Dan calls us without any warning. Eric is pissed. He doesn’t want anything to do with him.

Olivia is sitting calmly next to me. I’m just trying to hold everything down. I want to hear Dan out. In the end, I want to restore peace. It’s almost Christmas, after all.

“Look, boys. I’m sorry about all of that shit. I’m a dumbass. Okay? I’ll admit it. I sometimes act too hastily. It gets the best of me,” Dan says.

I put him on speakerphone so we can all hear him. He’s pacing around the room, and he’s red in the face.

“It’s alright,” I say.

“No, it’s not alright!” Eric says.

“Eric, it’s fine.” I eye him. “He’s going to be okay. In all fairness, I’ve done worse things in my life. I’m not mad at you. I just want to do this story justice. You understand? We lost a lot of people that day.”

“I understand,” Dan says. “And I respect you guys. I don’t want to stand in the way of this.”

“Alright,” Eric says.

Dan continues. “Let’s meet up in a couple of days. I’ll tell the whole film crew too. We’ll make a day out of it. Lunch is on me,” he says.

“Cameras?” I ask.

He never said anything about any cameras. Eric glances at me with hesitance.

“Yeah. Let’s get this thing online. We’ll run the story, front page in the Sunday paper. And at night, we’ll have our crew film a piece about it,” he says. “The younger generation will watch it. The older generation will read it.”

“Fine,” I say. “Two days. See you then, Dan.”

Eric has turned an even deeper shade of red. He looks terrified. “I should have never agreed to this, man,” he says.

I laugh. It’s pretty entertaining seeing him sweat like this.

“What’s wrong? Don’t like the cameras?” I ask.

“Fucking hate them,” he mutters.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. Just tell them how it went down,” I say.

“Easy for you to say,” he sighs. “You’re charismatic.”

Olivia chimes in this time. “What exactly did happen that night?” she asks. She tiptoes up to me, and kisses my shoulder. “I don’t mean to pry. But you haven’t told me yet.”

I gulp down. Suddenly, I feel hot, as if the room is one hundred and eighty degrees.

I open my eyes again and I’m the fire. The flames surround me. I look down at my palms. The skin is black and burnt.

Big, dark fumes fly past me. “Get down!” Eric screams.

He tackles me to the hot cement. I roll back onto my feet. “We have to leave!” he yells.

His cries are muffled and distant. All I can do is shake my head. No. I can’t leave. I can’t leave them.

“The rest of our men are in here, God dammit!” I scream.

He tries to push me back, but I don’t let him win. Eric’s eyes reflect the image of the flames. It’s horrifying.

“They’re gone!” He says. “They’re all fucking gone.”

And that’s when I wake up. That’s when everything becomes reality again.

I look at Olivia and feel too overwhelmed to even begin. “All you have to know is that they weren’t found. That night, the fire won.”

“Cole, just tell her, man,” Eric murmurs. His eyes reveal the pain we both share.

“You don’t have to,” she says.

But I know that if we’re going to be serious, I have to tell her. I sit down and put my palms against my face.

“It was a bad period in my life, already. I was set to lose my house. I felt alone. I was really questioning everything in my life,” I say. “And then I got this opportunity to help people. I got a side gig, another volunteer job. It was one of those big brother programs.”

“Dennis,” Eric says.

“Dennis Jefferson,” I say. “I grew to know the kid. I saw him through everything. I watched him graduate. And… he was just one of many guys we lost in that warehouse fire.”

“I lost Katelyn, my girlfriend,” Eric says. His gaze is distant. “Anyway, shit happens. Right?”

That’s his way of dealing. Blocking it out. It’s kind of what all the guys do.

“I’m sorry,” Olivia says.

What else can she say? I never wanted her to share this with me. This is something we knew could happen. It’s the life of the firefighter.

“Two days,” I say. “Maybe after that, things can be normal again.”

Eric creases his eyes. “I hope so, man.”

Olivia and I walk outside, toward my car. Inside, the heater blows with extreme force. I look at her with honest eyes. She takes my hand and smiles warmly.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” she says.

I look away. The memory stings too much. I know that it’s the only thing that has kept Eric and I from coming back to the station.

If things were fine with us, the chief probably would have let us lead the team again. In all honesty, I haven’t even talked to the man in months.

“I know I shouldn’t blame myself, but I do. When it all happened, I woke up in an ambulance. Man, I fought those guys off me for a good while. I wanted to go back in the fire,” I say.

“You did all that you could,” she says.

I look out the window. The frost has started to melt from the heater. Outside, I can see people’s Christmas lights shining brightly through their windows.

“I just want that,” I say, pointing at the lights. “A nice Christmas with you. The past is the past. I can learn to let go. The only gift I need is you.”