My three children blamed me, at least in part, for my trip to prison. Rightfully so, they were of the opinion that I didn’t have to abandon them. Despite their ages at the time of ten, nine, and eight, they saw it as a choice. They fully realized that I could have accepted the offer of probation and continued to live the life I was living.

I was divorced from their mother at the time, but they looked forward to our weekends together, and to the time we were able to share on their breaks from school and during the summer.

The boys, Alec and Derek, were thirteen months apart. Their sister, Erin, was a year older than the oldest boy, Alec.

Erin spent most of her time reading, while the two boys spent their time at the lake behind the house, hunting for frogs, or playing basketball. They didn’t have a basketball hoop at their home, but they enjoyed playing on the one I had, often doing so until dark.

My pride prevented me from accepting the government’s offer of probation. Admitting to guilt when I had no intention of commiting a crime wasn’t something I could ever do. As hard as it was to explain to them, if I had to repeat the process a thousand times over, I’d do the same thing, each and every time.

After my release from prison, repairing my relationship with them began. The progression of that process proved to be a very slow one.

I now looked at our pregnancy as an opportunity for me to do what I’d longed to do with them. Another chance at an opportunity for me to be the father to my children that my father had been to me.

In the underground parking garage of my building, I sat in the passenger seat of a car I wasn’t allowed to drive and talked to my daughter, who was seated on the driver’s side. We’d just returned from her chauffeuring me to get a cup of coffee. A senior in high school and already enrolled in college, she was an intelligent young woman.

She was also extremely perceptive, just like her father.

She’d met Jessica on numerous occasions and seemed to like her. They got along great, laughed with one another, and spent quality time together either talking or simply listening to music.

Erin stayed with me frequently, often for several days at a time. During those days, Jessica was just as much in her life as I was. Despite what I’d witnessed of my daughter’s interactions with Jess, I wanted her to give me her opinion of Jess face-to-face.

We sat in the SUV and talked privately about problems she was having in her relationship at the time. After the discussion was over, I took a long drag off my e-cigarette. After blowing the vapor out the window, I looked at Erin.

“What do you think of my relationship with Jess?”

“What do you mean?”

“I want your opinion about it. No holds barred. Give it to me.”

“She’s good for you,” she said.

“Why do you say that?”

“Dad, it’s no secret that you’ve lived a pretty unhappy life. I’ve seen you in and out of a few relationships, and you’ve never been happy. The only thing that makes you happy is riding your motorcycle. Now you don’t even have one. But, you know what?”

I grinned. “What’s that, Sis?”

“I’ve never seen you this happy. Ever. I like seeing you like this. All I’ve ever wished for is that you could find happiness. Now, it looks like you’ve found it. I like her a lot dad, I really do.”

Fighting back tears, I hugged her. “Thanks for your honesty.”

“Are you going to ask her to marry you?” she asked, failing miserably at hiding her excitement.

The thought of taking that step scared me. It was the kiss of death as far as I was concerned.

“Not just yet,” I said. “I’m going to ask her to move in with me.”

She raised her clenched fists. “Yaaay!”

“Yay? Really?”

Wearing an ear-to-ear grin, she nodded eagerly. “This makes me happy.”

I smiled. “Me, too.”

We spent the afternoon together, and then she went to see her boyfriend. Immediately following her departure, Jessica arrived. When she walked in, I was in the kitchen making a cup of coffee.

“I got everything confirmed at the doctor,” she said. “I’m four weeks along, right now.”

“Thirty-six to go,” I said.

“How do you know how many weeks are left?”

“I’ve been doing some reading. Brushing up on my baby skills.”

“I’m so excited,” she said. “And, I’m starving.”

She got a container of yogurt from the refrigerator and began to devour it. “I can’t eat enough.”

I rubbed her stomach. “Good. Healthy mom, healthy baby.”

She scrunched her nose. “I’m going to get so fat.”

“Stop it. You won’t. Just take care of yourself, and everything will be fine.”

She shoveled the yogurt into her mouth like she was starving. “What do you think about names?”

“I like Joey, and Taylor, and names like--”

She paused, the spoon inches from her lips. “What if it’s a girl?”

“Those are girl names,” I said. “I like cute boy’s names for girls.”

“What if it’s a boy?”

“It better not be a boy.”

She dragged the spoon around the edges of the empty plastic container. “Why?”

“I want a girl. I’ve already raised two boys. I can tell you, they’re the shits. They develop tempers, they hold grudges.”

She looked me up and down. “Oh, really? That’s a shocker.”

“Go to hell, Jess.”

“They’re just like their dad.”

“It’s not that. It’s boys in general. You’ll see as Landon grows up. Oh.” I wagged my finger at her. “That reminds me of something.”

She tossed the empty yogurt container in the trash. “What?”

“I want us all to live together. I want all of you to move in.”

Her eyes went wide. “Really?”

“Yep. As soon as possible.”

“Do you think you can handle that?”

“I know I can handle it.”

“Are you ready for it?” she asked.

“I’ve been ready.”

“You’ve been living alone for a long, long time.” She looked around the open loft. “It’s going to be a huge change.”

“A change I look forward to. So, what do you say?”

“The kids love it here. Landon’s going to have a heart attack. He loves you, you know.”

“I love him right back,” I assured her. “So, is that a yes?”

She bit into her lower lip and nodded. “I can’t wait.”

“Give notice at your place and tell them you’re moving out. We can tell my parents this weekend. I already told Erin.”

“What did she say?”

“She said she’s never seen me so happy, and that she’s excited.”

The gleam in her eyes brightened. “That makes me happy.”

“Me, too.”

“Sorry I missed her,” she said. “What did she want?”

“Boy problems.”

“Don’t you dare go beating up a high school senior,” she snapped back.

“It’s not that. Just regular stuff.”

She grabbed another container of yogurt. “I’m going to eat this, and then I’m going to take a nap. I don’t have a client until ten.”

“Ten is in an hour.”

She put the yogurt up. “I’ll take a nap first. I can eat this on the way.”

“The sixty seconds it takes you to eat one of those takes away from the nap quite a bit, huh?”

She shrugged. “A minute is a minute.”

I kissed her. “And, I want to spend all of my minutes with you.”

She smiled. “You should write that in a book.”

“I’ll make note of that.”

While she took a nap, I looked at girl’s names on my phone. After highlighting a dozen, I copied the text and pasted it into my notepad. I peered through the doorway of what I called Teddy’s room, and imagined Landon and Lily playing in the five hundred square foot bedroom.

Things were going to change, that was for sure. Stepping on Legos in the middle of the night. No longer having privacy. Changing diapers. Sleepless nights. Sharing a bathroom. A crying baby. Jess becoming an emotional wreck. No more sex. Arguments over what was going to be watched on television.

I’d always perceived change as being a bad thing. On that day, however, I looked forward to every change that was headed in my direction.