Chapter 9
Billie was wearing a dress for the first time in a long time. She was wearing high-heeled wedges and she had no idea why. Slayer had seen her at every stage, including at her worst, so why was she bothering to impress him?
Because he’s a man now, and you want him to see what he gave up.
That was the fucking truth, and she couldn’t lie to herself.
She was even wearing lipstick, some deep red shade that matched the color of her dress, and felt pretty. Her curvy frame was tucked into the only dress she owned, she’d shaved her legs, and even curled her long hair. Slayer was waiting outside for her now, and it wasn’t until she clasped her shoes around her ankles that she began to really feel nervous.
This is when everything will change, I feel it.
“Billie? You ready?”
“Coming!,” She called.
She pushed the front door open and had it poised against her hand, her fingers twisting the lock before she turned around and saw Slayer sitting on the porch railing, his legs crossed at the ankles. He was wearing clean clothes, plus his cut, and he looked sexy as hell. Billie knew in that moment that she didn’t stand a chance.
His eyes raked over every inch of her exposed skin like he could see though her little red dress, but she supposed in a way, he could; he already knew what was hidden underneath it, intimately, but that didn’t mean she had to let him have it.
“It’s just dinner,” she said again.
He looked like he knew she didn’t actually mean it.
“Yeah, you said that. I figured we’d try out this new place in town I saw the other night when I was tossin’ you over my shoulder. What do you say?”
Billie didn’t have a problem with it, so she nodded.
“You’re wearin’ a dress which means we have to take the car. Sorry, but I’m drivin’.”
“Why?”
Slayer rolled his eyes and Billie hid the grin she was fighting under the palm of her hand.
“Why do ya gotta be so damn difficult all the time? Just get your fine ass in the vehicle and lets go, I’m hungry.”
As he said this his eyes worked their way from the tips of her toes to the top of her head, and she was left with no questions about what he meant. He wanted her, and for Billie, that was like a sweet, sweet tonic. After all these years, she still had some effect on him.
“Fine. I’ll get in the car.”
He nodded, and worked his way over to the passenger side door to open the door for her. She looked up at him, surprised.
“I have fuckin’ manners, Billie. I may not use them where I live now, but I sure as hell remember them.”
She tried not to laugh at the ironic way he posed that statement, what with his sexy mouth cursing at her and all, but she failed. His lips quirked, and for a long moment, Billie was sure he would kiss her again.
“No, no, Willow Aria King. You’ll kiss this mouth after I’m sure it’s what you want, and not a moment before,” He whispered softly.
Billie slowly got into the car, those words echoing in her head.
Not a moment before.
What did that mean, exactly? They were going out to dinner, she was wearing a dress, why wouldn’t she want at the least the possibility of a kiss?
As he slid into the driver’s seat, Billie was reminded of more than one occasion when they were younger where his mouth was on hers. Their first kiss was by far her favorite; fumbling hands and minty breath and innocence all tied together behind her favorite willow tree in their backyard. Laura caught them shortly after and nearly painted both of their back porches red, but even back then, Billie could see the love and adoration on her face. She was probably up in heaven cheering them on, even now.
“You had steak recently?”
Billie shook her head.
“Let’s take this old school, visit the Tavern downtown. Have some steak, some beer, and catch up.”
Billie had to wonder if he truly thought it would be that easy. If Slayer honestly understood that nothing was settled between them yet, she’d just decided to wave a little white flag for the sake of the evening.
“Steak and beer.”
“And, good conversation. Relax, Billie. I’m not going to hurt you, not intentionally. I think what I have to say may surprise you.”
“That doesn’t exactly fill me with butterflies and rainbows.”
Slayer rolled his eyes but his warm palm landed on her bare thigh and her breath caught. So many memories of his hands on her skin, his mouth at her ear, his promises sticking to her heated skin like wallpaper. She wanted to believe that this time, things could be different. She wanted, with all of her heart, to have just one easy night between them before he left her again.
Billie just couldn’t do it.
“Pull over!,” She cried.
Slayer looked over at her, confused.
“What?”
“Pull over, pull over!”
They were at the halfway point from their house and downtown, and were surrounded by nothing but trees and open farm land.
“What the hell is going on?,” He asked as he veered the car off the side of the road. As soon as the car was parked, she was opening the door and stepping into the darkness. The sun was almost gone as she looked up at the sky, the moon ready to take its position. The stars were bright, so bright, as she blinked away tears.
Slayer stormed out of the car, slamming the door behind him.
“What the fuck, Billie?!”
She threw her hands out, frustration visible on her face.
“I just can’t pretend, okay? I know that’s what you want me to do, I know that you want me to just let it go, but for fucks sake, Slayer! I can’t do that!”
He ran his hands through his hair and shook his head, his blue eyes glued to the everything but her.
“Billie, don’t apologize, okay? I’m the one who’s sorry. I should have known this wouldn’t end well. This,” He took a moment to gesture back and forth between them, “Deserves to be settled before we have ‘dinner.’”
Billie stood stock still, shocked.
“What?”
“You want to hear the truth? What I should have said before, but was too pussy to get out? I love you, Billie. I’ve always fucking loved you, and I’ll continue to do so until the day I die. I loved you the moment I laid eyes on you at eight years old okay?”
She was crying, ugly crying, but she couldn’t stop it.
“You left.”
“I left, you’re right, and I can’t change that. I can’t take it back or make it better or make it disappear- I know that! I wish I could say that things have changed and that I’m here to stay and that this time it’ll be different, but I can’t.”
His voice tapered off, cracked, and he went silent.
“You should have come with me,” He murmured.
Billie turned to face him, “And leave your mother behind?”
He winced.
“She could have come, too!”
“Jesus, you never used to be this selfish, Slayer! Your mother had no one after your father died. I was not going to leave her here all alone to fend for herself so I could ride off into the sunset on the back of your bike! Life doesn’t work that way,” Billie argued.
He grunted under his breath and shook his head.
“So, what? This is it? We just let each other go like it’s even possible that we’ll find the same thing that we share with someone else?”
That hit Billie hard. She knew that letting him go again was the one thing she couldn’t do. She knew that if she didn’t at least fight him over it, one more time, that all the bitterness she’d held deep inside for six fucking years would be null and void.
“I want you to come with me, Billie. I want you to come back to North Carolina with me, to stay.”
Billie laughed, her fingers running through her hair and tugging on the roots.
“Are you insane? You come back here to handle your mother’s death after over half a decade, and now you want me to move to North Carolina with you?”
Slayer nodded, his hands reaching for her, but she stepped away.
“It’s been years since we’ve been anything other than strangers, Slayer. I can barely stand to be in the same room as you, let alone move away with you! Jesus, this is all fucked. I can’t handle this right now, I really can’t-,” Billie paused to suck in a deep breath, and Slayer used that as an opportunity cup her face in his capable hands.
He didn’t even let her get a word in before he was kissing her, hard. His mouth was a force against hers. Billie fought against him for a moment before she melted into his arms. Her hands moved to the back of his neck, her fingers tangled themselves in the strands of his hair. It didn’t seem to matter how many years or miles spanned between them, touching one another always calmed something inside the both of them.
Slayer’s hands moved to her waist, wrapped around her back, his knuckles pressed against her spine. He held onto her tight, like he never wanted to let her go. Billie basked in the attention, the way that her cold little heart finally felt warm, in the way that the void that basically filled her chest, finally felt full.
He yanked her head back by the roots of her hair and gazed down at her, his lips rosy, his cheeks flushed.
“Whatever this is between us, it ain’t ever gonna go away, Billie. We’re always gonna need each other. Ya gotta come with me. I can’t live another fuckin’ day without knowin’ you’re there with me.”
“I can’t just leave my life.”
“Yes, you can. Billie, there ain’t nothin’ here for you anymore. I know losing my mom was hard, and I can never repay you for taking care of her. I should have been here for that, and I’m sorry as shit that I wasn’t. We can keep the house, it’s paid off. Use it for vacations, whatever we want. Just- come with me,” He pleaded roughly.
Billie considered what he asked of her. She thought about it for a long moment before she opened her mouth to say no, but he stopped her.
“Billie, I’m begging you. Give me one more chance. Come with me, put a time limit on it if you need to. A week, a month, two months, whatever! Just give me a chance to change things between us, please.”
“Saying no would be the easiest thing to do,” She said honestly.
His eyes twinkled as he pushed the hair out of her face and leaned down to kiss her gently, his whiskers tickling her chin.
“You’ve never been one to choose the easiest route. I know this time will be no different.”
“If I come with you, it’ll be my choice, not yours.”
“I know that, too. So you’ll come?”
Billie considered her options, and the alternative. Letting him go was the one thing she didn’t want to do, and yet, it seemed to be the only thing her brain wanted her to do.
Save your heart from him, Billie!
The outlaw in her arms didn’t seem to follow any of the rules that she liked to live by, and eventually that could become a problem. What happens when he gets bored of her? What happens when he wakes up and decides that Billie King isn’t what he wanted after all?
“How long?”
Confused, he asked, “How long what?”
“How long until you grow bored of me, and I end up all alone again?”
Slayer tsked under his breath and shook his head, his long hair falling into his bright blue eyes as he pulled her in even closer to him.
“I’ll never grow bored of you, Billie. I won’t lie and placate you, or tell you that I’ve been alone all these years. I haven’t. I’ve wasted a lot of time with a lot of women who meant nothing to me, and will always mean nothing. You’re the only one I’ve ever loved, and while I know that saying that doesn’t take the sting away, I can’t change the past.”
“I know you can’t change that, Slayer. You’re right, it bothers me, and I don’t know how long it will bother me for. I can’t guarantee I’ll ever actually move on from everything that’s happened, but I know that I’ll regret it if I don’t try this one more time with you.”
Slayer’s eyes closed in what seemed to be relief as he leaned his forehead against hers, his lips touching the tip of her nose.
“I promise you won’t regret this,” He whispered tenderly.
“I have a feeling it won’t be nearly that easy.”