As soon as Aiden heard the soft moan from Theresa, he knew he needed to step away before he whisked her inside the house and forgot all about finding a tree. He had to move slowly with her. Not just for her, but for himself. He liked her in his arms. A lot. But the turbulent emotions of what happened with Cynthia lingered just on the surface, ruining the bliss he wanted to experience.
Pulling away reluctantly, his hands still grasping her face, he rested his forehead against hers. “Theresa…”
He didn’t know how to finish that sentence. Maybe she knew what he was trying to say because she grabbed his jacket on the sides and squeezed. “Every time we kiss, it gets better and better. I don’t feel awkward anymore.”
Well, that wasn’t necessarily what he was thinking, but he couldn’t deny it was the truth. He moved away a fraction and pressed a light kiss to her lips. “Let’s have some fun. I’m counting on you to pick out the best tree there is.”
Her laughter sang in the woods, the sweet sound filling the area with warmth and happiness. “You do remember what my tree looks like, brown spots and whatnot.”
He let her go and picked up the ax, then grabbed her hand again as they started to walk. “It’s a beautiful tree and you won’t see me saying otherwise.”
She responded with the sweetest smile. He loved it every time she smiled, especially when her smiles were directed at him. Funny. Cynthia never smiled like that, especially with him. She always wore more of are-you-going-to-do-what-I-said sort of smirk. Although, to anyone else, it would’ve looked like a loving smile to her wonderful fiancé.
Squeezing Theresa’s hand, just to remind himself who stood next to him, he tried to push all thoughts of Cynthia out of his head. He had no reason to feel guilty. None whatsoever.
But he still did. Guilty as hell.
“Oh my gosh! Look, Aiden.”
Her cry of surprise jolted him out his dark thoughts that might’ve ruined the day, forcing him to end it early and take her home. He followed her finger that pointed to the left and curled his lips into a tiny smile at the joy on her face over a deer. A stinking deer.
Pressing a finger to his lips, he slowly started to walk in that direction. The excitement increased in her eyes. She was giddy at seeing a simple deer. Cynthia wouldn’t have glanced twice at it. Hell, she would’ve never walked into the woods with him to chop down a tree. A sharp remark about the cold weather and ruining her hair would’ve been more her style.
“It’s so cute,” Theresa whispered.
They stopped walking when the deer suddenly jerked its head in their direction, then took off running, prancing, and darting through the trees.
“That was amazing. I’ve never seen a deer so close.”
Cynthia never—
Damn it! He needed to stop comparing them.
“Aiden?” Theresa turned to him. “Are you okay?”
He tried to remove the scowl he knew he had plastered on his face. “Yeah, of course. I’m glad you got to experience that. They walk through the backyard on occasion.”
Her frown slowly morphed into a smile. “I bet that’s just lovely to see when it happens.”
“Yeah, it is.” He pulled her hand so they could head back to their original path. “Let’s find a tree.”
He tried to shake off the gloom that surrounded him. Every time Theresa pointed out something new, even something as simple as how the snow looked resting on a branch, the sight a beautiful picture to her, it helped chase away his demons. But like the devil Cynthia had played in his life when she was alive, she still managed to do it in death. He couldn’t erase her from his mind. Those treacherous thoughts would only lead him down one path. Making the day miserable for Theresa.
“Oh, look at that one. I like this one.” She dropped his hand and pushed her feet through the snow to a tree that wasn’t too big or too small.
It did have a few spots that could’ve been filled in a little more, making it look bare and sullen. Walking around it, he saw a branch low to the ground that twisted and angled itself in a funny way. It made the tree look strange from that side. It certainly wasn’t a perfect tree. More like odd. They passed several trees that would’ve been great. Flawless and beautiful.
This one, more like weird and far from ideal.
“You don’t like it?”
He glanced at her and shrugged. “We passed a few that didn’t look…this has a few holes.”
“It has character.”
Theresa continued to gaze at the tree with such wonder. He looked at the tree again, trying to imagine what she was seeing.
“Not everything has to be perfect, Aiden.” She blanched. “I’m not saying you want everything to be perfect.” She let out a slow breath. “I’m just trying to say that just because something isn’t what everyone else would choose doesn’t mean it’s not a good choice.”
For a brief second, he almost thought Theresa was talking about herself. Did she think she wasn’t perfect and he wouldn’t want her because of it?
No. He was thinking way too deep right now. They were talking about a damn tree. If she liked this tree, then he would chop it down.
“I like it.”
“You’re frowning.”
“I always frown.”
Her giggles sliced through the tension that had started to form. It made him want to laugh with her, but his face was frozen, his entire body immobile, his feelings still crashing like heavy waves. He just wanted to feel happy without the darkness ripping it away every single time.
“We’ll keep looking.” Her laughter died, as did the beautiful smile on her face. She turned around to keep walking on the trail that would no doubt lead them to better looking trees.
That’s not what he wanted. What he wanted was to see her smile again, and keep that smile without him ruining the moment. He always ruined it.
Without thinking about what he was doing, he reached down and cupped a handful of snow, pressing it into a small ball. Then he let it fly through the air. It hit her squarely on the neck. She immediately squealed and danced in a funny circle as she tried to scoop the snow out before it traveled underneath her jacket and down her back.
She was absolutely stunning, and so full of life. And utterly perfect.
He wanted her. So badly.
Icy, cold hit his face. Specks of snow slowly drifted down, making him shiver from the snowball that hit him smack on the forehead. He wiped most of it away as his eyes sought her out. She stood by the trail, another snowball waiting in her hand. A smile gradually built into a beaming one. One that he hadn’t done in the longest time. His face almost hurt from smiling so wide. But it felt damn good.
“It’s war now. Prepare to be smothered in snowballs. I have excellent aim.” He dove to the side as she threw her snowball and laughed.
He managed to tuck and roll, while scooping a ball up. He found her in his sights and tossed it her way. It hit her shoulder as she tried to duck.
Back and forth they went. Throwing snowball after snowball. He always managed to hit some part of her, and she would shriek in happy delight every time. He had to admit she had decent aim herself. She got him good plenty of times. A few in the chest, on the arm, and one that hit his neck area, a few snow chunks slithering down underneath his jacket.
Time to have some real fun. He charged her. Her eyes lit up with pleasure as she tried to dodge him, but he was too quick for her. Probably the many years of playing football. They fell to the ground. He made sure he landed first, tucking her into his arms, then rolled until she lay underneath him. She fit perfectly. In all the right places. He wanted to curse the cold, the snow, and the fact they were stuck out in the middle of the woods. He could take her right here and now, if not for that.
“Should I apologize for throwing that at you?” He smiled as he wiped a lock of hair away from the edge of her mouth.
“Not if it gets you to smile.” Her eyes sparkled with delight. “I love when you smile.” Her cheeks bloomed a deep red. “I love snowball fights. My brother and I used to have them all the time when we were kids. I just love playing in the snow.”
“I guess that’s why you had such great aim.” His gloved hands grasped her cheeks as he pressed his body a little more firmly into her and kissed her breathless.
He could’ve kept the kiss going for longer. On and on and on. But he was ready to explode if he didn’t have her soon, so he slowed it down and pulled away. Moving his hands away, he started to smile again, especially because she said she loved it when he did.
Just as swiftly, it turned into a fierce frown. His entire body went stiff. The rage flowed like a gushing geyser.
“Aiden? What’s—”
“Who in the hell hit you?” His hand brushed the bruise on her cheek. His gloves now wet from the snowball fight made it easy to wipe off the makeup she clearly used to hide the evidence.
Her silence grated on his nerves, ramping his rage up even more.
“Damn it, Theresa, answer my question.”
“It’s noth—”
“Don’t you dare say that.” He leaned closer, his lips close to hers. “Someone hurt you. I won’t let anyone hurt you. Tell me now.”
“Nobody hit me. I fell.”
“Yeah, sure. You fell. Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not. I fell.”
Just like that, his memories swamped him. She fell yesterday when she came to his house. He caused the bruise. He hurt her.
“Oh my God. I did this. I hurt you. I’m always hurting the ones I lo—” What the hell was he about to say? Love? He didn’t love Theresa. But he cared for her far more than he should. “I’m so sorry.”
He dropped his head into the crook of her neck, not even caring the cold, wet snow was hitting his face. He couldn’t get any colder than he already was inside. The darkness was going to consume him soon. Why not now?
“This isn’t your fault. I fell…” Her breath hitched. “It wasn’t you.”
Well, if it wasn’t him, then who? He lifted his head. “Then tell me. Who hurt you?”
“I…it doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
That was the honest to God’s truth. She mattered. Probably more than he should let her. He wanted her so badly in his life that he should do them both a favor and end it before it started. Because if he lost her, he’d be so broken, nothing would ever fix him again.