CHAPTER 9
Max
Ten Years Later
I hadn’t spoken to Harper since Brody’s funeral, but that didn’t mean I’d forgotten about her. There wasn’t a day that went by when she hadn’t crossed my mind, and over the years, I’d kept an eye on her. I knew she’d graduated from college at the top of her class and landed a job at one of the big publishing houses in Seattle. She was living downtown in an upscale apartment and seemed to be doing well for herself. There were times I’d considered reaching out to her, but I never did. I let myself believe that too much time had gone by, that she’d moved on and was better off without me in her life, especially with my new line of work. I simply wasn’t the same man she used to know, and it didn’t seem fair to interrupt her new life, or so I thought. Seeing her now, being so close to her and remembering how good she felt in my arms, I started to wonder if I’d made the right decision.
The last time I’d seen those gorgeous blue eyes, they were riddled with pain—pain that I’d only made worse by leaving her. As she stood there staring at me, they were filled with something else entirely. I was still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that she was really there, when she said, “It’s been a long time.”
“It has.”
“I almost didn’t recognize you with hair. The last time I saw you …” her voice trailed off, and when her eyes dropped to the ground, I knew she was thinking about the day at the cemetery. “Anyway, looks like you’re doing well.”
“I’m doing alright, and you?”
“Really good, actually.”
“That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.”
“It’s really good to see you, Max.”
“It’s good to see you, too.”
Our conversation was forced at best, and then an awkward silence fell over us. I didn’t want it to be like that between us, but I didn’t know how to fix it. She waited another moment, and when I didn’t say anything, she said, “Well, I won’t keep you.” As she started for the door, she looked over her shoulder and said, “Take care, Max.”
I’d finally gotten the chance to try to make things right with her, and I was fucking it up. Knowing I couldn’t just let her walk away, I jumped up to rush after her. “Harper, wait!”
But the door had already closed behind her.
I quickly rushed outside and called out to her again; she was already at her car, which was parked on the street, but stopped and turned to look at me. “It’s late, Max. I really need to go.”
“Are you going to be in town long? I’d really like to have a chance to talk to you.”
“Yeah, I’ll be around.”
“What about tomorrow? Could we meet for coffee or grab some lunch?” I asked, sounding more desperate than I intended.
She glanced to her left, then replied, “There’s a coffee shop around the corner. I could meet you there around eleven.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Okay.” I had to fight the urge to reach for her. I wanted to hold her in my arms and feel her next to me, just so I’d know for certain she wasn’t a figment of my imagination. As Harper opened her door, she looked at me and smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Max.”
I stood there, unable to move, as I watched her get into the car and drive out onto the main road. It took a lot to unnerve me. I’d seen things, done things , that would make a grown man shake in his boots, but seeing Harper right now really got to me. I was rattled to my core. So much had changed over the past ten years. We’d grown older, wiser, and carried on with our separate lives; yet, the love I felt for her all those years ago was still there. From the beginning, I’d always known Harper was the only woman for me, no other could compare, but I had to face the hard truth that it was unlikely that she felt the same about me, especially after the way I’d left things. She was a beautiful woman, and I had no doubt that there were plenty of men knocking at her door. For all I knew, the right guy had come along, and I was just a distant memory.
I was still standing at the curb, staring out at the road, when Tristen came up beside me. She placed her hand on my shoulder and asked, “Are you okay?”
“Oh.” I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? You looked pretty shaken up back there.”
Without answering, I turned to her and asked, “You done for the night?”
“Yep,” she replied as I walked over to the car and opened the passenger side door. Once she was settled inside, she asked, “Are you going to tell me what that was all about?”
“No.”
After I closed her door, I walked over to my side and got in. As soon as I started the car to head towards the condo, she gave me one of her looks. Tristen wasn’t the type to let things go, so I wasn’t surprised when she asked, “Will you at least tell me who she was?”
“A friend from a long time ago.”
Tristen simply stared at me, clearly not buying it, and shrugged. “Well, your friend is a knockout. Like … holy cow.”
“She is.”
“Were you two close?”
“You could say that.”
Her eyes widened as she gasped, “Oh my God. Is she the one?”
“The one?”
“You know … a while back when I asked you if you were seeing anyone, you said you’d already found the right one. Was she who you were talking about?”
She would’ve just kept at it until I told her, so there was no point in trying to avoid the question. “Yes.”
“Oh.” She leaned back in her seat and stared silently out the window. After several minutes, she sighed. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you … but I gotta tell ya, I’ve never seen you like that with anyone before. If you did something … I mean, if it was you who screwed up, then you have to find a way to make it right.”
“I’m gonna try, but something tells me it isn’t going to be easy.”
A spark flashed in her eye as she smiled. “There’s this guy I know who’s always saying that nothing worth having is easy.”
“Um hmm.”
After we got to the condo, I followed her upstairs where I knew Nitro was waiting for her. Just before she opened the door, she turned to me and said, “You know, if you need any advice or anything …”
“I’m good, Tristen.”
“I know you are. You’re a great guy, Max. She’d have to be a fool not to see that.” She opened the door and started inside. “Night, Max. And good luck.”
After she closed the door, I got in the elevator and went downstairs to my place. I didn’t even bother turning on the lights as I headed to my bedroom and crashed on the bed. I was mentally and physically exhausted, but sleep wouldn’t come easily, not with Harper on my mind. For so long, there was a void in my life, a vacuum that consumed everything and left me feeling nothing. I was empty, unable to truly live, not like I had before. Now, I was just a shell of a man, living in the shadows of others, and holding on to memories of how things used to be. But seeing her stirred something inside of me. She gave me hope, like a bright star in an endless dark sky, and I found myself wanting to reach out to her. I needed that light. I wanted to climb my way out from beyond the darkness and find the peace that I’d been missing for all these years. As I closed my eyes, I knew I couldn’t go on without it—without her. I had to find a way to make Harper forgive me, to give me a second chance, or I’d never find peace again.
The following morning, I got to the coffee shop half an hour early, and I was already on my second cup when eleven o’clock rolled around. Every time that damn door opened, hope would surge through me, but I’d just find myself feeling disappointed when it wasn’t Harper walking in. Finally, after another ten minutes passed, she finally showed. My heart stopped cold when I saw her standing there. Her hair was pulled back, and she was wearing dark jeans with boots and a long, white sweater, which showed off her incredible figure. Her blue eyes lit up when she spotted me in the back corner, and a small smile crossed her face as she started towards me. Every muscle in my body tensed with nerves as she sat down in front of me. “I’m sorry I’m late. I got held up with work.”
“Not a problem. Would you like me to get you a cup of coffee?” I offered.
“Sure. Whatever, is fine.”
Remembering how she loved hot chocolate, I ordered her a mocha latte and brought it back over to the table. Once I was settled, I asked, “You mentioned you got held up with work? What are you doing these days?”
“It’s kind of a long story, but the short of it is … I’m in the middle of writing my fourth book.”
“So, you’re an author? That’s awesome, Harper.”
“It would be more awesome if I could actually finish the crazy thing.” She snickered. “It’s much easier sitting on the other side of the fence and just editing. But I have to say, I really love it.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I always knew you had it in you.”
“What about you? What are you doing these days?”
There was no good way to say that I was working for the biggest gun trafficker in the state, so I simply replied, “I’m working security for a company in town.”
“Security? So, you found a way to use what you learned in the military?”
“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
After taking a sip of her coffee, she said, “Well, it looks like you’ve done pretty well for yourself.”
“In some ways.” I looked at her straight in the eye, letting her know I was referring to her, when I said, “In others, I’ve made a mess of things.” She didn’t respond. Her eyes dropped to her coffee as her teeth raked across her bottom lip. I knew then the small talk was over, and it was time for me set things straight with her. “I made a mess of things with you .”
“It doesn’t matter, now. It was a long time ago, Max.”
“I still want to say I’m sorry.”
Her head cocked to the side as she exhaled. Then, everything that had been bottled up inside of her came rushing out. “What exactly are you sorry for, Max? For what you think happened with Brody? For whatever crazy, screwed up way you’ve managed to make yourself believe that you had something to do with his death? Or are you sorry for leaving me … for abandoning me when I’d just lost my brother ?” She took an aggravated breath as she leaned forward in her chair. “Are you sorry for cutting me off completely … not answering my calls or letters? For breaking my heart in ways you’ll never be able to understand? What? What exactly are you sorry for, Max ?”
“I’m sorry for all of it, Harper.” I ran my fingers through my hair and down the back of my neck, as I let out a deep breath, trying to ground myself before I continued. “I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was wrong.”
“Oh, really? And what’s changed? What suddenly made you think you didn’t do the right thing?”
I looked at her, and my heart twisted into a knot. Behind the anger, I could see the hurt in her eyes, the hurt that I’d put there. “I thought when I looked at you, I’d see Brody standing there between us. I thought that his death would always be there pulling us apart, haunting us, but when I saw you last night, I didn’t see Brody at all. I just saw you .”
As soon as the words left my mouth, she stood up and said, “I can’t do this. I just can’t.”
When she rushed for the door, I got up and followed behind her. “Harper, wait!” Just as she stepped outside, I reached for her arm, stopping her. When she turned to face me, and I saw tears streaming down her cheeks, I wanted to do whatever I could to make them go away. “Please. Just give me a chance.”
“I can’t, Max. I just can’t do this. Not now. I spent months, years, trying to move on without you, and the only way I could survive was to let you die right along with Brody. I know it doesn’t make sense. I know you’re standing here. I know you’re alive, but in my heart, I buried you, along with all the memories of us. The man who I loved with all my heart and soul is gone, and I just can’t.” She rushed to her car and got in, slamming the door behind her.
I should’ve just let her go, but I just couldn’t. Not this time.