Charlotte
I sensed something wrong when Katie and I came back from the bathroom. We’d taken our time in there. Katie was telling me she thinks Mike is cute. She kept going on and on about it, gushing like a lovesick schoolgirl. I didn’t know if she was serious, or if it was just the alcohol talking. Either way, I listened like a good friend, but when we finally made it back outside, I felt the tension in the air.
Talon looked upset. His eyes were dark, and his brow was furrowed. His hands were clenched into fists beneath the picnic table. He smiled when he looked up at me, but the smile was a lie. His back was tense and ramrod straight, and there was no humor in his eyes.
I smiled back at him, even though it was just as fake as his. I was worried now. Talon wasn’t usually the angry type. I’d seen him get all alpha and up in other guys’ faces, but it was always to protect someone else. Usually me. He didn’t start fights or get aggressive for no reason.
But right now, he looked like he wanted to punch someone.
This was strange, but then again, Talon had been doing a lot of unusual things lately. He hadn’t been acting like himself. This was just another weird thing to add to the ever-growing list of weird things about Talon these days.
What the hell had happened when we were in the bathroom?
I could have sworn I heard Mike asking Talon about a “secret” right as we were walking out of the bar. I wasn’t sure if Talon was going to answer him, but the moment he saw me and Katie, he locked up tighter than Fort Knox. So whatever this secret was, he didn’t want me to know about it.
Did it have something to do with the mysterious errands he had to run? The ones that he showered after? Did this have something to do with that girl Julie? I felt like he wasn’t thrilled I’d caught them talking in the hallway, while he showed her whatever it was he was showing her.
Was Talon fucking cheating on me?
Was that the big secret that he was hiding? He was sneaking around behind my back with another woman. Was that what he and Mike had been talking about when I interrupted them?
The very thought of it made me sick. A dull, throbbing ache pulsed in my chest. Just thinking about Talon fucking some other girl made my heart hurt.
I sat back down next to Talon, but I didn’t say anything. Katie teased Mike about something, and Talon joined in, acting like nothing was wrong. I grabbed my beer and downed the rest of it, hoping it would calm the painful doubts swirling through my head. When it was empty, I signaled the waitress for another one.
I sipped my beer and pretended like I was present for the conversation going on around me. But inside, my mind was racing. This whole situation was bothering me, and I couldn’t figure out what the hell I could do about it.
The simplest thing would be to ask Talon directly about it, but even though it was simple in theory, it would be complicated in execution. I didn’t have the first idea of how to talk to him about this. All I had were doubts and feelings. I had no proof. No evidence.
I didn’t want to be the kind of girl who went crazy on her man just because I was feeling insecure. The torrent of emotions rushing through me might be entirely valid and justified, but I didn’t know that for sure. I would never be able to forgive myself if I ruined a perfectly good relationship with Talon because I was freaking out over nothing.
And besides, even if I did confront him about all of this, without evidence, Talon could just deny everything, and I would be no better off than when I started. Even if something really was going on, there was nothing stopping Talon from continuing to keep his secret. And if nothing was going on, I would just look like an asshole for accusing him of cheating or whatever.
I couldn’t do that.
However I ended up talking to Talon about this, I knew it would end up in a fight. A huge, knock-down, drag-out fight that would almost certainly end the relationship. If he was cheating on me, then obviously I would end things. If he wasn’t, then he would end things with me for not trusting him and accusing him of something he didn’t do. Either way, this was a no-win situation for me.
With Christmas coming up so soon and my parents in town, the best thing I could do was swallow my doubts for now and keep the peace. If at some point, I found hard evidence that Talon was up to something shady, I would talk to him. We’d talk, we’d fight, and we’d probably break up.
But that was only if I uncovered something more concrete than doubts and emotions. Of course, even though I made the decision to keep my fears to myself, that didn’t get rid of the questions and mistrust I was feeling. Those mean little bastards still echoed in my head, like echoes of a bad dream or prophetic visions of impending doom.
Maybe alcohol would silence them.
I slammed my palm on the table, getting everyone’s attention. “Who wants to do some shots?”
Two hours later, I was feeling good. Somewhere around the time my face went numb, I was able to let go of my worries and just have fun. I wasn’t at peace by any means, but I’d found a sort of drunken acceptance of my fate. Whatever was going to happen, good or bad, it was going to happen, and there was nothing I could do about it. I figured I might as well enjoy myself in the meantime.
Now, I was way past the numb face stage. My entire body felt light and floaty. The point of the evening had been to have fun and relax, and I’d accomplished both with beer and tequila. It probably wasn’t the healthiest way to cope with my problems, but it sure as hell helped.
Bright lights flared over the patio. I threw my hand up in front of my eyes to stave off the blinding glare.
“What the fuck?” I slurred out.
“It’s closing time, gorgeous,” Talon said. “The party’s over.”
“But it was just getting good,” I said.
“I know, baby, but it’s time to go,” he said.
I had a feeling he was patronizing me, but I was too drunk to know for sure or to care. Talon stood up beside me, and I followed suit. The world tilted on its axis, and I lost my balance. I would have fallen if Talon hadn’t been there to catch me. Stupid, secret-keeping, beautiful Talon, always looking out for and taking care of me.
A wave of emotion swelled in my chest. My love for Talon gushed out from some part of me the alcohol had unlocked. I had to fight back tears at how much I affection I felt for him. Somehow, I was able to keep the tears from flowing. Otherwise, I would have crumpled into a drunken, sobbing mess, and I did not want to be that girl at the end of the night.
We all walked out to Mike’s car. Well, most of us walked. I staggered. Mike had only had one beer at the beginning of the night before he switched to soda. He was our designated driver, and as Talon helped me gently in the back seat, I was grateful that we didn’t have to take a cab or an Uber home. I didn’t feel like being around strangers in my drunken state.
Mike took Katie to her sorority house first. The girls in the house were still in full swing. Lights were flashing through the windows, and I felt the deep thud of a loud bass line in my chest.
“We should have another drink,” I said to Talon.
He smiled down at me, not judging me and not annoyed. “I think we’ll skip it this time, my love.”
“Okay,” I said, and leaned my forehead against the cold window. It felt heavenly against my flushed skin.
Mike drove Talon and me back to our apartment. I waved goodbye to him, barely able to stay on my feet. Talon picked me up in his strong arms, like I didn’t weigh anything at all. I felt like I was floating as he walked me upstairs and into our apartment.
He laid me down softly onto our bed, and it was like sinking into a cloud. I was vaguely aware of him taking off my shoes before he pulled the comforter over me, tucking me in. I closed my eyes, feeling the room start to spin, but too drunk to care.
I felt Talon kiss my forehead, and I heard him say, “I love you.” But I wasn’t sure if it was real or just a dream.