Chapter Twenty Four – Prudence

“Urgh, no,” I groan as I roll over in the bed. “What the hell is this? Why do I hurt all over?”

My head pounds, my stomach churns, my eyes ache as I try to prize them open to face the real world. At this moment in time, my brain is a deep black hole. I can barely remember anything properly. What happened? When did I get so ill? What have I been doing?

“Logan?” I groan while propping myself up onto my elbows. “Logan, are you here?”

I don’t get any response, there’s nothing but silence. I’m definitely in his home because I recognize it more than anywhere else in the world, but it seems that I’m here by myself. I blink a few times, glancing around the room as I do, and my eyes soon find a giant pint glass of water next to my bed. One that I definitely didn’t put there but that I need desperately. My mouth is painfully dry and my throat feels raw. Someone – well, Logan, because it can only really be him – has anticipated my needs before I even know what they are. He’s amazing, absolutely incredible. I’m so damn lucky.

I grab onto the glass and I suck the water back like there’s no tomorrow. I glug it down hard and fast, loving the ice cool sensation as it fills me up, healing me in some small way.

If this is what it feels like after drinking, then I don’t understand it at all.

As I swing my legs over the bed, small sparks of memories fill my brain. Alice, Becky, and me drinking, laughing, dancing the night away. It was fun at the time, I had a real blast, but this is clearly the punishment that I get for that. I don’t think it’s worth it after all. How the hell did my dad do this all the time? How did he cope with this crippling pain after drinking?

As I walk, a new feeling floods me, almost knocking me from my feet. I’m absolutely consumed by the need to be sick, to get all this booze out of my system, so I run to the bathroom at the speed of light and I crouch to the floor, gripping onto to toilet bowl and the burning hot vomit spills past my lips. It hurts, it aches, it wrecks my stomach, but in a way, it’s a relief too.

“Never again.” I mutter to myself with a small sharp shake of my head. “Never, ever again.”

Once I’m sure that I’m done being sick, I stumble into the kitchen where there’s a note and a whole selection of drinks. From fizzy pop to orange juice. Logan is a pretty tidy man, he normally keeps everything locked away in the cupboards, so this has to be for me.

‘To Pru,’ the note reads. ‘You must be feeling like hell today, hangovers are the most unpleasant side of drinking! Here are some drinks to get you through the morning, whatever you fancy, and make yourself something nice and heavy to eat, like toast.’ The thought of food makes me gag, but I keep on reading regardless. ‘I’m at work now because I have some stuff to sort out…’ As I read that line, I get a flicker of something in my brain, but the thread is too thin for me to grasp onto. It’s gone before I can know exactly what it is. I have a feeling that it’s something to do with the center, but that might just be my addled brain all mushing up. ‘Also, I think last night has taught us that you really need a cell phone. There’s one of my old ones for you in the box in front of you. It isn’t the latest model, but it’ll do until you can get your own. It’s better than nothing…’

I reach across to the box and I slide it open. Inside the cell phone there makes me heart skip a beat. It’s way better than anything I would have got for myself, this is the most amazing thing ever! I cannot believe how lucky I am to have him. I don’t deserve someone so amazing.

Tears ball up in the corner of my eyes, but they’re happy tears. I really feel like this is my life picking up and improving in the most incredible way. I finally have it all and I’m only eighteen years old, I only just got out of the center and already I’m doing amazingly. I can’t believe it.

‘Here is Alice’s number, or it’s the number she called me from last night anyway. You should message her and let her know that you’re okay. Luckily for you, you have the day off work today so you should veg out and sleep it off. Make yourself get better. I will see you soon, yours Logan.’

The tears fall, I’m unbelievably touched. Logan has done more for me than anyone else I’ve ever known. I understand that he has to work but I wish he was here right now with me. I wish I could hold him close and finally just tell him that I love him. I’ve kept it inside for too long. Maybe tonight I’ll finally let those words free. I’ll say to Logan I love you.

Before I can sob like a freak, I call Alice. I could just text her but there’s a deep need inside of me to call her, to hear her voice, to check that I didn’t embarrass myself last night.

“Hello?” she answers curtly. “Alice speaking, who is this?”

“It’s Prudence,” I reply raspily. “Just letting you know that I’m alive today. I don’t feel like I’m part of the living, but I’ve survived it. My God, do hangovers always feel this bad?”

“Prudence! Thank goodness. I’ve been worried about you.” She sounds genuinely happy to hear from me which manages to make me smile. “I’m just on my break at work now and I was just about to call that guy who came to pick you up to check on you. Did he take you home okay last night?”

I don’t know if I should worry about Logan when it comes to Alice. I know that we’re supposed to be keeping us a secret, but that’s only from people at the center, surely? Alice is fine.

“Yeah, I got home okay, I think I pretty much just passed out to sleep as soon as I got in. Urgh I’m so glad that I don’t have to work today. Every time I move I want to vomit again…”

“He’s nice, isn’t he?” Alice interrupts, ignoring my last remark. “Logan, I mean.”

“Yeah, he’s great. I’m lucky to know him. I don’t know how I would have got home otherwise.”

“How do you know him?” I can hear her crunching an apple while she talks. It’s distracting and hurts my head even more. I really do need to lie down! “Is he your boyfriend?”

“He’s…” Shit, how the hell do I explain this? And did I say too much last night? Maybe I told her the truth and now she wants to know if I’ll say the same in the sober light of morning. “He’s a friend… I like him, but I don’t know if he’s… you know, my boyfriend, or whatever.”

“I would warn you to be careful around him because he’s so much older than you, but I don’t think I have to. I think that you have a spell over him and he treats you amazingly.”

Alice’s lovely comments warm me up. I like the idea that I might have a hold over Logan. He certainly has one over me, so it’s much better to learn that might be a two way thing.

“Right, Mr. Turner is giving me the stink eye so I better go back to work. I’ll speak to you later on, okay? You rest up today and take care of yourself. It gets easier, trust me. Much love!”

As soon as Alice hangs up the phone I punch her number into the contacts list and stare at it. I never thought that I would be here, the girl with a cell phone and a friend’s number in it. I quickly connect the phone to the Internet and I grab Logan’s number off there too so I have two numbers on my list. I rub my thumb over the name on my screen, loving even looking at his name.

‘Hi Logan, it’s Pru,’ I type out, needing some communication with him wherever I can get it. ‘Thank you so much for all the lovely things that you’ve done for me today. I appreciate it. X’

I pause for a few moments, half expecting a reply but I don’t get one. I suppose that makes sense since he’s working. It’ll be hard for him to message me completely undetected. So instead I gather up the drinks and I head back to the only place that I want to be today, and that’s in bed. I definitely need to sleep this off. There’s no way I can feel better until I get some more rest.

I stagger over to the bed and collapse into it with my eyes closed once more. I shouldn’t be tired again, I’ve had a damn good night of sleep, but I am. Maybe it wasn’t a proper sleep, maybe I pretty much just passed out, I’m not too sure, but weariness is overcoming me again.

At least I have pleasant dreams of Logan to get me through the day. I always have them, and now I have some real life fact to base the fantasies on as well. When I first started dreaming about him, it was childish lust, an obsession, but now it’s definitely real adult love. I adore having that delicious sensation in my heart, and I cannot wait to share it with him.

***

Hours pass, I don’t know how many. Mostly I sleep, but sometimes I get up for something to eat or to have a little walk around. The time does help to heal me, but I still feel like crap for most of the day, even when I step into the shower. I do know that drinking is something that I never want to do again. It might be fun at the time, but this is not worth it. I can have a good time without it.

Eventually, I move myself over to the couch and I flick the TV on to watch some mindless movie. There’s a detective drama on, but one that doesn’t take too much imagination to work out who committed the crime, so it’s perfect for me to just lose myself in for a while.

As I half watch the show, I keep checking my cell phone, expecting some communication from either Alice or Logan, but I get nothing. The fact that Logan hasn’t even snuck off for a second to reply worries me actually, it makes me wonder what on Earth is going on with him today. In the letter that he left me he said something about needing to sort some stuff out today at work, and I can’t help wondering what. I just have this weird sensation that it’s something to do with last night and that I’m to blame. I have guilt for something that’s really nothing more than a black hole in my mind, one that I can’t recover no matter how hard I try. I’ll feel better when he’s here and I can just know that all is okay. With that safe feeling that Logan always gives me, I know I will only feel good with him here. It always does.

He’ll be here soon, I tell myself with determination. Here to make it all better. I just need to make it until he arrives, that’s all. I can do that.

I can do that…