CHAPTER 13
Max
A fter several nights with no sleep, and days of dealing with Frankie’s endless bullshit, I was running on empty. My brain was fried and every muscle in my body ached from exhaustion. I was in a seriously bad mood, and the fact that I hadn’t been able to make it back over to see Harper only worsened my terrible frame of mind. I just wanted to pick up Tristen and end my day from hell once and for all. I was too impatient to wait in the car, so after I’d parked, I headed inside to see if she was ready to go. Before I had a chance to make it over to the bar, I noticed her heading in my direction. At first, I didn’t think anything of it, assuming that she was like me and eager to get home, but then I noticed the troubled expression on her face. A sick feeling washed over me when she said, “I think I messed up.”
“What are you talking about?”
Her eyes were wide with worry as she started to explain. “Harper came in for dinner tonight, and …”
“Wait.” My back stiffened and my pulse raced at the sound of Harper’s name, and while I tried to contain myself, I stepped towards Tristen and asked, “This is about Harper?”
“Well … yes.” She twirled her wedding ring nervously around her finger as she continued, “I really didn’t mean any harm … She was … um … sitting alone at one of the tables, so I went over and started talking to her.”
“Tristen.” She was taking too long to get to the point, so I growled, “Just tell me what happened.”
“Hold on. I’m getting there. I noticed her looking for you over at the bar, so I told her you would be coming later. Then, she got this weird look on her face and said she wasn’t looking for you at all. She said she was waiting on Daniel … her boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend ?”
“Wait. I’m not finished.” She huffed. “I may be wrong, but I think she got the wrong impression about us. Maybe that’s the reason she said she had a boyfriend.”
“Us?”
“I know, it’s crazy. I was just saying what a great guy you were.” Her nose crinkled as she anxiously bit her bottom lip. “But … I think she got the idea that we were together or something, because the next thing I knew, she was saying how glad she was that you had someone like me in your life.”
“She could’ve meant anything by that.”
“Come on , Max.” Her eyebrows furrowed as she told me, “It’s not what she said … but how she said it. And what if she saw my wedding ring and thought we were married?”
“Damn.”
“I tried to stop her, but she ran out before I could explain.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I raked my fingers through my hair as I let out a deep breath. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow and set things straight.”
“Max, she tried to hide it, but I could tell she was really upset. I don’t think you should wait until tomorrow. You should go see her tonight.” She glanced over her shoulder as she said, “I can get Tony to run me home.”
Remembering what happened the last time Tony took her home and she was almost kidnapped, I shook my head. “No. I’ll drop you off. It’s on the way.”
“But …”
“Tristen, go get your stuff and let’s get out of here.”
I dropped Tristen off at the condo, and before she went inside, she apologized once again for what happened with Harper. I tried to assure her that it wasn’t her fault, because, honestly, it wasn’t. Harper and I hadn’t really talked about that aspect of our lives, mainly because I simply didn’t care. I knew I’d fucked up when I left. I’d broken her heart, and I had to suffer the consequences of my actions—whatever they may be. No matter what was going on in Harper’s life, I knew one thing for certain: I wanted her back in my life, regardless of who she was seeing or not seeing, and I’d do whatever it took to make that happen.
When I pulled up at her place, her car was parked in the driveway, and all the lights were on inside her cabin. Once I’d parked, I got out and went up to her door, knocking as I called out her name. I continued to do so, but there was no answer. I knew she was upset and there was a chance she was just ignoring me, but it was late. The longer I stood there banging, the more worried I became. I just needed to know that she was okay, so I decided to go look for her. As I headed down the steps, I noticed there was a flicker of light down by the beach. When I leaned forward to get a better look, I spotted Harper standing at the edge of the water.
It was freezing cold and dark, but thankfully the moon was shining bright, guiding my way as I headed towards her. The sand and rocks crunched beneath my feet, causing me to stumble from time to time. I had no doubt that she heard me coming in her direction, but she didn’t turn to look. Instead, she just picked up another rock and tossed it into the ocean, listening as it plunged into the water. As I got closer, I called out to her, “Harper.”
She glanced over at me momentarily, then rolled her eyes as she turned back to face the water. “What are you doing here, Max?”
I chose to ignore her agitated tone, and continued walking towards her. “Were you looking for me? I heard you were at the restaurant tonight.”
“Yes. I was there, but I wasn’t there looking for you. I was doing that thing that people do when they go to a restaurant … I was there to eat dinner.” She lied.
“I see.”
“I’m guessing Tristen told you I was there.”
“She did.”
There was a long pause, and even though she spoke softly, I could still hear the jealousy in her voice as she said, “She’s really beautiful.”
“She is.”
Without looking at me, she picked up another rock and chucked it into the water, this time with a little more gusto than before. “She seems really nice, too.”
“Yeah. She’s that, too.” I could’ve ended it right there and told her the truth about Tristen, but I had a point to make. “She mentioned that you were seeing someone. Daniel , I think she said. Is he nice as well?”
That comment finally got her to actually look in my direction, and I could see the apprehension in her eyes as she replied, “Yes. He’s a really good guy.”
“Have you been seeing him long?”
“Off and on for a while.”
“Are you two serious?”
My insides churned as I waited for her response. She reached for another rock and shuffled it in her hand. “He wants us to be.”
“And you don’t?” Her eyes skirted back over to the water as she shrugged her shoulders and sighed. When she didn’t give me a direct answer, I asked her the only question that really mattered. “Do you love him?”
As she turned back to face me, tears filled her eyes. “I wanted to. I tried … I really did, but I’ve never loved him … not like he deserves.”
“Why not?” I pushed.
Her eyes locked on mine, and I knew her answer before she even said the words. “Because he’s not you .”
I’d been broken for so long, I’d forgotten what it felt like to have hope, but with those four little words, I find myself filled hope—the kind of hope that healed old wounds and mended broken hearts. I thought I’d lost her, and just the thought that she could be mine once again had my pulse racing out of control. I moved in front of her, standing close enough to feel the warmth of her body next to mine. “Did you know that geese mate for life?”
“What?”
“It’s true. Geese are very loyal animals. Once they’ve chosen their mate, they never waiver … never stray. And when a goose’s mate dies, they’ll spend the rest of their lives as widows or widowers, refusing to mate again.” I bent down and picked up a rock, casually tossing it into the water. “There are other animals, too. Beavers, alpha wolves, and swans. Just one mate for their entire lives.”
She turned to face me. “Why are you telling me this, Max?”
“Because, I’m a goose.” I reached for her hand, holding it in mine, and added, “I don’t know how else to explain it.”
“You’re a goose? But, what about Tristen? I thought …”
I couldn’t help but smile as I answered, “She’s married to my boss, and they are very happy together.”
“But the way she talked …”
“We’re friends, Harper. Good friends. And it’s part of my job to pick her up after work and take her home.”
“So, you aren’t married?”
“No. I’m not married. Not even close.” I placed my hands on her waist and eased her towards me. “I knew a long time ago that you were the only one for me, and that has never changed … I’m your goose , Harper.”
I stood there staring down at the woman I’d loved for half my life, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms and kiss her. Unfortunately, Harper had something on her mind, so that kiss would have to wait. She took a step back, gaining some distance between us before she asked, “So, tell me goose. If you knew I was the one, why did you leave?”
The wind started to pick up, causing her to tug at her coat while she waited for my response. I needed her to understand why I’d made the choices I did, and I couldn’t do that with her standing there shivering in the cold. “Let’s get you inside where it’s warm, and then, I’ll do my best to explain everything.”
Harper followed me back to the cabin, and while I started a fire, she made us both a cup of hot tea. Once she was settled on the sofa with tea and a warm blanket, I came over and sat down next to her. I took a deep breath as I tried to collect my thoughts, and just as I was about to start, Harper placed her hand on my shoulder. “You don’t have to …”
“Yes, I do.” I shifted in my seat and turned to face her. “It might be hard to believe, especially with my father, but I’d always known that I wanted to be a Marine. Maybe it was in my blood, or maybe I needed to prove something to my father. I don’t know. I just knew that I was going to be a Marine, but I never dreamed Brody would have ever even considered it.”
“I had no idea he was even thinking about it.”
“Me, either. You know I loved your brother. He was my best friend, and there was nothing I wouldn’t do for him. But when he told me that he was joining, I thought he’d lost his damned mind. I tried to talk him out of it, but he was adamant about it. Hell, he knew more about the ins and outs of the Marines than I did. There were people who thought Brody was just some rich kid who’d had everything handed to him on a silver platter, but they had him all wrong. He wanted to prove to them and to your father that he could handle himself, that he didn’t have to lean on him any longer, but I think he needed to prove it to himself.”
“Was the training as bad as everyone says?”
“No! It was worse. That first week almost killed us both, but Brody never complained. He was determined. There’s no other way to explain it. No matter what they threw at us, no matter how hard it got, he just kept at it. He never quit. I’d always known he had heart, but I’d never seen him like that. By the time we left boot camp and SOI, he proved that nothing could stop him.”
She smiled and said, “He was always stubborn. I think he got it from Mom.”
“I think you both did.” I raised my eyebrow as I looked at her and smiled. “But it was a good thing. It’s what kept him going, and having him there with me, helped in ways he’d never know. Even though I’d left home on a good note as far as my dad was concerned, there were still those times when I heard my old man’s voice in my head telling me that I couldn’t do it, then Brody would do or say something that would help me push forward. He was really something. He’d proven that he could hold his own, that he didn’t need anyone, and I was proud to stand by his side.”
“I never knew that about him.” Her focus drifted to the floor as she sighed. “I don’t think any of us did.”
“It was no different when we got to Iraq. It was like we’d been dropped off in the middle of a nightmare, only it was no fucking dream. It was all very real: the gunfire, the explosions, the screams, the fear, the death. It was all very, very real.”
I ran my hand roughly over my face and down my neck as I tried to swallow the emotions that were building in my throat. I hadn’t ever talked about that day with Brody, not with anyone, but the time had come. She deserved to know what happened, so I started, “That day was just like any other day …”
I told her everything from beginning to end. Reliving it was harder than I imagined. My palms were sweating, my chest ached, and I could feel my eyes burning as I told her about my last minutes with her brother. The entire time I spoke, she just sat there listening with tears streaming down her face. It was a lot to take in, but I still hadn’t told her why I’d left.
“When I came to the funeral and watched them bury Brody, I knew everything had changed. You. Me. Everyone we loved. We’d all changed. There was no way around it. You weren’t the girl who would always have your brother at your side, and I was no longer the Max who you’d fallen in love with. Those people had died right along with him. Every time I would’ve looked at you, I’d see Brody’s face, and every time you looked at me, you would’ve seen Brody’s face. He would’ve always been between us. And your parents? All I’d see was their grief and I couldn’t bear it. So, I did the only thing I thought I could do. I left. It nearly killed me to do it. I grieved … not just for Brody, but for the girl who I loved with all my heart and the parents who I’d always felt were mine. Day in and day out I had to live with knowing that I hurt you, but I did it because I thought it was the only choice I had. You have to know Harper, I paid a terrible price for that choice.”