When Valentina woke up, her chest was tight and she could feel her emotions like a ball in her stomach. She began to sob. Not sad tears running gently down her cheeks. No, Valentina started to full-on ugly cry with heaving sobs, tears coursing down her face, snot dripping from her nose, and almost no chance to catch her breath. She sobbed for Adam, for their relationship, and for the fact that he didn’t want to try to keep her despite the distance.

She didn’t know how long she cried, but eventually, she subsided into sniffling. She blew her nose several times and looked down at herself. She had fallen asleep in her clothes and shoes on top of her bed. She could tell it was morning from the soft light coming in through the window and the growling in her stomach.

Some women lost weight when they got upset. Something about being too sad or depressed to eat. Valentina didn’t know what that was like. She stress ate, and she usually put on a couple of pounds until she got her emotions under control. This was no different. She got off the bed and headed to the kitchen. She desperately wanted a bagel. A bagel covered in butter along with a gallon of coffee. Then maybe a shower. Pajamas and a day spent under the covers sounded like the perfect plan for the day.

Once she ate and showered, she put her pajamas back on and settled herself on the couch for a long stay of doing nothing. She was surprised when her doorbell rang. She unenthusiastically heaved herself up from the sofa and lumbered over to the door. She opened it a crack and peeked out to see Bri’s face. Bri gave her a sad smile and asked to come inside.

Valentina looked down at her sloppy pink pajamas and pawed at her messy hair. She felt exhausted and puffy from crying. She loved her best friend, but Val didn’t really want to be cheered up or fussed over. She wanted to lay on the couch until she grew roots.

“Whoa,” said Bri. “You look rough.”

“No shit,” said Valentina. She turned and walked away from the door, leaving it open for Bri to walk through.

“Ok, this is clearly about more than being sad that Adam left last night,” said Bri. “What’s going on?”

Valentina started to tear up again, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “What’s going on is that he doesn’t want to try a long-distance relationship. We spent a lovely week together getting quite close and now poof, done. All over. We’re just supposed to go back to how we were before we met.”

“Ouch. That is bad. I’m guessing you thought a long-distance thing would have worked?”

“Yes,” Valentina answered. “Maybe. I don’t know, but I do know that I feel very strongly about him. I wasn’t ready to give that up, not ready to give up on us, but apparently, he’s tried the long-distance thing before and it has ended badly. He thinks that we should cut to the chase and end it now, not drag out the hurt over time.”

“I see,” said Bri. “You said you feel strongly for him. Are you in love with Adam?”

“Maybe,” said Valentina in a small voice. “I could be. He said he felt strongly for me, too. We hardly had any time together to see what it could have turned into. So, how do two people who feel so much for each other not want to try to make something work?”

“Oh, honey,” said Bri, reaching out and enveloping Valentina into a hug. “I have no idea. I have no idea how you could bridge the distance, but I sure as heck understand wanting to keep the option on the table.”

Valentina didn’t say anything. She just sat there with Bri’s arms around her, enjoying the warmth of her best friend. Bri was always there for her. She knew just what to say, just what to do.

After a few minutes, Bri released Valentina. “Shall we watch some crappy TV? I can order some food and we can catch up on something important like Real Housewives or Property Brothers.”

Val nodded her head and cuddled up next to her best friend. Bri stayed all afternoon and into the evening, and Valentina didn’t realize how late it was until Bri mentioned dinner.

“Don’t you have plans tonight with Fritz?” asked Valentina. “It’s getting late.”

“Ummm, no,” said Bri. “We’re sort of taking a break.”

“A break? What does that mean?”

“A break as in broken up,” said Bri. “You seemed busy with Adam, so I didn’t mention it, but Fritz and I were not working out.”

“Oh, Bri, I’m sorry. Sorry that it didn’t work out and sorry I was so preoccupied that I didn’t ask you about it.”

“No problem. We weren’t that serious. It just means I’ve got to go back to start and try again.” Bri didn’t look that thrilled about the idea, but Val knew she wasn’t giving up on this idea of settling down and having a family. She guessed that Bri was just frustrated that she couldn’t seem to find a nice guy to be happy with.

A smile crept onto Valentina’s face. “I could call up Jared for you. I’m sure a nice guy like him is just waiting for a chance to settle down with someone like you.”

“What?! No way. I may want to settle down, get married, and have babies, but no way am I taking your guy.” Bri said.

“He’s not my guy. Not anymore,” Val said playfully bumping Bri in the shoulder.

Val thought back to her time with Jared when he was her guy. Their relationship wasn’t thrilling and adventurous like her time with Adam, but it was nice and warm. At the time, that was the problem. It felt too safe and calm for her. She wanted more. That was before she decided to shake up her life recently. Now she was bringing her own adventure to life. Adam had helped her get out of her comfort zone for a brief time, but she was also doing that on her own. She had decided to go to Africa. She was breaking out of her routines. And yet she found herself wondering what Jared was up to lately.

“I can see that my work here is done. You seem a little less awful,” said Bri with a smile. “I’m going to head out. Drinks this week?”

“Yes,” said Valentina. “That sounds good. And Bri?” Bri looked up from getting ready to go. “Thanks. Thanks for coming by to check on me. You’re a really good friend.” Bri smiled.

“I’m sure you would have done the same for me,” she said. Valentina hoped she would be so thoughtful.

Bri left the apartment, and Valentina was left alone with the TV and cold Chinese food. She picked up the take out boxes and put them in the fridge, and then she went to bed. At least she was already in her pajamas.

As the morning light crept into her eyelids, Valentina turned over on her pillows. Another day without Adam. Another day to ponder why he didn’t want a relationship with her, no matter how far the distance. Another day to comfort her feelings with food, especially sugar.

Valentina realized it was Sunday. She definitely wasn’t going to church. She couldn’t stomach the questions from her mom about why she was so upset. Valentina felt as if her heart had been torn out and was slowly drying up and blowing away in the wind. It hurt and felt numb at the same time.

Part of her wanted to pretend nothing happened and to get on with things. Part of her wanted to stay in her apartment forever and nurse her broken heart. She decided to do both. After canceling on her mom, Val got dressed in loose jeans and an old concert t-shirt and drove to a nearby thrift store.

No matter what happened with Adam, I’ll still be going to Africa next week. I have things I need to do, she thought. Looking for linen pants and plain t-shirts in the racks, she passed the time. After trying on several items, she brought a pile of clothes to the cashier. She would at least be dressed for the heat on her trip.

Arriving back at her apartment, she changed back into her ratty pajamas and wasted no time in finding her way to the couch. Instead of some trashy reality TV, Val looked for an African documentary to watch. Settling in to learn about the history of East Africa, Val focused on the future.

Today, she would be a mess. Today, she would veg out in front of the TV and cry. Tomorrow was another day. Tomorrow was a workday. Tomorrow, she would focus on work. Just one week until she left for Africa. Whether or not Adam was in it, her life was changing. She was changing. She would insert excitement into her life with or without him.