“So ye think ye might love the barnacled wanker?” Thornycraft asked with a wide grin on his sweet face.

“I don’t know,” I said on a groan. “Do you mind if I do cartwheels?”

“Nay, just watch out for me treasure chest. Me booty is very valuable.”

“You have secret treasures in there?” I asked as I moved the driftwood coffee table and pushed a few chairs out of the way.

Thornycraft’s bungalow was surprisingly tidy. He definitely needed to add some color to his décor, but at least it wasn’t filthy. I smiled at the array of adorable stuffed animals he had on a shelf behind the couch—sharks and sea snails took up the majority of the space, but there were a few fuzzy goldfish as well. For as ancient as my friend was, he had such a sweet childlike quality to him. I was definitely going to give him my stuffed Patrick starfish. He would love it.

“Aye, swimmin’ hooker. The chef at the resort made cheese pastries three weeks ago today. That rum soaked arse makes a fine cheese pastry—finest in the land. So I pilfered five dozen of ‘em and locked ‘em away. Don’t want Upton and Bonar to know about me delicious booty. Them thar arses will eat the ambrosia faster than ye can blink yer peepers,” he explained.

“Umm… your treasure chest is filled with three week old cheese pastries?” I asked on a gag.

Thornycraft paused and appeared in deep and petrified thought for a moment. “Ye think thar rotten now?”

“Have you opened the chest lately?” I asked, staring at the jeweled box in horror.

“Nay. Do ye think me should?” he asked, approaching the chest warily.

“NO!” I shouted, startling my buddy. “Umm… are you on good terms with Bonar and Upton right now?”

One never knew with the trio. They were like little old biddies—constantly bickering about something. It was funny until they blew something up, but Tallulah had put the fear of Poseidon in them. She threatened to make them teach hula dancing in bikini tops and hula skirts to the human guests if they kept causing random explosions.

“Nay, the arses put me phantom fingers in warm water yesterday when I was takin’ me nap. I peed my breeches. The nards thought that was hilarious—been planning their revenge fer hours,” Thornycraft told me.

“How about this?” I suggested with a mischievous grin pulling at my lips. “Why don’t you accidentally leave your treasure chest where they can find it? They’re totally nosy old ladies. Bonar and Upton won’t be able to resist peeking in your treasure chest. And then BAM! They get asphyxiated with disgusting, stanky, decaying, rancid, mildew-covered cheese pastries!”

“Yar a little hooker after me own old heart,” Thornycraft crowed and danced around the room with excitement. “I will owe ye for yer brilliant plan. Them bandana wearin’ sea nards aren’t gonna know what hit ʼem.”

While Thornycraft giggled at the thought of getting his revenge, I did fourteen cartwheels and ten toe touches to clear my head. What I really wanted to do was boink the angst right out of my system with Archer, but he was the main cause of my angst at the moment.

“Ye good?” Thornycraft asked as I drank the glass of water he offered.

“Nope. I’m not good.”

“How can I help ye, swimmin’ hooker?”

“My mom didn’t die of a broken heart—well she kind of did, but not the way I’d always believed,” I told him as he snapped his fingers and produced his pad of paper and pen. “It wasn’t my dad’s fault.”

“Are ye happy about that?” he inquired, scribbling away.

“In a way,” I admitted, sitting down on the floor and pulling my knees to my chest. “I guess I would say I’m more relieved than happy. I still miss her and now…”

“Now ye have to make up for all the centuries of not missin’ yer pappy,” he finished my thought.

“I’m so ashamed,” I whispered and let my head fall to my knees.

“Do ye think yer mum and pappy would want ye to feel shamed? I’m guessing from the outstandin’ violent swimmin’ hookers they raised that they loved ye and yer sister hookers somethin’ powerful. Me mum wouldn’t want me to live with regrets. She’d kick me sorry arse to Mount Olympus and back. We live too long to carry a burden like ye is holdin’ in yer heart.”

My head jerked up and I stared at my friend. “Do you really think so?”

“Methinks so,” he said with a wink and a grin. “But what methinks doesn’t matter. What matters is what ye think, little hooker.”

“How’d you get so smart, Thornycraft?” I asked, hopping up and hugging my little buddy.

“Luck ‘o the draw,” he said with a laugh. “Bonar and Upton didn’t get so lucky. And mebbe now ye won’t be so shy of love.”

“Maybe,” I said thoughtfully. “Do you see your mum often?”

“My mum recently decided it was time for her to go on to the Great Beyond, but she still pops up in me dreams,” he said, smiling.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Nay, little hooker. Don’t be sorry. Me mum lived a very long time and was ready for a little rest. I’ll tell her to say ahoy to yer mum and dad and that yar finally ready to go on with yer life.”

“Would you really?” I asked as tears filled my eyes.

“T’would be me pleasure. Will I be tellin’ the truth though? Are ye truly ready to live yer life to the fullest?”

Without a pause, I nodded my head. Thornycraft’s words were somehow the key to opening up the emotional dam inside me. I felt free for the first time in centuries. I knew exactly how I wanted to start living my life… and I couldn’t wait to tell a certain person.

“Good lassie,” Thornycraft said, patting me on the head. “So are ye ready for the demons?”

“I’m sorry. What?”

“Well, shite,” he said, turning red. “Methought the eejit would have told ye about the demons that are showin’ up soon.”

“Nope. He most certainly did not,” I snapped and then paused.

Wait. Archer had tried to tell me something. He did say there was evil coming. I wasn’t going to go ballistic on his Johnson-man-tool until he had time to explain.

“Come with me,” I told Thornycraft. “We need to have a chat with a demigod.”