Love your life, it’s the only one you have.
—Eva
Annie Cooper had been in charge of the assisted living community since she’d left her job at one of the city’s busiest hospitals. Lucas had no problem imagining her running a department with brisk, kindly efficiency.
She embraced Eva warmly. “We missed you, honey.”
“I missed you all, too. How is your son?”
It was typical, Lucas thought, that the first words Eva spoke were asking after someone else. She was always more concerned about others than she was about herself.
“He’s doing well, thank you for asking. And from what I hear, you’ve been busy, too. I read about Urban Genie.”
“I should have visited sooner—”
“You had other priorities, and that’s as it should be. Such an exciting time for you. We all watch your YouTube videos. We particularly love your date, almond and oat bars. Your Grams would have been so proud to see you doing so well.” Annie shook hands with Lucas. “Eva told me you’d be joining us, Mr. Blade. Everyone is excited. It’s not every day we have a famous author visit. I hope you can cope with rabid fans. We have all your books in our library. Would you mind signing a few?”
“I’ll sign anything you’d like me to sign.” Lucas was watching Eva. On the journey, she’d been unusually quiet, her normal friendly chatter reduced to monosyllabic responses.
Annie smiled. “That would be wonderful, and I know a few residents are bringing their personal copies for you to sign, too. Maybe you could do a reading?”
The question woke Eva from her trance. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” She looked alarmed. “No dripping blood or sharpened knives.”
“Oh, the suspense is the best part.” Annie led them down the sunny corridor. “Lucas’s book was our book club choice a few months back and we were all impressed that he’d hidden the killer’s identity so well. What a twist. Every one of us was fooled, and Tom normally guesses before anyone. Do you read his books, Eva?”
“Just the once. I’ve been in therapy since. I’m a coward.” Eva’s normally cheerful smile seemed a little forced and Lucas moved closer to her.
Being here proved she was anything but a coward.
Annie opened a door. “Everyone is at Chair Yoga at the moment, but they’ll be finished soon. I thought we could set up tea in the Garden Room.” She led the way into a spacious room overlooking gardens that led down to the Hudson River. Large windows ensured it was flooded with natural light.
“This was my grandmother’s favorite room.” Eva stared out of the window and Lucas wondered if he’d done the wrong thing by suggesting she come here. He was aware that he could easily be accused of hypocrisy. What had he done to reach out to people since Sallyanne’s death? Nothing. On the other hand the circumstances were different. The gulf between people’s image of what had happened and the truth was so great he had no idea how to bridge it. It had made communication with people who had known them as a couple false and pointless. Their condolences had grated over his raw feelings like sandpaper on flesh, another factor that had contributed to his self-imposed isolation each time the anniversary of her death came around.
Annie moved a couple of the chairs closer to the window. “Our chef has made turkey sliders.”
“And I made cakes.” Eva seemed to rouse herself as she reached for the bags she and Lucas had carried from the cab.
“Then I’ll round up the troops while you’re getting everything ready.”
Lucas took the bags from Eva and carried them to the table. “Are you all right?”
“I’m good.”
If she hadn’t been living in his apartment for weeks, a situation that had given him insight into her every mood, he might have been fooled. As it was, he knew she was lying but there wasn’t much he could do about it while they were surrounded by people.
He cursed himself for suggesting this visit. “We could make our excuses and leave.”
“That would be rude. Can you help me arrange the cakes?”
She’d made cupcakes and each one was a work of art, individually decorated with meticulous attention to detail.
He studied the intricate pattern on one of them. “Did you study art at school?”
“No. The only thing I create with paints is a disastrous mess.” She arranged the cakes on a plate. “Cooking is the only thing I’m good at.”
“I think you’re good at a lot of things.” He handed her another plate. “You’re running a successful business in New York City. Do you know how many start-ups go belly-up in this city?”
“I don’t want to know. Of course frightening people is your special skill so that’s probably your intention.”
“I would never want to frighten you.”
She turned her head and her gaze met his.
“Lucas—”
“You can do this, honey.” He spoke softly, for her alone, and she gave him a grateful look.
“Those cakes look delicious.” Annie joined them and there was no opportunity for further conversation because the residents started arriving and soon Eva was surrounded, swallowed up by the community of people who had been her grandmother’s friends. Her warmth and kindness drew people to her and he noticed that she took time to talk to everyone, including new residents she hadn’t met before.
The afternoon passed quickly and at some point attention turned from Eva to him, and he duly signed a stack of books and answered what felt like a million questions.
He met Tom, who seemed to be hanging on his every word. “My wife loved your books, too. We used to talk about them together. Talking about books was one of the things I missed most after she died. Conversation with a feisty woman is the best mental stimulation, don’t you think? I miss that.”
Eva slipped into the chair next to him. “You should get married again, Tom.”
Tom gave her a wicked smile. “Are you proposing? Because in my day that was the man’s role.”
“You’re behind the times. These days we women go after what we want. I’d marry you tomorrow, but I’d drive you crazy because I’m untidy and terrible in the mornings.” She leaned across and kissed his cheek and he gave her hand a squeeze.
“Sixty years ago you wouldn’t have stood a chance. I’m a man who recognizes gold when he sees it. Some man with sense is going to snap you up fast.” He glanced up and Lucas was left with the uncomfortable feeling that some part of that remark had been directed at him.
Had Tom guessed they were involved in some way?
Reminding himself that Tom interfering in Eva’s life was no different than his grandmother interfering in his, he said nothing.
“How long were you married?”
“The first time, twenty years.”
“The first time?”
Tom shrugged. “What can I say? I enjoy being married. Martha and I met on our first day at school. I pulled the ribbon out of her ponytail and she hit me with her book bag. I knew from that moment she was the only woman for me. When she died, and it was natural causes, so don’t start spinning one of your stories, I thought that was it. I didn’t think a man could get lucky twice in a lifetime but I did. I met Alison at a book group meeting. I noticed her because she was the only one who didn’t like the book we were reading and she wasn’t afraid to stand up and say so. I asked her to marry me a week later because when you know you’re in love, there’s no point in waiting. I know Martha would have liked her.”
Eva’s eyes misted. “That’s a lovely story, Tom.”
Tom squeezed her hand. “Your grandmother would be so happy if she could see you now. Running your own company and in love with a handsome young man.”
“I’m not in love, Tom. Who said I was in love?” Eva’s cheeks turned the color of cherry blossoms. “Who would I be in love with?”
Tom’s gaze shifted to Lucas who decided that this visit definitely hadn’t been one of his better ideas.
It was like a visit to his grandmother multiplied a thousand times.
“I saw you and Lucas talking, over by the cakes.”
“He was helping me. We’re friends.”
“Good. Friendship is the most important part of any relationship. You can be setting fire to the sheets, but if there isn’t a bond of friendship you have nothing.”
Eva sent Lucas a mortified glance and he decided he’d better intervene before Tom found someone to marry them on the spot.
“Eva is working for me right now. That’s all it is.”
Tom gave Lucas a long look that said he didn’t believe a word of it. “Some people don’t believe you can fall in love more than once. I did it twice. I’m living proof that it’s possible.”
Lucas was spared the need to respond because at that moment the chef and two of the kitchen staff walked into the room with trays of turkey sliders. Eva sprang to her feet and went to supervise.
Before Lucas could follow her, Tom leaned forward. “That girl,” he said, “is special.”
Lucas wasn’t about to argue with that, even though agreeing was bound to get him into deeper trouble. “She is.”
Tom eased out of his chair. “It’s easy to develop attachments when you’re lonely. Easy to misinterpret feelings.”
“That’s true, but although Eva is a romantic, she’s actually pretty levelheaded and sensible about relationships.”
Tom gave him a long look. “I was talking about you.” He walked over to join the rest of the residents who were helping themselves to the sliders.
Lucas stared across the room at Eva. What did Tom mean? He wasn’t the one who was lonely, she was. Damn it, he’d been perfectly happy holed up alone in his penthouse until she’d come along.
He signed two more books for residents who were hovering and then joined everyone else to eat the sliders and cakes.
After they’d eaten, Eva was persuaded to sing while Tom accompanied her on the piano.
By the time they arrived back at his apartment building, it was dark.
“I’m sorry about that. Talk about awkward.” Eva was wrapped up in her scarf, her voice muffled. “Tom was embarrassing.”
“He’s protective of you. He wants you to be happy, that’s all.” And being with him wouldn’t make her happy, he was sure of that. Not in the long-term. Tom’s words had proved a sharp reminder that Eva wasn’t a woman to be satisfied with a brief, superficial relationship. Everything about her went deep. Her feelings, her hopes and her expectations.
He thought she was wrong about a lot of things, including her ridiculously fairy-tale views on love and marriage, but he didn’t want to be the one to prove that to her. It would be like catching a butterfly and breaking its wings. Over the past few weeks he’d grown to admire her steadfast optimism. He didn’t want to find out what it would take to break that.
And it didn’t make any difference to him that Tom had been married twice. It wouldn’t have mattered to him if Tom had been married six times.
He’d done it once, and that was it. As far as he was concerned, having your heart ripped out once in a lifetime was more than enough. But right now, Eva was the one who was vulnerable, not him. He guarded himself so carefully he was bulletproof.
“My grandmother and Tom were great friends. It was generous of you to play billiards with him.” Eva waited while he unlocked the door of his apartment. “And to let him win.”
“I didn’t let him win. He thrashed me.” He didn’t add that he’d been paying more attention to her than to the game. He watched as she walked into the kitchen and flicked on the lights. Something was different about her. She’d lost her usual bounce. “Interesting guy. Did you set up that conversation about falling in love twice in a lifetime?”
“No.” Turning her back to him, she poured herself a glass of water. “I haven’t seen him since Grams died and you were the one who offered to come with me.” She lowered the glass. “What he said wasn’t exactly revolutionary, Lucas. It isn’t part of a conspiracy. He believes in love, that’s all. And of course he would, because he’s experienced it twice. When something has happened to us, we don’t have any trouble believing in it.”
“I never said I didn’t believe in it. Just that I didn’t want it again. But Tom does.” He wondered why she wasn’t looking at him. “My guess is he’d make you his third wife given half a chance.”
“Maybe that’s the answer. I should marry Tom.” She took a swallow of water and put the glass down. But she still didn’t look at him.
“What’s wrong?” It bothered him that there was something she wasn’t sharing.
“Nothing. Are you hungry?”
“No. I ate enough carbohydrates at the party to insulate me for a month in Alaska.” He followed her into the kitchen and closed his hand over her shoulder. “I want to know what’s going on in your head.”
Instead of relaxing and sliding her arms around him, she stayed rigid in his arms. “I miss her, that’s all.” Her hair brushed against his chin and he lifted his hand and stroked her back gently.
“Do you wish you hadn’t gone today?”
“No.” She eased away from him, but she still didn’t look at him.
“Did someone say something that upset you?” There had been plenty of occasions when he hadn’t been by her side when that could have happened.
“No. They were all lovely. I promised Annie I’d go back soon. But now I have some work to do and I’m sure you do too after giving up a whole afternoon for me.” She grabbed her purse and her phone and made for the stairs.
He stared after her in frustration. She wasn’t someone who hid her feelings well, so to see her trying so hard to do so made him uneasy.
“Eva—”
She paused at the top of the stairs. “Thanks for coming with me today. I enjoyed talking to them, and talking about Grams was good, too. It helped. I thought it would make me miss her more, but it didn’t. It made me feel better.”
He frowned. If she was feeling better, why was she looking so thoroughly miserable?
Eva locked the bathroom door and sat down on the edge of the bath.
She was in love with Lucas.
Tom had seen it right away, so why hadn’t she?
She’d assumed falling in love would feel like a long, slow slide into a comfortable warm pool. She hadn’t anticipated the suddenness, more of a plummet than a slide, that ended in a breathless plunge into water that felt shockingly deep. Everything felt out of her control. It left her breathless and unbalanced. Terrified and exhilarated and yet at the same time she had no doubt it was real, that what she was feeling was something deep and permanent that wasn’t going to be erased by time.
Because she’d known him for only a few weeks, and because she didn’t want to fall for him. It wasn’t wise or sensible. He wasn’t interested in another serious relationship. She’d seen how uncomfortable Lucas had been when Tom had mentioned that he’d been in love twice.
Not that she wasn’t capable of having a relationship just for fun, she was. But Lucas—
She swallowed hard, remembering the reassuring warmth of his presence when she’d walked into the Garden Room. She remembered the way he’d held her when she cried, the way he’d stayed by her side at the ball, fiercely protective. The way he’d listened to her chatter and laughed at her observations. The way he savored her food.
He was everything she’d ever wanted, and so much more.
She gave a groan and covered her face with her hands.
Now what?
She dug in her purse for her phone, her hand shaking. “Paige? I think I might be in trouble.”
“You’re pregnant?”
“Why does ‘trouble’ always have to mean pregnant?”
“I don’t know. It just came out. Tell me what’s wrong. You’ve dropped red wine on his white sofa? You deleted his book by accident?”
“I’m in love with him. And if you say ‘I told you so,’ I’m hanging up.”
Paige didn’t say that. “Is there any chance he might feel the same way?”
“No chance.”
“Are you sure?”
Eva thought about his determination never to fall in love again. “I’m sure. It’s definitely not on his bucket list.”
Her chest ached. Her brain ached.
Lucas was right. Love wasn’t a fairy tale. It was messy and painful.
“Does he know how you feel?”
“Not yet. But I’m not exactly good at hiding my feelings, as you know. I’m not sure what I should do.”
There was a pause. “You can end the job if you want to. Make an excuse that we’re busy and we need you.”
“No. If I do a job, then I see it through. This job is worth a lot to us.” But that wasn’t the whole reason. She wanted him to finish his book. She knew how important that was to him, and if her being here helped him do that then she’d stay. “I’m already in love, so staying isn’t going to make that part any worse. The only thing that worries me is that he’ll find out.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?”
“It would be pretty awkward. Damn.” She slumped on the side of the bath.
She’d wanted to love deeply, and now she did.
What she hadn’t wanted was to fall in love with a man who wasn’t interested in risking his heart a second time.
That was the ultimate twist.
That, she thought, was her idea of a horror story.