Mackenzie

I was dizzy trying to remember the names that went with the faces. I found myself clinging to Richard’s side. He was right about drinking on an empty stomach. I decided to hit the buffet table.

I was glad I had not chosen one of those clingy dresses that would show if I swallowed an olive.

“Did Richard like the dress?” I recognized Haley’s voice. I turned, smiling, and Haley gasped when she saw the stunning necklace around my neck.

“Did he know you bought a blue dress?”

“No, I guess we are more in tune with each other than I thought,” I blushed. “He said he bought them to match my eyes.”

“They’re beautiful, like you,” Haley gave me a hug. “I’m excited for the launch. The minute it’s announced the online site goes up and we’re in business. We’ll know before we even open The Boutique tomorrow if Richard’s Mackenzie is a hit.

From the buzz we created, I’m predicting a hit. Like the real thing.”

“Have I thanked you for everything?” I hugged Haley back.

Haley rubbed her belly. “You can thank me when I call needing a babysitter,” she laughed.

“I’m going to hit the ladies room,” Haley told me, “my bladder is not what it used to be.”

I finished my plate and checked my watch. Haley had the right idea, I would head to the ladies room, take care of business and freshen my makeup.

I wasn't used to wearing any and I remembered my encounter with Richard earlier. I should have checked sooner.

This party was making me very well aware of just what kind of money and influence the Van de Graaf’s had. There was a lounge with large armchairs, the vanity had seats in front of them and there was an attendant handing out fresh washcloths when you exited the stalls.

The month I spend with Richard, he never flashed his opulent wealth. The dress and the jewelry were really the only things he insisted upon. This party was extravagant beyond anything I ever imagined. It was for the launch, technically; the company would be picking up the tab, not Richard personally. It made sense they would go all out.

As I sat in front of the mirror, staring at the stranger looking back at me, I took a deep breath. Richard was expecting me to stand beside him when he made the big announcement.

His muse, his inspiration. I didn't want to look like a deer caught in headlights.

A unfamiliar nasally voice commented from behind. “That sapphire matches your eyes perfectly. You must have a very good man on your hands.”

I turned to face a glamorous blonde amazon. I knew I was tall, but this woman towered over me. I looked down at her feet.

“Amanda,” I whispered, then smiled. “I looked at those in The Boutique,” I stood up. “I was afraid I was already too tall to wear them.”

“You’re never too tall to be a diva, dear,” the woman told me in a deadly serious tone. “Besides, what else would I wear? After all, they were named after me.” The woman touched up her flaming red lipstick, tousled her hair and left me standing, stunned.

She couldn't possibly mean the shoes were actually named after her. She must have meant her name was Amanda, that made sense. I took a few seconds to compose myself.

I remembered asking once who named the shoes. The designer, that what I was told. Anyone could have named that shoe. Van de Graaf had dozens of designers, not to mention the ones that were no longer there.

Feeling better about the situation, I headed for the door. I took one last look in the mirror.

Sindy came barreling in. “Oh my god, was that restraining order Amanda I just passed on the way in?”

“Restraining order Amanda?” I was confused.

“Shit,” Sindy face dropped. “Richard never told you about Amanda, the one who went bat shirt crazy on him? It was a long time ago, Mackenzie, she shouldn't even be here. Richard is going to lose it when he sees her.”

“Sindy, it’s okay. Yes, Richard told me about a crazy ex girlfriend, you can breathe now.” I felt bad for Sindy. Richard had said that Sindy was an excellent receptionist, but she was even better at office gossip.

That was probably the reason Haley insisted she take extra long lunches on her lunch visits with her husband.

I looked at the bubbly receptionist. “Sindy, with an S, right?”

“Yes. You remembered; most people don’t bother.”

“I’m wearing Cindy, with a C.” I looked down at my feet.

The bubbly receptionist fit the bill of sexy librarian with her tight skirt and black rimmed glasses, her hair tied up in a neat bun.

“Sindy, with an S,” I repeated.

I watched as Sindy’s face turned beet red. “It’s not what you think.”

“What do I think, Sindy?” I was careful to keep my voice calm. Scaring her off was not going to get me the answers for the questions swirling around in my heart. Questions I might not want the answers to.

Questions that should wait until Richard and I were alone.

Let it go, the voice in my head told me.

It was the voice in my heart that would not.

“Sindy, you better sit down before you pass out.” I was careful handling her.

“I knew Richard was not a saint,” I paused, “and I know about his writer’s block.”

“Shit,” Sindy moaned, “I’m going to be fired.”

“Sindy, calm down, you didn't do anything wrong. I was bound to put two and two together eventually. Now fix your makeup and do me a favor.”

“Anything, but… Mackenzie, Richard has not so much as looked at another woman since you came along.”

“I know, Sindy, but it is very important that you tell Richard that I have a headache and decided to go home, but not until you actually see me leave. Do you understand?” I gently laid my hand on Sindy’s arm.

“Yes, I understand.” Sindy stood up. “I’m sorry I ruined your night.” She couldn't look me in the eye.

“You didn't ruin anything, Sindy, you simply answered a question honestly. Thank you.”

I turned back to the mirror and listened for the bathroom door to close. I checked to see if the attendant had been eavesdropping. I let out a sigh of relief; she had not.

I stepped out of the ladies room and scanned the room. Richard was on the left. I gave a slight nod to Sindy and proceeded to make my way across the room to the exit.

An arm reached out and stopped me.

“I would recognize that body anywhere. Hello, Lacy. Are you tonight’s entertainment?”

That voice, that laugh, the one that made the hairs on my arms stand on end. The one that had me frozen to the floor when all I wanted to do was scream and run.

How could Richard had invited him, after what I had told him?

This was worse than the betrayal I just learned about in the ladies room.

Richard was going to announce to the entire world that I was his latest whore.

What then, was he going to hand me off to Charles? Was that his end game? Use me until he got past his writer’s block, announce to the world what I really meant to him and take out a restraining order on me to keep me away?

I had to regain my composure and get away from this place before I did something stupid. More stupid than opening up to a man I knew was a manwhore. A man who hated his life and would take anyone along for the ride, hoping to make himself feel better.

I remembered the face I saw in the mirror. A face tarted up. A dress fitting a whore. I should have worn the Amandas. That was all I needed to complete the outfit.

I wouldn’t behave like the tall sophisticated woman that personified her shoes.

I would leave the temper tantrum, throwing and smashing for later.

I spun on my heels with the brightest of smiles. “Hello, Charles.”

Before I could get another word in, Richard was at my side. “Charles, I don’t remember sending you an invitation.” His voice was cold, rough.

“The invitation your mother sent said 'and family.’ I am my father's son. I’m here with my family. Have you met my date, Amanda?”

I wanted to wipe that grin off his face.

At least I knew Richard was not as big a bastard as I thought. He had seemed as surprised about Charles's appearance as I was.

But that did not excuse him from what he had already done.

“Amanda, you remember Richard, and his…date?” Charles left the question hanging.

“My girlfriend Mackenzie and I believe you have both overstayed your welcome. You can leave on your own, or I can have security escort you out.”

I had never heard Richard’s voice be this calm but with a very distinct threatening undertone.

Amanda stepped up to Richard and kissed him on the cheek. “Happy birthday, Richard, baby.” She turned and she and Charles walked towards the exit.

It didn't matter — the damage was done. She had used that word, his word for me, in the same sickly sweet tone I had come to love.

Now I didn't care if I never heard it again.

I began to walk away. Richard held my arm, “Mac, baby, don't leave.”

“I am not your baby.” I kept my voice low. I faced him and stood so close our lips barely brushed each other. Anyone watching would think we were having an intimate moment.

“Amanda, like the shoes she was wearing.” I saw Richard’s jaw tighten. “That’s right, Richard, baby. I know about your Sindy with an S as well.” Richard face turned white. “How many, Richard, baby?” There was a long pause.

“That’s right, too many. I’m sure most women would be grateful to fall amongst the privileged who gets a shoe named after them for fucking your brains out.

Funny thing, I’m not,” I deadpan.

“Mackenzie, it’s not like that,” his voice cracked with panic.

“It is to me. I know there was a lot of money and effort put into this launch, into this shoe. I won't ask you not to go through with it.” I stared him down, “Just don't expect me to stand here and watch while you announce to the whole world I’m your latest whore.

Now please let go my arm.”

Richard released my arm. I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “Happy birthday, Richard, baby.” I turned and walked away.

I was walking away from the man I fell in love with. My mind told me I needed to do this to keep my dignity.

My body and heart were already missing him, wondering if I was doing the right thing. I had to believe my mind would win out over a basic physical need he had taught me to crave.

I would learn to live without the physical pull he had on my body.

I would have to find a way.