I’m retreating. It’s not even a choice… it just is. The moment Tallie called and told us Matty was missing, my heart started pounding in my chest.

I was pulled back in time to a place I never wanted to see again.

It’s all too close to home. And being here with Mia, what happened tonight, it’s the exact reason I always push people away.

She’s knows something is off. I see it in her eyes; in the way, they don’t quite meet mine. And when we return to the hotel in the early morning hours, after the hospital visit, she asks if everything is okay. “I understand it was scary… but Ford, you showed me a side of yourself I’d never seen before. And I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

“It was a long night,” I say, my heart closing even as I speak.

“You sure that was all?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry for getting so intense.”

“No. I understand that fear causes us to act crazy sometimes.”

My heart tightens. She is being so graceful, so understanding. I snapped at her when memories came flooding back to me and that wasn’t fair.

She pulls her long dark hair up to the top of her head and secures it with a tie. Her eyes are dark, and I know we’ve only known one another for a month, but it feels so much longer. She looks at me like she wants to take away my worries, but I’m not sure she’s in a place to fix the mess of a man I am deep inside.

“I’m glad it was only a sprained ankle,” she says with a sigh. “But it just put things in perspective.”

“Ain’t that the fucking truth.” We’re sitting on her couch. Matty and Tahlia are both in their rooms. Matty’s foot wasn’t broken and thankfully the sprain will heal in a few short days. He was worried that he’d miss his summer camp, but Mia assured him everything would go as planned.

As planned.

As if anything in life goes as we expect. I pull her into my lap wanting her close, even though I know that before the night is through, I need to say goodbye.

It’s too much. I said it was a fling, but my heart is getting tied up in hers. It’s all too damn soon. And tonight, solidified the reason I have my fear; the reason I push people away.

I know what it is like to get hurt. To be wrecked and ruined. Raw in ways that broke me once.

I won’t add my pain to her own.

She straddles me, and I wrap my arms around her shoulders. Our eyes finally meet.

“Ford, what’s going on with you?”

I cock an eyebrow and shake my head. “Nothing. Just intense, you know?”

“It’s more than that,” she says softly. “Did I do something wrong?”

All I want right now is to kiss her, take away her worry. Tonight, we shared a first, and it was so damn vulnerable, so absolutely beautiful. I hate that the night has gone so fucking sideways. But none of us can control that now.

I run my hands over her arms, resting them on her hips. I shake my head because damn, this woman does things to me--and so quickly. And that is the trouble.

She sighs again. This time though, she lets her head fall to my chest. “I don’t understand you.”

“I thought this was just a fling?”

She looks up at me, her green eyes flecked with sorrow. I know she’s had a hell of a year, and that’s why anything more than a fling with me is a bad idea.

I’m not the sort of man she needs. I can’t give her what she deserves. Someone whole.

“It is, or at least it was,” she whispers. “You looked so scared tonight, Ford. Why?”

I scoff, burying the truth. This situation is all a little too close to home.

“Is it because it reminded you of when you saved the mayor’s son ?” she asks.

I pull back from her. “That jackass is the last fucking thing on my mind.”

She twists her lips. “Okay...”

“Look,” I say, sighing. “The mayor’s son was being an idiot, trying to climb places he had no business being. Matty, he’s just a kid.”

She nods. “I understand that. I was scared too... but you seemed almost...” She licks her lips, her fingers on the buttons of my flannel shirt. “You seemed a little unhinged.”

Every muscle in my body seems to tighten. I press my fingers to my eyebrows, remaining in control. I need to tell her truth.

“This isn’t easy to say. But I had a son, Mia. And uh...” I swallow, trying to find the right words. “He died five years ago. And when Tallie called…” I stop speaking, never sharing parts of myself like this with anyone. It’s why I live alone, why I keep everyone at arm’s length.

“Oh, my God, Ford.” She presses a hand to her chest looking at me with such sad eyes. I can’t bear to look at her like this. She’s all light and love and smiles. Sunrise and sunsets. Not a cloudy storm sweeping in. But now, her eyes are filled with tears and she’s shaking her head looking at me like the broken man I am. “I had no idea. I’m so, so sorry.”

I suck in a deep breath. “Yeah, well, I just… the idea of Matty being hurt? It’s a lot.”

Her hands are on my chest, her body so close to mine. The past hurts so damn badly. I want to feel good, to fly. I want to fucking forget. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.

“No, I don’t.” And it’s the truth. I push those memories away every chance I get. It’s too painful, too heartbreaking. A son should always outlive his father.

Yet, that’s not how it happened for me.

Fuck, I’m gonna lose my cool if I keep thinking about it. So, I distract myself with the most beautiful woman in the city. I press my mouth to her ear.

“Can we not go there tonight? I’d rather go someplace else.” I squeeze her ass, my desire for her growing but really anything would be better than returning to that unforgettable day when I lost the most precious thing in my life.

She doesn’t match my tone though. Instead, she sits up straighter. “Listen, Ford... it’s just.” She pauses, clearly struggling to find the right words. “If we aren’t going to be real here, I don’t have time for this. For us. I can’t do the fling anymore.” She presses her lips together, tears in her eyes. “The timing is all off here for me. I just don’t want you to think... Look, I care for you, I do. But I need to give my attention to getting a new job and on my brother and sister. Tonight, put that into focus.”

I scoff, irritated. Here I am, giving her pieces of myself I never give anyone, and she pushes me away. I should never have come to this damn city.

“Don’t be mad,” she says as I roll her onto the couch and stand.

“Are you serious?” I shake my head, heading for the door. “I fucking want you, Mia.”

“For what? Another few weeks? To make you feel better when you want to avoid confrontation? I don’t have time for--”

“Dammit, woman.” I go back and pull her up from the couch and into my arms. Then I kiss her. Hard. Like she needs to be kissed. Biting her bottom lip, I want her to remember me, exactly as I am. An untamed man willing to give her everything.

I drag her hips against my body, letting her feel my hard cock against her belly. “You know you want me,” I growl in her ear. “You know you want this.”

She gasps, her nipples poking unabashedly through her thin t-shirt, her body like melting butter against my own solid frame. “I can’t.” The words manage to escape her lips even though it’s fucking clear she doesn’t mean them.

“Fine.” I step away, leaving her body humming with desire. I won’t push her if she wants to pull away.