CHAPTER 5
Max
“W hen, exactly, were you planning to tell me?” Brody barked. I knew the conversation was bound to come up sooner or later. Over our summer break, I’d spent most of my free time with Harper, and it was getting harder to hide the fact that there was something going on between us. It was only a matter of time before he asked me about it, but I was hoping he’d bring it up later—much later, like after we’d already deployed for training. Unfortunately, our talk was going to come sooner than later.
I stood there staring at my best friend, seeing the hurt and anger in his eyes, and I had no idea what to say to him. I’d known Harper since she was sporting training wheels on her bike, and for as long as I could remember, she’d been like a sister to me. But, without me even realizing it was happening, she’d become something more. It was crazy. Since Christmas, we’d only kissed a handful of times, but somehow, I knew she was it for me. I had no idea how to explain that to him. Hell, I didn’t even understand it myself. Not knowing what else to say, I asked, “How did you find out?”
“I had to hear it from Mom. How fucked up is that?”
“Your mom?”
“Yeah. Apparently, she knows more about my best friend than I do,” he answered with sarcasm. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
“I’m sorry, man.”
“How’s he doing?” he asked with concern.
Confused, I asked, “What? Who?”
“Your dad , dumbass.”
Damn. That question completely threw me off. I had it all wrong. His anger had nothing to do with Harper after all. I shrugged my shoulders with indifference. “Considering everything, I guess he’s doing okay.”
The whole thing was fucked up. My mother had come home from work and found my father face down on the floor. Thinking he’d gone on a drinking binge, she helped him up and over to the sofa where he stayed for the next few hours. When she couldn’t get him to come around, she called an ambulance. It wasn’t until later that night that they informed her that he’d had a heart attack. He was in bad shape, and to make matters worse, he and I had gotten into an argument the night before. To say the least, he hadn’t been supportive of my decision to join the Marines. While he ranted on how I wasn’t man enough to handle what the Marines would dish out, or be able to cope with the pressure, Mom tried to convince me he didn’t mean it. She tried making me believe that he was just worried and that he didn’t want anything to happen to me. I didn’t believe her, and during our latest argument, I let him know I didn’t give a flying fuck what a worthless drunk thought of me. I was done trying to please him. As soon as I left the house I’d felt guilty about what I’d said, and hearing that he’d had a heart attack shortly afterwards only made me feel worse.
“What are the doctors saying?”
“He should be released in a few days, but he has to stay off the sauce and cigarettes if he wants to make a full recovery.”
“You think he’ll do it?”
“Hell, no.”
“I’m sorry, man. I know that must be tough. Is your mom doing okay with it?”
“Hell, if I know. She’s always trying to make things seem better than they really are. Sometimes, I think she actually believes the bullshit she’s saying.”
“You going to be alright with leaving tomorrow?”
“Don’t figure I’ve got much choice. Besides, there’s not much I can do around here. Doesn’t matter what Mom or I do. This is something my father has to do on his own.”
“You’re right about that.” He reached for his keys and smiled. “I gotta run. I’ll be by to pick you up around 5:30 tomorrow morning.”
“Where you headed?”
“Going over to Lisa’s. Gotta spend the night telling my girl goodbye.” He snickered.
After things came to an end with Penny, he’d started seeing Lisa Carlton, and after just a few weeks, he was head over heels about her. “I’ll be ready, and you two have fun.”
Once he was gone, I climbed in my truck and headed over to the hospital. It was getting late. Since Mom was staying with my dad, I knew I needed to go say my goodbyes before visiting hours were over. As soon as I walked into the room, Mom rushed over to me and gave me a tight hug. “I was wondering if you were going to come by.”
“You know I couldn’t leave without telling you goodbye.”
“Do you have everything you need?” she asked with concern.
“Yeah. I’m all set.”
“Good. Be sure to call me when you can.” She gave me one last squeeze, then turned and looked at my father. As she started for the door, she said, “Take care of yourself.”
“Where are you going?”
Without answering, she walked out of the room. I considered leaving because the last thing I wanted to do was argue with my father, but something compelled me to stay. As he turned to look at me, I noticed a tear trickle down from the corner of his eye. His words were strained as he said, “Come here, son.”
I walked over to the edge of the bed and asked, “How ya feeling?”
With his hand trembling uncontrollably he reached for me, taking my hand in his. “I’m sorry.”
There were so many things he could be sorry for: not being a real father, choosing alcohol over his family, making us all crazy, or maybe, hurting us to the very core. I had no idea what he was referring to, but I’d never once heard my father say he was sorry to anyone—never. His words made my throat tighten, and I had to force my reply. “It’s okay, Dad.”
“No, it’s not.” He squeezed my hand as he stammered, “You’re … a good boy. I should’ve … done more. I should’ve been there for you.” Tears stung my eyes as I listened to him say, “I’m proud of you.”
I’d waited my whole life to hear those words from my father, and when he pulled me towards him and hugged me, I lost it. I returned his embrace, and while it didn’t erase all the hurt he’d caused, he’d finally given me what I needed most—his acceptance. “Thanks, Dad.”
After several seconds, I stood up and looked down at him. The emotion in his eyes made my chest ache as he said, “They are going to push you … try to break you. Don’t let them … Show them you can’t be broken .”
“I will.”
“And keep your head low … Don’t try to be a hero.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And call your mother … Write to her when you can. She loves you … This is going to be hard for her.”
I was completely baffled. He was the father I’d been longing for; the man I’d needed in my life. Where had he been for the past ten years? I nodded as I said, “I’ll write her every week.”
And then he said the words that pulled the rug from beneath my feet. “I love you, Max.”
I gave his hand a tight squeeze, and then turned and walked out of the room. To say I was choked up was an understatement. Hell, I was a complete mess when I walked out to my truck. I needed to clear my head, so I started the engine and went for a drive. I could hardly see the road as I drove out to the Point. I never even got out of the truck. I just sat there going over everything in my head. I would be leaving for San Diego in the morning for twelve weeks of boot camp, and from there I had no idea where I’d end up. It would be one of the hardest times of my life, and as crazy as it seemed, I felt better knowing that my dad was on my side. I’d spent most of my childhood hating who he’d turned into, but for just a moment, he’d shown me the man he used to be, the man I used to call my dad.
I don’t know how long I’d been sitting there, when my phone chimed with a text message. Without looking, I knew it was Harper. I’d promised to come by and see her before I left, and I was hours late. I started the truck and headed straight for her house. It was after ten when I pulled up in their driveway and knew it was too late to knock on the front door, so I went around back and tapped on her window. Seconds later, her blinds flew open and a staggered look crossed her face as she opened the window. I knew she wasn’t expecting me when I found her wearing a pair of baggy sweats with a cropped t-shirt, and her hair pulled up on top of her head in a messy bun. “What are you doing here?”
“I needed to see you.”
As I started to crawl inside, she scolded, “Have you lost your mind? My dad will kill you if he finds you in here.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
She propped her hand on her hip and cocked her eyebrow. “Well, you could’ve done that a couple of hours ago like we’d planned.”
“I’m sorry about that. I got held up at the hospital.”
Her tone softened when she asked, “Is he doing any better?”
“I think he’s doing better.” I placed my hands on her hips and pulled her towards me. “But I didn’t come here to talk about my father.”
I placed my hand under her chin, gently lifting her mouth towards mine, as I settled my lips against hers. Like every kiss we’d shared, it was pure perfection. With just one simple kiss, I knew I’d never want another woman like I wanted her. I felt whole with her, like the missing pieces had finally been found, and I wanted more, much more. The tips of her fingers brushed across the back of my neck as I deepened the kiss. Her soft, warm lips were like a magnet, pulling me in with a force so strong, I knew I’d never be able to let her go. I finally made myself pull away and took a step back, looking into her beautiful blue eyes. “There’s going to be a lot of things I’ll miss while I’m gone, but … I’m going to miss you most of all.”
As much as I didn’t want to leave her that night, I didn’t have a choice. Not only would her folks kill us both if they found me in her room, but I still had to finish packing. I gave her another quick kiss before I climbed out the window and hurried home. I hadn’t been asleep long when my alarm started blaring. It was still dark outside when Brody and his folks pulled up to my house and honked the horn. With a small duffle bag thrown over my shoulder, I rushed outside to meet them. After I tossed my bag in the trunk, I opened the truck door and climbed inside next to Harper. After a few tired grunts and groans for hellos, Brody’s dad headed for the airport.
I glanced over to Harper, and even though she was trying to put on a brave face, I could tell that she was fighting back the tears. I discreetly slipped my hand over hers, giving it a light squeeze. She turned to me and gave me a weak smile, then rested her head on my shoulder. The remainder of the morning was a complete blur. We were just going through the motions, and I had no idea what anyone was saying or doing as I headed towards the gate. Just before I started down the tunnel I looked back at Harper, but when I saw the tears streaming down her face, my chest tightened into a knot. It was like someone had reached into my chest, wrapped their fingers around my beating heart, and squeezed with all their might while I just stood there trying to take a breath. When I couldn’t take it a moment longer, I gave her a slight wave and headed towards the door.
Thankfully, as soon as the plane landed in San Diego, we hit the ground running, and I didn’t have time to wallow in my sorrows. I’d heard one of the drill sergeants say that boot camp was where the Marines train eighteen-year-olds to run towards the sound of gunfire and perform under the threat of death. Hell, he wasn’t kidding. I thought they’d break me during that first week, but then, I’d think about Harper and summon the courage to keep going, knowing I would have a letter waiting for me when I got done. I almost felt like I was with her as I read about how she spent her days, how her Mom was driving her nuts, or something crazy Natalie had done.
Max,
You know how Dad is always saying “Go big, or go home”? I’ve decided he has it all wrong. He makes it out like home is a bad thing. I want to go home and I want to just forget about school when I get there. I know I’m pouting, but school sucks. My junior year was supposed to be awesome, but it’s far from that. I don’t have any classes with Nat, and they are all incredibly hard, especially Ms. Crider. Well, I actually made an A on my first paper for her, but I think I just got lucky. She was in a really good mood that day. (Natalie seems to think she has a new boyfriend or something. Lol)
I hope you are settling in okay. I miss you so much, and I’m counting the days until I can see you again.
Harper
Harper,
I just got your last letter, and I have to say I’m impressed. I can’t believe you made an A on your paper. That’s really awesome. Crider is a tough one, but I have no doubt you’ll win her over. I wish I could say the same for me and Drill Sergeant Duny. I think that man gets a kick out of watching me puke my guts out, but I’m getting stronger every day. It won’t be long until I get the hang of it.
In case you were wondering, I miss you like crazy.
Max