The scene is just about what you’d expect, only turned up to 100. When we pull into Sandra’s driveway, the shouting can be heard, as well as her muffled tears.

“Fuck me,” Olivia whispers, while running to the door. I wish, I think to myself. Though, now is not the time for any jokes.

When I open the door, I don’t know who to fuck up first. They’re both behaving like lunatics.

First, I grab Sandra and pull her close to the door, away from the two angry men.

“It’s alright,” I say. “I’ll end this.”

“Don’t… hurt… them,” she cries.

I agree not to, but I’ve broken promises before. The men are shouting and looking enraged. They’re flexing their muscles. So far, it’s just a display of who is more manly.

Chest against chest, one of them is going to swing. It’s only a matter of time before the intimidation tactics turn to full on swinging.

“Alright, calm the fuck down!” I scream.

“Bro,” Eric is frantic. “He’s coming in here, trying to claim Sandra. They’re not even dating anymore!”

He turns to Jack and says, “She doesn’t even like you!”

“Take her outside,” I tell Olivia. “Now.”

The two women walk outside, most likely sitting near the backyard gate, trying to pick up the pieces and stay safe.

This is the first time I’ve seen Sandra’s ex-boyfriend, but he’s definitely not someone to mess with. He’s built like a fucking tank. Meanwhile, Eric is built like a bigger-sized mushroom. Eric is big, but he’s not as toned.

“Eric, just back off, man,” I say.

I ease into the situation. I put my hands out to show them both that I’m not going to do anything rash. They’re both drunk as hell. I’m not sure they’re even listening to me.

“Hell no!” Eric yells. “I… I love her!”

I put my hand to my face and sigh. God dammit. “Eric, you do not love this woman!” I scream.

“I do! I love her, man!”

He eyes me for a second. There’s not a glimmer of sanity in those eyes right now. It’s just pure alcohol floating in those pupils.

“You’re going to die loving her,” Jack says to him. “Because tonight, I’m going to kill your sorry ass.”

“Nobody is going to kill anyone,” I say.

This is hopeless. No one is listening and Eric is a wreck. There’s no way he’s going to come out of this doing well, but I don’t think there’s any real way of deescalating the situation.

I’m going to have to take a hit. It only takes a minute to come to terms with that.

So, I do what I have to do. I take a deep breath and clench my fists. “Jack. Fuck you. You want a fight? Come after me, pussy,” I say.

All I know is this is going to fucking suck.

“I have no beef with you,” he says.

I take another breath and smile. “Sure you do,” I say.

I swing back and clock him right in the jaw. At least, now he has beef with me.

He stumbles back, and immediately grabs at his face. When he realizes what just happened, he comes at me swinging.

First, his right hand connects against my gut. I fall back, sighing with pain. The air gets knocked out of me clean.

It takes everything I have to stay in this fight. Meanwhile, Eric is just standing there, dumbfounded.

“I’m sorry, man,” he whispers.

“You owe me one,” I grit my teeth and spit blood.

Another one of Jack’s punches connects against my temple. I fall to the floor, but quickly come back to life. I look up at him and scream with anger.

I run toward him and tackle him into a glass table. Shards fly everywhere. “I can’t wait to pay for that,” I think to myself.

Jack struggles, but he’s a damn good fighter. He knees me in the stomach, flips me onto my back, and grabs my neck.

Fuck.

He starts choking me. My body grows alarmed. I look around for anything to stop him from practically killing me.

Near the table is a large paperweight. I reach out and try to grab it, but it’s further than my reach.

Am I going to die like this? Really?

I’m going to get clobbered because of my dumbass, horny friend. Why couldn’t he just keep it in his pants? I told him not to mess with her.

I keep reaching for it. I don’t give up. Olivia. I’m doing this for Olivia, not for Eric.

My vision starts to blur. I gasp for air, but the actual intake never happens. I’m losing consciousness. The world starts to fade into a black and purple oblivion.

Fragments form in front of my eyes. I keep reaching. I keep trying. I won’t give up.

I can’t see any longer, but I’m still reaching for life. When I feel the smooth body of the paperweight on my fingers, I know I’m close. It gives me a few more seconds.

Adrenaline is pumping through my veins. I reach further and I grab the weight in my hand. I take one hard swing downward and feel it connect against what I think is his head. I can’t be sure.

The sound is dull and hard. His hand releases from my neck and I have to gasp for air to get any in. It’s fucking painful, but I pull through it.

I jump on top of him and swing a clean fist against his face. His eyes close shut and that’s when I know that he’s out clean.

I fall backward, gasping for air. The front door slams open and Olivia comes running to my aid.

I look at Sandra for a second and whisper, “I’m owe you a new coffee table.”

She, of course, doesn’t know what to say. I close my eyes and breathe in. The pain is starting to subside.

I feel Olivia’s touch on my face. It’s so soft and feminine. It’s healing.

“Sorry,” I mutter. “Things escalated. They’re both drunk as skunks. I did what I had to do. I didn’t want to fight.”

“My hero,” she whispers, while kissing each knuckle-imprint on my face.

I let out a faint smile and push my body back onto my feet. I stumble for a second, but I get my bearings back. No one is going to stop me. Not when I have her.

My Olive.

“I’m… I’m so sorry,” Eric mumbles.

I can’t tell whether or not he’s talking to Sandra. Either way, their relationship is most likely finished.

I look him right in the eye and shake my head. “Go home, man. It’s not a good look.”

Sandra simply runs to her room, in tears. Olivia looks at me and frowns.

“I’m sorry. I need to be there for her. Can we meet up tomorrow?” she asks me.

Here I am. I am cock blocked by the two friends.

“Well, I might have to go over things with Eric tomorrow. We might be out pretty late. We have this reporter falling him around,” I tell her honestly.

“Oh,” she sighs and looks down. “Okay, well call me?”

“Of course.”

I wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me. “I’ll miss you,” I whisper.

“Miss you too,” she says, frowning.

As she walks into the room, I can’t help but feel like something is broken. I’m not even talking about my face either. It’s just that, now something feels off.

Is this how dating works? You keep at it, going at full speed, until enough things fall off to make you lose stamina?

Eric gives me a half smile. “Come on, old friend,” I say. “I’ll get you home.”

“I’m an idiot,” he sighs.

I open the door and walk out into the cold.

“Yes, you are,” I laugh.

“You’re going to look great for the New York Times tomorrow,” he says.

“Fuck,” I sigh. “Is that really going down?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll tell Dan Rotker that you were mugged,” he says.

“In these parts? Doubtful. There’s no crime out here,” I laugh.

“Well, you’re a good friend for taking a few for me. Thanks, man,” he says.

“No problem,” I say.

I reach around my back and pull out a small shard of glass. Wow. The things I do for the people I enjoy.