Scarlett
There’s a blur I can’t see through and a weakness running through my body. Where am I? There’s a whole lot of white walls and lights, and that’s all I know. I’m moving down a hallway and lying on a bed. I’m not at home; my apartment isn’t this long. I don’t even think I was drinking last night. There’s a man’s calm mumbling voice buzzing around my head, but I don’t recognize it. I can’t even figure out how to freak out, but I sort of want to.
“You made it,” he says—the man’s voice I don’t recognize.
“Mav why?” I say, knowing it didn’t come out right.
“Just relax. You’re going to be okay,” he says.
“Who you?” That was a little clearer, and so is my vision. Maybe I died because this man was in my dream but I don’t know him. He has pretty eyes, a nice smile, and a deep voice that’s smooth like a big string instrument. “I know you.”
“Do you?” he asks, laughing a bit.
“Yeah.”
“You’re pretty.”
“Gee, thanks.” He smiles, and I close my eyes to keep the memory to myself because I think I am dreaming. Those perfect man dreams happen to me all the time. Why can’t dreams ever be real? There’s no such thing as a perfect man. They’re all the same—the ones I meet. They talk so nicely. Then they just want to take me home. I’m not real estate; doesn’t anyone know that? I don’t want to be rented or purchased. “We’ll let her sleep a bit longer. She’s pretty out of it.”
The voice again. See, only in a dream would a man sit next to me while I sleep. I try to stretch out so I can roll over, but I can’t. Instead, my hand flops on top of another hand and it isn’t mine. It’s a man’s hand. Did I take someone home with me last night? Was I drugged?
I’m too tired to figure it out. I feel around the hand and slip my fingers between his, pulling it up so I can fall back to sleep comfortably. “Um, Scarlett,” he says. “That’s my hand. It’s me, Austin, your nurse.”
I force my eyes open again, finding the same man sitting beside me. “You’re so real,” I tell him.
“Shh, it’s okay. Go back to sleep.”
“See, I knew you were a dream.” I hope I never wake up from this dream.
“Oh, you dream-boy, you,” I hear another man’s voice call out from the other side of wherever we are—his voice doesn’t sound familiar at all. What the hell? Whoever the other person is … he needs to step out of my dream. This is my dream, not his.
“Go away. This is my dream.”
* * *
“Scarlett, can you hear my voice?” It’s him again. The nurse man. “If you can hear me, I’m going to need you to open your eyes.” He’s talking to me. A hand rests on top of mine and the sensation of coziness forces my eyes to open with panic.
“Where am I?” Instinct has taken over and my loss of memory and delay of incoming thoughts are scaring me. “What’s going on?”
“You’re okay. You just had surgery on your wrist. You’re in recovery now.” The familiarity of his voice charges through my mind and my vision clears up enough that there’s now a sharpness to the few people around me. “Austin,” I say. His name feels weird on my tongue—unfamiliar—yet I know him.
“Scarlett,” he says.
“Aussstin. Do you hear the s’s? They sound weird, right?”
“You’re just a bit loopy from the anesthesia. It will wear off in a bit.”
“Are you my hero?” I ask him. Someone put me here. Yet, he’s sitting beside me.
He chuckles and I watch his mouth curl into his dimples. “You’re pretty,” I tell him.
“You already said that,” he says with a silent snort.
“You have blue eyes. They’re blue like what the moon looks like when it’s lit up at night. You have moonlit eyes, Aussstin.”
He takes in a deep breath because I must be taking his breath away. That’s why. “Are you my—”
“Nurse, yes,” he replies instantly.
“No, no, no, silly. Are you myyyyyy—luvah?”
He’s laughing at me again. I don’t understand what is so funny. I’m just trying to understand what’s happening.
“No, Scarlett. I’m your nurse.”
I wave him off with my free arm, which makes me look at my arm that doesn’t feel free. “What the—what happened to my arm? Who did this to me?”
“You fell yesterday and broke your wrist. You needed surgery to repair the bone, but you’re on the mend now, so everything is going to be okay,” he tells me.
“How? Aussstin, how? How is everything going to be okay if my wrist doesn’t work? Do you know how many things people need their wrists for?” No, why is this happening?
“I know you’re confused at the moment, but everything will make more sense soon.”
I grab his hand. “Do you even love me?”
“Scarlett, I’m just your nurse. I think you’re a tiny bit confused.”
“No,” I argue. “I like you. I know that. You—you are pretty, and you’re not mean. Oh, and your hand feels nice, and your voice is like a nice sound that’s tickling the inside of my ear.”
“Your friend Brendan is here. Do you want me to go get him for you?”
“No, no, you can’t leave me. No one wants to be around me. Everyone leaves. Do you want to know why?” I feel the need to whisper because I don’t want anyone besides Austin to know the truth.
“Why is that?” he matches my volume.
“I say what I feel when I’m thinking it. My mind doesn’t give me time to weigh the consequences of what comes out of my mouth. Plus, I’m kind of bossy, but it’s just because I get nervous when I don’t have control. Are you like that?”
Austin is looking around the room, but I don’t know what he’s looking for. He clears his throat and repositions himself in his seat. “I am like that,” he says. “Control protects people from pain.”
“Why is that?” I retort.
“I don’t know. Why do you think?” he spins the question back toward me.
“I’m drugged, so I don’t know if I can come up with an answer for you. You’re not drugged though, so you should know.”
“Scarlett, I’m going to call the front desk to have Brendan come down here, okay?”
“Okay,” I tell him. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
He looks at me with sympathy, like he should be sad for me or something. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable.”
Clarity is percolating and I’m having an easier time remembering why I’m here, but not much of the last few minutes. “My mind feels like it’s a blender,” I tell Austin.
“That’s completely normal,” he assures me.
“Austin,” I say as he stands up to reach for the phone.
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“Just doing my job, darlin’”
“Austin?”
“Yes,” he laughs.
“Don’t tell anyone I said this, but when you call me darling, it makes my heart do a flip. I was just being mean to you yesterday because that’s what girls do when they like a boy, right?”
“I thought that was just something parents tell their kids to make them feel better, but if that’s true, it’d make me think twice next time a girl’s mean to me.” He laughs again, but I’m trying to have a serious conversation with him. Typical guy. He just thinks everything is funny.
“I see you’re coming out of your haze a bit now,” he says.
“What haze?” I ask.
He clears his throat, positioning his fist a couple inches in front of his mouth. He’s trying to hide a smile I can still see by his deep dimples. “Nothing, don’t worry about it.” I don’t understand what he means and now he’s picking up a phone that looks like it’s from the fifties. “Hi, it’s Austin. Can you send a patient’s guest by the name of Brendan … ” He covers the phone with his hand. “What’s Brendan’s last name?”
“Harkins,” I tell him.
“Brendan Harkins,” he repeats. “You can tell him to come on down to room fifteen.” Austin gives me a thumbs up. “Thank you, Miss Daisy.” He hangs up the phone and walks to the sink to wash his hands. After a quick minute, he returns to the seat next to me, grabbing a pair of gloves on the way.
“I’m not dirty,” I tell him.
“What if I am?” he asks. “We don't want none of them germs being passed around here now, do we?”
“You’re not dirty,” I tell him.
He raises a brow. “Darlin’, don’t go around talking about things you know nothing about.”
His words make me feel hot and I suddenly have the urge to tear the sheets off my body, but I thankfully remember that I’m pretty naked under this nearly see-through gown I have on.
“I’m dirty too,” I tell him.
“Dear God, make it stop,” he says, throwing his head back.
“That’s rude,” I tell him.
“You need to watch what you say, Miss Scarlett. You’re going to get yourself into trouble.”
“Maybe I like trouble.”
Austin leans in toward me. “You don’t know what you’re asking for, sweetheart.”
I grab his scrub shirt and pull him in a little closer. “Yes, I do.” When I realize what I’m doing, I release his shirt, watching him pull back with imposed wrinkles creased into the v-cut of his collar. “Sorry,” I say, now coherent enough to be slightly embarrassed.
“I need to go ahead and get your blood pressure reading. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He wraps the cuff around my arm and secures the Velcro. He then places the earbuds of his stethoscope in place and presses the cold, metal part of the thing under the black cuff. He twists his head to look at the dial as he squeezes the bulb quite fast, over and over. While he’s watching the numbers, I’m watching him, and I don’t know why. It feels like I’ve known him longer than I have.
“Scarlett!” Brendan walks in with his hands cupped over his mouth, a bit overdramatic for the situation. “How are you feeling?”
“Okay so far,” I tell him.
“The anesthesia is still in her system so when it wears off completely, we’ll give her some pain meds and send you two on your way.”
“I’m fine,” I tell him.
“Are you in any pain?” he asks.
“Not really. I feel a little sore.”
“I’m going to give you a few more minutes to relax here before we start the discharge papers.”
I lean back into the bed and try to get more comfortable. I’m not ready to be discharged. I just want to lie here and relax. Brendan comes around to my side, opposite of where Austin is and runs his fingers through my hair. “I’m so glad this is over and done with,” he says.
“Me too,” I tell him.
“The only real maintenance you’re gonna need to keep in mind is remembering to take your antibiotics and not getting the cast wet, and you’ll need to take it easy for a couple of days until the pain subsides. Like I said, we’re going to send you home with some pain meds, but you won’t be able to do much while you’re taking them. You’ll feel a bit sleepy and out of it, but it will help you manage the pain.”
Austin keeps talking and giving me instructions, but all I can think about is the growing burn running from my elbow down to my fingertips. It feels like my bone has been snapped in half and punctured my skin. “I’m in pain,” I say frantically.
“Did she just realize this?” Brendan asks. “What’s going on?”
“The anesthesia sort of turns on and off like a light switch in a lot of people, which means the pain will reappear out of nowhere.”
Austin stands up and walks across the room to a tray placed on the counter next to the sink where he picks up two small cups and brings them over to me. “I’m going to give you a couple doses of Percocet to relieve the pain while you transition home. It will only take a few minutes to start working. I’ll recheck on your pain level after they have had a chance to take effect.”
I take the first cup from his hand and toss the pills into my mouth, then switch the cups for the water to wash them down. “It really hurts,” I tell him.
“Scarlett, you’re worrying me,” Brendan says, pacing back and forth.
“Bud, she’s going to be okay. It’s just pain. It can be managed.”
“I know. I just hate seeing her in pain like this.”
“She’s okay,” Austin assures him, though I’m not so sure of that. I’m not okay. I’m in a lot of pain. Does anyone care how I feel about it?
“Why don’t you close your eyes for a few minutes and let the meds kick in? I’ll go start working on your discharge papers, and we’ll get you on your way. As soon as you’re in your clothes and out of this bed, you’ll start to feel better too.”
I don’t think I can believe him now. I don’t see how getting out of bed and getting dressed is going to take this pain away, but I do as he suggested and close my eyes.
“Are you going to be okay with taking care of her?” I hear Austin ask Brendan.
“Yea—yeah, I’ll be fine. I just gotta pull myself together,” Brendan says.
“Come over here,” Austin tells him.
I peek out of one eye to see what’s going on, and they’re chatting in the corner by the counter. Austin hands Brendan a piece of paper, and then they turn back to me, so I re-close my eye.
I don’t like the conspiring going on between the two of them and I really want to know what they were just talking about, I think to myself as I drift back off.