I am doesn’t mean it’s not who other people see me as. Like who that blonde at the bar thinks I am. I understand that now, Talia. And I guess I thought that since you teach about the impact that societal expectations and assumptions have on people, you had this, you know? I assumed you’d tell your family and be as up front with them as I have been with you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be, babe. That’s my fault. I’ve got a chip on my shoulder the size of an iceberg. If people don’t like who I am or what I do, then that’s on them. Taking care of my father has always come first. It’s always been the two of us, with Maria, of course. But it’s time for me to get a grip on that, too. I want a future with you, and I have to think about how the things I do impact your life, not just my own.”
“I don’t want you to change anything—”
“I can’t change things, and I won’t stop doing what I have to do. But that doesn’t mean I should expect you to flaunt what I do for a living. Maybe you did the right thing by waiting—until you trusted me, until your family knew I was worthy of their daughter slash sister.”
“I’ll never not tell anyone again,” she said quickly. “It’s a weird situation to explain, but I’m okay now. I know I can do it and hold my chin up high, and I want to carry some of that iceberg with you.”
Her lips curved up, and the sincerity in her eyes healed the fissures inside him. He rose to his feet, bringing her up with him, and gathered her in his arms. “You want to share my iceberg?”
“Yes.” She wound her arms around his neck. “But in all fairness, have you ever thought about what it would be like to tell your father, or Maria, that you were dating a woman who took off her clothes in front of strangers?”
“Do you have a secret second job I should know about?”
She shook her head. “All kidding aside, I am sorry. I should have told my family. I feel guilty for having kept it from them, but not so much because they need to know what’s going on in my life. You’ve helped me become more comfortable with myself and the decisions I make that might not be what other people expect of me. Mostly I feel guilty because of how not telling them could be misconstrued into embarrassment over what you do. I am so in love with the man you are, I never want anyone to think otherwise. I love your generous heart and your confidence, and . . .” Her cheeks pinked up. “I think I’ve developed a thing for you in a G-string, so . . .”
“Aw, baby.” He pressed his lips to hers. “How about you give me five minutes to shower off the stench of the bar and I’ll give you your own private show?”
She took his hand, walking backward toward his bedroom. “I was thinking I could join you in the shower and maybe you can teach me some of your moves.” She turned around and whipped off her sweater as she walked through the bedroom door. She dropped her sweater to the floor, looked over her shoulder as she stepped into the bathroom, and said, “Your turn.”