Chapter 16
Billie followed Slayer into his room and waited for him to say something. When it became obvious that he didn’t know what he was supposed to say, she sighed.
“Start with why you lied.”
“I know that this place isn’t what you expected it to be. I knew that it wouldn’t be. I just wanted to introduce you to it slow. I wanted to get you used to me again before I tried to introduce you to all of this,” He said as he waved his hands in the air.
“You could have talked to me about it before we left.”
“How do you think that conversation would have gone, Billie? Would you have been willing to come with me if you knew we dabbled with murder? Drugs? Guns? You have always had a very strong sense of right and wrong, and it’s always been black and white. I know you, Billie. This life has to be experienced, not explained.”
“And, what if you introduced me slow, and I still didn’t want to stay?”
‘Then, at least I would know we gave this a fair shot.”
“Fair enough, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’ve started this relationship on false pretenses, Slayer. Now I don’t know what to do here. How can I believe anything you say?”
“I guess that’s a fair question, but Billie, come on. Do you really think I would hurt you now? After moving forward the way we have?”
“Who was the woman from town? That you wanted to make your old lady?”
Slayer grunted under his breath and tied his long hair back into a ponytail at the base of his neck, which gave her a clear view of his bruised and swollen face.
“She wasn’t anyone special. I was lonely, I wanted to feel connected, so I went out with her a few times. I didn’t tell Fury I wanted to make her my old lady, I said that I wanted an old lady. Especially the last couple of years, watching all my brothers find someone special and make a family? Billie I wanted all of that, but I only wanted it with you. I didn’t date anyone after her because I didn’t want to settle, and I didn’t definitely want to settle for someone who played games with me.”
“Kind of like you’ve been playing with me?”
“Fuck, I know it looks that way, but I swear it isn’t like that. I just wanted to keep you.”
His words sounded sincere, and Billie hated that. She wanted to be able to hold on to her anger just a little bit longer; it would keep her head clearer. Slayer watched Billie with astute eyes as she seemed to think about what to say.
“I need to be able to trust you, Slayer. I need to know you won’t go out there and fuck one of the tagalongs because you’re mad at me. I need to know that I come first before anyone else here. I won’t ever ask you to abandon your brothers or your club, but if you want my loyalty, I want yours.”
His gaze met hers, “You already have mine. I should have told you everything before we left, and I apologize for that. I’ll tell you whatever you need to know.”
“That’s a great promise and all, but I need actions, not words. You’ve just set the precedent for our entire relationship with this move, man. How can I expect anything good to come from this?”
“You’re right, okay? I fucked up. But, I don’t want this to go around and around and around in circles. I need you to listen, and hear me, okay?”
Billie nodded.
“I don’t want to do this with anyone else. I never got you out of my head, you were my best friend and the only person I wanted by my side. I fucked that up, I know I did, and I can’t take it back now. I stayed away because I didn’t think there was a chance that I could ever actually have you. I know that I didn’t do this right and I know that I haven’t set the bar very high here, but please give me a chance. An honest one, Billie. You wanna be my old lady?”
“I don’t think we’re ready for that.”
“No, maybe you’re right. Maybe I do need to earn that, and I get it. But, lets forget all of that for a second. You want full disclosure?”
“I think I need it.”
“I can give it to you, but it won’t be pretty, and you have to follow my rules as far as the club goes. I know you hate authority and I usually do too, but in this instance I need you to trust me. I know that sounds lame, but I swear it’s the only way.”
Billie chewed her bottom lip, her hair falling in her eyes as she nodded.
“Okay, you obviously know more about it than I do.”
“Those tagalongs don’t mean anything to me, Billie. I was empty for a long time, and they distracted me from that. That’s the truth. I may not be the same man I was before, but I wasn’t lying when I said you’re the only one who knows me as a man.”
Billie’s eyes filled with tears as she turned to look out the window, ignoring the scent of blood and sweat and regret. It filled the room like all the words she didn’t know how to say, and the weight of it made her sick to her stomach.
Just say it out loud, Billie.
Just say what he needs to hear.
“It’s funny, actually. That is has gotten so hard when it used to be so easy,” She commented.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that one day, maybe not tomorrow or the day after, but one day, this won’t be so fucking hard.”
Slayer looked doubly confused as she turned to face him.
“What do you mean?”
“One day, something big enough will happen that will make me more important than before, than the inbewteen.”
“What do you mean? You’re already more important.” She smiled a sad kind of smile that almost chipped away at the edges of his soul.
“No, I’m not. You still have moments where you panic inside because you don’t know if you’re equipped to handle a woman like me, but you want to be. I can see it in your eyes; that momentary panic that creeps up on you, because you’re afraid that one day, I’ll realize you’re not equipped for it either, and I’ll leave you. That I’ll become like all the rest, and decide that you’re not worth the effort, and you’ll end up right where you started, with a neat little hole, right about...here,” She said as she pressed a palm to his chest.
“And, sometimes you say or do something that’s so familiar, so scary, that I start to convince myself that you’re no different than any other man, including the old you, that’s taken advantage of me. But, do you know why we’re going to work? Do you know why this connection is the forever kind?”
Riveted, Slayer shook his head as he continued to study her. She wasn’t like the women he was used to, but Billie already knew that. She patted his chest affectionately like she always had before she said, “You may not have been my only, but you’ve always been my one. The fact that we’ve shared some awful experiences before now, only makes us appreciate each other that much more. So, we panic a little and get a little petty about it, we’re human. It’s gonna happen. I’m not the smartest woman out there, and I won’t ever pretend to be, but I know that regardless of circumstances, I would still choose you. At the end of the day, all I can hope for, is that you will choose me, too.”
“What about my job?”
“We’ll figure that out. Rayna asked me outside if I thought that you were worth it, and honestly, until this moment, I wasn’t so sure. I hate to say that, but I want to be honest. I want to be able to utilize this full disclosure thing when we need to.”
“I don’t know where to start.”
“Tell me how you got here.”
“I was bouncing around from town to town, and one day I rolled into Axel’s bar. I wasn’t looking for company, I was just minding my own business. I needed a drink, bad, because I was still missin’ you, and for some reason, whiskey always made the sting hurt a little less.”
Billie didn’t comment, but she was definitely listening.
“Green and Ox were there, with Prettyboy. Something happened between them and another crew and they got into a fight. I didn’t do anything at first, just watched from across the room. And, then, I told myself ‘fuck it,” and decided to help. I broke a bottle over one of their heads and shoved the other one through the jukebox.”
Billie blinked slowly.
“And, then what?”
“They offered me a place to prospect. After a while they offered me a seat at the table and I never thought twice about it. This place had already become my home, these people my family.”
“Hmm,” She said softly.
It hurt to be so close to him and hear him say that these other people, these strangers to her, were the people he preferred over her. She knew he didn’t mean it that way, but it still hurt her nonetheless. Which is why she continued to listen, with open ears and an open heart.
“After that, I got caught up in this life and I realized, I’m good at it. Billie, this is where I’m supposed to be. The only thing missing was you.”
Billie took that into consideration as she mulled everything he’d said over.
“I don’t want to fight anymore, but I need the truth. I need your word that you’ll do your best to give me that, and then some, because it takes a tough bitch to live this kind of life willingly.”
“And, you think you can handle it?”
“I just want to make sure I’m handling it for the right reasons, you understand? One more chance, Slayer. That’s it. Just one. If you blow that, I’m gone, and no matter how connected we feel, this is over,” She said adamantly.
He shook his head and finally reached for her, his fingers wrapping around her waist and pulling her towards him. She let him hold her, let him draw her in close.
“I promise, Billie. No more lies.”
It felt good to hear it but it would feel even better once he proved himself, and that was what she was counting on. That was what she needed. His fingertips grazed the exposed skin beneath her shirt and she sucked in a breath.
He was still a little bloody, a lot of sweaty, and shirtless as hell. His blue eyes were intense on hers as he watched her in the waning light, his touch as soft as a baby’s breath. Billie watched, caught up in him, as he slowly lifted her shirt up. He motioned for her to lift her arms, and she did.
She couldn’t explain why, or what was provoking her; maybe it was that stupid connection they’d always had. Nothing between them had ever been perfect, and there was no reason it would start now. She could learn all about his job tomorrow…
His blonde brows were drawn together in concentration as he watched each inch of her skin come to light as he pulled her shirt up and over her head, tossing it aside. Once she was bare to him, he cupped her breasts and ran the pads of his thumbs across her nipples. She gasped his name, something he liked, and he showed it when he pinched her nipples the same way he had before.
Billie loved that, loved the shock it sent reeling right between her thighs. There were a lot of things that reminded Billie of Slayer over the years; the colors of the sunset, the way that summer smelled on the breeze, but her body? Her body never forgot the effect he had on her, and it swung right back into the same old rhythm as before when he swept her hair up and out of her face.
Slayer’s lips sought hers, his fingers buried in her hair, his nails scraping her scalp as he tilted her head back. She fell forward into his chest, her fingers curled against his skin. The way he was breathing against her mouth told her that he was just as swept up in the feelings as she was, and she hadn’t realized until then, that she needed that, too.
His hold on her tightened when he dropped his hands down the back of her neck, past her shoulders, and gripped her hips. He didn’t rush to remove her pants, he didn’t need to. This was all about reconnecting, and maybe a little about the fear of losing each other so soon.
He was gentle, so gentle, and when he pulled back to look into her eyes the way he used to, she could still see the same old awe sparkling back at her in their deep blue. He watched her silently for a moment before he said, “I love you. I never stopped.”
Her breath caught in her throat as she whispered, “I love you, too.”
Slayer dipped his head, kissed her again, reached down to slip her pants down her thighs as he slanted his mouth over hers. The taste of him, the smell, it was so familiar yet so different, and the thrill of it had her breathing heavy. She was hot, hot, hot, and he was the source of her heat. He always had been.
She’d never seen anyone more beautiful.
Slayer helped her step out of her pants before he lifted her into his arms, his forearms under her thighs. He kissed her again, sank his tongue between her teeth and sucked on her bottom lip. She couldn’t hold back her groan at the way his hands had her arching her back. Her spine bowed when his hand slipped into the elastic of her panties and drew them down her thighs.
His fingers sought her pussy, touched her softly, kissed her tenderly. Billie gripped his shoulders, drew him in as close as she could, met him halfway when he reached for her. He spread her thighs with his palm as he reached for her soft skin. She was already wet, already whimpering under her breath, ready for him to take her.
“You’re the only one that ever meant a damn thing to me,” He said raggedly.
Their touching became desperate as he lifted to fit himself between her thighs, his hard cock seeking her entrance like they’d never been apart. He wrapped one hand around the back of her neck, their gazes locked, as he sank into her so deep their hip bones rubbed together.
“Fuckkk,” He huffed.
It felt so good, so right, the perfect fit. Billie wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her fingers in the long locks of his hair as she lifted her hips to meet his thrusts. Slayer took his time, he didn’t rush it, and as their bodies became more acquainted, Billie fell more in love with the new him. He touched her like she deserved, like she’d craved.
“I’ll lust for you the rest of my life,” He said.
Slayer wasn’t the perfect man, but she knew that he was perfect for her, and if he was willing to make the past right between them, then she would let him. She’s give him the chance to love her the way that she deserved.
His name clogged her throat when he hit her g-spot, rubbing her walls from just the right angle, giving her every incentive to come right then and there. But, she held on, kissed him harder, held him tighter. Her nails scraped the tanned skin on his back, roved up and down his spine, letting the notches of it guide her touch.
Slayer sped it up, wrapped one of her legs around his thigh, hit her from an even deeper angle that had her keening and gasping as her whole body tensed. Colors exploded behind her eyes as she held her breath and let her body do the talking. Slayer cupped the back of her head and tipped her head back, kissing along the column of her neck, sipping on her lips as she came.
Billie blinked her way back to reality, and Slayer had an expression on his face that she would recognize no matter how many years they spent apart. He was about to come, and she wanted him to.
“Come for me, baby,” She whispered.
His mouth landed on hers as he grunted under his breath and breathed into her, his movements jerky and soft as he came, too. He opened his eyes, but he didn’t stop kissing her. He kept his hands on her, his mouth pressed against hers.
“I can’t get enough of you, Billie. I don’t ever wanna stop kissin’ you.”