I don’t feel a thing anymore. What’s worse is that I still love you. But I’m not in love with you, Michael. If you want me to stay, I’ll simply be a roommate. Let me go. Just let me go, already.

The words of my ex-wife Susan still reverberate in my mind, like it just happened. I didn’t know what to say or do. I just felt cold. No, I felt numb, like all the energy had been sucked out of my body. I always thought divorce would end with rage, with utter animosity. Instead, it ended with absolute-nothing.

She didn’t want anything from me. I had my house, my money, my car, and my child. Joint custody is what we agreed on. Well, it’s what she wanted anyway. She could have taken all my material possessions. None of that mattered to me. Still, she didn’t want any of that. She just wanted to be away from me.

But why?

That’s the question I keep asking myself. Why? It’s fucking torture following that train of thought. I never knew myself, that’s why. I never realized what it took to be a husband. Hell, we got married young. We didn’t know what we were doing.

Years later, I’ve realized a lot about myself and my spouse. Susan didn’t give me what I wanted, so I didn’t give her what she needed. Now, I’m alone.

The terms of the divorce were simple: Leave her alone, take care of Lisa, and run the business. Only problem is we own the business together. Till death do us part, right? Well, sure. Except for the fact that she hasn’t seen the inside of the shop in years. She got out and she got what she wanted. I won’t fight her on that. I’m too damn tired to fight that woman anymore.

Hanson takes off his glasses and wipes the sweat off his forehead. “You still thinking about that bitch?” he asks me.

“Come on,” I laugh. “Me? No. But don’t call her a bitch, okay?”

“Whatever, man,” he sighs and goes back to sanding the wood.

I’ve owned Vanderbilt Carpentry for over five years now and still, Hanson talks back to me as if I’m not his boss. I can’t deal with the man right now. Besides, we have a new position we’re trying to fill and I need to keep my head clear.

“So, are you ready to do the interviews?” I ask. “We’ve got about a week left before the big jobs start.”

“I’m ready, as always. I still don’t get why you need another hand around here though. You know I can handle myself around the shop. What’s another couple of jobs going to do to me?” he asks.

“It’s a liability,” I tell him. “Plus, I’ve got the kid soon, for like three weeks.”

“Three weeks? You serious?” he asks.

“Yeah, Susan is going to Bimini or something. I don’t know. Her boyfriend is taking her on a romantic getaway. She’s practically rubbing it in my face because I could never afford to do that for her.” I laugh, but it’s hardly funny.

“You mean, she’s using the business money to buy margaritas, while you slave away and give the kid her milk,” he says.

“It’s just for a little while. I’m using the money too, Hanson. Fuck off.” I smile.

“On what? New Scholastic books for the kid? Dude, you really need to go out with me tomorrow night. I think it’ll be good for you. We’ll hit the bar. Who knows? Maybe you can bag some pussy, for once in your life.”

“I have too much shit to take care of,” I protest.

“Look, I know for a fact women are obsessed with you. You’ve had countless offers from them, like every single time we go out. I shouldn’t even be offering to go with you because it only hurts my chances, but as a friend, I need you to not be so arrogant all the time. Stop turning these women down!”

I laugh and nod my head. It’s true. I’ve never had a hard time with women. I’m a carpenter, I take care of my body, and I’ve got a confidence most men kill for. It’s just that, ever since the divorce, it has all seemed so pointless. “Honestly, there’s just no one that really stands out. They’re all pretty… boring.”

“You don’t have to like their personality to fuck them, you know.” He rolls his eyes and goes back to sanding the stool he’s been working on.

I’m not like that. Sex? Yeah, I live for it. But I’d rather get to know the person before they ride my cock raw. That’s just the way I am. I want a connection. I want to fuck their mind, soul, and body.

I want more than a cold fuck. I want true satisfaction.