Always be good, unless being bad looks like more fun.
—Eva
They kept a distance from each other in the car, neither of them trusting their ability to control what they were feeling.
Visibly tense, Lucas loosened his bow tie and flicked open the top button of his shirt.
Eva’s gaze slid to his throat. She wasn’t able to look at him without wanting him. “Are you hot?”
The look he gave her was so intimate her insides melted. “Something like that.”
She wondered if they could ask the driver to go a little faster. It was hardly any distance to Lucas’s apartment. They probably could have run there faster than he was driving.
Her hand wandered across to Lucas and he took it in a firm clasp, pressing her palm against the hard muscle of his thigh.
Every touch increased the anticipation. Longing made her shaky and weak.
By the time they eventually arrived at his building she was so desperate to kiss him that she was almost ready to drag him into the park and risk frostbite rather than wait the extra few frustrating minutes while they took the elevator to his apartment.
The moment the elevator doors closed they came together like magnets.
His hand cupped her head and his mouth crushed down on hers, and all she could think was finally, finally. After that, everything blurred. She felt the erotic stroke of his tongue and the urgency of his hands as he shoved her back against the wall of the elevator, trapping her body against his. It was intense, impelling, and so exciting that all she could do was snatch in a breath and hold on.
His kiss bordered on the rough but she didn’t care. She speared the silky strands of his hair with her fingers and drew him closer, desperately trying to drink in more of him. Somewhere in the distance she heard a muted ping and Lucas nudged her out of the elevator without releasing his hold on her.
They fumbled their way into his apartment and as the door swung closed, all restraint left them.
Breathing heavily, he dragged his mouth from hers and trailed his lips over her jaw and down her throat, his fingers peeling down the tiny straps that held her dress in place. The dress slithered to the floor and she felt the rush of cool air against her heated skin.
With a groan of appreciation, he cupped one of her breasts in his palm, dragging his thumb over the straining peak. She arched into him, feeling the thickened hardness of him pressing against her. Sensation showered on sensation. It was like being caught under a waterfall with no opportunity to catch her breath.
His lips followed his hands and he drew her into the heat of his mouth, the skilled flick of his tongue driving her wild.
“Wait—my purse—” She tried to focus, tried to find the place she’d dropped her clutch, but her head was spinning.
“You don’t need your purse.”
“My condom—”
Swearing under his breath, he drew away from her just long enough to locate and rescue her purse. He pushed it into her hands and then swung her and the purse into his arms.
“Where are we going?”
“Bed.”
“The wall works just fine for me.” Her need for him eclipsed everything.
She couldn’t have said how they made it from the door to his bedroom, as she was too busy kissing her way down the roughness of his jaw, exploring hard lines and male textures.
He lowered her to the floor, the power of his body steadying hers as she stood on shaky legs. She felt him, hard and ready, through the thin fabric of her underwear and closed her fingers in the front of his shirt.
“Now. Now. Now—” She repeated the word over and over again like a mantra and he crushed his mouth to hers to silence her, his rough “no” muted by the pressure of his lips on hers.
She ran her hands down his back. “Don’t make me wait. It’s been a while.”
“All the more reason why it’s worth doing this properly.” His hands were in her hair, his mouth on hers and they kissed, both of them insatiable, as if the erotic dance of tongues and the heated exchange of breath were necessary for life.
It was the first time she’d been inside Lucas’s bedroom, but she didn’t even look at it. She could have been anywhere, for all the attention she paid to her surroundings. Her whole world was him, and she couldn’t look away from the molten burn of desire in his eyes.
She slid her hand down his body and covered the thickness of him with the flat of her hand. The intimacy of that touch seemed to shock him from the frenzy that consumed them both.
“This is crazy.” He groaned the words against her mouth. “You want true love, and I’m not Prince Charming.”
“Prince Charming was a weird stalker guy with a foot fetish.” Breathless, she locked both hands behind his neck to stop him pulling away. “You taught me that.”
“But he married the girl.”
“I don’t want to marry you. I just want you to give me an orgasm.”
“Just the one? You have low expectations.” His mouth was back on hers, his kiss skilled and deliciously explicit.
Had a kiss ever felt like this before? No. Never.
She tugged his shirt from the waistband of his trousers and he caught her hand, his breathing ragged.
“Eva—”
“I want this.” And then it occurred to her through the mists of desire that perhaps he was looking for a reason to stop. “How about you?”
“Yes.” He didn’t hesitate. “Yes, I want this.”
“In that case—” She hooked her leg behind his and a second later he was on his back on the bed staring up at her.
“What the hell was that?”
“That,” she said proudly as she straddled him, “was my deadly move.” She reached down and fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. “I need you naked.” Her fingers slid on the fabric and she gave a growl of frustration and lowered her hands to his zipper instead. “Forget it. Naked is overrated.”
She heard him swear under his breath and then he covered her hands with his and helped her finish the job. His clothes hit the floor and she felt another stab of desire as she ran her hands over powerful male muscle.
It had been so long since she’d had a relationship that had gone beyond a conversation and a kiss. So long since she’d been naked with a man. Since she’d touched and been touched.
Maybe she should have been nervous, but she wasn’t. She’d never wanted anything more in her life.
He flipped her onto her back and shifted himself over her, pinning her there with his weight.
Breathless, she slid her hand over his shoulder. “What’s wrong? Can’t stand a woman on top?”
“It’s the only way I can slow this down. You wanted an orgasm. I’m here to make sure it’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had.”
“Honestly, any orgasm would be good.” She was squirming under him but he pinned her flat, holding her still.
“You need to lift your ambitions, sweetheart. Never settle for good when you can have great.”
“Okay, but could you just—”
“No.” He silenced her with his mouth. “How we do this is my decision. You’re delegating.”
Just to be sure she got the message, he held both of her hands trapped in one of his as he worked his way down her body, intent on exploring every inch of her.
She decided he obviously knew a lot about torture.
“Lucas—please—”
His response was to peel away her underwear and spread her legs.
He ignored her muted protest just as he’d ignored her plea for haste.
He explored her, the intimate stroke of his tongue arousing her to a peak she’d never known before. It was almost impossible not to move, not to squirm, but he held her trapped, totally at his mercy.
She felt the gentle slide of his fingers inside her and held her breath as he drove her higher and higher with a relentless patience and skill that left her writhing and desperate.
She came in a shower of blinding pleasure, her cries filling the room.
Afterward she felt weak and limp. Emotion overwhelmed her. Tears filled her eyes and she kept them tightly shut, not daring to look at him in case the swell of feeling spilled over.
She felt him shift up her body, felt the rough hair on his chest graze the sensitive tips of her breasts.
“Look at me.” His soft command made her open her eyes.
She hoped he couldn’t see the shine in them. “Thank you—”
“Don’t thank me yet. I’m just getting started.” He brushed his lips over hers one more time and then leaned across to grab something from the nightstand.
She tugged at his shoulder. “Is that my condom?”
“No, but don’t worry, we’ll get to that one later. We have all night.” His voice was husky and raw with desire and her stomach flipped.
All night.
“Lucas.” She breathed his name, her heart racing as she felt the thickened length of him brush against her intimately. “I know you like keeping people in suspense, but—”
“Suspense can be overrated.” He slid his hand under her bottom and entered her slowly, taking his time, his gaze holding hers as he filled her, coaxing her body to take all of him.
He paused, giving her time to adjust, murmuring soft words into her hair, and she stroked her hand down his back, feeling the ripple of muscle under her seeking fingers. She hadn’t thought anything could feel this good, but she’d been wrong about that, just as she’d been wrong about so many other things.
She arched under him, wrapping her legs around him and he thrust deeper, his slow rhythm creating an avalanche of sensation. She felt the brush of his leg against the sensitive skin of her inner thigh, the warmth of his mouth, the strength of his hand and she felt him. Felt the pulsing thickness of him filling her. And with each delicious, perfectly timed stroke, he drove her toward pleasure until finally she felt herself shatter again, and this time the ripples of her body coaxed his to the same conclusion.
* * *
Eva woke in the dark to find herself alone in the bed.
Her body ached in ways she hadn’t felt in a long time. Maybe never.
She turned her head to see if Lucas was in the bathroom, but there was no sliver of light under the door.
Dragging herself from the delicious clouds of sleep, she sat up and focused on the room.
Part of her wanted to snuggle back down in the nest of bedding and sink back into the deep delicious sleep, but another part of her needed to find him.
She thought about the intimacy and the discoveries they’d made about one another, not just the first or second time, but afterward. There had been a tectonic shift in their relationship. Neither of them had held anything back.
Was she the first woman he’d slept with since his wife?
Was he regretting just how much they’d shared?
The thought of it marred what, for her, had been a perfect night.
Eva slid her legs out of bed and reached for Lucas’s shirt, pulling it on to keep the worst of the night chill away.
The arms fell past her fingers and the hem to midthigh. Rolling the sleeves back, she walked barefoot out of the bedroom in search of him.
The door to his office was open, but at first glance the room appeared to be empty. The light was out and the laptop lay closed on his desk. She was about to turn away and search for him downstairs when she saw his figure sprawled on the sofa. He had a glass of whiskey in his hand.
Something about the way he sat, the utter stillness, tugged at her heart.
She’d never seen anyone who looked more alone.
Everything about his body language told her that he didn’t want to be disturbed, but how could she leave him? Particularly as she was the likely cause of his current agony. Because he was in agony, she was sure of that.
“Lucas?”
He didn’t lift his head. Didn’t look at her. “Go back to bed, Eva.”
“Are you joining me?”
“No.” He shut her out as effectively as if he’d closed the door.
All that intimacy, the closeness they’d shared, evaporated like morning mist. If she wasn’t still experiencing the delicious and unfamiliar aches and tingles, she might have thought she’d imagined the whole thing.
She wished she could turn the clock back to those incredible hours where neither of them had been aware of anything but each other. But that time had passed.
Making a decision, she walked into the room. “Talk to me.”
“You don’t want that.”
How could he possibly think that? “If you’re regretting what we did, then this involves me, too.”
“Why would I regret it?”
She swallowed, aware that she was on very, very delicate ground. “You loved her. It probably feels like a betrayal, but—”
“Eva, you don’t want to have this conversation.”
Her heart was thudding. “You mean, you don’t want to have it.”
He swung his legs to the floor. His eyes glittered in the darkness. “No. I meant what I said. You don’t want to have it.”
Why would he think she wouldn’t want to talk?
Was he assuming that she’d been hoping for more from him than just a night of great sex? Was he afraid she’d read more into the night before than she should have?
“Do you think it will hurt me if you talk about your wife? I’m not naive, Lucas. I don’t think last night was about love or anything like that.” She ignored the tiny voice in her head that told her how much she really did want it to be about love. She wasn’t going there. She didn’t dare go there. “But I’d like to think we’re friends. I want you to talk to me. I want you to tell the truth.”
“You’re not ready to hear the truth.” He stared at the whiskey in his hand and then at her. “You want love so badly, but what if it doesn’t turn out the way you hope it will? Have you ever wondered whether you might be better off without it?”
Her heart felt swollen and heavy. “You’re saying that because you lost the love of your life, but I still believe it’s better to love that way than never to love at all. You’ll love again, Lucas. I know you will. It may not feel that way now, and I know you’ll never forget her, but one day you’ll find someone who makes you happy.”
She clamped her mouth shut. She probably shouldn’t have said any of that. It was too soon. He wasn’t ready to hear it. He didn’t believe it.
There was a long silence and when he finally spoke his voice was harsh. “You’re such an idealist. Such a dreamer. You have no idea what you’re talking about. Love is nothing like the vision you have in your head. It isn’t some glowing, perfect thing where everyone dances under sunshine and rainbows. It’s messy and untidy and it hurts like hell.”
“You feel that way because you lost her, but—”
“I feel that way because it’s true. You think I’m grieving because we shared the perfect love? Then let me shatter your illusions once and for all. There was nothing perfect about our love. But I did love her, and that made everything so much harder.”
“I know, but—”
“You don’t know. You have no fucking idea.” The raw anger in his voice shocked her.
“Lucas—”
“The night she died, the night she left all dressed up and stepped into that cab, she wasn’t going out for the evening.” His fingers were white on the glass, his grasp so tight it was a wonder it didn’t shatter. “She was going to join her lover. She was leaving me. So how’s your image of our perfect love looking now, Eva?”