***
The alarm went off too damn early the next morning. I had only gotten a few hours of sleep. All the coffee, the anxiety about my last final, and my nagging doubts about Talon had kept me tossing and turning, long after I’d finished reviewing my calculus notes.
Talon and I didn’t talk much as we got ready and drove to school. We were both so exhausted that we were dragging ass. My calculus final was in about an hour, but Talon’s chemistry test wasn’t until near lunchtime.
To his credit, he didn’t say one word of complaint about getting up early and driving me to my final. He said he would use the extra time to study for his own test. And he gave me the keys to his SUV so I could leave after my test was over. As long as I picked him up in the afternoon.
It was a sweet gesture. He was always doing things like that for me, putting his own needs behind mine even though I never asked him to. It was one of the things I loved about him, although there were a million other reasons.
So why was it so hard for me to shake the feeling that something was seriously off between us?
I put that out of my head while I took my calculus test, retreating into the cold, rational world of numbers. The test was difficult, but I felt confident in my work, and I finished with fifteen minutes to spare.
Katie walked out of the test right behind me. “I finished at the same time as you,” she said. “I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.”
“I’m sure you did fine,” I said. “And if not, screw it. It’s over. It’s in Professor Math’s hands now.”
Katie smiled. “This is true. You want to go grab lunch?”
“Absolutely,” I said.
We drove to a nearby diner. The place had a retro look to it, with shiny metal siding outside and red vinyl booths inside. It was like going back in time to the fifties. Katie sat across from me, dipping her fries in her vanilla shake.
“I’ll never understand the appeal,” I said, gesturing at her fry.
“That’s because your mouth is broken,” she said, popping the fry in her mouth.
“Something’s broken,” I muttered.
“What’s that?” Katie asked. “Do you still have your panties in a twist about Talon?”
I made a sour face at her. “My panties are not in a twist, thank you very much. I’m just worried, is all.”
“Did something happen since yesterday?” Katie asked. “Did you find out what his mysterious errand was?”
“No, he wouldn’t tell me. I straight up asked him, and he said it was a secret.”
Katie shrugged. “Then, I guess it’s a secret. He’s allowed to have some secrets from you, even though you’re in a relationship.”
“Is he, though?” I asked. “I mean, we’ve been together for so long, we live together, and do everything together. Shouldn’t our lives be an open book to each other at this point?”
“You think if he’s keeping a secret, it must be something bad, right? Like he’s cheating on you?”
“Ugh, don’t even say that,” I groaned.
“Don’t you think that’s a huge jump? Going from a secret to infidelity?”
I looked down and fidgeted with my napkin on the table. “Well, yeah, but last night when I got home, he was just getting out of the shower. And he never showers at night, unless he just got back from the gym. I mean, that’s a huge red flag when someone is cheating.”
Katie nodded. “Did you smell his dick?”
I burst out laughing. “What?!”
“You heard me,” Katie said, barely suppressing a grin. “Did you smell his dick?”
I shook my head. “You say that like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Why on earth would I smell his dick?”
She shrugged. “So you could tell if he’d been wearing a condom, or you know, if there was any other telltale scents.”
I stared at my friend, wide-eyed and slack-jawed. “First of all, no, that’s fucking gross. And second, you haven’t done that to a guy, have you?”
“Me, personally? No. But I heard it in a song.”
I laughed. “What song was that?”
“Smell Yo Dick, duh,” she said.
“Oh, come on, that’s not a real song,” I said, giggling. “You’re making that up.”
“It’s absolutely a real song,” she said. “It was everywhere a few years back. You must have been living under a rock if you’ve never heard it.”
I shook my head. “I guess so.”
“Check it out,” she said. “It’s catchy. But all dick-smelling aside, I still think you’re getting yourself all worked up over nothing.”
“You think so?” I asked.
“Absolutely. That man loves you, and in the time I’ve known him, he’s never done a single thing that would hurt you. And look, I get that your feelings are what they are, but give him the benefit of the doubt until you have something concrete to justify those feelings. It was just some errands and a shower. Don’t throw away an amazing relationship over that.”
I nodded. “I know you’re right. He’s a good man. I’m the one who is being crazy.”
“Exactly,” Katie said. “And if all else fails, you can always smell that—”
“All right,” I said, laughing. “I get it. Just never say those words to me again.”