Jessica’s salon was having a late Christmas party. I doubted I’d have much fun attending a gathering with twenty people I didn’t really know. Hoping to extend the love and warmth of the Holiday season for one more week beyond New Year, I reluctantly agreed to go.

“Why did they postpone it for two weeks?” I asked.

“She had to. All the bars were scheduled out with Christmas parties and New Year’s Eve stuff until the second week of January,” she said. “She forgot to schedule it until mid-December.”

I’d known about the party for a month and had dreaded its arrival. “You’re sure it’s okay that I dress like this?”

“She’s having everyone dress down this year. She thinks it’ll let everyone cut loose or whatever.”

I pulled on my Chucks. “Suits me.”

After the babysitter arrived, we walked across the street to the bar where the party was to be held. It was Saturday night. As always on the weekends, the bar was packed. The establishment, The Pump House, was an old gas station that had been converted to a bar.

Our MC often met there, and it was one of the few places I felt comfortable going. Crowds of people I didn’t know had always made me anxious. If I was in a place where I felt comfortable, however, I could somehow manage to relax.

Pleased that the party was being held in a familiar location, I opened the door and guided Jessica inside. After she passed through the door, she paused.

She took position at my left side, gripped my arm in her hand, and smiled. “Let’s go.”

The bar’s entrance gave no view to the inside of the establishment. A short corridor hid the patrons entirely. As we walked down the hallway, I imagined a night of Jessica drinking with her co-workers while I repeatedly told them why I chose to refrain from partaking in liquor.

The scene would be slightly uncomfortable for me. Not terrible, but I’d be uneasy. I was sure of it. While the sound of R.L. Burnside’s Someday Baby blared over the sound system, I clenched my jaw and stepped around the corner.

A hundred feet in the distance, I saw Teddy.

I envisioned spending the evening sneaking away from the party and mingling with him while Jessica drank wine with the owner of the salon.

“Shit,” I said. “Teddy’s dumb ass is back there in the back.”

“I’ll be darned,” Jess said.

“Where are we meeting them,” I asked.

“In the back. Around the corner.”

We took a few steps toward the rear of the bar. King came into view. Seated beside Teddy, he looked up and grinned a slight smile. At his side, Basher sat.

I began to fill with rage. The MC was having a gathering that I knew nothing of. After a few more steps, I saw Mainline. I looked at Jess.

“Shit,” I said. “Someone’s having a fucking party.”

My brother came into view. Then, an old friend from school. My head spun. Something was happening, and the sight of it was confusing me. It was a gathering of people who I knew, admired, and loved, but it didn’t include me.

Disappointed, I took a few reluctant steps.

Teddy stood.

“What’s going on, shit-head?” I asked in Teddy’s direction.

He returned an awkward grin.

I paused and surveyed the group. What the fuck is going on, I thought.

“Surprise!” Jessica said. “Happy fiftieth Birthday. I love you.”

It took a moment for what she said to register. When it did, I wasn’t very happy. Anger slowly replaced the disappointment.

As an adult, I chose not to recognize my birthdays. Having a party to celebrate being one year closer to death seemed ridiculous to me. So, I prohibited it. If anyone knew my hatred toward birthdays, Jessica knew.

So did Teddy.

My brother did as well.

I glanced up and down the length of the tables. Dozens of people, all of which I knew, and knew well, were seated side by side.

“Happy birthday, motherfucker,” many of them said.

I looked at Jess.

She flashed a half-assed smile. “I hope it’s okay. It’s your fiftieth. It’s a big deal.”

“You did this?”

She bit against her lower lip and grinned. “I did.”

The anger vanished. Affection and adoration replaced it.

“I love you,” I said.

She kissed me. “I love you, too.”

I couldn’t have said when the last time was that I had a birthday party, but I suspected it was in my teens.

I spent that night with the fellas, old friends, family, and the woman I loved, telling stories, listening to lies, and reliving events of my past. When it ended, I had to admit to myself – and to Jessica – that it was the best birthday I’d ever had.

That night, I realized her love for me wasn’t simply a word that was spoken.

Her love was true.

I’d never experienced the depth and honesty of the love Jessica felt for me. Filled with comfort to the point I feared I’d burst, I fell asleep that night with her held tightly in my arms.

I prayed that night that the few remaining pieces of our life’s puzzle would one day snap firmly into place.