Chapter 18

Chase

Having Lily with Jake and I has been enlightening. Jake’s opened up more to Lily. I came home from Church on Wednesday to Lily and Jake on the patio of the pool tucked into each other on a lounge chair having a discussion I’ve been to pussy to have with my son.

“Toots, why did my momma not want me?”

“Bud, I think your momma was sick.”

“But, she didn’t have a cough or look sick.”

Lily runs her hand down Jake’s cheek. “There are different types of sick. Sometimes people can be head sick, where their thoughts aren’t good. I think your momma was head sick and she didn’t know what to do about it.”

“Oh, okay. Do you think she loved me like I loved her?” Jake’s voice is full of emotion.

“Bud, I think she loved you as much as she could, but you don’t have to worry about that because I love you so much and your Daddy loves you. Man you have a whole clubhouse full of men that love you and will always look out for you.”

“I love you to, Toots, from the Big Dipper and back.”

After that discussion, Lily and Jake have gotten closer if that’s even possible. Bedtime’s a joint task between Lily and me. She reads him a story or tells stories about when she was little and being around the club.

One story she told made me wish I’d grown up in the club, because I would’ve loved seeing my brothers back in the day doing things for the kids, like wearing Easter bunny costumes.

“I’m gonna tell you a story about one Easter at the club when I was a little girl, okay?” Lily tells Jake.

“Yep.” He bounces on the bed excitedly.

“When I was eight, the club had an Easter egg festival for all the kids in the club. The day before the brothers bought two hundred eggs from the store and all of us spent most of that day dying eggs. Man, you should have seen those eggs, bud. There were some really ugly ones and then there were the ones your Uncle Rudy made. Your Uncle Rudy got stuck with all the girly colors and he made at least fifty tie-dyed girly Easter eggs. The men gave him so much crap about making girly eggs that he declared that ever brother who made fun of his eggs had to dress up like an Easter bunny. Do you know what the brothers did?”

“No, Toots. What’d they do?”

“That year I saw ten Easter bunnies. Ten, bud and they hid all those eggs for us kids. It was the best Easter I remember before my dad passed away. But guess what?” Jake looks at Lily expectedly. “None of those brothers made fun of anything girly again, because they didn’t want to have to be Easter bunnies again.”

Jake giggles. “I wonder if they’ll dress like an Easter bunny for me.”

“I bet your Uncle Trigger and a few other brothers would dress up as anything for you, Jake. Those men love you and don’t you ever forget that you have so many people that love you.” She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. “Love you, bud. Now get some sleep.”

So from then until now, Lily and Jake say ‘I love you’ before they leave each other and before they go to bed. I can only hope to be that open with my love one day, but right now, saying the words I’ve never said before I found Jake are hard to spit out to the one woman that could destroy me.

***

It’s Saturday and instead of being at home with my kid and my woman, I’m at the clubhouse dealing with bullshit. Well, it isn’t bullshit, but I’d rather be with them than here with a bunch of ugly mugs talking about the Chaotic’s Fall Festival.

Every year, we put together a festival for the community. We do bike and treat, games and plenty of food. We started it three years ago when Dani started dreading dragging two kids around door to door. Of course Queenie came up with the idea and it was a success.

We love giving back to the community and will continue to do so. This year the brothers want to add a little more. Since every year so far has been crowded, Rudy decided to let Beanie, one of our brothers, perform with his band, Chaotic Crushers. They’re more of a cover band and have been informed that it has to be somewhat kid friendly since most of the kids aren’t club brats who’ve listen to some Def Leopard, Manson, you get my drift.

When I think we’re finally done, Rudy pulls me to the side as I’m hustling to get out the door.

“Chase, how’re things with Lil?”

“Great. Stepping up was probably the best thing I could’ve done for Jake.”

“What about for you? Is it the best thing you did for yourself?”

“Absolutely. She’s everything I never knew I wanted or needed. She grounds me.”

“Good, good. That’s all I needed to know.” With that, he walks away.

Straddling my bike, I’m getting ready to start her up when my phone vibrates in my pocket.

“Hey, Babe.”

“Dad, he took Lily?” Jake gasps.

And my world turns on its axis.